Nessa (Broken Sisters #1) (14 page)

When we go in I feel a pang of sadness. I am really going to miss him.

"Why the long face?" Taylor asks taking my hand.

"I'm just realised I don't hate you so much anymore," I say jokingly and he laughs.

"I don't hate you so much either."

Taylor has to run and I have to go meet the girls at Fitzsimons. When he's gone I get my bag and head out.

Once I'm there I spot the girls and Ray at our usual table.

"What's up bitches?"

They all smile. "Well hello there slut. How was your week with the sex God?" Stacey says wiggling her eyebrows.

It was the best week of my life. I didn't want to leave. I'm afraid I love him. I could say all that but I settle for, "It was fine."

"Bullshit!" This comes from Sam at the same time Ray spits out, "Ha please! Don't play all innocent with me baby girl. You totally humped the sex God." Such a way with words he has.

"Ok fine it was great, amazing, and hot." I wink.

"Knew it, she just spent the week in bed," Sam says laughing.

"I'm sure she was just trying to get to know him Sam not everyone uses sex. Ever heard of having a conversation?" We all laugh. Awe poor Jess, she's so innocent and the only one of us who's still a virgin.

"Eh no, she totally had hot sex with the billionaire playboy," Stacey tells her but when she sees the look on my face when she used the word playboy she knew she said the wrong thing. My stomach feels too sick for lunch now. What if he's with someone else right now?

"Get that look of your face Nessa. I was kidding. I'm sorry I used that word, I didn't mean it. He's mad about you anyone can see that," Stacey says pulling me from my thoughts.

"Yeah I know. I'm fine, course he is." I say using my fake bravado and they all laugh.

While we're enjoying our food I notice Ray giving Sam the evil eye.

"What up with you two?" I ask them.

"Where do I start," Ray says rolling his eyes. Oh this is going to be good.

"From the beginning," I say holding my laugh in.

"He's such a drama queen, I swear. Don't you say a word," she threatens.

"Yeah like that's going to happen. You ruined mine and Boo's relationship. I can't even sleep with him anymore," Ray huffs. Boo is Ray's teddy bear that he's had for years. He can't sleep without it. What the hell did she do?

"Ok calm down you two and tell us what happened."

"Well Sam called me saying she needed a friend so I asked her to come over," Ray says but Sam jumps straight in.

"If you're going to tell it then say it right. You were crying like a baby because Nessa was in hospital and everyone else was busy so Stacey asked me to go calm him down," Sam says growling at Ray.

"Whatever. So she comes over a we have a few drinks and Miss Tight and Serious here starts to loosen up. She questions me about being gay. Like hello, it's so simple. Just like her I love the dick. But she wouldn't drop it. She kept asking how do I know and then she does the unthinkable and starts stripping till she's bum freaking naked! I nearly died and I most definitely puked a little. I told her to put it away but she was all for coming on to me. When I told her it was never going to happen she jumped on me, boobs flapping everywhere! It was horrible. I told her to get her saggy tits off me and that's when she took Boo and rubbed him all over her bits. It was so awful. I have washed Boo three times but I still can't seem to let him stay with me."

He's so dramatic I swear. Jess, Stacey, and I all burst out laughing, we can't seem to stop. There are tears rolling down my face and my sides hurt.

"I did not hit on you. I was drunk and messing around with you. You shouldn't have called my boobs saggy," Sam snaps at him.

"Whatever. Me and Boo are so traumatized we might need counselling," Ray snaps back.

"It's a fucking teddy, stop been a little baby and get the hell over it all ready!" Sam growls. I manage to stop laughing to tell them to chill. This is so funny, poor Boo.

We manage to enjoy the rest of our day with a just a few evil eyes from Sam to Ray. They're too funny. They really love each other though.

When I first met Ray at work he was hyper and I remember he always smelled amazing. We clicked straight away and became best friends. My girls also took to him well, which was great.

It's getting late so Stacey and I decide to head home. When I look at my phone I see a message from Taylor.

Hope you're having a good day with your friends. Miss you loads beautiful.

Wow he's too sweet. I miss him too. I send a quick message telling him that and we head out.

Once we get home I shower and head out for some food. I'm so hungry. I think I have an eating problem, I'm always hungry. Stacey's in the kitchen making a sandwich. I'm totally normal because she is hungry too.

"Hey do you want a sandwich?" Is the sky blue?

"Yes please," I say a little to eagerly and she laughs. "I'm just so hungry these last few days. I can't seem to fill myself. I'll need to diet at this stage." She laughs again.

"Oh you will be fine not a pick on you. Aunt flow is probably on her way." Yeah she could be right. When am I due for a visit? It actually feels like for ever since I had one. I'll have to check that out but they're always so irregular. I know I can't be pregnant, they did a test when I was admitted in hospital. I guess I'll just have to wait for flow to come around.

Taylor wants me to go on the pill, so when I get my monthly I'll have to make an appointment for the doctor. I was on the pill when I was with Brandon but we still always used protection. When I found him and Lucy together my head was fucked up and I forgot to take them for a few days. I wasn't having sex so I didn't really care but now I need to go back on it.

It's not that I don't want kids, I do. I just want them later in life. I don't want my child feeling the rejection I felt growing up so I wouldn't have a kid unless I was one hundred and ten percent sure I was in a forever relationship. Which might never happen but I'm ok with that, I'm getting used to the whole no one sticking around. No matter what happens I need to learn to be strong. I don't want the easy way out like my mother took, I will fight.

NINE

The weeks are flying by. Halloween has come and gone. In a month it's going to be Christmas my favourite time of year. I can't wait for it to be here. Taylor and I have been going good but I can't help the feeling that he's hiding something and I'm so afraid of what that could be. With his manwhore reputation I wonder a lot of the time if it could be another woman.

We don't see each other during the week much with work but spend the weekends together. Mostly we just stay in bed but we do venture out for food.

I don't like it. I want to go out with him show him off to my friends but he wants to wait a little longer. I'm not happy with that but I don't want to push him. This is his first relationship and I don't want him to feel rush or run the risk of losing him.

I've been so tired lately with work being supper busy, I don't get much of a break. I make a coffee and when I sit down I heave out a sigh of relief—it just feels so good to sit.

I still get a little freaked being in the apartment myself and I've been getting that feeling of being watched lately. Like hairs on your neck stand up freaky feeling. Stacey tells me I'm probably just still a little freaked over it all considering they never found out who broke in.

Still… something grates on me and I can't for the life of me understand the weird feelings I'm getting. Even when I'm walking down the street I can feel someone watching me. It all just freaks me out. I need to get a grip on things before I drive myself mad.

I'm stopped in my thoughts by a knock on the door. When I open it I freeze to the spot as the man standing there is a man I never wanted to see, a man I blame for every problem I have.

"Hello Nessa," he says carefully but I just can't answer. Why is he here? I take a breath and try to remain calm.

"What do you want?" I snap.

"So you know who I am?" he says still very carefully. He knows he's unwelcome. At least that's a plus.

"Of course I know who you are. My mother wallowed over you for years while you were God knows where. You left her to raise me on her own, heartbroken every God damn day because you wouldn't come back to her. Until the day she'd had enough and sliced her wrists and left me to find her." I was shouting and didn't even realise. He looks shocked and his face has lost a little colour, he actually looks like he needs to sit down. But what do I care.

"Nessa, that was not what happened." How would he know? He fucking left us.

"And what the hell would you know, you son of a bitch. You fucking left us. You left her and because of you she's dead!" I can't breathe. I need to sit down.

"Calm down Nessa. I know that's what you think. Your mother told me you never even asked for me and when she brought me up you would fog her off, but I really need you to listen to me please. Just give me five minutes and I'll leave. I think there are a few things you need to know," he pleads.

I really don't think I can deal with him here. He's opening old wounds I'm not ready to face now or ever. He knew what I thought of him though. Why did she tell him things? Why did he stay in contact but not see me? Maybe I do need answers, maybe they will make it worse but I have to at least try to move past it all. I don't want to be weak anymore.

"Ok fine, you can have five minutes then you need to leave me alone. I never needed you and I certainly don't want you now." I know that wounds him because he flinched a little. Why he cares, I can't figure out.

"Thank you," he says and I step aside to let him in. Once he takes a seat at the table, I move to the other side. We just sit there in silence for a minute. I wish he would just spit it out already—my stomach is doing summer saults.

"I thought you had something to say." I'm being bitchy but what does he expect? He nods and takes a big breath before he begins.

"Nessa, your mother and I were best friends since we were very young. She was an amazing woman and we really only loved each other in a sister and brother way. It might not make sense right now but I'll explain. You see, I was in love with a girl called Sarah. Head over heels in love but she was going through a rough patch when we had started seeing each other. One day she just kicked me aside like dirt and I turned to your mother like I always did." He stops for a minute seemingly to ponder what he just.

"We both had too much to drink as we drowned my sorrows and that night we ended up in bed." This is not making sense to me. My mother never drank. I'm so confused they were best friends, she loved him but was not in love with him.

"We thought nothing of it and put it down to a drunken accident. We really just didn't feel that way about each other. It was a little weird afterwards but in the end we laughed it off. Sarah got in touch with me and she explained that she loved me but had freaked out. I really loved this girl and your mother encouraged me to go for it with her. I had to tell her the truth first, so I told her what happened with your mother and she forgave me. I was so pleased and so was your mother. This is where I blame myself a lot, Sarah asked me to stop being friends with your mother. She wasn't in a good place and was still worried I'd leave so I rang your mother and explained. I would never lie to her, she was my best friend, my sister. She told me to go for it but to give a phone call every now and then to let her know I was still alive. I agreed and so did Sarah."

He stops and shakes his head. He looks so sad. I still haven't said anything, I just can't understand it all. Why would she just let him leave? I thought she loved him. I don't get a chance to think further because he continues.

"Sarah didn't know she could get pregnant but a few months later we found out she was and we were delighted. I missed your mother terribly, we were friends for so long I felt like I abandoned her. No I did abandon her. We would talk on the phone and she would tell me she was fine and when my daughter was born she would always ask how she was doing. I was happy but Sarah knew I missed her. She told me she was sorry and told me to go see your mother." He stops and looks at me.

I have a sister? My head is spinning with all this. I don't have anything to say because I can't find the words but he's waiting for something so I nod for him to continue.

"When I went to see your mother she had a little girl in her arms. You were three at the time and I was shocked. She had never mentioned a child but when I walked up the garden I knew by her face there was something I was missing. That's when I looked at you, really look at you, and you resembled me. I was shocked. I just stood there staring. I didn't know and she'd kept it from me. When we talked she told me that she knew I was happy and she didn't want to break my family apart and asked me to stay away. She said she was happy with just you and her and asked me the biggest favour, she asked me to stay away let you two be happy. It killed me, I swear Nessa it did, but for her I'd do anything. When I went home I told Sarah everything and she freaked a little but I told her I wasn't seeing you and what your mother said. Then she freaked some more about your mother stopping you from being in my life but I knew I had my family and she wanted hers. I rang her every few months to see how you were doing and she would tell me everything about you. I loved the stories she would tell me but it wasn't the same. I knew I was missing loads and still I stayed away."