Never Bite a Boy on the First Date (20 page)

“Oh, my God, Zach, gross,” I said, covering my eyes. “I’m never going to be able to eat salsa again.”

“Yum, yum, yum,” Zach said, smacking his lips. “You’re missing out.”

I could not believe I’d ever found this person attractive. To avoid looking at him, I picked up a sheet of paper that was lying next to his books on the table. There was a giant red A+ at the top of the page.

“Whoa,” I said. “Is this your calculus exam?”

“Yup,” he said smugly.

“Nice work,” I said with genuine admiration. “How did you—”

“That’s it!” Crystal yelled. She stormed into the kitchen from the den, then turned around to yell back into it. “I don’t know what you’ve done with my husband,
Bert
, but until I get him
back, you are sleeping
downstairs
in the
basement
, and I don’t
care
if you get
eaten by termites
while you’re down there!” She marched right past us and down the hall into her room, slamming the door behind her.

I raised my eyebrows at Zach. “What the heck is going on with them?”

Zach shrugged. “No idea.” He stuffed another nacho into his mouth.

I gave him a disgusted look and went into the den, where Bert was sitting at his desk, typing numbers into his calculator as if nothing had just happened.

“Bert?” I said. “Um. Dude?”

He looked over the top of his glasses at me. “Yes, Kira?”

“Is everything okay? Why is Crystal so upset?” I sat down on the couch and folded my legs underneath me.

Bert glanced around with a puzzled look. “Is she?” His gaze drifted back to the pile of papers in front of him. “Oh, dear, this doesn’t look right,” he muttered, scribbling something in one of the margins.

Now, I’d only lived with Bert and Crystal for a year and a half, but even I knew that this was really bizarre Bert behavior. He cared about Crystal more than anything in the world. He would drop everything for her, even if it meant losing a couple million dollars on a business deal. His whole unlife was about being devoted to her. There was no way normal Bert would ignore her and hurt her feelings the way he’d been doing for the last few days.

Maybe this abnormal Bert was also the kind of guy who killed teenage football stars.

I shoved my hair back, rested my head on the back of the couch, and stared at him while he wrote. He seemed unfazed by my scrutiny.

“Hey, Bert,” I said, remembering his strange absences lately, “where were you on Sunday?”

“Sunday,” he said blankly.

“During the day,” I said. “Zach and I were up around noon, and Crystal came out looking for you, but she couldn’t find you.”

“Oh,” he said. “I was watching TV.”

I stared at him. “No, you weren’t.” Of all the lies to tell, this one was pretty obvious and
poorly thought out.

“Yes, I was,” he said, in a blunt, sort of mechanical voice. “I watched TV all day. I was right downstairs. Watching TV. All day.”

I heard the back door close quietly.

Something clicked in my brain.

I knew who it was. I knew who had murdered Tex.

A
cold wind blew dead leaves in my face as I walked down the street, my boots clopping loudly in the gathering dark.

It didn’t matter. I didn’t need to be sneaky.

This vampire knew I was coming.

I stepped onto the basketball court behind Luna High School. Tall oak trees towered overhead, and the smooth green grass of the small cemetery stretched off to one side. A discarded basketball sat in the middle of the court, rocking gently.

“I know you’re here,” I said, stopping at the edge of the white lines. “And I know that you’re the one who killed Tex.”

There was a rustle in the trees overhead. I looked up as Zach swung off a branch and landed lightly on the ground.

He shoved his hands in his jeans pockets and smirked at me.

“Oh, really, Miss Clever Pants,” he said.

“You screwed up,” I said. “You got greedy. That’s how I figured it out.”

Zach rocked back on his heels and tossed his shiny blond hair. “Figured what out?”

“You can mesmerize,” I said. “It’s like how Wilhelm could turn into a bat right away when he was turned. You had the power as soon as you became a vampire. You mesmerized Bert.” He opened his mouth to speak, but I hurried on. “That’s how you got your alibi. You mesmerized him to say you went on the blood run, while really you were here, luring Tex to his death.”

“An interesting theory,” Zach said noncommittally.

“I wouldn’t have figured it out, but then you also mesmerized poor Bert to do your calculus exam for you,” I said, crossing my arms, “which is, by the way, the most supremely ironic illustration of your laziness and stupidity that I can imagine.”

Now Zach was scowling. “I don’t call an
A+ stupid,” he snapped.

“Oh, and I forgot to add, your selfishness,” I said. “Don’t you even care that you’re messing with Bert’s head? Haven’t you noticed how weird he’s been acting this week? And how it’s upsetting Crystal? What if you broke Bert’s brain?”

“He’ll be fine,” Zach scoffed. A slow, sly smile spread across his face. “He’s always recovered before.”

Cold chills prickled across my skin. “You’ve done this to him before.”

“How else was I supposed to practice?” Zach said with a shrug. “Once I realized I could do it—and with him it’s so easy. He’s such a malleable guy” He frowned again, taking a step closer to me. “Not like you. You have to be so difficult. You couldn’t make things easy for me.”

“You tried to mesmerize
me
?” I said indignantly. I remembered the googly eyes he’d been giving me for months. “Oh, my God—is that what all the creepy staring was about?”

His lip curled into a snarl. “My powers are getting stronger all the time. One day I’ll
succeed, and then we’ll be together again, forever and always.”

“Okay, ew,” I said, taking a step back. “But what I don’t get is, if you’re such a great mesmerizer, why didn’t you just convince Tex that he was wrong and you weren’t a vampire?”

To my surprise, Zach chuckled. “Oh, you know about that,” he said. “You have been busy.” He picked up the basketball and began to bounce it slowly from one hand to the other. “Tex was an idiot,” he said.

“It sounds like
you
were the idiot,” I said. “Letting him see you in the mirror and all. Hello, Vampire 101.”

“Yeah, that totally freaked him out,” Zach said with a nasty laugh. “He ran away like a startled chicken. But then the dumbass came back when I called him.”

“From the school pay phone,” I said.

“I told him to meet me here at midnight.” Zach shrugged again. “I wasn’t planning to kill him.”

“Sure,” I said. “That’s why you set up a whole alibi with Bert.”

“Better safe than sorry.” Zach dribbled the
basketball behind his back. The long shadows of the oak trees hid his face. Stars were starting to appear in the dark purple sky. “I had Bert drop me off here. And then Tex came, and I showed him what it meant—to be super-strong, to run like the wind, to live forever. I mean, being a vampire is awesome.” He spread his hands like this was obvious. I realized he really meant it. Zach loved being a vampire. To him, it didn’t suck at all.

“But Tex didn’t get it,” Zach said, shaking his head. “He was like, ‘What about my football scholarship? What about Notre Dame?’ Like that matters! Who would pick going to college over
living forever
?”

Um…me
, I thought.

“So we fought.” Zach spun the basketball on his finger. “What can I say? He pissed me off. My original plan was to bite him and
then
kill him—how cool would it be to have a guy my age around the house, right? I mean, Wilhelm and Bert are never going to watch football with me, or help me steal a keg, or crash a beach party. You know? I thought Tex would be cool about it. But he wasn’t, and then I figured, well, Plan
B.” He stopped the basketball abruptly between his hands. “Kill him and then drink his blood. Turns out it tastes pretty good that way, too.” I could see his teeth glinting in the dim light.

“But you were interrupted,” I said. “Right?”

“I heard someone coming,” Zach said with a nod. “So I ran home, climbed a tree, and waited for Bert to arrive so I could walk in with him. The tree outside your bedroom, I might add.” I could
hear
him leering.

“Ew, Zach, can’t you stop being gross for one minute?” I said. “Malevolent and lecherous at the same time is kind of overkill.”

He took another step toward me. “Overkill,” he said softly. “A funny choice of words.”

“You’re going to confess,” I said, trying to sound firm. I didn’t like being unable to see his face. “You’re going to come home with me and tell Olympia and Wilhelm what happened. They can decide what to do.” Hey, this strategy had worked with Rowan. Maybe I had a knack for getting cold-blooded killers to confess to their crimes.

Apparently not. “Oh, I don’t think so,” Zach said. “I think you have two choices. One, you
keep quiet and take whatever punishment our dear vampire parents decide to give you. Personally, I think a stint in a padded coffin would be good for your perspective.”

“I’m not the one who needs locking up,” I said.

“Or two,” Zach went on as if I hadn’t spoken, “I kill you right now.”

“Oh, please,” I said. “I’d like to see you try.”

“I wouldn’t,” said a new voice. “I’ve got a better idea.”

Zach and I turned around. Someone was standing in the shadows under the basketball hoop. He was pointing a crossbow at Zach.

“Option three,” said the newcomer. “I kill
you
instead.”