Never (14 page)

A part of me didn't want clarification. It liked playing dumb, pretending he was talking about Juliet leaving me for Lance. Even that would have been an easier pill to swallow.

But my mouth was working and the question came out. "What did you say?"

"I was talking about the video," he said simply, taking a Dixie cup and bringing it to his lips. His eyes met mine and he lowered the cup slowly. "You guys broke up over the video, right? Everyone knows about it." He misread me, giving me an awkward pat of support. "Don't worry-everyone totally thinks she's a slut."

Everything went red and something in me snapped in two. My fist flew through the air and collided with his jaw. A hush went over the room as Blake crumpled to the floor, some Kanye West song the only sound as all eyes turned to us. Blake tried to stand up, but just slumped back to the floor, clutching his jaw.

"What the fuck, man?" He cried out, shock and pain turning his face red.

I glanced at the people around us, fear in their eyes, unmoving like they were worried they'd say or do something to make me go off on them.

"Don't talk shit about her," I smoldered while I had a captive audience. "You...you don't know a damn thing about her."

Jax pushed through the crowd, throwing me a glare before he helped Blake to his feet. "It's not our fault your girl made a video, Lucas."

The anger in Blake's face changed when he turned to me, confusion slowly turning into realization. "You didn’t know."

I came forward, the whispers starting. "Look—"

"Holy shit," he continued, voice bobbing above the building hum of interest. "You didn't know it was all over campus, did you?"

When I looked around there was no longer fear hanging in the room like an electric current. There was pity.

Sympathy.

Poor Lucas. The notorious player, brought to his knees.

The worry about my reputation was small potatoes compared to the realization that this was bigger than my street credit. Juliet came here to escape that video—and it followed her.

I didn't say another word, bursting from the house, pulling out my cell. I didn't know where we stood and I didn't care.

I wouldn't let her face this alone.

Chapter Sixteen: Juliet

“You can’t keep avoiding this conversation, Juliet. Not after what you did.”

I cradled the phone on my shoulder, balancing an arm full of books and an overwhelming realization that it wasn't so smart to wait until the last minute to bang out my homework. It didn’t help that Mom was still giving me an earful about my run-in with Jared.

Her irritation wasn’t because I stood my ground. She made it perfectly clear that she couldn't be prouder that I told him to shove his apology. She was angry that I'd then walked downstairs and carved 'Liar' into the hood of his Mustang.

Shockingly, Jared kept quiet about it, but a quality control review of the surveillance videos in the parking lot revealed what I'd done.

"I just don't understand why you'd do something like that, Juliet. It's vandalism. I know country songs make it seem empowering, but it's illegal. You could have been arrested!"

"I wasn't having a Carrie Underwood moment, Mom," I said, nostrils flaring. "I—" I stopped. How could I tell her that I honestly didn't remember any of it? That I didn’t remember walking downstairs, finding my way to his car or scratching the word into his hood? That the only thing that snapped me out of it was the fact that I gripped the keys so tight that the metal started cutting into my palm?

It took so much to finally come clean to her about what happened in the first place. The only thing that kept her from reporting Jared to the police was my lie. I told her I was okay.

I was back in Seattle, drowning in assignments, trying to convince my mother that I didn't go back to school too soon. That I was still okay...and it couldn't be further from the truth.

I wasn't okay. And the one person I wanted to talk to, to run to...

I pushed his face from my mind. "I can't do this right now, Mom."

I don't know if she heard something in my voice or just figured out she was fighting a losing battle, but she hung up, telling me the conversation was far from over.

The barista was eyeballing me, probably less than thrilled that I was one of those people, rudely talking on their cells while trying order. Under normal circumstances I might have flashed her an apologetic smile but instead I just glared right back and said I needed a minute.

I stepped to the side, unloading my books on the table and tried to calm down. No amount of deep breathing helped. I was still angry enough that I entertained the thought of picking up the table and throwing it through the window.

I was angry at Jared. That he made me this way, that he took what was supposed to be an escape from drama and instead upped the ante and turned the rest of my Fall Break into the Great Inquisition. That he thought a haircut and an internship could change the fact that he was a terrible person. He could rescue kittens for the rest of his life and he'd still be the asshole that made a video of us having sex without my permission. He could apologize every minute of every day for the rest of our lives and it wouldn't even chip at the damage he'd done.

He ruined something fundamental in me. My ability to forgive. To trust.

I bit my lip, a wave of emotion crashing into me. As much as I hated him, as angry as I was at Jared Brooks, I was angrier at myself. Angry that I trusted him when everything in me told me that was a mistake. Angry that I let him close enough that I was blinded and stopped seeing the player that was right in front of me. Angry that I let what he did run me away from my home—and into the arms of the guy I should have been with from the start.

Not that it matters
, I thought glumly, slumping forward. You broke up with him. A sorry excuse, since I knew I could open up to him and make him understand that I missed him. That his number was the one I scrolled to when I broke down after I realized I’d keyed Jared's car. But I couldn't go through with it and press the button. Even when Lucas called me, telling me he had to talk to me ASAP, I ignored the urge to call back and fix things. As badly as I wanted to believe that he freaked out on Lance because of me, it made me feel like I was his property to defend. His property to do with as he wished. And he didn't own me.

“I have a skinny latte for Candi with an I?”

I dropped my hand, head whipping toward the drink pick up station. Candi was a fairly common name, right?

Not her. Please. Not today.

“Thank you so much!”

I recognized the haughty lilt and sighed. As if I needed something else piled on top of the mess my life had become. Candi Mann. Because, why not I guess. The universe decided to give me my karmic due in spades.

She brought her cup to her nose and inhaled deep. She let out an obscene moan that made the male barista grin like a fool. I tried to trick myself into believing maybe she was here for him, that she somehow wasn’t following me.

I dropped my eyes and tried to turn to the side, make myself unnoticeable. The last thing I needed was a run-in with her.

I heard her heels click in my direction, stopping right beside me.

“Long break?”

"Something like that," I grumbled, hauling my eyes to meet hers. She reached for the chair a few inches from me and I shook my head. "Not now, Candi."

She paused for a second and I held my breath, wondering if whatever speck of conscience she had would urge her to walk away.

The second was gone as her lips spread into a delighted grin and she dropped into the chair.

"I had an amazing break. Very relaxing. And entertaining."

"Good for you."
Just get up and leave
. But go where? The library was packed with people that had my same idea to cram all their homework into the night before classes started back up. If I went back to the dorm I ran the risk of running into Kim and once she started in asking me about break, all bets were off. I'd have to tell her about Jared. And I wanted to talk about him even less than I wanted to talk to Candi.

Besides, why did
I
have to leave? Why did I let people run me off instead of standing my ground?

I faced Candi, sitting up a little taller. "I'd appreciate it if you went away." It was a little less firm than I would have liked, but at least I made it clear that I wasn't going to sit here and pretend she was welcome.

"You want me to leave?" She fiddled with her golden braid, feigning confusion. "But I just got here and I haven't even
begun
to tell you about my break."

I felt warmth rush my face as I crossed my arms, knowing that I was losing ground and confidence the more she remained beside me. I didn't know what power she had over me. When I was younger I knew plenty of girls like her. Mean girls who had the right hair and right clothes and lived in the right neighborhoods. Those girls took one look at my rail thin body, stringy black hair and worn, second hand clothes and stamped a target on my forehead. But I did something they didn't expect. When the first girl hurled the first insult, I hurled my fist. Her bloody nose sent me home for a week, but I won a small victory. No one called me a name to my face.

I went from an easy target to essentially a social leper. It gave me a strength that the other social outcasts gravitated to. We created our own cliques and it gave me a confidence that carried me through grade school and gave me an edge in high school. I'd taken down bigger bitches than the sorority girl beside me, but somehow I found myself faltering. Lip twitching. Mouth dry. Comebacks non-existent.

I looked into her intensely blue eyes, the animosity burning bright and overwhelming. The reason behind her dislike was one and the same with the reason I was rendered speechless and weak.

Lucas.

My Achilles heel. The guy that made everything else go still.

Player or not, he'd been with her. And even though she tried to appear tough and the female equivalent of him, she revealed the truth in the scowl behind her eyes. She cared about him. Which made me wonder how close they’d really been. How much of the real Lucas she'd seen.

And if maybe, he'd cared about her too.

I gulped, wishing I had a coffee to melt away the knots in my throat. Wash away the nerves. What did it matter if they cared about one another? Even if he let her close, that was then.

Break up or not, he loved me.

And I loved him.

I held steady. "I really don't care about your break, Candi."

"But you haven't heard—"

"And I don't really want to hear," I sliced in, the authority in my voice emboldening me. "I get it. Lucas is amazing. Trust me, I know that better than anyone. I could lie and say that I'm sorry I put an end to whatever relationship the two of you had, but that would be a lie. So let's stop pretending we're friends and put the cards on the table." I leaned forward, smiling inside at the surprise flitting over her face. "I don't like you. And you don't like me. Seattle University is a big place and I have a feeling if we really try, we can stay out of each other's way."

I stopped, giving her the opportunity to stand up and stomp away or tell me to go to hell or something. I could tell it was sinking in because her smug little grin was slowly turning into a frown and her eyes were darkening. Just as I knew a string of obscenities or insults were headed my way, the smile returned, the gleam in her eyes scary.

"You're right. Seattle U
is
a big place. Which is why I was so confused as to why out of all of the guys you could have picked, you shot for the stars. And then when I found out you went to N.C. State and dated some hella popular guy named Jared, it clicked in place."

Fear pricked all over me and my eyes bulged. "How did you—"
Oh god no.

Her smile broadened. "It didn't take nearly as much digging as I thought. It probably didn't hurt that you were practically famous at your other school, Juliet. Or should I call you Julia?"

My throat closed, my oxygen deprived brain spazzing out. Malfunctioning. Refusing to believe that she knew. The one person who'd take a special pleasure in ruining me.

"You don't understand," I said hoarsely.

"Oh, I've seen the video," she said darkly. "It's pretty self explanatory."

Not again. Not again!
In a moment of desperation, I gripped her hand. Screw pride. I'd get on my hands and knees and beg. "Please don't tell anyone—"

She let out a cruel laugh, bringing her hand on top of mine. Making sure I felt just how trapped and powerless I was.

"Too late."

Chapter Seventeen: Lucas

I stood in front of the biology lecture hall, scanning the faces for hers. I'd tried calling and I even went to her dorm—only to find out that the RA put some sort of APB out on me and campus police rushed out to meet me, barring me access.

Even though class was the last thing on my mind, I knew it was the one place she had to show up.

I knew it technically wasn't playing fair. I was essentially giving her no choice but to face me.

She had every right to plow right past me, sparing me two words: You promised.

After everything with Lance, I told her I'd back off. That when we saw each other, I'd keep it all about class. Strictly business. But that was before this. Before the video went viral at Seattle U.

None of the faces were Juliet's, but they all glanced in my direction. The female gazes were sympathetic. Wasn’t it ironic? Lucas McNamara finally decided to be respectable; 'settle down' with someone—and she was the kind of girl that made sex videos.

The male gazes were congratulatory. I was living the dream. I had a girl that was down for the very thing their girls axed before it even got out of their mouths.

I was notorious.

Which meant that she was living a nightmare.

The flow of students slowed to a trickle and she was nowhere to be found. I glanced at my phone. Two minutes ‘til class started. She was never late. But then again, she probably never thought the video would follow her here.