Never (5 page)

I was on a roll. Pissed off my sister, pissed off my girl, and when I turned down Monday night football to do homework, pissed off my boys. And from the way the barista (Tina? Tara?) was glaring at me, I'd pissed her off too by not recognizing her.

Just as I was about to pop the lid off my coffee and see if I could tell if my jilted barista left a little surprise in my coffee, the last person I wanted to see walked through the door.

Candi.

I damn near spilled my coffee trying to snatch my cap back up and over my dark hair, but her eyes found me immediately and a predatory smile spread across her red lips.

I bit back a string of profanity, not wanting to look at her, wanting to pretend she didn't even exist but not able to look away because she was an inch or two of fabric away from butt naked. She'd taken a SU sweatshirt and cut it until there was only the upper part of the letters 'Seattle' visible, the edge of it just below her breasts. Her denim shorts didn’t really count as cutoffs, they were more like denim panties.

I looked down at the table, feeling guilty for looking at her, for finding her attractive, even though I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. Not now. Not ever. Even if Juliet and I walked away from each other before we decided to take a chance, me and Candi wouldn't have gotten the happily ever after she obviously craved. Good sex didn't mean a thing if the girl was a Facebook block away from going off the handle.

I flipped open my book and tried to appear as busy as possible.

"Well, isn't this a surprise?" she said demurely, pulling out the chair in front of me.

Surprise was definitely not the word that popped in my head. I sat back, crossed my arms and looked up at her.  All the manners and etiquette classes my mother forced upon me told me I was being rude by not saying a word, but I figured I made up for it by acknowledging her existence at all.

Anger flashed in her eyes before she scrubbed it away with an uncomfortable giggle. "You know, the funniest thing happened this morning." She lowered herself into the seat. "One of the new girls that just moved into the XO house is completely hopeless. I mean, you and I have talked before about how spoiled we were." She paused like she was waiting for me to nod or say something.

I did neither.

"Anyway," she continued, ignoring my disinterest in carrying on a conversation with her. "All of us are supposed to chip in, but she's total idiot when it comes to chores, so we decided to give her the easiest thing to do. Load and unload the dishwasher.

“So it's just me and the new girl and I'm running late, but not late enough to miss the fact that she hasn't touched the dishes. I not-so-politely tell her to get off her ass and wait until I see her loading before I leave.

“My class gets out early so I head back to the house. I walk in the door and hear this wet, sloshing sound. I walk into the kitchen and there are bubbles all over the floor. She's in the middle of the floor, trying to clean it up with a paper towel."

Candi started laughing and damn it, I cracked the tiniest of smiles before I erase it and turn my face back to stone. It's not quick enough because she saw it and I know exactly where she was going with this little Girl Gone Stupid anecdote.

"Remember when you put dishwashing liquid in the dishwasher at your place and I went in to get something to drink and it started erupting with frothy bubbles?" Candi said.

I did remember. I wasn't so clueless that I attempted to clean it up with paper towels, but I still felt like the dumbest guy alive. Candi could have laughed at me and been totally justified. What kind of adult male doesn't know that you can't put dishwashing liquid in the dishwasher? But Candi just helped me clean up without a word. When we were done, she kissed me on the cheek and whispered, 'Next time, I'll do the dishes'.

I cleared my throat and looked past her, but it did nothing to clear my guilty conscience. That was the first moment that I knew that despite her talk about relationships being complicated and how she just wanted something casual that she wanted something more. Something I couldn't give her.

I knew she liked me more than I liked her. The right thing to do would have been to cut her loose then and there. Instead, I kept sleeping with her. I created the monster.

My voice was gruff and dismissive. It had to be. "You've gotta stop this, Candace."

"Candace?" She bit her lips and her eyes darkened with lust. "You only call me that when I'm in big trouble." She spun a golden lock around her finger. "Are you going to punish me?" She leaned forward, her hand running along the inside of my thigh.

"Stop it," I growled, pushing her hand away. I could hardly recognize her as the girl I took home all those months ago. She'd been aggressive, sure—but this was too much. This was desperation.

As much as I wanted to tell her that out of a long line of hookups, she was one of the few names I actually remembered, I knew that was the last thing she needed to hear. Yeah, I used to like her and I loved being inside, on top, and every which way with her, but it was only physical. Candi wasn't the one that got away. Juliet was. This whole thing with Candi was affecting my relationship with my girlfriend. And if it came down to being rude and hurting Candi or hurting and losing Juliet, it was no contest.

"I want you to listen to me very carefully, Candi," I began, waiting until she stopped batting her eyelashes at me to continue. "There is no you and me. There never was.”
Be mean...that’s the only way she’ll get it.
“You were a warm hole and a good time when I needed it. That's it. Period. So you can stop with the 'accidental' run-ins and the winks and holding your breath for the minute we end up together. We don't."

I saw the tears build in her eyes, her chin trembling. "Lucas—"

"We don't have anything else to say to each other." I slammed my book back open and turned my attention from her.

“You sure about that?” she said, her lips curling into a snarl. “I’m just trying to be a friend.”

“Right,” I snorted.

“I’m being serious,” she snapped, her voice rising as she pushed back from the table.

Good, she was up. We were halfway there.

“If I didn’t care about you, I’d keep my mouth shut,” she continued, eliciting a groan from me.

Something told me to just ignore whatever came out of her mouth next, but I was curious. “Just get on with it.”

Her nostrils flared as she flipped her blond mane. “Your girlfriend was seen with some guy in the library. If you two are so serious, maybe someone should inform her.”

Chapter Six: Juliet

"You ready to order?"

I knew the waitress standing beside the table was just doing her job, but the sympathetic gleam in her eye made me defensive.

"I'm still waiting for my boyfriend," I snapped.

"Another water—"

"No," I interrupted loudly, drawing the eye of the couple a table over and making the sympathy in the waitress’ muddy eyes dissipate. "Sorry. If I could get a come that would be great."

She flipped her pad shut, giving me a look that made me want to disappear. It wasn't her fault that Lucas was forty-five minutes late. Not to mention the fact I was on my third glass of water and my stomach was starting to grumble in time with the music pouring from the speakers.

After the awkwardness in the dining hall, Lucas thought a night out was exactly what we needed. A nice dinner off campus, away from textbooks and distractions sounded heavenly enough for me to let him off the hook, at least for a few hours. Since our first date had been a bust and the second time we'd ended up in bed, I was hoping the third time was a charm.

This was a pretty big deal to me. I'd had bigger fall outs with my ex, but the Candace thing was me and Lucas’ first real 'thing'. I'd been hurt, he was frustrated, texts and calls were ignored. But dinner was our truce.

I wore my hair down, Kim giving me soft waves with her flat iron. I even paired a ankle length, flowing red chiffon skirt with snug black v-neck tee and let my bestie brush on some bronzer and a pink gloss. But my hair and my excitement wilted as I glanced at my phone.

50 minutes late.

I brought my phone to my ear and swallowed the knot as it rang once, then went to voicemail. I snatched the phone away, my hand trembling with anger and hurt.

The only thing that kept me from melting down was convincing myself that his phone was tucked away somewhere. But I'd counted every single ring. Those rings supported my theory that he'd just lost track of time. Anything could have happened.

The single ring then voicemail meant only one thing.

He was ignoring me.

I rushed to my feet, dropped a couple of dollars on the table before I stomped out the exit. The smart thing to do was just go back to my dorm, calm down, then figure out why he stood me up. But I didn't get off at the stop for Seattle U. I stayed on the bus, pointing in the direction of Lucas' apartment.

My phone was still in my hand. I wanted to call him again. Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe he didn't get my last four text messages. Pride kept me from tapping his contact info and I scrolled up to Kim's instead.

I knew she was in the room watching
Project Runway
or something like that and usually had a radio silence policy, but she answered.

"What's up?" I could hear the hum of the TV in the background.

"He didn't show," I said softly, just saying the words aloud bringing tears to my eyes.

"Hold on a sec." The line went quiet, except for her shuffling the phone around. "I think I heard you wrong because it sounds like you said your boyfriend stood you up."

I drew a haggard breath, not really eager about repeating myself.

It wasn’t because I was surrounded by people obviously having the best night of their lives. There was a group of girls watching some video like it was the funniest thing they’d ever seen. Two bro-looking guys were talking about how trashed they were gonna get whether it was Tuesday night or not. And of course there was a couple sucking face right across the aisle from me.

I felt all kinds of pathetic sitting in the restaurant waiting for my invisible date, but I didn’t leave Kim’s request to repeat myself unanswered because I was embarrassed. I didn’t say anything because on top of everything else, I refused to cry. If I had to say that Lucas stood me up again, I was gonna start
sobbing
.

She didn’t push me. “I just can’t believe he’d—” She tiptoed around it. “Something must have happened.”

“I already thought of that.” I grit my teeth. “That’s what kept me sitting in the booth, drinking water and telling myself that there was a reason and any minute he’d call or text or walk through the door. And then I called and it went straight to voicemail.”

“Well that’s not exactly scientific—”

“It’s close enough,” I growled.

“I’m so sorry, Juliet,” she said quickly. “How far are you from the dorm? As soon as—”

“I’m not going to the dorm.” I pushed away the tears in favor of steely determination. “I’m going to his apartment.

I didn’t need to be face to face to know that she was probably slackjawed and confused. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Absolutely.”

“You think going to his complex, kicking down his door and getting into another argument is a good idea?”

“Well, I had no plans of kicking down doors, but that sounds pretty cathartic right now.”

“I’m being serious.” Her end was quiet for a few moments. “Maybe he has a great excuse and the last thing you should do is invade his space.”

“Invade his space?” I repeated, getting angrier with each word until I erupted. “He didn’t show up, Kimberly. I was sitting there like some loser, drinking me sad little water while he was doing God knows what. Heck yeah I’m gonna invade his space!”

I seemed particularly adept at drawing attention to myself tonight since all eyes were turned in my direction.

“Okay,” she said, her tone still disapproving. “Just let the record state that I think this is a terrible idea.”

“Duly noted,” I peered out the window as the bus pulled to the stop a few blocks from Lucas’ apartment. “I better go.”

“You called me for a reason,” Kim added, still trying for an intervention. “I think on some level you want me to talk you out of doing something crazy.”

I stood up, letting out an irritated sigh at the guy in front of me, walking so slow he was almost going backwards. “You’re the one talking about kicking down doors.”

“And you’re the one sounding like one of those crazy girlfriends. What proof do you even have that he ignored your call?”

“The phone rang six times every other time I called and then the last time I called it rang once before it went to voicemail.” Before it seemed like more than enough evidence for a conviction but now, it had more holes than a slice of swiss cheese.

“You counted the rings?” she said incredulously. “I’m gonna have to activate the powers of the BFF and insist that you come back to the dorm, calm down and approach this with a clear head.”

By the time I stepped off the bus, I wondered if she had a point. There were plenty of logical explanations for why the phone rang once and went to voicemail.

Crap.

I really was being crazy.

I saw the sign for his complex and the anger came rushing back, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. “I’m already here.” Before I let her talk me out of it, I ended the call. “I’ll see you later.”

I knew she was the voice of reason, but the only voice I wanted to hear was Lucas’, explaining why he didn’t show up.

My body was used to the hills and I flew up the steps to his apartment, stopping at his door. I hesitated, my fist hovering a few inches from knocking before I went the rest of the way and stood back, crossing my arms.

I waited, my pulse quickening. I swore I heard feet leading up to the door. Stopping.

When I didn’t hear the lock disengage, I knocked again. Harder.

“Lucas, I know you’re there. Your car is downstairs.” I took a breath. “Let me in.”

There was another span of silence and the anger I’d let fester scabbed over. Maybe something
was
wrong. None of this was like him.