Never Enough: A New Adult Romance (9 page)

“Never came up,”
Damien muttered, glowering at Jonathan who was smiling widely.

I turned to Jonathan. “So what do you play?”

“The guitar and I sing.”

“Wow, that’s cool. I had no idea.”

“Most people just think we’re just jocks, but we’re in touch with the artsy side too. There are two other guys in the band. Jude and Asher.”

I glanced around the bar and Jonathan shook his head. “They don’t play rugby. They’re the more traditional rockers. You know, tight pants, crying about shit.”

The corners of my lips tilted up, happy for the humor. “Yeah.” I then turned toward Damien and asked, “Why don’t you sing your own music?”

He shrugged and Jonathan explained, “He used too, but not anymore.”

“Why?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“Just not inspired to anymore,” Damien said before adding, “Plus my voice is whatever.”

I wanted to ask a hundred more questions, but Jonathan interrupted. He must have sensed my oncoming inquisition and Damien’s obvious discomfort. “So you should come to one of our practices. See if you even like our kind of music.”

“
Really? Yeah, I’d like that,” I replied, flattered that I was even being included.

Jonathan turned toward Damien.
“Can you tell her when the next practice is once I get a hold of Jude and Asher?”

“
Yeah,” Damien replied and I peeked over at Damien. He seemed like he was closed off and reluctant to the whole idea. Not that I really knew what was going on inside that head of his anymore. From what I’d just learned, I didn’t think I knew him at all.

“Usually the band meets up last minute. Hope that’s okay,” Jonathan said before adding, “And
please bring your cello. If you like us you can join in.”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” I said and felt an unusual feeling swell up within me. Excitement. I hadn’t felt this when thinking about playing the cello in years. It
was amazing how years of practicing and playing the required pieces assigned to me had killed something inside of me. Perhaps joining a rock band and being able to use my skills in my own unique way would remind me how much I love playing the cello.

Not that my parents would understand or be supportive. They had always pushed classical cello. If I told them I might be joining a rock band, they’d most likely threaten me with no longer paying for school. It would probably be the last straw. The idea terrified and thrilled me at the same time. It was scary to think I may not have the financial support of my parents, but
my freedom would increase tenfold. And I really liked my freedom.

The pizza finally came and everyone congregated to eat. It was amazing how much pizza a team of rugby players could eat. I was surprised I even got one slice.
For a moment I thought Jonathan was going to snag my piece right off my plate.

I really liked Damien’s friends, Jonathan the most. They were incredibly friendly and made me feel like part of the group. I could see Maggie flirting it up with Kyle and occasionally sending Caden mean looks whenever he spoke. He took it pretty well, the twinkle in his eyes never fading. I wondered what he had said to her to make her so mad. I’d have to ask her about it later.

The entire time, up until we got ready to leave, Damien was watching me. It was as if he was wary of my presence in the group and I was starting to feel like he hadn’t wanted me to know this side of him. It was just like Jonathan had said and what I’d suspected all along: Damien had secrets and he pushed people away.

When it
finally came time to leave, I was ready to go. Suddenly, Maggie bounded up to me.

“Tempie, hey, would you care if I caught a ride home with Kyle?” She was nearly vibrating with excitement and I couldn’t help but sm
ile. I wish things were as cut and dry between Damien and me.

“Sure. No problem,” I said.

“You’re sure you don’t mind? You can take my car home if you want.”
She jingled the keys in front of me and I shook my head.

“I’m positive and I’m sure I can get a ride. You have fun with Kyle.”

She flounced off, her blonde hair catching the sunlight and creating a halo around her. I watched her and Kyle stride out the door, both looking incredibly eager to be alone. If only Damien looked at me like that then I’d know where I stood with him. At the moment, I had no clue what was happening between us.

Caden came up to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “So Maggie and Kyle?”

I shrugged. “Who knows how long that will last? Usually with Maggie it’s about a week or two. She gets bored easily.”

“High maintenance?
” Caden asked.

“She’s not. Not really. Although I’m not a guy, so I don’t know if she
’s like that with guys. All I know is that it would take a special guy to keep her interest.”

Caden seemed to mull that over before glancing down at me. “You need a ride?”

“Yeah…”

Before I could finish my sentence Damien approached. “I’ll give her one.”

The look he shot Caden had him unraveling his arm from my shoulders and stepping back. “Got it, man. See you at work, Tempie.”

I smiled at Caden and wa
tched as he walked out the door, leaving me alone with Damien.

“Ready?” Damien asked, holding his keys in his hands and inclining his head toward the door.

“Yeah. Thanks,” I said, not meeting his gaze. I followed him to his truck and he opened the passenger door. I slid inside and a moment later we were driving down the street toward the house.

“I had fun today,” I finally said when the silence became unbearable.

“I’m glad.”

I turned to look at him. “Really? Because it seemed like you didn’t want me there.”

He kept his eyes on the road. “I didn’t mind you being there.”

“What about playing wi
th you and Jonathan in the band? It doesn’t seem like you knew Jonathan was going to ask me to join you guys.”

He shrugged. “I didn’t, but it’s fine.”

I was sick of his apathetic mood, like he didn’t care about anything. It was fake and I just wanted him to be honest with me.

“Tell me the truth for once, please. If you don’t want me in your life like that then you need to tell me now. I’ll respect it.”

He seemed to ponder that for a moment. “I don’t mind.”

I didn’t believe him and I had to know the truth. “You’re acting weird…is it…is it because of what happened at the coffee shop?”

Damien slowed his truck down and glanced over at me. He looked slightly angry. “So now you want to talk about it?”

I looked out the window. “I think I do.”

Damien’s hands gripped the steering wheel. “Good.”

I swallowed back the anxiety that threatened to consume me, but managed to ask, “Did that ruin it for us? Did it bother you? Did you hate it?”

His head snapped over to where I sat and his eyes narrowed. “What? Where did all that come from?”

I shrugged. “You seemed upset afterwards.”

“No…no. It was good.” He paused a moment before adding, “Really good and I think things between us are…fine.”

I choked back a nervous laugh. He sure did have a way with words. I was interested to see if he was a little more expressive in the songs he wrote.

“You sure do know how to make a girl feel special,” I said after a moment and his lips thinned to a straight line.

“What do you want to hear? That it took me by surprise? That I wasn’t expecting you to do that?”

“I’m sorry that it surprised you, but I…I really wanted to do it and I thought you wanted it too. Did I assume wrong?”

He took a deep breath and shook his head
. “No, I wanted it.”

I exhaled in relief. “Okay, good. I’m glad. I didn’t want you to think I was taking advantage of you.”

His eyebrows slammed together. “Taking advantage? No, I never thought that.”

We drove in silence for a moment before I turned my entire body toward him and tilted my head. I had to k
now.

“So what did you think of it? Did I do a good job?”

Chapter Seven

Damien

Holy hell. Where were these questions coming from? When I’d said I wanted to discuss this, I hadn’t expected her to start analyzing everything. I wanted to talk about why she felt compelled to suck me off and why she hadn’t texted me back the night before. I didn’t think she’d ask me to rate it. What was I supposed to say? That is was the best damn blowjob I’d ever gotten?

“So? You going to answer me?” Temperance was staring expectantly at me and I gulped.

“It was good,” I replied.

“Just good?” She seemed disappointed. “What did I do wrong? What can I do next time to make it better?”  

“Next time?” I nearly choked.

“Well, I’m not necessarily talking about doing it with you…”

I nearly swerved off the road. “The hell you are. I’m not discussing the pros and cons of what you did if you’re just going to go blow some other guy.” I wasn’t about to give her tips so she could rock some other guy’s world. Hell no. I wasn’t that nice.

“Okay, fair enough…” Something flashed through her eyes and she looked away.

I huffed and muttered, “Fine. I thought it was perfect. The best one I’ve ever had. I wouldn’t have you change a thing. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Really?”

“Yes. Really.”

“Good,” she replied, biting down on her bottom lip.

I wanted to tell her she could use me anytime and anywhere she wanted, but resisted the urge. I didn’t want to sound like an overeager pig. Although I was feeling like one. The hickey everyone had commented on and her constant talk of blowjobs was a constant reminder that Temperance Cole was any guy’s dream. And just looking at her mouth move made me hard enough to hammer nails.

I pulled into the driveway and killed the engine. I glanced over at her and when our eyes met
, tension crackled between us. I saw expectation and lust in her eyes. I wanted her to make the next move, to hop in my lap, kiss me, say dirty things into my ear and tell me she wanted to go all the way, but instead of doing that she thanked me and slid out of the cab.

I was a fucking coward who was afraid to initiate things between us. I knew if I did
, things would change. It would be a good change, but it could only be temporary. Things between us just couldn’t last. I had justified casual sex with Temperance so much so that the promise I’d made to Sophia no longer felt restricting. I mean, Sophia couldn’t have really expected me to be celibate the rest of my life. That was a ridiculous assumption.

I knew going forward with Temperance was a terrible idea, but it was hard to think when all the blood in my body was perpetually traveling south. It left nothing for other important organs, like my brain. I grabbed the steering wheel and watched as temptation’s backside sauntered across the yard to the front steps.

Holy hell. Was I going to do this?

I ran my hands through my hair and hopped out of the truck. I needed to do this quickly or I’d chicken out, just like I had when my truck broke down. I had kissed Temperance and would have gone all the way
, but stopped when the tow truck guy had shown up. I knew that when we got back to the house I could have finished what we started, but I didn’t. I hadn’t been ready and I coped out when she shut me down. Wanting someone this bad was never a good idea when you had a promise to keep.

But the tension headaches were becoming unbearable and I hadn’t slept in a few days. She was haunting me, sucking the life from me. A few rounds of sex weren’t going to hurt anything. I could stick to my boundaries. Keep it casual. If anything, this would be good for me.

I pushed the door open and stopped. How was I going to go about this? Was I going to have a conversation first? Or was I going to push her up against the wall and fuck her until we both knew the two of us together would be a good idea? Would I tell her that it would be just this once or was I going to ask her to keep it up until we were both sated? I had no idea what was going to happen or what the right answer was, so I just decided to go with what felt right.

I heard the refrigerator door open with a pop as I strode into the kitchen. Temperance was grabbing a water bottle from the side door and I watched as she twisted the cap off and took a few large gulps. Just watching those lips around that plastic tip made me forget any reservations I had.

Her eyes caught mine and she placed her water on the counter. “Damien?”

When I didn’t respond and merely strode toward her like she was my prey, her eyes widened. Lust shot through me, piercing me straight in my chest. I reached out and pulled her toward me. Her body slammed up against mine and her hair whipped across her cheeks.

I didn’t even bother to swipe it behind her ears. Instead I grabbed it, tugging her head back and slanted my mouth against hers.

She melted into me like a fucking popsicle on a hot day. So I licked her like she was made of sugar and ice. I shivered as I grabbed her ass and lifted her onto the counter. Her head was arched back, giving me access to that long neck of hers. It was elegant and creamy white. It needed an imperfection. I bit down on the tendon that was straining beneath the skin and she moaned.

“Tell me you want this,” I murmured against her skin.

She just nodded
, which was all I needed to see. I pulled her shirt over her head, nearly tearing it in two. She didn’t seem to mind because in response she roughly ran her hands through my hair and pulled on it harshly. My eyes feasted on her flat stomach and that lacy black bra she was wearing. I saw her unfinished tattoo peeking around her side and I closed my eyes as I envisioned her completely naked.

“Tell me,” I breathed. “Tell me what you want.”

“I want you in me,” she nearly moaned as I bit down on her ear.

“Jesus Christ.” Her words and t
he pain of her fingers scarping my scalp had me biting down on her neck again and instead of pulling away like she should have, she held my head in place, letting me suck and bite her until a dark purple spot popped out on her delicate white skin.

“You trying to even the score?” she breathed and I managed a choked laugh.

“Yeah.” I crushed her lips against mine and fucked her mouth with my tongue.

She met me thrust for thrust as I fumbled with the back of her bra. When it finally came undone
, I yanked it from her body and tossed it onto the floor. I wasn’t going to bother with seduction. She didn’t seem to need it.

My hands moved up her stomach and I felt her muscles bunch and twist until I reached her breasts. I ran both thumbs over the hard, pink nipples and she really lost it. She was no longer content to be used. She wa
nted to be involved too. Grabbing the back of my shirt, she pulled it up and over my head and threw it onto the floor next to her bra.

We had to break the kiss for a moment and her eyes roamed over my tattoos. She hadn’t ever seen them
in their entirety before and the reality of who those tattoos symbolized began to slowly crush the flame that had ignited between us.

She saw the extinguishing flame in my eyes and she swore. “Motherfucker,” she muttered, pushing her tangled hair behind her ears. “This is such shit.”

Temperance rarely swore, so those two words had me grasping onto her hands and meeting her frustrated gaze.

Sadness and anger burned deeply within. “What the hell is going on? Do I disgust you?”

I swallowed and shook my head as she crossed her arms over her naked breasts.

“Well
, you make me feel disgusting when you keep pulling away.”

When I didn’t respond
, she turned her eyes toward the clothing on the ground. “Just give me my shirt.”

“No,” I said between clenched teeth. “I need to explain.”

“No need. I’m done.”

She pushed herself off the counter and because I hadn’t budged
, she merely slid against my front. My chest, thighs and the uncomfortable erection in my pants were all pressed up against her and I saw her eyes shut slowly.

She felt so fucking good and I was such a pussy for blowing our chance once again.

“Look, Temperance. I have some things…some things buried deep that I’m not ready to share with you,” I finally made myself say.

She seemed to accept what I was saying,
but she was still trying to leave. She took a step to her right, but my arm shot out and pressed her into me.

“
What are you doing?” she muttered.

When I didn’t respond,
she added, “It has to do with those tattoos.”

She was a smart girl and my mouth nearly
dropped open when she asked, “Who was she?”

My breath hitched and I had the sudden urge to back away from her, but I made myself stand still and meet her gaze.

“She’s the reason you keep stopping this.” She waved her hand between us and I gulped. Was I that easy to read?

She tilted her head. “Did she break your heart?”

My lack of response was all she needed to know. She covered her eyes with her hand and shook her head. “I’m never going to get a shot with you am I? It’s always going to be this…this terrible dance between want and restraint.”

I rubbed the back of my neck and the motion caused her to slip from my grasp and grab her shirt. She pulled it on before swiping her bra from the ground. She was way too smart and perceptive for her own good.

“Temperance,” I said desperately. I watched her, my previous plan to go with the flow crumbling around me. I had fucked up, and my chance of having anything with her was slowly was disappearing before my eyes.

“How long has it been since she left you?” she asked, her hands tugging nervously on her bra straps.

“Almost a year,” I replied.

“Have you been with anyone since?”

“No.”

She blinked in surprise before meeting my gaze. “So this is just casual for you?”

“It has to be,” I replied, knowing those words would solidify the end. Girls like her didn’t do casual. The thought of it ending before it even began made my heart throb painfully in my chest.

“Do you think we can keep this casual?”

My eyes widened. “What?”

She paused a moment before clarifying, “If we had sex could we keep it casual?”

I nearly choked. “You want to just have casual sex?”

She seemed to mull it over before nodding. “Only if you’re up for it. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

I rubbed a hand down my face. My every wish was dangling right before me and all I had to do was reach up and snag it. I closed my eyes and fought to think logically about it, but my whole body was screaming at me to take it. I couldn’t think past all the noise.

“You think about it,” Temperance said, as if she could
hear the screaming in my head. Then she turned to walk out of the room. “Let me know what you want.”

I watched her go, my head beginning to throb
once more. I heard her footsteps retreat up the stairs and then it was just me and the annoying hum of the fridge behind me. Now that she wasn’t standing before me I could think semi-clearly. The fog that normally crowded my brain wasn’t as thick.

Leaning against the counter, I remembered when decisions were black and white. Did I want to go to college? Yes. Did I want to fall in love? Yes. But when things started popping up that didn’t have a simple answer, my entire worldview had shifted. There was no such thing as black and white. Those colors were constantly seeping into one another, making it hard to discern right from wrong.

That’s what happens when you watch the person you love slowly fade away. When the girl you fell in love with was diagnosed with brain cancer and you gave up everything to hand her the world, sun and stars, only to find that all she wanted was the moon.

I pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes and did my best to think. Temperance was so unlike Sophia. Where Sophia was hot blooded and outgoing, Temperance seemed quiet and reserved with a maturity that I was starting to discover belied her age. I had felt a blinding passion for Sophia the moment I had met her. Our love had been a whirlwind romance, slowly sucking us in and spitting me out torn and broken. What I felt for Temperance was slow burning, but was proving to be just as intense and much more dangerous.

I shook my head. The only thing was that Sophia was the love of my life. Temperance could only be a distraction.

I lifted my head up and glanced out at the bleak, gray weather
outside. It hung heavy like a drape across the bay. If I started this with her, it wouldn’t be so easy to sever. We lived together, worked together and if things went as planned, she’d be in a band with me.

But I was crazy in lust with her and not having her was going to make me do crazy things like punching nice guys like Caden in the face. I needed to get
my control back and the only way to do it was to get her out of my system. I needed to have her, at least just once.

I pushed myself away from
the counter before I could change my mind and ran up the stairs, skipping every other one. When I reached her door, I didn’t even bother knocking. Instead I pushed it wide open, causing it to bang against the wall.