Never Enough: The Vipers MC (13 page)

We didn’t say anything to each other for a long time after that, side by side on our backs, breathing heavily. There was nothing to say. Our bodies had said everything there was between us. It had been like no time had passed. The most natural thing we could have done.

She sat up, and I reached for her. “I have to go,” she whispered, kissing the back of my hand. She reached around in the darkness for her clothes.

“Why?”

“As much as I would love to fall asleep here with you, I think I should go back to the guest room. I don’t want David to wake up alone and wonder where I went. It would scare him to death.”

I nodded—she had a point, even though I had to admit I was a little disappointed that she was leaving. It wasn’t like me, the man who never wanted a woman to spend the entire night in bed with him, but she wasn’t any ordinary woman. All of the other women who came after her had just been placeholders, bed warmers. She was the real deal. Now that I had her back, I didn’t wanna let her go.

She had to do the right thing by her son—our son—so I had no choice. I kissed her goodnight and watched as she left the room, closing the door behind her with a soft click.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that everything had changed. Whether it was for the better or the worse, I still wasn’t sure.

Chapter Sixteen

Jess

I woke with a start. It was one of those feelings when you first wake up with no idea where you are. I used to feel that way sometimes at sleepover parties, and usually after the first night in a new home. That was the way I felt when I woke up in Grayson’s guest room.

I realized moments after remembering where I was that it was David who’d woken me. He was starting to stir. I was glad—I wanted to be awake for him, to answer any questions he might have. I watched as his eyes opened, so slowly. It still filled me with wonder sometimes, knowing I’d had a hand in making him. He was a miracle.

“Mama? You slept here with me?”

I smiled, running my fingers through his hair. “Yes, sweet. You were so fast asleep, you didn’t even know it.”

“Are we still at Grayson’s?”

“We sure are. Isn’t this a comfortable bed?” I didn’t know who’d decorated the apartment, but it couldn’t have been my ex-husband. He wasn’t the type for ruffled duvets and throw pillows. I wondered if one of his many girlfriends had helped him, then reminded myself grudgingly that it was none of my business either way.

“It is comfy. I guess that’s why I slept so good.”

“I guess it is.” I kissed his forehead, then showed him the way to the bathroom. I’d already laid out his toothbrush, and smiled to myself when I heard him brushing his teeth at the sink.

When he came out, we explored the apartment together. “This is so huge,” David said, craning his neck to admire the high ceilings. “It’s like a church.” The thought of Grayson living in a church was enough to make me bite my tongue to keep from laughing. I didn’t want Grayson thinking I was laughing at him.

“This is a very old building,” I explained. “A long time ago, people used to work here.”

“What did they do?”

“They manufactured things. That means making, really. They made clothes here, I think. It didn’t look like this back then. The walls were the same as they are now,” I said, pointing to the exposed brick, “and there were pillars like there are now. But I think that’s all that’s the same. When the company moved away, somebody bought the building and turned it into apartments like this one. Pretty cool, huh?”

“Yeah, pretty cool. What about our apartment? Where did that come from?”

“I think they built it to be an apartment building.”

“So it’s not as cool as this one.” David looked out the tall windows. “Hey, there’s a fire escape here, too!”

“Sure there is. They have them on all sorts of buildings like this. In case there’s a fire, people can escape. Get it?” He grinned, nodding. It amazed me how resilient he was. I’d been sure he wouldn’t take it well, that he would want to be near me. He wasn’t normally a nervous or fretful child, but then he’d never been in a situation like the one we faced together. I couldn’t have been more wrong about him. If anything, I was the nervous one, mainly because I didn’t know how my son and his father would get along with each other.

Not that I thought they wouldn’t like each other. I didn’t think anybody could know David and not like him, though I was willing to admit to being biased in his favor. I only wondered how he and Grayson would get along since he wasn’t used to big, strong, fearsome men like his father and Grayson wasn’t used to kids, period.

“I’m hungry,” David declared, climbing down from where he’d been kneeling on the windowsill. “Do you think there’s food here?”

“I honestly don’t know.” Odds were, no. The last I’d known of him, Grayson wasn’t exactly a chef. His idea of home cooking was a baloney sandwich or bowl of cereal. I’d tried to teach him the basics but had quickly given up, seeing as how it was a lost cause. He was more than happy to let me take care of it for him…and, as long as I was being honest with myself, I was more than happy to do it back then. I loved him. I wanted to care for my man.

I went to the fridge, my nose wrinkling when I saw what was inside. “Well, there’s a lot of soda and beer—not exactly breakfast foods,” I murmured. David peered in, too. He looked at me with a frown when he saw there was no milk or juice or anything he equated with breakfast.

“Let’s check out the cabinets,” I suggested. I was willing to make do with Pop Tarts if it meant giving David something to eat. I opened every cabinet and was pleasantly surprised to find cereal, oatmeal, protein bars, cereal bars, granola and more. “Hey,” I said with a smile. “We’re in luck!”

Then I reached for a box, only to find it empty. And another. And another. I realized he’d emptied every box and never thrown any of them away. It was so ridiculous, I had to laugh.

The front door opened without warning. David and I both jumped a mile, David running around to hide between me and the dishwasher. When I saw Grayson walking through, I breathed a sigh of relief.

“It’s okay, baby. Just Grayson. See?” I held David close to my legs. He was shaking.

“I’m sorry,” Grayson said. “I thought I’d go out and get us some breakfast.”

“We didn’t realize you weren’t still in bed,” I explained. The sight of a bag from the deli and two cups of coffee was enough to thrill me. I looked down at my son. “See? He brought food. He didn’t mean to scare us.”

“I’m sorry I scared you,” Grayson said, crouching down until he was at eye-level with David. “I brought you an orange juice and a muffin. Is that okay?”

“That’s just fine,” I said when David didn’t respond. My heart broke when I understood how much the night before had shaken him up. I was more than a little jumpy myself—my heart still raced, and the sick feeling in my stomach was only just starting to subside.

“I guess it’ll take you a little while to get used to things,” Grayson said, unpacking the food on the counter. I grinned when I saw what he’d gotten for me—a plain bagel with cream cheese and lox, piled high. My mouth watered. Grayson pulled up stools, and I helped David sit on one so he could eat. Once he took a few bites of a muffin nearly as big as his head, he seemed to relax.

I couldn’t help looking at Grayson over David’s head as we ate. Memories of the night before kept popping up, and I smiled to myself when I thought about how incredible it had been with him. As lonely as I had been for so long, it almost seemed worth it.

“How did you sleep?” Grayson asked, looking down at David. “Were you comfortable?”

“Yeah, I slept really good. Thank you.” David decided against trying to take bites from the muffin, as it only made a mess, and stuck to pulling bits off and putting them in his mouth. I grinned at Grayson—how many times had I seen him eat that way? I could tell he noticed, too.

“That’s good. I hoped you would. I wanted you to be comfortable.” One person who was definitely not comfortable was Grayson. He was practically sweating bullets, in fact. I knew it would be hard enough for him to relate to a child if he didn’t know he was that child’s father. The enormity of the situation only made things harder for him.

I caught his eye.
Relax
, I mouthed, and gave him a smile. He grimaced like he was trying. I nodded.

“Hey, David. Did Grayson tell you he has a motorcycle?”

“You do?” David’s eyes went big and round. “You ride a real motorcycle?”

“I do. You didn’t see it last night because you were asleep when we got here. I parked it right by your mom’s car. I can show it to you later, if you want.”

“Mama? Can I ride on it?” Grayson and I both laughed.

“Um, he said he’d show it to you, sweetheart. Not that he would let you ride it.”

“Oh.” He looked deflated.

“I’ll let you sit on it, if you want. That’s almost as good.” David’s eyes lit back up at Grayson’s offer, and he nodded enthusiastically. Grayson looked grateful that I’d given him something to start with.

Would he want a relationship with his son? The jury was still out, though I hoped for both their sakes that he would. He had already missed out on so much of David’s life, so much of the joy I had experienced watching him grow. There was more to come, though. And my son needed a father, plain and simple. I wanted him to have somebody in his life to teach him to be a man. I could only do so much. Shaving? How to ask a girl out? How to change a tire? I didn’t know about any of those things and so many others. I didn’t know how to teach him to be strong the way a man had to be strong to get through life. The intangible things that we learn through example. I wanted him to have that strong figure, and Grayson fit the bill—but I only wanted it if he wanted it. I wouldn’t let my son’s father be a half-hearted part of his life. To have nothing would be better than that.

I left the two of them chatting while I went in to take a shower. I had to wash off the night’s activities, including the activities in Grayson’s bedroom. I walked past his open door and saw that the bed was still unmade. Typical, since he never made it during our marriage, either. I blushed when I saw the rumpled sheets, the misplaced pillows.

I took a look at myself in the bathroom mirror while waiting for the water to run as hot as I could make it. It had been a long time since I’d been able to take a really long, really hot shower—I usually timed myself to save on water and energy costs. My body still looked much the same as it had the last time I was with Grayson, with notable exceptions. My breasts were a bit droopy thanks to pregnancy and nursing. My hips were a bit wider, as every woman’s hips widened while she carried a baby. Otherwise, I looked pretty darn good. I’d even managed to keep my butt in shape. Grayson had sure seemed to like it.

I was still thinking about him as I stepped beneath the steamy, scalding spray. I loved it, though. I loved the way my skin turned bright pink under the water, how the room filled with billowing clouds of steam. I loved the way the water felt on my body as it ran in rivers over my skin. Cleansing me. I tried to imagine it cleansing me of all the past mistakes. Of running away from Grayson without telling him why, for one.

But that hadn’t been a mistake, had it? I’d done what I’d felt compelled to do at the time. I hadn’t been given a choice.

I’d never told anybody the full truth, not even Cindy. Nobody knew the whole reason why I ran away without a word as to where I was going and why. I tried not to think about it, telling myself it didn’t matter anymore. All the while, I wondered if my being back in Grayson’s life would mean trouble for him.

***

“How was your shower?” Grayson smiled from the sofa, where he and David sat with their feet up on the coffee table. I noticed how he’d moved the table closer to accommodate David’s shorter legs, and my heart swelled. He very much reminded me of a kid learning how to ride a bike. He was doing fine on his own, but if I’d told him I’d stopped holding on, he would lose his balance in a panic. I chose to let it go, then, and let him find his way on his own.

“Excellent,” I said.

“Is the bathroom full of steam?” he asked, winking. So he remembered.

“Completely. The walls are fairly dripping with condensation.” I smirked, then plopped down on the sofa beside David. “What are you watching?”

Grayson shrugged. David answered, “
Doc McStuffins
,” without looking up at me.

“Oh. I should have known. This one is a favorite.” I rolled my eyes at Grayson, shrugging to show I had no idea what the appeal was. I guessed I’d have to be a kid to get it. Though there was no missing the way both father and son chuckled by the end of the episode.

It felt like a dream come true, a dream I hadn’t dared admit I’d harbored in my heart for so long. The wish that I could complete my little family, that I could have Grayson back in my life. That he could help me raise our child, that our child would be happy and safe and strong as a result of his father’s influence. That I could be happy.

I had missed him so much.

Grayson flipped through the channels until he came across another cartoon. “Spongebob,” he said. David clapped—Spongebob was one of his favorites. I let the two of them enjoy the show while my mind wandered. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was making a big mistake.