Never Enough: The Vipers MC (45 page)

She nodded. “I just need him to wake up.”

“We all do.” Jasper walked to the opposite side of the bed to squeeze Daniel’s other hand. “Come on, man. Hang in there. Wake up real soon.” He stood and watched him for a long while, the machines beeping and whirling in rhythm, moving his chest up and down.

Daniel looked both pale and too red and black. The parts of his skin that were undamaged were pasty white. But he was covered in patches of bright red, some edged with black. They shined like they’d been smeared with some kind of ointment. Large sections of him were covered in soft, white bandages. Most of his face and arms. The rest of him couldn’t be seen under the blanket, but there were thick lumps there, like something was wrapped around his legs and feet.

Little tufts of Daniel’s black hair stuck out from under and between the loops of bandage. But one side of his head didn’t seem to have any hair at all. It was raw and red with blisters. He hadn’t seemed like he was in such bad shape when he’d pulled him from the basement. He couldn’t recall seeing any burns on him at all. But then, there had been plenty of thick, black smoke, and it wasn’t like Jasper was interested in a full body inspection of him at the time. He only wanted to get him out.

Now it looked like he’d been too late. Daniel was in rough shape and even if he woke up, he must have a long recovery ahead of him. And who knew what he’d look like. He had been a good-looking guy. And his girl, Angie, was nice-looking herself. They would have made some cute babies. Would have. But now? How long would Angie stay with him if he was disfigured? He hoped she loved him, but they hadn’t been together for years. Months, sure, but was that long to commit to someone through this? He didn’t know.

“Were you the one?” Angie asked.

“One what?” Jasper said.

“Who went in to save him?”

“I went in and pulled him out,” Jasper said. “But it doesn’t look like I saved him.”

“You did.” She kissed Daniel’s hand and held it tight while tears ran down her face. “Thank you. You risked your life to save him. I’ll always be grateful for that, no matter what happens.”

Jasper nodded. “He’s my friend. I wasn’t going to just let him die.”

“You’re a good man,” Angie said. She looked over at Fiona and gave her a weak smile. “You’re lucky to have a guy like that.”

“I know.” Fiona smiled across the room at him.

He didn’t deserve this praise, though. Not when Daniel was lying here like this. So close to death. If he would have gotten there sooner, would have found him and gotten them out faster, maybe things wouldn’t be so bad.

“Hey, man.” Aaron clapped him on the shoulder. “I can see you beating yourself up from across the room. Give it up. You did what you could. You ran into a burning building to pull him out. Plenty of people wouldn’t have done that. You didn’t set the fire. This is on Leo and the Rose Blades. And we made them pay today.”

Angie looked up at this. “You did? How?”

“We took them out,” Aaron said simply.

“Good.” Angie stroked part of Daniel’s cheek that was visible through the bandages and burned patches. “Hear that, baby? The Hawks got them. They took revenge on those assholes for you.”

“Yeah,” Jasper said. “But revenge won’t make him get better faster.” Nothing would, except a lot of time and hoping for the best. Jasper turned to Aaron. “You hear from Derrick or Alex?”

He nodded. “They’re taking Alex into surgery to remove the bullet. He’ll be okay, though. They said it was a clean shot. No shattered bones or anything like that.”

“Good. Do you know how it happened?”

“Not sure, but it was during the fight when you were dealing with Leo. A lot of shots back and forth. We got lucky.”

Jasper nodded and dropped his voice. “Did we leave any alive? Any get away?”

“Not that I know of. Unless some of them weren’t there at all. We took them all down. It’s amazing how unskilled those guys were. They must not have gone to the range very often.”

“That’s why weekly is my minimum requirement,” Jasper said, glad more than ever that he’d made that rule. It had seemed a little strong at first. Making every one of his guys practice shooting every single week. Some had complained at first. But they did it. And now they’d all seen why. It kept them sharp and practiced. He’d also made them try out different guns and get varied practice. You never knew when you’d be shooting a gun that wasn’t your own, and they needed to be skilled in all types and ready for anything.

“I don’t think anyone will ever question that again,” Aaron said. “Not that I ever did.”

Jasper laughed. “Surprised you don’t own a range by now.”

“If I had more land, I would.”

A text came in from Derrick.
Alex just got out of surgery. Everything’s looking good. Heading to see Daniel.

Me and Aaron are here now
, Jasper sent back.

A few minutes later, Derrick walked in. He took one look at Daniel and dropped his head. “So, no improvement?”

“Afraid not,” Aaron said.

Derrick came to stand beside them. “I don’t know what happened. We were all in the basement when the smoke started. He was in the bathroom, but the bathroom is right there. How did he not get out in time? It doesn’t make any sense.” Derrick shook his head. “He looks bad.”

“We all thought he was right behind us,” Aaron said. “Maybe he tripped or something? I’ve been trying to figure it out myself.”

“Alex even went back in. He said the bathroom was empty.” Derrick shook his head.

“That smoke was nuts,” Jasper said. “If I didn’t know my own house so well, I’d have gotten turned around. I almost did. I walk down there in the dark so often, though, I was able to figure out where I was. Maybe the smoke just got too much and he couldn’t see. They say that happens.”

Aaron and Derrick nodded and looked at Daniel’s lifeless body.

“He’s gotta wake up,” Derrick said.

Jasper’s phone buzzed with a text from Alex.
I’ll be okay. How’s Daniel?

He answered,
Hanging in there for now.

As they stood together, watching, there was a sudden loud and steady beep. It came from one of the machines hooked up to Daniel. On the heart monitor there was only a flat line.

Jasper looked at Aaron and Derrick in horror and his heart leapt to his throat. Seconds later, several nurses and doctors rushed in. They shoved them out of the way. The guys went to the other side of the room to stand with the women, since that side was closer to the door and had slightly more room. They stood close together, huddled in a watchful dismay, to give the medical staff space to work.

A nurse took out paddles, rubbed some goo on them, and pushed them against Daniel’s chest to shock him. His whole body jumped with the electricity. Jasper had to look away. He looked instead at Fiona. Her eyes were wild with fear. He heard the sounds of the machine booting up and they shocked him again. Several times, they tried. They worked and shouted commands back and forth. But after several minutes, they stopped. The room fell eerily quiet. He heard someone say, “Call it,” and he refused to think about what that meant.

It had all happened too fast. Just a minute ago, they were standing around his body. His still, but still alive body. Could they be done working on him already? They’d given up far too soon. There had to be more they could do. He looked from Aaron to Derrick. Did they agree? Did they think this was outrageous that the medical staff was done working already? How long had it been? A minute or two? They should give it at least a half hour. An hour even. This was his friend. Didn’t they know how important he was to them?

One of the doctors walked over to the group of onlookers. His face was tight, and sweat glistened on his forehead. “I’m sorry,” he said. “He’s passed.”

“What?” Jasper said. “You’re done working on him already? You gave up too soon!”

Jasper wanted to clock the guy. As if Aaron sensed this, he stepped closer to Jasper, to put himself between him and the doctor.

“I’m sorry. We did everything we could,” the doctor said. “But after forty minutes, there’s really nothing else we can do.”

Forty minutes? It hadn’t been anywhere near that long, had it? He looked at his phone. The text he’d sent to Alex, the one telling him Daniel was still hanging in there, said it was sent forty-five minutes ago. And that had been a very short time before Daniel’s heart had stopped.

So that was it. Daniel was really gone. They had worked on him for a long time. They’d done everything they could, but there was just so saving him.

He heard Angie screaming. Someone—Derrick, maybe?—went to her and caught her before she fell to the ground. Jasper saw nothing except Daniel’s body, lying still on the bed, hooked up to tubes and wires and not breathing at all. The flat line still ran across the heart rate monitor. A nurse pulled a sheet up over his face.

Jasper kept watching. Waiting for Daniel to sit up and throw the sheet back. Waiting for him to wake up and walk out of there.

Derrick got Angie out of the room. Fiona fell back into the chair, silent tears running down her face as she rocked Sophia back and forth. Aaron and Jasper looked at each other, both full of shock. They stared at each other for a long time, not saying anything. Not knowing what to say.

Daniel was really dead? Gone forever? It seemed impossible. Jasper had gone into the house to save him. He’d pulled him out of the fire. He couldn’t be dead. After all he’d gone through to make sure he lived. He had to wake up. There was no other option.

He looked at Daniel’s body again. The form under the sheet didn’t move. One of the nurses remained, unhooking things from him discreetly. When she was done, she went to them and said gently, “Why don’t you all go home and try to rest? There’ll be a lot to do in the next few days.”

Jasper nodded absently. But they couldn’t just leave. Just leave and Daniel would stay there? He’d never come home. He’d never get up and walk out of there.

Rage flared up in him for an instant, but it was quickly extinguished. They’d killed the guys responsible for this. They were all dead. They’d gotten their revenge already. Daniel’s death was avenged.

But knowing that did nothing to ease the pain he felt. Like he’d said before, their death wouldn’t undo Daniel’s, much as he wished it could. To think he’d never see Daniel again, sitting there in his Hawks jacket during one of their meetings. Beating the pants off everyone at darts. Drinking everyone under the table. Then puking his guts out later. He’d never see him zoom off on his obnoxious yellow bike. Never see him kiss Angie again. Had they planned to get married? Maybe they’d talked about it. Maybe Daniel was going to propose.

He tried to imagine what Angie was feeling right now. Probably the same way he’d feel if something had happened to Fiona. She was standing by his side. Her shoulder brushed against his. She leaned over and kissed his cheek.

He closed his eyes and felt a tear splash down his face. Daniel was really gone. And there was nothing else they could do for him now.

Jasper looked at Aaron. “Tell Alex. Tell the guys.”

Aaron nodded.

Jasper hugged him. A full-on hug, unlike their usual one-armed bro hug. It lasted several seconds longer, too. Then, when they’d separated, Jasper put his hand on Fiona’s back and guided her toward the door. Angie and Derrick were in the hall. Angie was slumped against Derrick, sobbing. Jasper bent and hugged her and Derrick.

“We’ll talk tomorrow,” Jasper said to them. “Angie, we’ll help you take care of everything. Try to get some rest tonight. Call me if you need anything.”

He and Fiona, who still held the sleeping Sophia, walked out of the hospital and to her car.

Chapter 16

The drive to her apartment was silent. Fiona didn’t know what to say to him. “Sorry” felt cheap and worthless. She hadn’t known Daniel, but he was Jasper’s friend. One of the guys in his MC. And they had obviously been fairly close. He meant something to Jasper. She reached over after a while and turned on the radio, keeping the volume very low.

He’d never said it, but Daniel must’ve been the guy he went in to save. Jasper had run into a burning building and suffered smoke inhalation and burns to save him. She could not imagine what he was feeling now. At least they’d taken care of Leo’s guys who were responsible. But that had to be little consolation. She’d never had a friend or anyone close to her die, but the pain she felt imagining Jasper’s pain was strong, and it was only a hint, a mere ghost of the pain that must be raging inside him right now.

All she wanted to do was find a way to make Jasper feel better. It likely wouldn’t even be possible, but she’d give it her best shot. She would comfort him any way she could, take care of him however she could. Help him however she could. Anything to lessen his pain. And really, in the end, all that she could do for him was give him time and space to grieve. And to just be there for him.

She reached over and took his hand, squeezing it as if to remind him that was still here. Was still grateful for him and wanted him and loved him. She would tell him soon. She’d thought at first that it was too soon. Who fell in love that quickly? But after all they’d been through, she had no other word to describe how she felt. Gratitude wasn’t enough. Longing and joy didn’t even cover it. There was only love. She loved him and she would spend her life loving him and giving him everything she could. If she could take his pain now, take it and absorb it and make it her own, she would.

She guessed she should be feeling something about Sam. She had married him. Been his wife for years. Had a child with him. But she didn’t feel loss. Every time she pictured his dead body, there was only relief. She didn’t have to run. Didn’t have to be afraid that he’d show up. Didn’t have to worry about him coming after her and dragging her back and making her be his again. She would never have to go back to that horrible life. Never. And her life with Jasper could start free and clear with no worry of retribution. No wondering what would happen if Sam showed up and found out she was with him. If that had happened, no doubt he would have tried to kill Jasper.

But she didn’t have to think about that anymore. Sam was gone. Gone forever. Dead. Burned up in that house. He couldn’t hurt her or Sophia or anyone else. Would Sophia be sad about it ever? Would she ever wonder about her dad and miss the chance to get to know him? She had asked that Jasper be her new daddy. Would that relationship be enough to erase what Sam had done? Could Jasper feel like a real father to her? Or would there always be something missing?

Fiona’s mind spun, but the thoughts were getting stuck together. She was so tired. She concentrated on staying awake to drive. Finally, they turned onto her street. Her apartment building had never looked so good. She parked and shut off the car. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. Her limbs were heavy and hard to move. But she pulled herself from the car and went around to open Sophia’s door.

Jasper was already there, though. He had unbuckled her and lifted Sophia out. Holding Sophia in his arm with his uninjured hand, he followed her to the building’s door and up the stairs and waited while she unlocked the door. Then he carried Sophia to her room.

Fiona pulled back the covers, and he laid her gently down. Fiona pulled off her shoes and made sure Cuddles was tucked tight to her chest. Then she kissed her forehead and pulled up the blanket before leaving the room.

When they were alone in the hallway, Jasper drew her close. He held her for a long time, saying nothing. Then he kissed her for a long time.

“Fiona.” He looked into her eyes, his glimmering with tears. “I love you.”

Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to speak. He put a finger to her lips, keeping her quiet while he talked.

“I know it seems fast, but I’ve never felt like this about anyone. I want to be with you always. You bring me comfort and joy. Nothing feels as good as just being in your presence. I’m sorry about everything that happed the other day. That feels like months ago. But I’m sorry for the things I said to you. I know you think I’m violent and I guess this whole day didn’t help at all, but I just want to love you and protect you. Leo’s gone now and his MC is gone. I’m not normally this violent. Let me show you that I’m not like Sam. Let me prove it to you.”

He caressed her cheek with his good hand, his injured hand resting gently at her back. His eyes were wild with emotion.

She closed her eyes for moment, then took a breath and opened them. “It’s kind of funny, actually, that you would say that.” She paused to kiss him. “I was just thinking earlier that I wanted to tell you that I love you, but I thought you’d think it was too soon. I do, though. I love you. I never should have assumed you were like Sam just because you have an MC. You’re nothing like him. I know that now. I’m sorry we had to go through all this before I could see it.”

Jasper’s mouth stretched into a slow smile. “Really? You really love me?”

“I really do.” She giggled and kissed him again.

“You make me so happy.” He wrapped her in a tight hug. “I never want to let you get out of these arms again.”

“Then don’t. Please don’t.”

“But what about everything you said? I want to make sure this isn’t just the high after the fight, you know?” He pulled back so he could look her in the eye. “Is my lifestyle too violent and too illegal for you?”

Fiona let out a long sigh. “Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Obviously, I’m not happy that you steal and do unethical and illegal things for money. But, Sophia and I lived off Sam’s money for years and nothing he did was legal, so I guess I figure, how can I complain when clearly it didn’t matter to me before?”

“Wait a second. If it bothers you, I want to know. Don’t just say you don’t have a right to complain and brush it off. You have a right to be bothered by it.”

“Okay.” She looked away from him for a moment, then looked back once she had gathered her thoughts. “I guess it does bother me. But if it’s not something you can change, I can live with it.”

Jasper pulled his mouth to the side in thought. “I wouldn’t say that it couldn’t be changed. I just don’t know how easily. And it would likely mean a lot less money.”

“I know. And I think that’s part of the reason I was okay with Sam doing it. When I figured out the difference he would make, we couldn’t afford to live our lifestyle. I hate to say that, though, and it feels really wrong to say it. Sophia and I don’t need a ton of money. We had that and it wasn’t worth it. I’d rather have less than have to worry about you going to jail all the time. And that’s really the biggest problem. What if you get caught? What am I going to do if you go to jail for a long time?”

He wove his fingers between hers and let their hands swing back and forth. “I never had a reason to worry about that before. When it was just me, it didn’t matter much if I got locked up. I’d make bail, get a lawyer, and be done with it. But if we have a family…it would kill me to leave you alone like that. With no income and no one to protect you.”

“And not to mention no you. The worst part would be being without you every day.”

He smiled and kissed her. “You make me want to go straight. And no one has ever made me want that before. It might not be fast, and I might not cut all activity right away, but I’ll work on it. I want to be able to provide for you and keep you safe. And I can’t do either if I’m locked up.”

“I want you to be happy, though. I’d hate to see you get a job you can’t stand and be miserable all the time and hate me for it.”

“No.” He shook his head. “If I’m with you, it’ll all be worth it. And I’d be doing it for our family. How could I ever regret that?”

“Our family,” she repeated, and smiled.

Was he really so ready to take care of her and Sophia like that? Really ready to be a father to Sophia? She didn’t have one at all now. The thought made Fiona a tiny bit sad, despite knowing how terrible of a father Sam had been and how desperately Fiona had worked to get her away from him. Sophia’s father was dead. He had no chance now to change and become a better man. He couldn’t come back into her life at a later time and get to know her. She would forget him. She would never really know her father.

But, for whatever bitterness that brought, the sweetness was in knowing that he couldn’t hurt her. Having a father who hit you and put a gun to your head wasn’t worth having at all. Sophia didn’t need someone who would endanger her. Who might have come into her life later and destroyed it. Who might have caused problems or made moves to take her from her mother somehow. They never had to worry about him getting in the way and messing up their happy life. And that made it all worth it.

She didn’t regret it all. Killing Sam hadn’t been easy, but she’d wanted to do it for so long, it felt natural when she pulled the trigger. She’d finally fought back. For all the years she took his crap—his harsh words, his controlling nature, his physical violence, his roughness in bed—she’d finally stepped up and said “no” once and for all. He could never hurt her or anyone else.

If Fiona had found out he had a new wife, she would be devastated. Certainly not out of any sort of jealousy. But in knowing that he was doing it again. Treating someone else like he’d treated her. Knowing that maybe she could have done something to stop it. Called the police on him, stood up to him, anything to keep him from repeating his pattern. Well, now she had. He would never be able to do another person damage in any way.

“I think I get it now,” she said.

Jasper had been holding her close, rubbing her back and swaying side to side gently. Just enjoying each other’s closeness. Now he straightened up to look at her again. “Get what?”

“Why you fight. I guess I always thought it was just a macho thing. You or anyone who gets into a fight has to show their power, prove they’re the bigger man. But it’s so much more than that. That whole fight today was so mixed up in so many things. Leo attacking you, Leo getting mad that you stole business from him in the first place, then them taking Sophia and me and the whole Sam thing. You don’t just fight to win; you fight for a purpose. To set the wrong thing right again.” She nodded slowly. “I never saw it like that. I guess because with Sam, I always tried to be right and do everything right that it felt like he only threw his weight and power around because he could—”

“He did. That’s a totally different thing than a street fight or an MC fight.”

“Exactly. That’s my point. You’re not like that. I might have said I didn’t like that you fought all the time because MCs tend to do that, but it’s not like you just fight for no reason. You were standing up for yourself and your guys, and you were getting back at them for the kidnappings and the fire and for trying to kill you. You were trying to set the wrongs right. And I get it now.”

“So, what does that mean?”

“It means that it doesn’t bother me like it did before. I want to learn. I want to be able to shoot and know how to use a gun. I want to be able to fight and defend myself. Maybe if I could fight, something would have been different. Maybe I would have gotten Sophia away from them and maybe I could have turned the gun on the gunman who came after me in the parking lot of my apartment the other day. I don’t know. Maybe not. Maybe it wouldn’t change anything, but I’ll feel a lot better knowing that I have the ability to defend myself and Sophia in case I ever have to.”

“I sure hope you don’t ever have to. I never want anything like that to happen again. But, I’d love to teach you to shoot and fight. There’s nothing wrong with being able to defend yourself and not needing to. But if you need it and don’t have the training, that’s when you get into trouble.”

“Right.” She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. “Everything feels so perfect right now.”

“It does. It is.”

Her mind drifted to Daniel, though. And she knew Jasper still had to be hurting badly. It was so fresh and new. He hadn’t even started grieving yet. He could be in shock and maybe he didn’t even start to process his feelings about it. But, wherever he was, that was one thing in their lives that was far from perfect.