Never Have I Ever (23 page)

I tore it in half, the paper shredding with ease in one satisfying flick of my wrist. Before I could follow through with my thoughts to discard it, I jotted down Ethan’s address onto a new envelope.

On the back of one half of the check I wrote,
All due respect…
and on the back of the other half the message was completed,
I don’t measure the character of a person based on the contents of their wallet.

I sealed the pieces in the new envelope, slapped a stamp on it, and took it post haste to the drop box by the front office to see it off.

Fancy that, my mind had been made up.

Between the nine hour time differential, the looming dread of three exams that plainly meant the difference between my success and failure in my professional life, my PMS, and Noah’s meetings, we barely spoke over the course of the next week. In all actuality the lack of conversation was probably for the best. Had we any amount of time on the phone together it may very well have ended in me flipping out and curling into a tight ball on my bed with a king-sized bag of M&M’s while I clutched my cat to me until she suffocated from the attention and lamenting my choice of becoming a fucking scientist in the first place.

AAGGH!! FINALS!

Upon reexamination of that thought, it might have been better if I’d spoken to Noah. Maybe he could’ve calmed my ass down. Anya was certainly failing in her duty as my best friend through it all. She told me that one of her other psych-related friends needed help cramming and she’d rather spend the time on tutoring someone in her field than attempting to wrap her brain around physics flash cards. It didn’t matter in the end. I wasn’t setting myself up for failure. Rather, I was stressed just enough so that the pressure was on hard. As it turned out, the pressure would make me work more efficiently. I knew what I was doing; I just had to convince myself that I was capable of winning.

At his request, before and after each final I sent a text to Noah. This was practically the only interaction we had with one another. He responded with words of encouragement, saying he believed in me, saying not to fret over it and only focus on what I could control. What I could control was the knowledge packed in my brain.
So many thoughts.
Too many to keep inside my head.
They spilled out of me in the form of short essays and multiple choice sheets, but when they left my hand to crawl across the pages of test papers they turned right around and crammed themselves back into my mind.

That was how it should’ve been, though. I didn’t study the material only to regurgitate what I learned onto an exam and forget it. It was supposed to stay in my brain. And it did just that. For six hours over the course of five days I looked forward to reading the next text message I received from him, just to hear once more that he knew I could pass this with flying colors.

Nobody ever told me that they believed in me before.
Literally.
Nobody.
Not once. Not my dad or my mom, not my teachers or my friends. Nobody in the history of existence ever told me; in text, over the phone, or to my face that they believed in me.
Nobody, except for Noah.
Those words appearing over the screen of a smart phone warmed my heart.

When my last test was over, I sent my final text to Noah:
Mission Accomplished
.

And then I prayed.

***

Tannigan’s was a local college pub in downtown Pasadena where my small circle of friends gathered on a regular basis back when everyone was still in school. It was there that Declan, not Anya for once, demanded we all go to celebrate my success and the imminent delivery of my Master’s degree the next week. He, of course, had an ulterior motive. There were three other friends of his—newly obtained girlfriend Sarah among them—who also happened to receive the good news that they passed all of their courses and would be graduating with their Bachelor’s, Master’s, and Doctorates, respectively.

Sharing in our triumph happened to make sense. It was much easier to have one final get-together rather than have poor Declan bounce around to four separate places in the end. Also, I liked Sarah, and it turned out that one of the friends Declan invited was in half a dozen classes of mine at Caltech over the past couple years. Another great leap in the world of Piper was that I finally had the breathing room to take notice of this new acquaintance, Chloe, and make her into a new friend.

I considered that progress for this introvert!

We decided that Thursday would be best for our celebration in hopes to avoid the real party crowds which seemed to congregate on Friday and Saturday nights. Our parties were low-key by comparison.

Declan reserved the back room of the pub and we squished three tables end-to-end in a row so we could seat more people together. He had insisted that I ride with him so that I could, in his words, “Get sufficiently fucked up,” and not worry about a ride home.

The bar area was mostly polished wood that gave off a homey, smoky atmosphere between the four hundred dollar neon signs advertizing three dollar beers and forty inch LCD televisions broadcasting various sports and news stations. For the time being the patronage was scarce and thus I was able to make out The Killers playing on the alternative rock station for once over the noise of the people.

I sat towards the end of the table, beside Chloe and across from Anya. No one was sitting to my right at the head of the table, though Declan had made it a point to take charge and claim a seat at the other end just to feel like he could emcee the whole thing.

Since my period ended I went back to Noah’s original demand that I use the toys. Thursday was an off day. Only the vibe was in place. It was on its lowest setting but it still made me self-conscious.
And randy.
Especially in a skirt.
Though I was used to the feeling of the soft vibrations in me it still frustrated me since I hadn’t been allowed to come at all. One small point of relief came in the form of cushioned chairs. Otherwise, the wood would’ve been the death of me. Everyone would’ve noticed the buzzing against it.

I hadn’t heard from him in two days. It began to worry me. I found myself staring down at my phone on more than one occasion, wondering if I should try to call him. It was after eight o’clock in California which meant it was nearly dawn in France. I decided to send a simple text:
Sorry if this wakes you. Just wanted you to know I wish you were here
.

“That’s the eighth time you’ve checked your phone in fifteen minutes,” Anya teased from across the table. “It has a ringtone for a reason.”

I looked up at her and darkened the screen. “You’re right. Sorry.”

She sighed and bit the straw in her Mojito. Through partially closed teeth she said, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder, huh?”

“Longest.
Three.
Weeks.
Ever
,” I groaned. “And it’s not over yet. He’s not due back until Monday.”

Anya laughed. The air pressurized through the straw and sent her drink bubbling for a second. “You’re so cute when you’re smitten.”

“Shut up and get drunk,” I chided. I raised my glass of Jack and Coke towards her.

“Cheers to that, lady!”

As we touched glasses someone said, “Is there room for one more?”

That was Noah’s voice. When I looked up, he was standing in the doorway to my right with one hand in his pocket. He wore a scaled-down version of a suit, only the tie and jacket were missing. The top two buttons on his red shirt were undone. He also looked completely disheveled from jetlag which led me to believe he arrived fresh off the plane.

On seeing my face light up, he smiled.
“Surprise.”

“Holy shit,” said a disbelieving Anya.

“You’re back!” I rushed from the table, the chair scraping out in protest as I cast it aside to run to him. I had to almost stand on the tips of my toes to wrap my arms around his neck and held on as tight as I could. Noah was not overly tall, but at two inches or so under six feet it was still a bit of a reach for my five foot five frame.

He exhaled as if every problem in the world just released its collective grasp on him as he held me close. “I missed you, sweetness,” he whispered.

“I missed you too, Sir,” I replied.

After he released me, Noah pulled his phone from his pocket. “Oh, hey, look at that,” he said. He flipped the screen around to me so I could see my last text to him. “Wish granted.”

I grinned. “Not that I’m complaining, but you’re four days early. What happened?”

“Let’s just say I had an incredible incentive to maximize my productivity in the least amount of time possible.”

Suddenly Declan was beside us. “That’s Noah Code for ‘I worked my ass off and got no sleep for you’ you know.”

I reached over and gave his arm a light smack. “Yeah Declan, I got that.”

“Glad you could make it, man.”

“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” Noah said. He was staring straight at me.

I pointed back and forth between them. “So you two planned this, huh?”

Declan failed at looking innocent as he poorly denied the accusation, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Right.”

He clapped his hands together once for emphasis. “Well! Now that everyone’s here we can finally get this party started.”

“I have a bad feeling about those words,” Noah cautioned.

“Next round’s on me, dude.”

“In that case,” Noah stepped out of the doorway and flared his arm out towards the bar.
“After you.”

“Thought as much!”

Once Declan had gone I looked back to Noah. “You look like death warmed over.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Is it that obvious?”

“Afraid so.
Shouldn’t you go home and get some sleep?”

“If I do that I won’t hear the end of it from him. Besides, I came back early to see you and that is exactly what I intend to do.” He kissed my forehead. “Right after I help Declan with his arsenal of alcohol.
Back in a minute.”

“Yes, Sir,” I replied with a smile.

While I finished off my Jack and Coke, the men gathered up another round of drinks to toast with. Declan stood at the head of the table and raised his glass to make his speech about how proud he was of his friends and that, once all of us were rich and famous doctors and lawyers and scientists, he hoped we didn’t forget him. Not that that was possible; Declan was not an easily forgettable guy. I also wasn’t planning on leaving California in the near future for an extended period of time, so at least he didn’t have to worry about me abandoning him. Sarah also seemed content in the greater L.A. area. Plus Declan and Sarah were shaping up to be a very cute couple however casual Declan appeared to seem about it.

The toast concluded and the drinking was complimented by a series of tavern food consisting of all the most innutritious food one could possibly fathom. Fish n’ Chips, fried pickles, mini burgers and Buffalo wings were among the fattening delights. I was so guilty half way through the meal that I resolved to eat nothing but salad for the rest of the week. When I accosted Declan about his choice in food, he tried to claim that pickles were at least a vegetable, to which I quickly asserted that after something is fried it loses all points in the It’s Healthy For You column.

Tonight was not a night that I wanted to drink to the extent that Declan wished of me. Since Noah returned early, I had a strong suspicion he would want to spend some quality time together. I know I did. I hoped he was not too tired to, anyhow. The way he kept eyeing me all evening in the lulls between conversations and healthy banter amongst the group led me to believe he was of a similar school of thought. I wasn’t about to let the haze of a drunken stupor hinder my enjoyment of the night.

Come midnight everyone began to call it quits. Even Sarah bailed on us early. She had an interview with a law firm in downtown L.A. the next morning. Early on both Noah and I had switched from alcohol to water and iced tea. We chatted with Declan, Anya and Chloe until last call.

We said our goodbyes outside the pub and when Noah offered to take me with him I of course agreed.

As we meandered towards the parking garage where he left his car, I asked, “You’re good to drive right?”

“Oh I’m fine. Didn’t you notice my two drink maximum considering I’ve had grand total of five hours of sleep in two days?” He gave a short laugh and added suggestively, “Not that I’m planning on getting much sleep tonight, either.”

“It’s the lack of sleep I’m more concerned about.”

“When you’re in the car I will take every precaution to keep you safe. If I wasn’t fine to drive I wouldn’t.”

That was not the case upon our first meeting, though I didn’t bring that particular aspect up. I berated myself for letting him drive me that night now. Not that I wasn’t grateful for what it turned into, but had I been in possession of all of my faculties at the time I never would’ve allowed it to happen as neither of us was in any condition to drive back then.