Never Let Go (Devil's Chariots Motorcycle Club Book 2) (5 page)

CHAPTER SIX

“What do you mean left?” Bethany was standing in the kitchen waiting on the coffee to finish brewing.

Johnny sat across the room on a stool. She never really had people hanging out in the kitchen, so her seating wasn't very comfortable. He looked miserable—partly from his seating, but partly from something else she couldn't quite put her finger on.

“I just left. I packed a bag and walked out of the room. Got on my bike. Here I am,” he answered in a somewhat serious and somewhat sarcastic tone.

“You make it sound like you broke out of prison,” Beth laughed, as she added some sugar and cream to his coffee.

Johnny watched her and wondered how she remembered such small details about him and his preferences. It was as if they'd known each other their whole lives and she'd always been making him coffee.

“No,” he replied as he took the cup. “But I wasn't supposed to leave.” He finished and took a sip of the liquid, wishing it contained enough alcohol to tell her all that he needed to say.

Beth skipped the coffee for herself. She opted for some water and a couple of crackers. Johnny was acting funny. She couldn't help but wonder if maybe she'd scared him. Damn, she didn't realize how fucking crazy the sexual frustration was making her.

Now that he'd given her what she wanted, her body reminded her of it. She was sore and unable to decide if she'd be able to do that again anytime soon. Man her desires had really gotten the best of her, and a small part of her was slightly embarrassed at the way she'd insisted on sex before they could even say hi.

“Why not?” she asked and sat across from him, waiting patiently on him to give her an answer that made sense.

***

Johnny watched her and tried to make the words form on his lips. How was he supposed to tell her that he'd been forbidden to be around her? How was he supposed to tell her that he'd chosen the club? Most of all, how could he tell her that he was madly in love with her and wanted to be a family with her and the baby she'd created with his best friend?

“I had a job to do,” he answered nonchalantly.

“Naturally,” she replied with an eye roll. “But that doesn't mean you can't come visit me, right?”

Johnny hesitated. He didn't want to lie to her. Hell, he couldn't lie to her. He loved her. He respected her. But the truth? That was a bit much.

“Actually, it does,” he said quickly.

“Oh,” she commented. “I see.”

“I'm not supposed to be here, Beth,” Johnny admitted against his better judgment. “I've been forbidden to be here. So, I left. But I came back…because...”

“Forbidden? By this group of people that really means nothing? And yet you did what they asked?”

Her words cut to the bone. He knew she didn't get it, but to say they mean nothing was a bit much.

“They mean a lot. They are my family,” he said, his voice rising slightly. “And yes, I did. To save us all trouble.”

“Then, why aren't you there?” she asked the question that was hard to answer.

“Because…” he paused. Should he tell her? Would it be weird? “I couldn't stop thinking about you.” He left it at that.

Unfortunately, Beth didn't. “Thinking what?”

***

Beth watched him fidget and squirm. What the hell? She was sick of him dancing around all of these subjects. At some point, he was going to have to just let it out. He needed to tell her what the hell he was talking about. Her emotions couldn't take any more of the roller coaster that he was creating.

It amazed her that she was even in this position. Here she was in her kitchen, pregnant with the child of a man who was standing in this kitchen with her less than a year ago and waiting on his best friend to tell her if he loved her or not. It was a crazy situation, and she often wondered how the hell she even let it go to this point.

“If you were okay,” Johnny said, and Beth felt her heart drop.

“If I wasn't, it would be too late by now wouldn't it?” she asked in an angry tone. “Guess you know now.”

With that Beth turned and walked out of the kitchen. She didn't need anything else. He'd told her all she needed to know.

***

Johnny was stunned. She'd just walked away. She was pissed, but why? What had he done wrong?

Getting up, he followed her into the living room. It was obvious she wanted no part of him at that moment. She'd even sat across the room in her recliner rather than on the sofa where they normally sat together. How the fuck did she go from what they'd just done earlier to refusing to look at him? Women were definitely confusing to him.

“Did I say something wrong?” he asked, as he took his place on the sofa.

“No,” she snapped. “I'm fine.”

And there it was, he thought to himself. The same answer every woman gave when she was absolutely not fine. The problem was that Johnny had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do. Women had never been something he'd handled well. The honest truth was that—outside of the bedroom—he failed miserably at the subject of women.

That's one of the reasons he'd stayed single all those years. What the fuck was the point in getting involved with someone just so that he could end up screwing it all up? And when it came to this stuff...he was destined to do that.

“Ok,” he replied knowing that her answer was bullshit.

“Ok,” she responded, and they sat in silence.

***

This was what upset Beth the most. He acted like he cared. He went as far as asking if she was okay. Then, he just dropped it. So, in reality, he didn't care as much as he said he did. If Johnny cared about her the way she cared about him, he wouldn't just sit there quietly knowing she was upset. And he had to know she was.

“I don't know what to say.” His voice brought her out of her silent rant.

“About what?” Beth asked with sincerity.

“Anything. I know I've upset you, but I'm not sure how. And I want to fix it. But I don't know how. I feel lost and confused,” he said more than he'd said since he arrived.

“There's nothing you can do,” she sighed.

“Oh.” With that, they went back to the silence, and he became even more confused.

Beth just hurt. Deep inside. For the man she'd loved and lost. For the man she'd loved and never had. For the baby that wouldn't understand any of it. She was just sad. And hurt.

***

“I was thinking about how beautiful you are. I was wondering if you and the baby were okay. I was afraid I'd never see you again. I was thinking about how much I wanted to be here and help you through morning sickness and run to the store to get you pickles and ice cream. I was thinking about how the best part of my entire life was the part I spent here with you, and I walked away from that because of people who were supposed to love and support me. I was thinking that if I didn't come and see you and tell you all of this that I'd regret it for the rest of my life,” Johnny's words came fast and furiously, surprising Beth. “Like I said, I was thinking about you.”

He watched her face for signs. Anything that said he hadn't just fucked up. Big time. She didn't seem to show much. Hell, she didn't move. It was almost as if she was frozen in the position she sat in, facing the window and not him.

Johnny began to think the worst. He'd just poured his heart out to the widow of his best friend. What if he'd read her wrong? What if she was just having a little fun? God, he was stupid. He may have just totally ruined their friendship.

She was not looking at him. No matter how long he watched, she continued to stare into empty space. It was frustrating, and all he wanted was to see her face and read her emotions.

“Beth?” he asked hesitantly. He was almost afraid.

Slowly, she turned her face towards his, and he saw the glisten of tears, as they dropped from her eyes, down her cheeks, and onto her lips.

“Yes?”

***

Beth didn't want to look at him. She didn't want him to see the tears she was crying. Tears of joy blended with tears of sadness. She didn’t want him to see her weak. Vulnerable.

“Did I just ruin everything?” His question threw her.

“Ruin?” she asked with shock.

It completely astounded her that Johnny would think what he'd just said could have ruined anything. How on earth could something so sweet be the end of anything? She wanted to hold him and tell him how much he meant to her. However, she didn't want him to know how very much he could get to her. That was how people got hurt and how they ended up with dead husbands.

“Our friendship,” he said, as if that was explanation enough.

“No,” she understood and answered.

“I just…” The words stalled mid-air.

“I know,” she replied.

The truth was she did know. He wanted her to understand his feelings. He wanted her. Period. Johnny wanted her.

Beth felt as though she couldn't breathe. The realization of what was going on was beginning to hit her. All of it at once. Her husband was gone. She was pregnant. She was in love with his best friend. The motorcycle club they had both belonged to had forbidden the relationship. He decided he didn't care.

What the hell had she gotten herself into?

CHAPTER SEVEN

"So what now?” Chris asked, hoping that the answer he received didn't upset him.

“We aren't really prepared for this kinda thing,” Aaron stated. He was pacing again.

Aaron didn't like pacing over Johnny once, let alone as many times as he'd ended up doing just that. This situation was getting out of control. There was a small part of him that felt bad for the guy. He knew what love felt like. However, he knew honor as well.

Something told him that if Dan were around, he wouldn't welcome his best friend and brother's advances towards his old lady. But then again, Dan wasn't here. Maybe he would have wanted her with someone like Johnny—even though Aaron had firmly believed that Johnny would never settle on any one woman. Maybe that's why he felt so bad for the guy—because it was such an unexpected thing.

“Well, something needs to happen,” one of the guys snapped.

Aaron was so tired that he'd stopped even trying to figure out who was speaking. It was far too late for this shit to be taking up his time.

“Maybe we should just let them,” Chris began, but he was shut down automatically.

The club was against the idea and most of them looked like they weren’t going to budge in their opinions. Chris really wished he was good with words. He wanted nothing more than to be able to convince the rest of his brothers that this may not be such a bad thing.

Chris had seen the way Beth and Johnny looked at each other. He wanted to be able to help them. When he thought about it, he knew that the honor thing was important. Given their lives and their jobs, it was important to have that code of honor. He knew without a doubt he'd kill a brother for looking twice at his old lady if he had one; but, this situation was different.

These two didn't set out to do anything—and the husband was gone. He wasn't coming back. How could the club play God? How could they decide who was and wasn't allowed to fall in love? Or were they going to assume Beth would never be with anyone else?

They made him nervous. He was still so new and fresh under the collar, trying to prove himself to all of them. When he tried to sway them in any direction, he ended up stuttering and not being able to make his point. It ruined what little credibility he had already earned; so, he preferred to stay out of it.

“We need to go there,” Stan said.

In Stan's mind, this shit was just getting old. He didn't want to fuck around anymore. He was ready to confront Johnny the way it should be done and would have been done back when things were how they were supposed to be. Forget his pansy ass brothers like Chris. They didn't belong here. They belonged with those pansy ass clubs that got together for brunch on Sundays. Fuck them all.

“I'm not sure that it's the right time,” Aaron said.

“When the fuck is the right time? We gonna wait ‘til he wifes her ass? She'll be his and Dan's old lady at the same fucking time.” Stan was pissed, and he was going to make sure something happened.

“Maybe not at the home of a widow in the middle of the night?” Aaron used sarcasm to make his point.

“No, we just let our brothers do that alone,” Stan retorted and walked over to a table away from the group. Stan began to wonder if maybe he should take care of the problem all by himself. Problem was they'd make him pay for breaking an oath, but that slimy sack of shit could make plays on his brother's old lady and nobody gave a fuck. Those priorities were all sorts of fucked up. Honoring a brother should be far more important. If they tried to pull that whole Johnny is also a brother bit, Stan was likely to punch one of them.

Aaron caught the comment before Stan stepped aside. He knew that many of them were pissed off. Hell, sometimes he was pissed off. Johnny just kept throwing his hands up at the club and all that they stood for. He acted as though their beliefs and rules and oaths were nothing—as if his brotherhood and relationship with Dan meant nothing.

However, Aaron had seen the look in his eyes. He didn't mean it to be this way. It just happened to him, and he wasn't sure what to do about it. Hell, they had to give him some credit for trying. He'd went when they sent him. No goodbyes. No nothing.

Obviously that hadn't worked because he opted to come back, which meant that there wasn't a lot they could really do about any of it. Nothing he'd want to do anyway.

“Any ideas?” Aaron asked and waited.

***

Johnny paced. Beth had fallen asleep on the recliner. She barely looked at him, but she assured him that everything was fine. How the hell is it fine if a person can't look at another person?

He couldn't really think about that at that moment. He knew the club knew by now that he was gone. They'd assume this was where he went. So it was only a matter of time before they came here to confront him. Then what? What were they going to do now that he'd disobeyed them and bailed on a job to boot?

They were going to be livid and would feel betrayed. Plus, they would speculate that Johnny had betrayed his brother and best friend in the worst possible way. On top of that, he had bailed on an important job. One they'd trusted him with, even with their skepticism of his loyalty. That alone would create a chaos he didn't want or need. However, being in the home with Dan's old lady when he wasn't supposed to be...it would change things in a way Johnny wasn't sure he was ready for.

Beth moaned slightly, as she twisted around in the chair. He wanted to go to her and wrap his arms around her, but she seemed to need her space in that moment; so, he was leaving her alone. However, he wanted to feel her in his arms. He needed that—before the family he had always known decided to show him the consequences of doing so.

***

“He will be expecting it,” Aaron stated, hoping that the guys would listen and not insist on going.

“I don't give a damn what he's expecting. He should be expecting it,” Stan yelled.

“We will go.” Phil settled the debate.

Since he was treated as leader, it made sense that his say would be final. No one, not even Aaron, argued. The matter was settled, and they were going to head over to Bethany's and handle the situation.

“Finally, someone with common sense.” Stan snorted, as he faked a laugh.

“We will go in the morning,” Phil stated. “Not tonight.” Everyone looked at him, and he nodded. “It's the middle of the night. Our bikes would draw attention and cause Bethany further problems if neighbors worried or complained. We don't want harm for a brother's widow—no matter who may be in her home at the moment,” Phil explained and saw everyone agree silently.

Aaron watched facial expressions, as they nodded in agreement with their leader, and he wondered why he'd never been able to garner that kind of respect. The guys liked him alright, but they certainly didn't bend to his wishes.

“Sure. Let's worry about the whore,” Stan smirked and turned to walk away.

“Stan!” Phil caught him before he got very far.

“Yes?” he asked, turning on his heels.

“We respect our brothers, including fallen ones,” Phil stated. “There will be no name calling of Dan's old lady.” With that, Phil turned and left the room, stating that they were to meet at 8 a.m. in the parking lot.

***

Noise. He heard noise. It was enough to startle him awake, but not enough for him to identify it once he was. However, there was something about it that started the rapid heartbeat. He felt the sweat bead against his forehead. A dull roar. One that was muffled, but seemed to be increasing in sound.

It took him a minute to adjust to the being awake part and realize where he was and what was going on. Beth's. He had apparently fallen asleep on the couch himself. She was still sleeping. The sun was shining, but dimly. It was early, but Johnny couldn't quite pinpoint a time. He knew that he'd been sitting there about five in the morning, contemplating wrapping his arms around Beth. But how long had he been out?

Bikes. It was the sound of bikes. Not just one or two bikes, but a lot of them. They were coming. The club was coming to find him and confront him. At her fucking house. He wasn't ready, and he certainly didn't know how the fuck he was going to wake Beth up to tell her that she was being invaded by a motorcycle club.