Never Let Go (Devil's Chariots Motorcycle Club Book 2) (2 page)

At the same time, he couldn't imagine not being by her side. He didn't want to be somewhere else when she would so obviously need someone to be there. Johnny knew the guys would take care of her, but it wasn't the same as loving her—not the way he did.

Realizing he'd admitted to himself that he loved her, he nodded at the guys. “Good idea. That way I can get back to taking care of jobs.”

“That was our thought,” Aaron said quickly. “We will just leave you off of the rotation for a while. You've done plenty,” he finished.

Johnny felt his heart drop, as he looked up at his brothers. He wanted to argue. Inside, he felt like he was going to cry. They were going to completely remove him from Beth's life for a while—most likely long enough for both of them to move on.

His breath caught in his throat, as he nodded. “It'll be nice to get away from here,” he lied.

***

Aaron watched Johnny as he talked to them. He was speaking as though he were in full agreement with the club about how to handle things. However, Aaron knew better. He watched the color lighten in Johnny's face, and his hands were almost shaking as he stood there. No matter what words were coming out of Johnny's mouth, he was extremely upset about the decision of the club. This could be a serious problem. Because in the end, his emotion would control his actions, and it was going to cause trouble between the brothers as they battled over how to handle a scenario they weren't prepared for.

CHAPTER TWO

Johnny sat on his bed in complete silence. He knew that he should be doing something, anything, but he couldn't seem to make himself move. His thoughts were overwhelming him. Actually, if he were honest with himself it wasn't the thoughts he had to worry about—but the feelings.

He knew he could go down to the clubhouse and grab a club girl. They could have some fun for a while and maybe it would distract him from the problems he was facing. Johnny’s problem was that he had no interest in them. He wanted to be at the hospital. He wanted to sit with Beth and make sure that she was okay.

The doctors were talking about releasing her soon—maybe within the next day or so—which was part of the problem in his mind. The club had taken up shifts at the hospital and in doing so had given him some “much needed rest” according to his brothers. Johnny knew better. They were making sure that he was nowhere near the woman he so desperately wanted to be near.

Once she was released, he would be expected to leave. Take a job. Head out. He could come back here and there between jobs. Check in. Make sure all was okay. But Johnny wasn't an idiot. He knew there would be very few times that he would have a moment to stop in. The club would make sure of that. He wouldn't have the chance to bond with the baby or bond any further with Beth.

In his mind, he knew that it was for the best. What the fuck was he supposed to do anyway? Get a real job? Marry his best friend's widow? Raise his kid? Pay for a mortgage and a car and diapers? He had to get real. There was nothing about any of those things that had ever appealed to him. He was a rambling man. He was a loner, needing to be out on the road with tough jobs and dangerous women.

However, his heart wouldn't listen. Everything inside of him wanted to be there with her. He wanted to help with the baby and hold Beth's hand through everything she would face.

“FUCK!” he screamed at the walls around him.

Johnny didn't know what to do other than sit and wait until it was time to leave. However, the tear he felt slide down his cheek told him that this was one thing that wasn't going to be as simple as it should be.

***

“I don't give a fuck,” Stan announced in response to what his brother had just shared.

The club had gathered for a meeting. A private one. They had something serious to discuss and that meant secrecy. It had been a mandatory meeting for everyone, and all who had been told had shown up. Chris wasn't in attendance because it was his shift at the hospital, which was far from coincidental. Johnny also wasn't there because he had not been told about the meeting.

Phil had called the meeting after a brief chat with Aaron. The two of them were the longest running brothers in the club, and they were very set on making sure that the oaths that were taken continued to be upheld. However, even Phil had to admit that this was a unique situation. He'd been in the club for most of his forty-three years of life, and he'd never encountered anything like this.

Not that he hadn't seen brothers betray each other. Hell, before he'd even turned twenty-one he'd seen an old brother, Nate, have an affair with a brother's old lady when he was in the hospital in a coma. Naturally, Nate had been made to pay the price for his bad choices.

The problem that Phil saw now was the fact that Johnny wasn't like that. Hell, Johnny had never even looked twice at a brother's old lady. He'd been in the club since he was a young teenager, and he'd idolized Dan. They were more than brothers. They were best friends.

Phil had learned to read people and could often tell what was up. That was why he wanted to have this fucking meeting. Because he knew Johnny. He knew Johnny wasn't just fucking with a newly available woman. He wasn't playing games or trying to get his rocks off.

That boy loved her. He hadn't said it. Hell, Phil would bet his own balls that Johnny hadn't even admitted it to himself; but, he did. And that is where this became a big problem.

Shaking his head, Phil listened to the guys argue for a minute. It took him back to when he joined the club at fifteen. That was thirty fucking years ago. Times were much simpler in those days. Once a brother joined the club, the rules were clear. They did jobs. They fucked around with club girls. Once in a while one of them would claim an old lady. However, there weren't all these different complications.

Phil had only been in the club for about three months when he'd had his first taste of the club girls. Hell, that bitch had shown him things he thought were only fantasy. He remembered the way he thought that night. Fuck his family. Fuck the people who had given him away. Fuck ‘em all. He could be whatever he fucking wanted to be. Now, here he was, watching the club he loved battle between the softer side of the new generation and the tougher side that had been around the block several times.

Truth was, even he had a softer side, and he was finding it more and more as he contemplated the situation with Johnny. He felt bad for the kid. Once Phil had met Annie, he'd been hooked. There was nothing, including his brothers, which would have kept him away from her.

Fortunately, she wasn't another brother's old lady; so, his situation was easier. However, Johnny, that boy had some trouble coming, and as the leader of the club—or at least that was everyone’s impression—he had to help guide both Johnny and the other brothers to a solution that would benefit everyone. After all, no one wanted to lose one of their own—especially not in the way it would go down.

But for now, he would listen. Then, he would speak his mind. Share his two cents. Guide the brothers to the right solution.

“But we don't rule it out,” Aaron had injected into the conversation.

Phil had to agree. It wasn't something entirely ruled out. The club just preferred that it not happen. It was very hard to differentiate between the brothers who had accidentally fallen in love and those who were just out to betray the ones who trusted them most. The more complicated that it became, the harder it was to decipher the way this situation should be handled.

“We should.” Stan was clear on his point. “There's no fucking time it's okay to bang a brother's old lady.”

“Look,” Frankie started, “this is weird. All of it. So can we talk and sort it out?”

Phil watched his brothers debate the situation. He hadn't really weighed in on all of his thoughts before then. He'd shared a few of his opinions about the loyalty of the brothers. He'd shared the basic rules and oaths. However, he'd never told a soul, not even Aaron, that he somewhat felt bad for the kid. That he knew what love felt like, and he'd seen it all over Johnny's face.

“It's not weird,” Stan answered. “It's wrong. Plain and simple.”

Phil noticed that the guys had a very set opinion of the way things should be. Each of them held their own, and he could tell how the battle line would be drawn. Standing up, he showed them it was time for him to speak.

***

Johnny wondered which one of them was at the hospital. He wanted to go up there, but some of them would be hard to handle if he ran across them. Add the redheaded bitch to the mix, and it was a recipe for disaster.

He knew better. He should not go there. The problems that would arise for him were far worse than the benefits that he would get. Or were they? He'd see Beth. He'd be able to look at her, talk to her, and let her know he was there.

But why? So he could leave in a couple of days? That's what the club was going to do. They were going to make him leave. Head back out to do jobs. He'd be fucking lucky if he got back this way once a year.

Wouldn't it hurt her worse if he was there and just suddenly disappeared? He didn't know how much she knew or remembered. Maybe she'd think he took off from the first day. Maybe she'd be able to move on better that way.

Johnny made a last minute decision to head to the clubhouse instead. He wanted and longed to go to the hospital, but he knew it wasn't a good idea. Instead, he'd go hang with the brothers and let them see that he was okay. They were wondering lately about his intentions.

“Damn,” he said to himself as he pulled up outside the clubhouse. Bikes everywhere. That meant that pretty much everyone was here. He hadn't seen them all at the clubhouse in ages.

Parking his bike, Johnny worried that his feelings would show all over his face. What if the guys saw that he was torn in two? What if they realized the feelings he'd just realized he had that morning?

Stepping through the door, Johnny took a deep breath and prepared to put on his best fake smile and be okay—even as he worried relentlessly about Beth.  Those worries disappeared the moment he stepped inside.

Standing before him was a meeting—as in a club meeting. He knew how they looked. He'd seen them before. But why was he not there? That was the part that struck him; however, he knew the answer. The meeting was about him.

He watched as Phil stood up, and he knew that he needed to lay low and listen to what the accepted leader of the club had to say. So, he ducked behind a column that sat off to the side in the room.

***

“Brothers,” Phil started and watched the crowd quiet down. “We've come here to decide how to handle a situation that we've never really experienced before.” He stared into the crowd and waited to finish speaking.

“The truth is, we've lost a lot of brothers. It happens far more often than we want it to. And we've followed the oaths we took to cover their old lady's for life. But is that fair?”

The crowd was surprised, as Phil continued to speak. They hadn't expected him to be soft in any way.

“Truth is, shit fucking happens. So what if that is what happened here?” he spoke, the crowd barely breathing. “What if Johnny fell in love with her by accident?”

“Who the fuck cares?” Stan announced. “She's Dan's old lady.”

“Dan isn't here,” Phil stated clearly. “So, are we going to hold the oath so strictly that we block happiness for both Johnny and Dan's old lady?”

“What about the fucking kid? Is it going to grow up calling Dan's best friend
daddy
?”

The question was valid. It was a concern the brothers had. “Of course not. I don't see Johnny as being that way, do you?” Phil turned the question to Stan, but Frankie was the one who replied.

“Who knows? Do we really know his motives?”

“No,” Stan offered.

“We are just guessing,” Aaron replied.

“So,” Phil said. “How do we find out his true motives so that we can decide what the fuck we plan to do about all of this?”

“Ask me?” Johnny stepped forward to the surprise of his brothers.