Never Look Back (72 page)

‘You aren’t dumb at all. Look at all the stuff you’ve learnt since I first met you! You can cook now, sew, look after animals and grow things,’ Matilda said, holding her to her and rocking her. ‘And if you can count up to ten dollars you can count to hundreds and even thousands. Tomorrow I’ll show you how easy it is, and we’ll talk through everything about the future. There’s no need to be scared.’

Later, when Matilda was in bed, listening to the wind howling around the cabin and reflecting on Cissie’s problem, she realized that many of the sharp remarks her friend had made in the past ought to have been a pointer to what was wrong. It had to be very scary not to be able to read or understand figures, especially when from a small child you’d learnt never to trust anyone. Banker’s drafts to Cissie must be just bits of paper with meaningless scribble on. Perhaps if she’d been handed a bag full of dollar bills, she would have been able to relate to them better.

She understood now why Cissie had blown hot and cold about coming to San Francisco too. How could she make a rational decision about whether to sell the mill and the cabin when she had no idea of their true value, or indeed whether that money
would last long enough to give her and her children some security?

The heavy rain of the previous day had stopped the following morning and as soon as they’d had their breakfast, and the children had gone out to feed the animals, Matilda first plonked Amelia in her pen to play, then tore pages out of a note-book and wrote ‘$10’ on ten of them. ‘That makes a hundred dollars,’ she said, putting the wodge into Cissie’s hands. ‘I haven’t got enough pieces of paper to show you exactly what a huge pile of money those banker’s drafts mean, so I’ll just put crosses on this piece of paper to show you in hundreds.’

She covered the paper in crosses, counting aloud as she did it.

Cissie gasped when the page was full.

‘Right, that’s the total, give or take a few dollars,’ Matilda said. ‘Now I’ll cross out nine of them for my commission, and you’ll see how much is left.’

‘I’ve got all that left?’ Cissie’s eyes widened with surprise. ‘It’s an awful lot!’

‘It is, Cissie,’ Matilda agreed. ‘Far more than John could have made in years selling timber around here.’ She crossed out a few more crosses. ‘That’s roughly what will be taken away by the bank to pay what you borrowed from them, the wages and shipping costs, but you are still left with all this. Almost four thousand dollars.’

She went on to explain in simple terms that if it was all put into a bank and left there, Cissie would get interest on it too, so it would grow. ‘Once the sawmill is sold and that money goes in there too, you’ll have enough to live on from the interest alone as long as you don’t get extravagant. But I’m going to teach you some arithmetic so you can jot down everything you spend and add it up yourself. Then you’ll know no one is cheating you.’

Matilda moved on then to explain why she wanted to buy the piece of land in San Francisco. ‘Even if I don’t do anything with it, just leave it sitting there for a year or so, it will increase in value. That’s called an investment. It’s much the same as putting money in the bank and getting interest on it. But I’ve got an idea of something to do on it which would make me even more.’

She described her fun palace in detail, and how people she’d spoken to down there thought she’d make a fortune, as long as
she jumped in now while the gold was still pouring into the town.

‘There was a place like that in the Bowery,’ Cissie said, her face animated with excitement. ‘All the toffs used to go in there. It was packed every night. You gotta do it, Matty, it’s a great idea.’

‘But there’s a big problem,’ Matilda said, her lips trembling because every time she even thought about it she felt she could never do it. She glanced out of the window to check the children weren’t about to come in. ‘I can’t see how I can take Tabitha and Amelia with me, not at the moment. It’s a filthy, dangerous place and I can’t expose them to it. Maybe in a year or so it will be more civilized, but right now it’s not safe.’

‘Well, leave them with me,’ Cissie said without any hesitation.

‘How can I do that?’ Matilda sighed. ‘You’ve got enough to do with your own.’

‘Tabby’s worth her weight in gold,’ Cissie said with a shrug. ‘I can’t imagine how I’d cope without her help anyway. But it ain’t just that, Matty, I love both her and ‘Melia as if they were me own.’

‘I know you do,’ Matilda replied. ‘But I love them so much I don’t know if I can bear to leave them, not even with you. Besides, you said you were frightened of being alone without me.’

Cissie gave her a long, hard look. ‘I won’t be scared once I really understand the money. Specially if I can go and live in town, ‘cos there’ll be people around I can ask things. Anyways, from what you’ve said about San Francisco, I guess Tabby and ‘Melia will be happier staying here than down there. But that ain’t really the point, is it? You’ve gone and set your heart on doing this, ain’t you?’

Matilda nodded. ‘It’s burning inside me, I can hardly think of anything else. The mother in me tells me I should stay here, get some land and be satisfied with just that. But I know I’m not cut out for farming, Cissie.’

‘You’ll be a bad mother to them if you ain’t happy’ Cissie said evenly. ‘I reckon you gotta do it. If you don’t, well, you’ll always be wishing you had. Anyways, it ain’t like you’s goin’ for ever. If you’re the boss you can come home anytime you please.’

Matilda heard Tabitha approaching, talking to Peter. She put her finger to her lips.

‘We’ll talk about it more tonight,’ she said warningly. ‘Now, why don’t we drive into town and show Mr Weinburg that money.’

‘I’ll tell him to give you your lot,’ Cissie said, and held out her arms for a hug. ‘I sure am sorry that I said those mean things, Matty. You’re the best pal anyone could ever have, and I truly never want to lose you.’

It was almost Christmas, just a few days after Tabitha’s tenth birthday, when Matilda got a letter from Charles Dubrette telling her the land in San Francisco was now legally hers.

Cissie’s future was settled now. The mill had been sold at an excellent price and Sidney had been given a job there with the new owners. After getting a very good offer for the cabin, land and livestock from the family from Connecticut, Cissie had found a little house in Oregon City to move into after Christmas, so both Tabitha and Peter could start school in January. It would be easier for Sidney living so close to his work too, and he was taking great pride in the fact he would be man of the house now. Matilda had of course been intending to help with the move and stay on with Cissie for some time in the town, perhaps until the spring, but this letter from Dubrette meant she’d have to go much sooner.

He had costed the whole project – the building, a well to be dug, furniture, equipment, and the initial stock of drink – to be around 5,500 dollars. He went on to say that if Matilda still wanted to proceed, he considered her stake, the land itself, should be counted at 1,500, for the moment the building went up, that would be its true value. With four other people each putting in 1,000, she could remain the largest shareholder.

He said that he would like to be one of these shareholders himself, as would Zandra, Henry Slocum and a friend of Henry’s, Simeon Greenstater. If Matilda was agreeable to this, he would like her to come to San Francisco as soon as possible so that the legal documents could be signed, architectural plans approved and the building work commence immediately. He pointed out that each of the four shareholders would be bringing their expertise into the project. Henry was an architect, Greenstater a
builder, Zandra and himself would act in an advisory capacity in the areas of the business they knew well.

Her first reaction to this letter was to panic. Five and a half thousand dollars was an enormous sum of money – up here in Oregon it would build several streets of houses – and she hadn’t expected Dubrette to start moving so quickly. But if Henry believed in it enough to put money into it, and draw up the plans, it must be a good idea, for he was no fool. She didn’t know Greenstater, but Henry had brought him into it, so he must be okay too, and he had the expertise to build it.

After much deep thought, she couldn’t see what she had to lose. The land would still be hers, even if the place burned down. If Greenstater, Henry, Zandra and Dubrette, all astute business people, were prepared to back her idea with their money, what possible reason could she have for declining it?

Matilda had met Dubrette, the elegant, white-haired lawyer, at Zandra’s, and she had been very taken with him. Although he had the manner and the slow drawl of a Southern gentleman, Zandra had said he made his money from his law practice, not inherited wealth. Matilda liked his sense of humour and the fact he didn’t share the normal male view that women were all silly, weak creatures incapable of running a business. Even the speed with which he had organized all this proved his belief in it.

When Matilda explained to Cissie what the letter contained, she was excited at first, but this changed to dejection when Matilda explained she would have to go soon after Christmas.

‘I truly don’t mind you going,’ she insisted. ‘I’m as hot as mustard for it. I guess I’m just scared that once you start mixing with those nobs you won’t want me as a pal no longer.’

That last remark tore at Matilda’s heart. In reality Cissie was a match for almost anyone, but because of her background and lack of education she always felt inferior. No amount of telling her that she was admired by just about everyone who met her would convince her otherwise.

‘You will always be my best and dearest friend,’ Matilda said quietly. ‘I shan’t change through mixing with a few nobs. Neither will I ever forget that without you and John caring for me and my children when I most needed help this opportunity would never have come my way.’

Cissie brightened up a little then, and went on to say it was all the more reason to make this Christmas extra special as it would be the last in the cabin.

‘We will have a wonderful Christmas,’ Matilda said, hugging her friend ‘And I won’t go to San Francisco until after you are settled in the new house.’

Christmas Day was magical. She and Cissie had decorated the cabin with holly and mistletoe, tied up with red ribbons, and hung gingerbread men and candy canes on more ribbon around the windows. The smell of the roast goose mingled deliciously with the cinnamon, oranges, lemons and cloves they’d put in the pot of mulled wine warming on the stove.

The shrieks of delight as the older children opened their stockings was the happiest sound of all – they had expected nothing more than the usual meagre amount of candy and fruit they’d been used to. This year the stockings were stuffed with extras, sugared mice, toffees in little tins, Tabitha had pretty hair ribbons, a necklace, a diary, Peter had more lead soldiers, a top and whip.

There were bigger presents for everyone too. Sidney had new pants and a tweed jacket, Tabitha the red dress she’d always wanted. There was a small cart for Peter, a real china doll for Susanna, and for Amelia a wooden horse she could push along. Matilda had bought Cissie a new bonnet trimmed with fur, and Cissie had bought her a pretty lace-trimmed night-gown. Treacle had a new blanket to sleep on.

But even while Matilda’s heart was almost bursting with happiness and excitement for the future, and delight in the new prosperity which had come to Cissie, deep down within her she felt twinges of sorrow because she knew today was the end of an era.

The children and Cissie would have a far more comfortable, easier life in the town. They could attend school, go to church, and make friends with other families. Sidney had a real job, and their new shingled house was like a palace compared with the cabin, with a staircase up to the bedrooms, a water pump right outside the back door, and a cellar where food could be kept cool in the summer.

But this cabin and the land outside with its dozens of young fruit trees and neat rows of carefully tended vegetables was the
dream which had kept Cissie, John and Sidney going in their long trek from New Jersey, and gave them the strength and determination to see it fulfilled. For Matilda and Tabitha it had been a sanctuary, where the love and kindness shown to them had healed their heartbreak.

Peter, Susanna and Amelia were too young to appreciate what these crude wooden walls represented to the older members of their families. While both Cissie and Matilda never wanted them to experience any of the hardships and deprivations they’d lived through, they hoped the spirit of this place would be retained in their minds through to adulthood.

‘Do you like your new house?’ Matilda whispered to Tabitha, sitting down beside her on the bed she was sharing with Susanna. The younger child was already fast asleep, as was Amelia in her little cot.

The shutters were tightly closed against the stiff wind outside, and the candle cast a soft golden light round the room. Yesterday they had celebrated the New Year of 1850, and Matilda was leaving for San Francisco in the morning. This was her last chance to discover if Tabitha had any fears about her leaving.

Two old friends of John’s had helped them with the move three days earlier, taking all the furniture on a big farm cart. They had kept a few chickens and put them in a pen out in the yard behind the new house, and Sidney had dug up an apple and a pear tree to grow here as a lasting reminder of their life at the cabin.

A pot-bellied stove downstairs kept the whole house warm, the cook stove too was far bigger and better than the old one. Matilda and Cissie had made curtains for the parlour windows, and it was Cissie’s intention to spend a little of her money on a carpet and a couch too.

‘I love the house,’ Tabitha said, her dark eyes looking right into Matilda’s blue ones. ‘It’s so snug and it will be very pretty when everything’s done. Cissie said today that we’ll make a real garden with grass and flowers, because I told her about Mama liking to have tea in the garden in summer.’

It pleased Matilda to find Tabitha remembered so much about her mother, especially the quintessential Englishness of her. Cissie’s influence was very much American, and although
Matilda tried to keep up many English customs, and indeed to make all the children speak correct English, sometimes she felt the girl’s heritage was in danger of being lost for ever.