Never Love a Highlander (23 page)

Rionna had given in to Sarah’s prodding and eaten a bowl of stew but she couldn’t even remember the taste. The only thing firmly entrenched in her memory was her husband’s furious expression. And his coldness to her. She had no explanation for it. One moment they were sparring, and aye, he’d been in a black mood because of the men, but surely that couldn’t be blamed for the horrible way he’d reacted to her pregnancy. Was he really so angry because she was carrying? It made no sense. Not when her bearing an heir was of such import to the alliance between the McCabes and the McDonalds. Her babe could go a long way in mending the animosity the McDonald men currently bore Caelen.

“I admit, I’ll never understand the mind of a man,” Rionna said with a sigh.

Sarah
tsked
under her breath. “ ’Tis good you learn that now, lass. ’Tis a foolhardy endeavor to even attempt such. The mind of a man changes on a daily basis and a woman is never sure which way it bends from one moment to the next. ’Tis why ’tis best to allow them to think they are the master of their domain and go quietly behind them and do things the way you like.”

Rionna laughed. “You are a wise woman, Sarah.”

“Having outlived two husbands already, I’ve gained more wisdom about men than a woman needs to know.” She shrugged. “ ’Tis not hard once you’ve learned they’re mostly bluster and gruff. If you can look beyond that and ignore their bite, they’re not hard to live with. You give them a little petting, stroke their pride a bit, and follow it with a kiss here and there, and they’re well content.”

“Aye, I used to think you were right,” Rionna said as she stared into the flames. “But my husband … ’tis disloyal of me to discuss him so, but he drives me daft. One moment he is as tender as a man can be and the next he’s as cold as the winter’s snow.”

Sarah smiled. “Because he’s not yet decided what he thinks of you, lass. You’ve got him so flustered that he doesn’t know if he’s coming or going. He’ll figure it out eventually.”

“How typical that I must wait on him to make his mind up before we can be at peace,” Rionna grumbled.

“ ’Tis hard to soothe a savage beast when you’re here and he’s there,” Sarah pointed out.

“ ’Tis cold and I’m not venturing out,” Rionna grumbled.

“The problem is you’re both as stubborn as an old mule. Neither of you will give an inch. ’Tis no way to make a success of a marriage.”

“If I make a practice of yielding so easily, then I’ll always be yielding and he’ll never bend.”

“Aye, that’s true as well.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?” Rionna asked in exasperation.

Sarah chuckled. “If I knew that, no one would ever be discontent, now would they? I think ’tis something you’ll have to muddle through on your own.”

“Maybe,” Rionna said grudgingly. “But ’tis nothing I’ll discover tonight. I’m tired.”

“And grumpy.”

“With good reason.”

“Go to sleep, lass. Your husband will be looking for you soon enough and you’ll not be getting to sleep then.”

“I’ll not hide from him,” Rionna vowed.

Sarah raised an eyebrow. “Oh? And what exactly do you call what you’re doing?”

“I’m defying his order.”

“And hiding while you do it,” Sarah said in amusement.

“Nay, I’ll not hide from him. ’Tis high time I discovered why it is he’s angry.”

Rionna stood, her fingers curling into fists.

“You be careful on the walk back, lass. ’Tis snowy and icy out tonight. The good Lord doesn’t seem to be able to decide if he wants it to rain or snow.”

“I’ll be careful, Sarah. Thank you for your company. And your counsel. ’Tis good sometimes to have someone to listen.”

Sarah smiled. “Aye, lass, it is. Go now and make peace with the laird. ’Tis celebrating the two of you should be doing now.”

Rionna said her farewells and hurried through the snow back to the keep. By the time she made it to the steps she was shivering, as a mixture of snow and rain drizzled down her neck.

She went inside, stomping her boots free of the ice and snow, and walked into the great hall to warm herself by the fire before going in search of her husband.

She didn’t have to look far.

He was sitting at the table with Gannon and many of the McDonald warriors. When he saw her, he rose, his eyes narrowed and his lips set into a fine line. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared her down. The man hadn’t even realized she hadn’t obeyed his command to retire to their chamber. Had he planned to starve her to death?

Ignoring his less-than-pleased look, she marched over to the fire and stuck out her hands to warm them, presenting her back to the laird.

The more she gave thought to the matter, the more furious she became. She’d done nothing to gain his ire. And if he wasn’t happy about the babe, ’twas his own fault. He certainly hadn’t done anything to prevent her becoming with child.

When she was sufficiently warmed, she turned without looking in her husband’s direction and walked calmly toward the stairs.

“You sorely try my patience, wife,” Caelen called out.

She halted at that and slowly turned until she pinned him with a glare that hid none of her own mounting ire.

The men stared between their laird and Rionna with ill-disguised curiosity. It didn’t suit Rionna to have it out with Caelen in such a public fashion, but she was just furious enough not to care.

“And you try mine, husband. Perhaps when you’ve figured out what it is that I’ve done to displease you, you can let me know. Until then, I’m going to bed. ’Tis been a most eventful day.”

C
HAPTER
25

Rionna was shaking by the time she reached her chamber. It had taken all her courage to calmly walk out of the hall with Caelen’s face a storm cloud of anger. ’Twas wrong of her to show such disrespect in front of the men, but ’twas just as wrong for him to air his grievance with her in front of others.

She had no desire to remain in this chamber, or wait his convenience, stewing all the while she waited for him to make an appearance. But neither would she give the impression that she was hiding by retreating to her former chamber.

But ’twas God’s truth all she really wanted was to be alone so she could sleep in peace. She was so weary and tense that she wanted to melt into her bed and remain there an entire day. And her head was beginning to throb.

She paced back and forth in front of the fire until she realized that he was going to make her wait. With an irritated sigh, she undressed and put her gown carefully away so that it wouldn’t be ruined. ’Twas a beautiful gown and perhaps one day she’d have a chance to wear it when it could be appreciated.

She was chilled in just her nightdress so she donned her cloak and curled into the chair by the fire. A bath would feel next to heaven, but ’twas late and she had no desire to be caught in the tub when her husband decided to make his appearance.

As warmth invaded her limbs, her eyelids grew heavier and heavier. By the time she heard Caelen’s footsteps outside the door, she was so drowsy that she couldn’t muster any outrage that he’d taken so long to retire.

The door quietly opened and shut much the same. She didn’t turn to greet him, opting to remain exactly where she was.

For several long moments, silence loomed in the chamber. Then finally his footsteps sounded again, closer this time, before he came to stand just behind her.

“I have battled my anger all day today and yet I find I’m as angry now as I was before.”

At that, Rionna turned in her chair, clutching her cloak tightly around her.

“And what sin have I committed, husband? Are you so displeased at the thought of becoming a father? Did I misunderstand your boasts that I would deliver within a year of our marriage?”

His brows drew together and he stared at her in obvious consternation. “Think you I’m upset that you are pregnant with my child?”

She stood, her cloak swirling around her legs. “You’ve done nothing to make me think otherwise! From the moment you discovered that I was pregnant, you’ve been coldly furious. I’ve done nothing to gain your ire and yet you’ve cut me to ribbons with your gaze at every turn.”

“Nothing? God’s teeth, woman, but you are a test of my endurance. You don’t tell me that you are with child. At what point were you going to confide in me? When I held the point of my sword to your swollen belly? Or maybe when ’twas time for you to push the babe into the world?”

Her mouth fell open as she understood his meaning. “You think I purposely kept secret my condition? You think I would put our babe at risk?”

“You were participating in activities no pregnant woman should ever be doing,” he said through clenched teeth. “You had to know I would have never allowed it.”

“So you think so little of me that you think I would resort to subterfuge so that I could continue to indulge in training, never mind that I was pregnant with the next laird of my clan.”

“Why did you not tell me then?” he demanded.

Tears of disappointment and frustration burned her eyelids. His opinion of her hurt. Did he truly believe she’d be so selfish and foolhardy as to put her child at risk?

“I did not know!” she said fiercely. “I did not know until I awakened and Sarah told me. I would have told you. It would have given me great joy to do so.”

Caelen looked shocked for a moment, as though he’d given such a possibility no thought. “Jesu,” he muttered. Then he ran a ragged hand through his hair and turned swiftly away. His hand fell to his side, curled into a tight fist. “When I think of what could have happened, what almost
did
happen. When you fell, I thought I had hurt you. I could have harmed our child. I could have harmed
you
.”

Realization was quick to dawn on Rionna. Her anger and hurt melted away and her heart throbbed a little harder. She crossed the distance between her and her husband and laid her hand on his arm.

“You were afraid,” she said softly.

He jerked around, his eyes blazing. “Afraid? I was bloody terrified! I carried you to our chamber sure that I would find some grievous wound. I looked for blood or a bruise, something to suggest that I had harmed you.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head against his chest. For the longest time he stood rigid in her arms, not returning her embrace. Then slowly, he circled her shoulders and crushed her to him.

He rested his cheek on the top of her head and held her so tightly that she could scarcely breathe. He trembled against her, and it awed her that this fierce warrior had been afraid. For her. That he shook with it. It shamed her that she’d thought even for a moment that he didn’t want their child, even if it was a logical conclusion at the time.

Now she wanted confirmation. She wanted to hear it from his own lips that he was joyous over her pregnancy.

“So you’re happy about the babe?”

Her question was muffled by his chest, but he went still and then slowly drew her away so that he looked down into her eyes.

“Happy? I think happy is too mundane a word. There are many words that accurately describe my reaction. Wonder. Aye, wonder. ’Tis not something I’ve contemplated until recently, and even then I spoke as a man boasting to be boasting. It didn’t really settle with me that I would become a father until Sarah bore the news to me in the hallway. The image hit me with force enough to stagger me. I had to quit the keep and go out alone lest I completely unman myself in front of others.”

His fingers touched her cheek and grazed along her jaw.

“Fear. I was immediately filled with such fear like I’ve never felt. Fear that I wouldn’t be able to protect our child from men like Duncan Cameron. That if we had a daughter she would be as Mairin had been for most of her life. Always hiding, always living in fear of discovery. Wary of being used by a man for what she could bring through the birth of a child.”

She reached up to palm his cheek and he turned into her hand, brushing a kiss across her flesh.

“And joy, Rionna. ’Tis God’s truth I experienced a burst of joy that is indescribable. I imagined a daughter with your beauty and strength and a son with your spirit and stubbornness.”

She laughed. “And you, husband? What think you that our children will inherit from you?”

“I care not as long as they are healthy and that you deliver them free of complication.”

She hugged him again. “I’m sorry I worried you. ’Tis the truth I didn’t know I was with child, I swear it. I would have taken more care in our training.”

He clutched her shoulders and pulled her away from him, his expression one of utmost seriousness. “You’ll not lay hands on a sword again. ’Tis done with, this foolish idea of yours.”

“But, Caelen, now that we know, we can fashion our sparring so that no harm is done to our child. ’Tis important I am able to protect myself and our child.”

“I will protect what is mine,” he said fiercely. “I will take no chances with your health or that of our child.”

“But—”

He held up a hand. “ ’Tis not up for debate. ’Tis my final word on the matter.”

She sighed but couldn’t bring herself to be irritated when she could still see the worry shadowed in his eyes.

“Now come here, wife. I have need to hold you.”

She smiled and went into his arms. He kissed her hungrily, framing her face and holding her in place as he ravaged her mouth.

He slid his hands down her body, coming to stop at her waist. Then he placed his palm over the flat of her belly through the folds of her cloak. Suddenly impatient, he pulled at the material until she was free of the garment and standing only in her nightdress. Then his hand returned to her stomach and he held it there as he stared into her eyes.

“My son or daughter,” he said hoarsely. “I’d not thought I’d ever have children.”

“Do you like the thought now?” she asked with a smile.

“Oh aye,” he said softly. “I find I like the idea very much. I owe you an apology, Rionna.”

She put her finger to his lips and then followed it with a kiss. “It’s been an eventful day for both of us. Perhaps ’twould be best if we go to bed and start fresh on the morrow.”