Never Say Never (19 page)

            I took him in my
arms, wanting to soothe him, to take away his pain. “If I'd listened to her, if
I hadn't been so bloody arrogant – she'd still be alive, Neve. But I wanted to
prove to her – my blasted male ego! - prove to her that I had the strength and
capacity to do it all. And I got the woman I loved, killed. I killed Peyton,
and I'll have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life.”

            His lips trembled,
and I wanted nothing more than to stop the pain, to sooth him, to dry his
tears. I leaned in to kiss him, but he turned away.

            “How can you love
me?” he asked, his voice raspy, his face streaming with tears. “When I can't
even stand to look at myself in the mirror. How can you want to be with me –
when I've killed the only woman I loved?”

            “Because I know you,”
I found myself crying. I was kissing away his tears, tasting the salt, tasting
the salt that came from my own tears that had begun to flow and mingle with
his. “Because I trust you. I know who you are. You're a good person. And I do
care for you – because you deserve someone who does.”

            Before I knew it I
was unbuttoning his shirt, pulling down his trousers, covering his body with my
own, communicating how much I cared for him in the only way he can accept my
love… through sex. The sex was not passionate that night – not in the sense
that it had been – raging, hormonal, all-consuming. But it was something else.
It was intimate, warm, loving. Even romantic. Our lips touched the whole time –
as our bodies merged, we rejoiced in giving one another pleasure, rejoiced in
being so close together, in holding one another, in letting out all our pain,
all our secrets. In crying together – intimate, at last.

            That night I fell
asleep in his arms. That night he slept soundly – his face beatific in slumber.
That night, I knew, there would be no nightmares.

Chapter 21

           
B
eing back together with Danny was a glorious –
even ecstatic – experience. The next morning, over breakfast, we cuddled naked
and at last discussed what we were to each other. “Girlfriend” and “Boyfriend”
- the terms sounded strange to us, at first, but deep down we both knew that
they were the right ones. It would take time for both of us – for me to get
over the hurt of Danny's initial reluctance, for him to get past his guilt and
the shadow of Peyton that hung over us both. But for all that, I knew, we had
something special; we would get through this together.

            What
we had, became more than just the sex – which, while still mind-blowing in its
physical sensations, became increasingly soft, romantic, intimate, even gentle.
We had a relationship at last. Some nights we curled up on the couch next to
each other watching old movies and fell asleep, exhausted but happy. Some
nights Danny drove me to a nearby town, or to a beach he knew – somewhere where
we were in no danger of being recognized – and those were the best nights of
all. When, far away from the band, far away from the fear of being discovered,
we could hold hands in public and kiss and laugh like a normal couple.

            Our
dating, however, made our interactions in the places we knew more difficult to
hide. In class, Danny had to force himself to avoid my gaze altogether, lest we
both break into secret giggles during his lectures. During band practice, we
constantly found ourselves looking into each other's eyes, staring at each
other, transported by our rapture and by our desire for one another. We took every
excuse to touch each other – handing each other instruments, helping each other
carry bags or books – enjoying the secret electricity between us. Our newfound
happiness made us almost careless; we both glowed with the radiance that came
from being together.

            Our
performances only improved. Each night we were onstage, playing our hearts out
– my joy sublimated into great music just as my pain had been. Our emotions
gave the words of our songs new life. And every night, after the show, I would
circle my car around the block a few times to throw the others off the scent
before heading to Danny's ocean side cottage, before we threw ourselves into
each other's arms and gave into the passion that had been building all evening.

            It
was one such morning – a few weeks into our relationship – that I had spent the
night with Danny, enjoying a delirious night of unbridled sex followed by long
conversations that kept us awake until dawn – that I had just stepped out of
the shower, wrapping myself in one of Danny's old college sweatshirts from Oxford
University, to keep warm. We'd ordered a late-night pizza that had, by now,
turned into breakfast.

             I
heard a knock at the door. “Danny, is the pizza here?” I asked, stepping out of
the bathroom, my hair still soaked. “Hurry up and let's get back to bed,
because...”

            I
stopped short. Standing at the door was Kyle, his eyes wide with shock, a look
of utter agony on his face. “I thought I left my keyboard plug here...” Kyle's
voice was wobbling. “I guess I came at a bad time, huh.” His face turned red
then white again, his eyes dark as hurt, then anger, then fury spread across
his face. I'd never seen so much pain in those angelic eyes of him; my heart
ached for him. Still, I braced myself, knowing what was to come. If Kyle had
been jealous of Luc, then that was nothing compared to this.

            “Kyle...”
I started, stuttering.

            He
was inhaling deeply, choking on his own air, rocking back and forth as he
hyperventilated, trying to come to terms with the shock of the situation. “All
this time,” he said, his voice shaking. “All this time – you were with
him
!
I can't believe it.” He looked over at Danny. “And you....
you
! I thought
you were my friend, my buddy. And you were screwing Neve this whole time!
Behind our backs! I trusted you –
trusted you both
.” Tears began to
stream down his face. “It's true, isn't it? This time.”

            I
couldn't lie to him. “Yes, it's true.”

            “But
him
!” Kyle sighed. “Why...why not me?”

            My
heart broke for him. I wanted to say something – anything – to make the pain
stop, to make this better. But I knew that there was nothing I could do.

            “Listen,
mate...” Danny went over to Kyle. “I care about Neve and I'll treat her right,
I promised. We wanted to keep our personal life separate from the...”

            But
he never got to finish his sentence. Kyle punched him square in the stomach,
sending Danny reeling backwards across the room, crashing onto the floor.

            “Listen,
man – I'm sorry...” Danny was winded, breathless.

            Kyle
crossed the room swiftly, taking my hands in his. “You knew I loved you, Nev. I
don't get it. You knew I loved you!”

It was all I could do to keep from sobbing. “I love you, Kyle. But not
in that way. You know that. And nothing about me or Danny – nothing would have
changed that. I don't feel that way about you....I've been honest about that.”

            “But
you love Danny?”

            I
hesitated before I spoke. “Yes,” I said, at last.

            “Fine,”
Kyle spat. “Then you can have your band without me.”

“Kyle
– wait!”

            But
it was too late. He'd already stormed out and slammed the door behind him.

Epilogue

           
C
alling Steve that afternoon was the hardest
thing I'd had to do. I'd wanted to go after Kyle, to talk him down, to convince
him to stay, but Danny convinced me that seeing me was the last thing Kyle
wanted to do right now. “He needs some time to blow off steam,” Danny said. “To
rest.” So I called Steve instead – figuring that he, as the only level-headed
one in the band – not to mention the only one that wasn't trying to sleep with
me – would know what to do.

            To
my relief, Steve didn't seem upset or angry. Instead, he laughed slightly. “I
can't say I didn't guess,” he said. “The chemistry was – pretty obvious. To me,
at least. But the others – Kyle, especially… they didn't want to see it. But I
guessed. When the two of you sang, it made
me
want to get a room.” He
teased me. “I guess you're not the flat-chested freckled kid anymore, are you
Neve? Can you believe it? Guys want
you
?”

            I
laughed and teased back. “Don't look at me! How does a scrawny gingerhead like
you get so much female attention!”

            But
then Steve turned serious. “Look, Neve. I love you and all that – but not that
way. Luckily. But I'm not sure how Luc's going to react to all this. He's a
good friend of mine – we talk. And I know how he feels about you. I've always told
Luc to make a move, to ask you out. But he held off – because he knew you'd
never date anyone in the band...”

            My
heart sank. It was one thing to deal with just Kyle, but having to hurt Luc,
too.

            “I
can talk to him if you want – but it's better if he hears it directly from you.
Maybe it will hurt less that way.”

            “Steve,
if there's anything you can do, can say, to make sure the band stays together.”

            “Maybe
they will see reason,” Steve said. “Maybe they won't. Luc might be able to pull
it together, but I'm really not sure about Kyle. He's not exactly stable, is
he...”

            “No,
not quite,” I admitted. “He's been through a lot.” I exhaled sharply.

            “And
both of them – in the same band, in the same room, as you and Danny – a
constant reminder that he succeeded where they failed...”

            “What
do we do?”

            “We'll
have to give them time.”

            Time,
unfortunately, wasn't something we had a lot of right now. No sooner had I said
goodbye to Steve than I got another call – this time from Richard Slayton. The
call I'd been waiting to get for weeks, months, years. The call that said that
we'd proven ourselves at last, that at last we'd gotten a gig, that RRR wanted
to sign us, produce our first album, take us on tour. Weeks ago the call would
have elated me; I would have been overwhelmed with joy. Now I only felt numb.
We had a record deal – but, as far as I knew, we didn't have a band.

            I
looked up at Danny, who was cradling me, his arms around my shoulders.

            “What
do we do?”

He sighed. “I don't know, Neve...” He forced himself to smile – a
proud, loving smile – as he wrapped his arms around me. He kissed me
passionately. “I'm so proud of you, Neve. You've wanted this forever. And I've
wanted this for you.” He pulled away. “I'm not going anywhere, Neve. I want
this relationship to work. But I don't want to get in the way – band-wise.”

            “What
are you saying?”

            “Geoff's
arm's almost healed by now. He'd be able to play instead of me. Maybe it'd be
easier on the guys if you and I were dating – but I wasn't in the band. Maybe
that's the way to play it.”

            “Danny,
no...if we get this gig, we'll be traveling all the time. Going from city to
city, going abroad. We'd be separated.”

            His
eyes clouded. “I'll be around for you Neve. No matter what. But if I have to
drop out of the band to hold onto you – and to keep your band together – then
that's what we'll do.” He kissed me, wrapping his arms around me. I sighed.
Being apart from Danny would be torture, I knew. The music we made together
inspired me, invigorated me.

            But
if Kyle and Luc couldn't handle me and Danny, this was the only way...

            “What
do you think, Neve?”

            I
nodded, slowly. “I don't know,” I said. I shivered. Everything had changed so
quickly – everything felt like it was spinning all around me. 

            Two
months – and everything had changed. Two months...

            My
dream was coming true, and all I could think of was losing Danny's arms around
me, even for an instant. Losing the sight of him across the stage from me, his passion
for me so clear on his face.

            The
band couldn't survive with him. But could it survive without him, either?

Never, Danny, Kyle, Luc,  and
Steve’s story continues in

Book 2 of the Never Knights
Series

Never Land (Never
Knights Series #2)

September 2012

Preview from the
upcoming

Never Land

Volume 2 of the Never Knights
Series

kailin
gow

Prologue

           
L
ondon was burning. The sweat on my body and
the lights that illuminated the club; the heat emanating from all of us in a
single, nuclear force – all of these conspired to make the stage look like it
was on fire. Steve's drums were deafening – powerful sticks hitting and
throbbing against the center of the set, each clash echoing throughout the
room. The guitar licks sent shivers up and down my body; I watched as the
dancers moved and swayed and shouted in unison, singing along to our songs.
Beautiful people – models, actors, wannabe writers, all falling under our
spell. All charmed by our power.