Never Say Never (5 page)

I ring the doorbell four times, each time I press the gold button, I pray she will suddenly appear. She doesn’t. I sit back in my car, contemplating the different possibilities of where she could be. I park my car downtown, never once thinking about the time of day. I just have one thing on my mind, and I want to hear it from Kat.

My first stop is Starbucks, I know she hangs out there, but she is nowhere to be found. It’s small, I don’t see her. As I stand back outside, I head west toward the Riverwalk, hopeful she’ll be under the tree she frequents.

She is. I stop as I approach seeing her lying on the blanket, all bundled up, reading. She looks perfect. Cold, but perfect. I feel like I am watching a movie.

I can’t even get it together to figure out what to say to her, my tongue feels like it has been tied in a knot. I know that if I go over to her, she’ll know that I am looking for her, and part of me is afraid she will get up and run away again. I say a quick prayer in my head, to a God I’m not sure I even believe in, and push myself forward.

I stand over her for thirty-seconds before she looks up from her book. She sits up, eyes me for a second, and glances down at her watch before she speaks.

“Cameron, what are you doing here?” She asks completely surprised, her brown eyes appear bigger than before.

I kneel down beside her, looking into her eyes. I realize that they look tired and puffy. I focus on her mouth, her lips.

“Cameron, I’m waiting.” she says again.

“I was looking for you, actually. It’s freezing out here, what are you doing?”

Her mouth turns up slightly to what looks like a small grin.

“Why aren’t you at school?” She asks.

I smile.

“I could ask you the same question, y’know,” I remind her.

She laughs, tossing her hair. “Didn’t feel like going today is all, and you?”

“I did go, but I left early to find you. Y’know there’s a rumor going around school,” I pause as her face drops. “What happened between you and Stephanie?” I decide it’s better to ask, rather than accuse.

She looks almost sad when she looks back at me, but then her expression changes to disgust. She still looks cute as hell, with her face practically covered with the hat on her head.

“It wasn’t my fault, Barbie threw a soda in my face for no reason, and then, well, I guess I just lost it,” she shrugs.

“What? Why in the hell would she do that?” I yell louder than I probably should have.

“You haven’t figured that one out yet, Cameron?”

I shake my head, trying to decode what she’s implying. Apparently I needed a little help.

“Let’s just say it was a warning,” she adds.

“A warning?” I ask.

She rolls her eyes.“Yeah, to stay away from you.”

When she says it, it all makes sense. God, I could literally kill Stephanie for this one. Here she is spreading rumors about Kat, and it had been her the whole time. I was so glad to see that brief relationship over, if she ever had a chance, she doesn’t now.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say,” I frown.

“Well, you could make my life easier by staying away y’know,” she reminds me. “I mean I know you guys are a couple. I get it,” she adds, fumbling with her book.

I laugh, shaking my head. “Umm, no Kat. We are far from a couple, we never really were.”

“You might want to tell her that,” she mumbles under her breath.

“I did. That’s the problem.”

“Oh, great! Something else to look forward to,” she says.

“Can I ask you something Kat?”

“Sure, why not.”

“Why are you so cold to me? Well, to everyone, except Gabby?” She shrugs, again. “What’s the point in making friends? I’m out of here after the summer. It’s just easier this way.”

“Is that the only reason?” I wonder.

I can see her thinking, not sure how to answer.

“Cameron, what do you want from me exactly?” She asks, cautious.

“I’d love to kiss you again, that’s if you’ll let me. I did hear that you have a mean right hook, though,” I joke.

She giggles softly, and then she pushes me on my chest, playfully shoving me away. I have no other option, but to pull her down with me. Two can play the teasing game.

Half of her body is pressing against mine, and I’m glad I ditched school. I don’t even feel the cold air anymore. I pull my head up to kiss her, but she pulls back, pushing herself off of me and back onto the blanket.

“Cameron, I really don’t think this is a good idea. Barbie already has it in for me.”

“You let me handle Steph, besides no one has to know.”

“Secret friends?” She asks.

“If that makes it easier for you, sure,” I tell her.

Secret friends? What the hell does that mean?

She looks down at her latte, takes a sip from it, then looks back at me, and smiles. Right now, I can only smell the cinnamon from her lips.

She is so beautiful, it hurts. I love that she doesn’t wear a lot of make-up, if any at all. She’s a no-nonsense jeans, and T-shirt kind of girl, not some preppy cheerleader hanging on to every word that comes out of my mouth. I feel comfortable with Kat, no girl has ever had this kind of effect on me before. I still don’t know why it’s her that has me wanting more. The only thing I know is that I want to figure out why.

As she licks her lips, I can’t resist them anymore. I sigh, pulling her back down. I hesitate to catch any kind of reaction, but there is none. It’s like she’s waiting patiently for me to attack her again. It’s my pleasure!

It’s hard not to notice how soft her skin is as I touch her exposed cheek, she shivers when I do, but I lean in closer.

I don’t want her to think I’m after only one thing, because with her I’m not. I mean I definitely think of having sex with her, like every night and day since she has moved here, but I know I have to be careful with this one. The other girls and sex meant nothing to me, just sex that was it, no emotions.

I can’t help but wonder how many guys she has been with, I mean she is a senior. There is no way with those looks, guys let her out their sight. I mean, who wouldn’t want to touch her, and call her his own? I lean in to taste her lips one more time, and when she moves her mouth in perfect sync with mine, I know I have won.

I want to shout it to every guy in school, that she is officially off the market...stay back, but I can’t. It isn’t that I’m embarrassed to be seen with her, hell no. I would be proud to have her walking next to me in the hallways, sitting with me at lunch, coming to watch me play my guitar, but I promised her it would be our secret. I want to make her happy, and until she tells me otherwise I have no intention of going back on my word.

I love the way she fist into my arms, she’s tiny in comparison to me. I swear I can look into those brown eyes all day and not get bored. We lay there for as long as we can, talking about everything and anything we can think of. The only thing that is off limits is her family. She refuses to talk about them, and I don’t quite get it. I met her father briefly weeks ago, but I don’t tell her.

I know I have to get up and leave, I have to get back home for band practice, not to mention I’m freezing my ass off the whole time. As we drive down Jefferson, I insist on driving her home and am thrilled when she takes my hand in hers, and even more thrilled about the way she says good-bye. I could have gotten lost in her mouth for hours. Before I leave, I ask for her cell, she pulls it from her bag, and then hands it to me. I program mine in hers, and vice versa.

“Call you later,” I say because I can’t think of anything else to say. It takes all the energy I have to pull away from her, and drive off with a promise of tomorrow. It was the weekend, and I can’t wait to see her again.

KAT

It’s Friday night, Gabby and I made plans to go to a party tonight, Matt’s house. We hang out once in a while, but she has a boat load of other friends that I, truth be told, don’t care for. I can’t figure out what she sees in them. They remind me of the plastic Barbies, and she isn’t like that. But, she told me she’s known them forever, and that’s just the way it’s going to be.

My phone rings twice, Cameron is calling. I don’t pick up. He said he call, but I didn’t think it would be so soon. The thought of a relationship with him scares me a little. I like him, and I am worried that this little “secret friendship” could cause more trouble than it’s worth. His arms felt good around me. I haven’t felt an embrace like that in a long time. He somehow manages to make me feel better when I’m with him. The time under my oak tree helped me focus on nothing but him. My problems with Rebecca and my mother disappeared for the entire hour we shared.

It has been five months since a boy kissed me like that, and I had forgotten how much I liked it. Even if this relationship ends badly, I feel alive again.

It’s seven o’clock, and I am ready for my night out with Gabby. I pick the perfect jeans out of my closet, throw on my favorite sweater, and check my make-up, one too many times. I’m surprised to hear the garage door opening from below, but happy to see my Dad, and hopeful he will be alone this time.

I bop down the stairs as fast as possible, to see him and make a frozen dinner.

“Hey, Dad,” I say.

He drops the newspaper onto the table, “Hey Kitty Kat, what are you all dolled up for?” He asks.

I roll my eyes.

“Going out with Gabby, can I have some money for tonight?” I ask.

He pulls his wallet from the front pocket of his suit coat,

“How much do you need?”

“Twenty should do,” I say.

He grabs my hand as he places the money in it. “Kat, I’m glad you’re going out tonight. I told you, it just takes time.”

I look away, “Yeah, it only takes time.”

He grabs my chin, “Kat, I have a late dinner meeting downtown, don’t be out too late tonight, okay.” He tells me before he leans in kissing my forehead.

“Sure, no problem,” I say, as I grab the frozen Salisbury steak from the freezer and start nuking it. I turn quickly back around. “Dad.”

He turns, “Yeah, kiddo?”

“This dinner meeting, it’s not with Rebecca is it?” I ask.

He stares past me, “Kat, it’s not with Rebecca and even if it was, it’s not your business.”

“Daddy, I don’t understand, why h-her?” I stutter.

He places his hands on my shoulders and grips firmly, “Kat, I can’t do this tonight, we’ll discuss Rebecca another time, okay?” He asks.

“Sure.” I tell him.

It’s not okay, but I let it go. Gabby will be here soon, and as my Dad rushes up the stairs to get ready for his so called “business meeting” I drop it.

By the time Gabby and I arrive at the party, it’s in full swing. Geez, and I thought my house is an overkill, Matt’s house is enormous.

“Wow,” I say, looking all around.

Gabby grabs my wrist and pulls me up to the door, “I know.”

She doesn’t ring the doorbell, she just grabs the handle and pushes it wide open and pulls me through with her.

“The whole school must be here,” I whisper in her ear. The music is loud, and the backyard is full of people as well. She holds on to my wrist, and pulls me through toward the back patio doors.

I look at her. “Why are we going out back?”

She rolls her eyes, “That’s where the beer is, silly. Beer outside, hard liquor inside, what’s your pleasure?” She asks.

I shake my head, not knowing what I want.

“Let’s get a beer, then we’ll do shots, okay?” She asks.

“Sure, sounds good,” I tell her.

I was never one for hard liquor, especially after the incident of praying to the porcelain gods last year from tequila, I couldn’t bring myself to even smell liquor. Beer I can handle.

“Do his parents know that he has these parties?” I yell out to her, shivering because I’m freezing standing outside.

She leans in to my ear, “Don’t know. They’re never home, they travel a lot.”

It isn’t long before I spot Barbie and her playmates, and even my cousin Lauren. Great! They look like they have been here for hours, as they stand by chugging their cans of beer. I see Lauren looking at me, she nods. I nod back, but she doesn’t come over to talk to me. I don’t really expect her to, she has to keep up her good graces with those bimbos. They’d probably kick her off the squad even she even says boo to me. I can’t help but wonder if Stephanie will attempt anything tonight, I haven’t seen her since the pizza place. She seems to be avoiding any interaction, which works for me.

After a little while it feels like the whole school is here, except I don’t see Cameron. I am kind of relieved, not knowing if he is serious about the whole secret thing. As we stand outside grabbing our second can of beer, I look back to the house, and can see Matt and Max standing inside staring out at the two of us.

She notices too. “Let’s go back inside, quick before Max walks away,” she says.

My eyes go up, “You like Max?” I ask.

“Who wouldn’t I? He’s a total hottie. Why? You don’t think he’s hot?” She asks.