Never (The Ever Series Book 2) (26 page)

Never in a million years could I have imagined being at the very edge of South America in a hotel with Alex, who, if I’m being honest with myself, I was falling in love with—before I knew who he was, and when I didn’t remember that Ever existed.
Walking into the room ahead of him, I turn and watch Alex close the door behind us. His eyes are brighter, even more intense than they were a moment ago, and as they burn into me, I wonder how I saw him as human for one second.

“Wren, why do you think I envy Ever?”

Refusing to answer him, I go over to the bed and sit down, hugging my knees to my chest. I shake my head when he begins approaching me.

“Don’t.”

He stops a few feet from where I am.

“Ever has found more in you than he had during a thousand existences. His feelings for you weakened him, but they also gave him strength and meaning he hadn’t known. I thought I was searching for a companion to share eternity, but
love
—what I thought was such a human fault—had never entered my mind. Then Ever … He found what I wanted before I knew what it was.”

I look down.

“But it doesn’t work that way. You don’t just see another person’s love, and take it for your own.”

He walks the last few steps and touches my cheek.

“I did, though, you see, for a short time at least. … And you and I promised one another the truth someday, so now it’s your turn.”

My pulse pounds, and I close my eyes, silently begging him not to say anything else. I just want to be left alone to wallow in my state of confused desperation.

“Wren, was there a moment during this past week—if Ever hadn’t found you and this was all you knew of me—that you could have loved me?”

He raises my chin with his hand, and when I look at him, I can’t stop the tears. How can I answer that? The past week was based on lies and illusions. A sudden realization hits me in the chest—that maybe Alex really
is
just a shadowy reflection of myself, both of us outsiders, neither of us belonging. We’re both flawed, and maybe that’s what joins us. I take a shaky breath. Knowing what I know now, if I say no, if I say I never could have loved Alex, then I’m a liar. Because I
had
felt something for him—when I didn’t know who he was.

“Maybe,” I whisper, “in another lifetime.”

His hands grip my shoulders instantly, and in a millisecond he’s shifted us so that I’m facing him on the bed, my legs straddling his in a way that makes my breath quicken and my cheeks flush. I try to wrench free, but his grip on the small of my back roots me in place as his lips touch mine. The instant urgency of his kiss makes me shudder. There is nothing right about this, but that doesn’t stop the shock of pleasure from racing through my veins when his hands move to my hips, pulling me even closer. When his head dips to my neck, and his lips graze my jaw, my head falls back. Temporarily regaining my sanity, I open my mouth to tell him to stop. Before I can say a word, his lips are on mine again. Suddenly he bites my lower lip. The pressure is gentle, but it causes a sensation so intense that I whimper with longing. I’m about to lose myself completely when I feel his lips at my ear.

“
Yes
. I want you, Wren. I need you. I … love you.”

His voice is ragged, and the desire I hear in his voice is so powerful that it frightens me, breaking the spell I’m under. Like a thunderbolt, reality comes racing back, and I shove back with all of my force, stumbling backward off the bed. His hand shoots out and catches mine before I hit the floor. My horror is ten times what it was when he first brought my memory back.

This time I knew
exactly
who he was and what I was doing. I wrench free of his grip and hold up my hand in warning when he stands and begins approaching me. I will zap the hell out of him if tries to touch me.

“This is the only lifetime I have, and I love Ever.”

“Do you truly?” Alex demands. “Or is it simply my eternal bad luck that he found you first?”

He begins stalking toward me again, and the desperate look in his eyes scares me, causing a spark of my earlier rage to ignite.

“I don’t belong to you or to Ever! Do you understand me? I am a just sixteen-year-old human, and you crazy freaking immortals are going to give me some space. Now,
back off
.”

The fire in his blue eyes suddenly dims, and he laughs.

“Wren, you are anything but
just
human.”

He turns and walks over to the chair in front of the window. When he sits down facing the darkness, I walk unsteadily over to the bag at the foot of the bed and find a shirt that looks like it should fall to my knees. In the bathroom, I change and brush my teeth without looking in the mirror once. I can’t face my reflection. By the time I come out, Alex is still where I left him. He doesn’t turn around this time as I crawl into the giant bed, but as soon as I pull the covers over me, the lights go out.

I’m exhausted again, and despite everything, my eyes close almost immediately. The next time I open them, it’s still dark, but for the first time in days I have a feeling like I’ve slept longer than a few hours. The sound of the curtains opening suddenly makes my heart race, and I blink as the room is flooded with blinding light. I see Alex and feel my stomach tighten at the memory of last night. There’s a tray next to the bed with an assortment of pastries and other breakfast items. I fold back the covers and swing my legs over the side of the bed. Alex begins speaking before I can.

“If that was my last chance to kiss you, then I will never regret last night. I meant every word I said, and I will never give up the shred of hope I have that you will forgive me. Now, get ready. We need to leave as soon as possible.”

I nod, turning my attention to the tray of food. I eat as much fresh fruit as my stomach will allow, afraid I’ll end up eating nothing but nuts and dried goods for the rest of eternity. Eventually I look down at the oversized T-shirt I’m wearing, and in the daylight I’m embarrassed by my outfit. Getting up, I go over to the duffle bag and start pulling out a random assortment of items.

“Dress warmly,” he says with his back turned to me.

I walk to the bathroom to get changed, and by the time I’m ready, Alex is standing by the door with the duffle bag. We walk directly through the lobby to the front of the hotel, where the all-terrain vehicle is waiting. Outside in the crisp, cold air, I keep walking, looking up at the snow-capped mountains just behind the hotel. In the other direction, beyond the grassy hills and trees, I see the large harbor that had been almost invisible last night. I watch dozens of small boats on the smooth, silver water until Alex catches my hand. I pull free.

“I wish we were here under better circumstances,” he says, looking out at the water.

I feel a wave of confusion, remembering how I felt the night of the dance. Right now my thoughts and emotions are so jumbled that I can’t make sense of anything that’s happened in the past week. Even if I didn’t remember Ever while I was in Southern California, how is it possible that I could feel what I did for Alex? I stop and remind myself that anything I
thought
I felt for him was an illusion based on lies. When I turn and start walking back to the vehicle, Alex is already there holding the door open for me. When he appears on the driver’s side, I look away and try not to think about anything, because I have no safe thoughts left to keep me anchored.

Everything is at risk; nothing is certain. Not even my feelings.

We drive into the bustling city that’s tucked between the mountains and the harbor. When Alex stops at a storefront, he motions me out of the vehicle and takes my hand before I manage to step out. He keeps a tight grip on me as we walk toward the shop, and from the preternaturally vigilant expression on his face, I know this is not an affectionate gesture. Inside the store, he has a brief conversation with the store clerk, who points to a large trunk in the corner. Alex goes over and picks up the chest in one arm, causing the clerk to go wide-eyed with disbelief. Still holding my hand, he nods to the man as we leave. I follow him around to the back of the vehicle where he deposits the trunk.

“Wait! I’m not going anywhere else until I have proof that my parents are all right.”

Alex reaches into a pack in the back of the vehicle and retrieves a phone, one of dozens. He types something in, and then holds it out.

“Whom would you like to see first?”

He scrolls through half a dozen video files.

“My mom!” I gasp breathlessly.

He holds out the phone where I see footage taken from somewhere in our kitchen. My mom’s sitting at the kitchen table with a man who looks vaguely familiar. She’s laughing. She looks happy. Alex scrolls to a similar scene with my dad and Jessica in their kitchen, but I want to go back to the snippet with my mom. I take the phone from him.

“It’s a live feed,” Alex says. “Your friends are there, too.”

My stomach pitches. This is the same thing he did with Ashley to prove she was alive right before I stepped through the mirror. I know my mom would
hate
the thought of someone taping her, but it gives me peace of mind to know that she’s all right. With a pang of desperation all I want is to go home. Alex takes the phone back. When I get into the passenger seat, I look over at him, and he answers my next question before I can ask it.

“From here, we’ll take a craft across the channel and then travel by land.”

“Across Antarctica?” I whisper.

“Not far. Audra and Chasen will be waiting.”

“And Ever?”

“You’ll see him very soon, I imagine.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means he and I share that much in common. We will do anything to keep you safe.”

“Safe? You mean tucked away at the edge of the world?” My breath hitches and panic wells in my chest. “Alex, I can’t do this. I can’t give up my life.”

“I promise you that won’t happen.”

We reach the harbor I saw from the hotel, and Alex ushers me into a building on the dock. I wait silently as he has another a rapid-fire conversation with a weathered, white-haired man who looks like he spends most of his time on the water. Eventually Alex hands over an enormous sum of cash, and the man nods. It’s very warm in the cramped room, and I’m glad when we return outside into the blustering wind since I’m dressed for the cold.

We walk to a small craft at the edge of the dock, and Alex takes the enormous pack and the trunk and throws them aboard. When he offers his hand, I can’t help doing a mental tally of all the vehicles: two planes, two boats, and counting. What’s next? I remember thinking I had gone down the rabbit hole when I first found out what Ever was. Now I know for certain that I’m still falling. Where I’ll end up, alive or dead, human or otherwise—I can’t guess anymore.

Alex starts the engine and I sit down, my eyes traveling to the mountains in the distance. Then I watch the boat’s mass parting the steel-gray liquid as we head out onto open water. As we cross the channel, an endless block of ice comes into view, and I count an increasing number of glaciers in the distance. I imagine without the hum of the engine, it would be close to silent out here.

“We’re crossing at the narrowest point of the channel,” Alex calls over the engine. “We’ll be there soon.”

There.
Antarctica
.

I nod, remembering having read something in a social studies class about Charles Darwin and an expedition to this part of the world—the very edge of it. I can see why explorers would be drawn here, to the savage beauty, the regal blue, white, and steel colors. Sky, snow, and water. That’s all that’s left. Alex’s wild copper hair is like a beacon of fire in this blue-tinged world. His eyes, though—they match perfectly.

Fire and ice.

We approach a massive glacier. It’s glowing in the sunlight and surrounded by ice-blue water. I stare up at it in awe. I’ve never seen anything like it, and I probably never will again. My cheeks are wet with tears when Alex looks over at me. He cuts the engine, his expression baffled, and I hiccup.

“I forgot you can erase my mind, but you can’t read it. I was thinking how beautiful it is. Have you been here before?”

He nods.

“Of course you have,” I mumble. “Does it get old—infinite existence? Having seen and done everything before?”

“Infinite conflict has given me eternal purpose. It has for all of us.”

“That’s sad,” I say softly.

“Humankind is no different. Perpetual conflict, warfare.”

“But if that’s all you exist for?”

“It isn’t any longer.”

When the engine starts up again, I tuck myself out of the wind, trying to ignore Alex and forget last night, even though I know I never will. Staring at the steel trunk, I give the handle a good yank and can’t even make it budge. No wonder the store clerk looked at Alex like he wasn’t human. For a long time, I stare out at the water, and the next time Alex pulls back on the throttle, I look out and see a massive wall of ice. Glancing warily into the corner of the boat at the assortment of axes, ropes, and clips, I shake my head.

“We’re not climbing that, are we?”