New Beginnings (105 page)

She unfastened the buttons on my shirt slowly, dropping moist kisses on the exposed skin as she went. “I’d rather show you than tell you.”

“I think I’d prefer that as well.” I closed my eyes and simply enjoyed the sensation of her lips on my skin. I’d fallen asleep so many nights dreaming about her touch, wondering if I was crazy to think I could get that lucky again. But we were back where we belonged, in each other’s arms, and I intended to enjoy every second of it.

Mia kissed my neck as she spread my shirt. “Make no mistake, Deacon. No matter where we are in our relationship, whether we’re living together or I’m wearing your ring, I am yours. Totally. Completely. Yours.”

I savored those words. Knowing she was mine and I was hers, that we loved each other and wanted to build a life together, were the only things that mattered. “I love you, theia.” I held her beautiful face and whispered, “So much,” before brushing my lips across hers.

“I love you too.” She deepened the kiss before she pulled back. Her expression was so somber it had my heart ripping until she said, “I’m not sure how this works. I know when you’re a drug addict or alcoholic, you have to abstain for life. How does it work with your kind of addiction?”

I laughed loudly before pulling her close and burying my face in her neck. “If you’re asking me whether we can have sex, the answer is yes. But I have to warn you, with my addictive personality, I could become obsessed with ravishing you. I may want you all the time—morning, noon, and night.” I was teasing her, and she knew it, but making light of something that plagued me for so long felt good.

She seemed to consider the matter carefully before responding. “I guess if there’s an upside to this whole thing, that would have to be it.”

I grinned before taking a deep breath. I knew what needed to be said before we could move forward. “Before, when we were together, I was desperate for a commitment because I was scared of the power this thing had over me. I thought if we were living together, engaged, or married, that would give me the strength I needed to fight it. But when you left me, I realized I had to fight this battle on my own, and I did. It’s not something that can be addressed overnight or even in a couple of months. A lot of deep-seated issues contributed to this, but I’m working through them and will continue to do so until I feel like I’ve got a handle on it.”

“I admire you for doing that,” she said, gliding her fingers through my hair. “I know it must be difficult.”

“It is, but it’s worth it. I’m feeling better every day, more stable and more grounded. I know what I want now, what’s important and what’s not.”

“Care to share?”

“You’re important. What we have, what we could have—that’s what’s important to me. It’s clearer to me now than it ever was that I wouldn’t do anything to put this relationship at risk. I certainly would never cheat on you. I can promise you that. This addiction doesn’t have the same hold on me it once did. I feel like I’m finally back in control of my life and my decisions.”

She smiled. “I’m glad to hear that. And for the record, I do believe you, and I trust you, Deacon. Completely.”

With that, I reached for the hem of her thin cotton dress and pulled it over her head. I was shocked and excited to find her completely naked. “Wow, had I known this, I wouldn’t have wasted so much time talking.” I cupped her breasts as my thumbs circled her nipples.

She tilted her head back as she braced her hands on my shoulders. “I’m glad we did. We needed to figure things out.”

“And now?” Watching her slip into that state of rapture where feelings superseded words and thoughts mesmerized me. “What have you figured out, gorgeous?”

“That I need you.” Her breath hitched as my hand trailed down her stomach toward the burning apex between her thighs. “That you’re my soulmate, Deacon.”

Those simple words filled me with more satisfaction than I’d ever felt. Knowing I was the only person she felt could answer her soul’s call for completion made all of the pain and heartache leading up to this moment worth it.

“I love that you feel that way,” I said, focusing only on her pleasure as my fingers glided in and out of her. “I feel exactly the same way. You’re it for me, Mia. There will never be anyone else.”

She moaned, tipping her head back as she gripped my shoulders. “That feels amazing.”

“You’re amazing.” I watched her come apart in my arms. I’d been lucky enough to see most of the world’s wonders, but that sight eclipsed them all.

She helped me out of my clothes slowly, and her eyes were hooded with lust when she finally climbed back onto my lap. Her eyes fastened on mine as she encased me with her moist heat. She squeezed just enough to remind me who was in charge.

“Make love to me,” I whispered, trying to control the urge to explode inside her. My unfailing control was failing me when I needed it most.

“That’s what I intend to do.” She rocked back and forth, moaning when she hit just the right spot. Kissing me deeply, she pulled away as her body trembled.

I held her hips firmly, steering her body through her release until she’d landed safely on the other side. “I love to watch you like this.” I kissed her neck as she laughed lightly.

“Not as much as I love to watch you.” She gripped the back of my neck and rode me hard, obviously intending to make me lose control. “Now it’s your turn.”

I didn’t have a prayer of fighting her, nor did I want to. I wanted to get lost in the power of our connection, shutting out everyone and everything else until the only thing that mattered was our pleasure.

I groaned, tensing just before I burst inside her. Her eyes sparkled with satisfaction as I surrendered completely to the force of a release that should have rendered me catatonic. We held each other tightly as our breathing returned to normal.

My hands skated over her back before landing on her bottom. “Spend the night with me tonight.”

“Okay.”

I chuckled. “That was easier than I thought.”

“What can I say?” she asked, smirking as she pulled back. “I missed you.”

“That’s what I like to hear.”

“We’re going to be okay.” She looked deeply into my eyes, her expression somber. “No matter what happens, we’re going to face it together. You’re not alone anymore. That means no more unilateral decisions about what’s best for us. You won’t try to shield me from the things you think might hurt me. You’ll be honest and trust that I can handle it. Agreed?”

Learning to let go of my compulsion to control everything would be a challenge, but she’d proven that no challenge was great enough to keep us apart. “Agreed.”

“I love you.”

Leaning in to kiss her, I murmured, “And I you, theia.”

Book One in the Steele Brothers Series

Cheryl Douglas

Copyright © by Cheryl Douglas

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, including photocopying, graphic, electronic, mechanical, taping, recording, sharing, or by any information retrieval system without the express written permission of the author and / or publisher. Exceptions include brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Persons, places and other entities represented in this book are deemed to be fictitious. They are not intended to represent actual places or entities currently or previously in existence or any person living or dead. This work is the product of the author’s imagination.

Any and all inquiries to the author of this book should be directed to:
[email protected]

Ryker © 2015 Cheryl Douglas

Ryker

Mackenzie Steele assumed she’d be with her husband forever. He was her best friend, the father of her children. But when weeks turned into months without intimacy, she realized she was too young to feel so old. She wanted to feel desirable again, to find the woman Ryker had fallen in love with twenty years ago. And there was only one way she knew how to do that… by asking him to move out.

Ryker was blindsided when his wife told him she wanted to separate. He knew they’d hit a rough patch, but he’d never allowed himself to imagine his life without her. Now he had no choice. She was happy without him, living life on her own terms, and he knew if he didn’t find a place for himself in her new life, it would be too late to save his marriage.

Mackenzie

SIX MONTHS EARLIER

I couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth. Sure, I’d thought them a thousand times over the past year, but I never thought I’d hear myself say them. But there they were, out in the open, hovering in the emptiness between us, demanding attention, acknowledgement… something.

“You think we should separate?” Ryker asked. “You want me to move out?”

I could hear the disbelief in my husband’s voice. After seventeen years of marriage, almost twenty years together, he couldn’t believe I was asking him to walk away.

“You had to know this was coming.” I was sitting on the edge of the chair, unable to sit, unable to stand, unable to breathe. “It’s not that I don’t love you anymore.” I reached for his hand but drew back when he glared at me. “You know I do.”

“Don’t,” he said between clenched teeth. “Don’t tell me you’re just not
in
love with me anymore.”

Was I? I didn’t know anymore. He was still my best friend, the father of my two children. That’s what made this so painful. I didn’t dislike him. I didn’t resent him. I just… didn’t really know him anymore. Or myself for that matter.

I always thought it was so cliché when I’d heard couples say they’d grown apart after years together. I thought Ryker and I were different. That would never happen to us. We were too intense, too passionate, too much in love. But it had happened. And I didn’t know how to fix it, or whether I even had the energy to try to repair the rift between us.

“Why?” His hands were clasped between his bent knees. He was looking at the ground, fixating on the Persian rug beneath his booted feet. “Why are you doing this?”

“We haven’t had sex in six months, Ryker.” I whispered the words even though our boys were down the street, hanging out with friends. I knew they could walk in at any moment. “I tried talking to you about it so many times. You just said you were tired or stressed about work or were paranoid about waking the kids.”

“All of that was true!” He sighed, lowering his voice. “You know how hard I work, Mac.”

“I know.”

When I’d first met Ryker, he was a badass. A tattooed biker with a penchant for women and trouble. But we fell in love. I wanted to get married and he didn’t want to lose me, so he proposed. I often wonder if he felt coerced. Especially when I got pregnant within the first year of marriage. He’d vowed to be a better man for the sake of his son. To leave that life behind and focus on providing for his family. And he’d come through. In a big way.

He was now the owner of a multi-million dollar company that made some of the most sought-after custom motorcycles in the world. His client list included
Forbes
wealthiest, A-list celebrities, and old money who wanted a taste of how the bikers lived.

I was so proud of him, but a part of me missed the carefree thrill-seeker he’d been before his life revolved around employing hundreds of people.

“What about counselling?”

I could tell by the way he posed the question that he’d rather undergo a tooth extraction. Men like Ryker didn’t air their problems in public, especially with strangers. We’d been together for several years before he’d opened up enough to tell me about the house of horrors he’d grown up in. I knew a therapist would open that Pandora’s box, assuming it was related to our current intimacy issues. Knowing he was willing to go through that for the sake of our marriage touched me, but I doubted it would help, and I refused to put him through that knowing the outcome would likely be the same.

“Do you really think it would help?”

He clenched one fist in the other without answering. “Maybe we should take a vacation, just the two of us. I bet your mom would stay with the kids if—”

“Ryker, are you still attracted to me?” It pained me to ask, but I had to know.

He shifted uncomfortably. “What kind of question is that?”

The fact that he couldn’t look at me or answer me directly told me all I needed to know. My husband wasn’t aroused by me anymore. That’s why he didn’t want to have sex with me. It was a serious blow to my ego, but I couldn’t claim to be surprised.

I was nearing forty, and the boys’ sports came before my manicures. There was more and more gray creeping into my ash-blond hair every day. I was carrying an extra twenty-five pounds, at least, and my wardrobe looked like the inside of a Lulu store. Comfy, that was my motto. Sexy was too much trouble, and apparently my marriage had suffered because of it.

But I knew it was more than my appearance. Ryker wasn’t that shallow. I’d lost myself, stopped loving myself. So how could I expect him to love me?