New Life (13 page)

Clinging to her, I felt a wave of feeling
rush over me, too intense to control. I’d experienced a lot of
angry outbursts in the aftermath of the accident, but this time a
surge of joy brought tears to my eyes. I blinked them away, damned
if I’d let Anna see me as an overemotional, crying-during-sex kind
of guy.

Suddenly, Anna leaped off my lap, leaving me
thrusting into the air.

“Crap! Condom.”

She ran to her bedroom to get the protection
we needed, which gave me time to get myself under control. By the
time she’d returned and was rolling the condom on my cock, I was
pretty cool. I pulled her on top of me and guided myself into her,
trembling only a little because it felt so amazing.

Threading my fingers through her hair, I
cradled her head and dragged her down for more kisses as our bodies
moved together in an easy rhythm. It was a perfect moment,
everything I wanted it to be—until the dog jumped on the couch to
join in the fun.

“Down, Baby!” Anna pushed the puppy off the
couch, but she leaped right back up and stared at me, head cocked,
while I pumped away.

It was way too late to interrupt things to
put the dog in her kennel, so we ignored her bright-eyed stare. I
closed my eyes and strove for that peak, which seems elusive until
all of a sudden it’s there. I tumbled down the far side,
free-falling and clinging to Anna. A moment later, she clenched
around me and gave a hoarse cry.

Alarmed by all the noisy activity, Baby’s
whimpers turned to barks. Anna collapsed against my shoulder,
laughing. I held her close. This was a moment even my crappy memory
would never forget—holding Anna, feeling her body shaking and the
goofy dog pawing at my leg, trying to get between us.

Had sex always been this great? I couldn’t
remember the act with any clarity, but I somehow doubted I’d ever
felt this way before.

At last Anna pulled away, still laughing. She
peeled herself off me, and gathered her clothes to dress. I did the
same, going to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and wash up. I
looked at myself in the mirror over the sink, expecting to look
different somehow. But I didn’t. Same old face. Same old me.

Now what?
Was I supposed to hang
around, maybe even spend the night, or should I leave before I
outstayed my welcome? I felt wonderful and a little lost all at the
same time. I decided to follow Anna’s cue. She’d let me know when
it was time to leave.

I returned to the living room to find she’d
finished clearing the dishes from the patio and was turning on the
TV. “Want to watch a movie?”

“Sure.”

I joined her on the couch, and she ran
through the choices on the menu. She put on some political-intrigue
flick, and I quickly lost track of the plot I couldn’t care less
about. I’d watch anything just to be snuggled up on the couch with
my arm around Anna. In fact, I spent more time watching her than
the movie. The glow from the TV screen played over her face,
etching every feature, and I thought she was about the most
beautiful woman I’d ever seen.

She finally noticed me staring. “What?”

“Nothing. Just looking at you.”

“Well, don’t. It’s freaky.” But she smiled as
she said it.

I grinned. “Sorry.”

I turned my attention back to the screen on
which a guy was trying to break into someplace to diffuse something
or steal information or maybe track down the person behind the
plot. The quick edits and shaky-cam were giving me a headache, so I
closed my eyes. When I opened them again, the final credits were
rolling and Anna had turned on a couple of lights. She shut off the
TV.

I rose stiffly and stretched. “I’d better be
going.”

“I’ll give you a ride home.”

I would’ve preferred to hear,
Why don’t
you spend the night?
but her smile was warm, and she didn’t
sound as if she wished I’d disappear.

“I’d ask you to stay, but I’ve got to get up
early,” she said.

“No problem. You don’t have to give me a
ride. I’m used to taking COTA.” I sat tying my shoes and wishing I
had a car like a normal person.

“No way. I’m not sending you out in the
middle of the night. Do the busses even run this late?”

In the end, I swallowed my pride and took the
ride she offered. It wasn’t as if I was dragging her out into snow
or rain. It was a nice evening, and the trip to my house was fairly
short, plus it was a chance to hang out just a little longer.

“I had a really nice time today,” she said as
she stopped the car in front of my apartment building. “We’ll have
to do it again soon.”

“I’d like that.” Words were too small to
encompass how very
much
I’d like that. I was afraid we were
just making polite talk and wouldn’t see each other again. It was
too difficult to juggle our schedules. She wasn’t really
interested. This had been a one-nighter, as far as she was
concerned. Worries skittered around in my head like nervous
mice.

Fuck it. I was a man, not a mouse. I’d show
her what she’d be missing if she blew me off. I leaned over and
wrapped my arms around her. My mouth found hers in the darkness of
the car, and I kissed her hard enough to make her gasp when I let
her go. Whether we saw each other again or not, it was a kiss she
wouldn’t forget.

“I’ll text you,” I said before I got out of
the car.

“Me too.” Her voice sounded a little
breathless, which was very satisfying.

I went into the building, but before the door
closed behind me, I watched her drive away. Something was starting
here, the first really good thing in my life in a long time. Now,
if I could just keep from screwing it up. Excitement and happiness
mingled with dread as I envisioned a hundred different ways that
might happen.

Chapter Fourteen

Work got extremely busy during the days
following my date with Jason. My hours grew longer, and I had
literally no time for a social life, but I didn’t want Jason to
think I was brushing him off. I wanted to see him. It just seemed
both our lives conspired to make sure that didn’t happen.

So I texted like crazy, telling him little
bits about my day, asking about his, reiterating what a great time
I’d had, and promising to see him again as soon as I could.

I finished late enough one evening that Jason
was already starting his shift. It was easy to find where he was
working in the building and steal a few minutes alone. Some frantic
groping and kissing was about all we had time for though, since he
was officially working and had a job to get through.

All right. That’s a lie. We went well beyond
kissing and groping. In the days that followed, I stopped to see
him many nights before leaving the building. A quick fuck in a
deserted stairwell or on a break room table happened more often
than not. Sordid and hasty, but exciting too. Unfortunately,
seizing moments of quick release wasn’t the same as going on real
dates, and I feared Jason might feel I was using him as some sort
of stress reliever at the end of a long day.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so busy. I even had to
go in on the weekend,” I told him one night. “Poor Baby is at day
care more than she’s at home. It’s not good for her, having me gone
this much.”

Jason buttoned his shirt post-make-out
session. His hair was sticking out in crazy swirls from me running
my hands through it. “I could spend some time with her if you want.
My days aren’t that busy. I know it’s not the same as her being
with you, but she might like some one-on-one attention.”

“Really? You’d do that?” I swiftly considered
the proposition. It would be nice for Baby to have more personal
care than she probably got at day care, but it seemed a big favor
to ask of Jason. A huge favor considering the time and effort it
would take for him to get to my house, or the day care, to pick up
Baby. “I couldn’t ask you to.”

“You don’t have to. I’m offering.”

“I suppose I could drop her off with you some
days rather than take her to day care, but then I’d have to pick
her up before you leave for work. It would be a lot of juggling for
both of us.”

He shrugged. “Up to you.”

I hesitated. This was the kind of favor a
person might ask of a boyfriend, not somebody she was having a
casual affair with. Did I want our relationship to turn that corner
into something more?

“If you really don’t mind, I could drop her
off with you some mornings. Or…maybe…you could come to my place
after work and sleep there.”

“I could do that.” His eyes crinkled at the
corners and grooves cut on either side of his mouth.

We seemed to be bypassing casual dating and
going straight to spending the night, which wasn’t what I’d
intended. Or maybe it was. The thought of Jason joining me in bed
in the middle of the night was arousing, exciting, and way too much
too soon. All I knew was that I wanted it. I wanted him for more
than brief snatches of furtive coupling in an empty office
building.

And then what?
You’re not thinking
ahead.
My mother’s voice nagged. All the years I’d lived on my
own and I still couldn’t crowbar her out of me. She’d trained me to
consider possible consequences of every action. She didn’t act
without planning ahead, and I’d inherited that quality in spades.
Life mapping
, Mom called it.

Life mapping right down to every excruciating
detail. Except Baby. I’d chosen to bring the dog into my life on a
whim, and so far that had turned out fine. What was a little mess
and trouble compared with all the joy and love I got in return?

Jason stood looking at me, and I realized I’d
remained silent, considering pros and cons, for too long. “What
about tomorrow night?”

His smile went a long way toward erasing my
doubts. “I can do that,” he repeated.

****

One night of staying over at Anna’s turned
into several times a week. It wasn’t hard to change my pattern to
accommodate sleeping in a different bed—not when the incentive was
so great. But sometimes I’ll admit I got a little confused trying
to remember whether it was an “Anna night” or a home night. At the
end of a particularly tiring night of work, I’d have to check my
planner to assure myself I was going to the right destination.

When I reached Anna’s apartment building and
let myself in—she’d given me my own key—it was like reaching heaven
to climb into bed with her. She was soft, warm, and sleepy, and
smelled so good. Sometimes she woke up and we made love. Other
times, she grunted and rolled over, and I spooned up behind her and
fell right to sleep.

I’d stay in bed for several hours after Anna
left for work. When Baby decided I’d slept long enough, she’d start
whimpering and pawing at me. I got up, dressed, and took her out on
a long walk, then made myself breakfast and ate it, sprawled on the
couch in front of Anna’s massive TV. I quickly adapted to the
luxurious new routine.

But Anna’s fancy apartment pointed out the
poverty of my place in sharp relief. For some time, I’d been too
busy recovering and generally keeping my shit together to set any
long-term goals. Leaving the safety of my parents’ house to get an
apartment and job had been enough of a challenge. Now I knew I
couldn’t stop there. I needed to set bigger goals. But what was I
fit for? What did I
want
to do? Hell, I hadn’t known that
when I was drinking my way through college. It wasn’t going to be
any easier to figure out now.

One day, I hooked a leash on Baby and took
her for a walk after breakfast in a nearby park. As I looked up at
the blue sky through gold leaves, I felt pretty damn happy,
something I wasn’t used to feeling, but anxious too, because
whenever something really great happens, you can bet an anvil’s
going to drop.

Baby squatted to pee about a half-dozen
times. When she stopped to drop a load, I realized I hadn’t brought
the poop paraphernalia Anna had instructed me to bring on walks. I
looked around for anyone watching. An old woman sitting on a bench
scowled as I kicked dirt and dog shit underneath the nearest bush.
I shrugged and smiled at her. What’d she want me to do, pick it up
with my bare hands?

My sister’s ringtone, a pop hit she’d
programmed in, jangled on my cell phone. I wrapped Baby’s leash
around my wrist and answered. “Hey, what’s up? Aren’t you in
school?”

“Yeah. I’m on lunch. Did you remember Mom’s
birthday is coming up? We need to buy something.”

“Right. I remember.” Crap. Mom’s birthday
being right on the heels of Dad’s should’ve been easy to remember,
but my new relationship with Anna had pushed everything else out of
my mind.

I glanced at Baby, who was tugging on the
leash in a hurry to get on with her walk. “I don’t know when I can
get together to shop with you. Can’t you pick something and put
both our names on it? I’ll pay you back.”

There was a long silence. “Fine. Whatever.
I’ll take care of it. What are you so busy with anyway?”

“I’m taking care of a friend’s pet for
her.”

“
Her?
Is this the girl you went out
with before?” Katie’s annoyed tone turned eager as she sniffed out
gossip.

“Yeah.” A warm feeling oozed through me like
the sun soaking into my skin. “Her name’s Anna.”

“Is it serious?”

“I don’t know.”

“I can hear you smiling. You’re in love,
aren’t you?” Katie sounded excited, which was kind of sweet but
also made me wish I hadn’t said anything.

“I don’t know about love, but I like her a
lot. Keep this to yourself, okay? I’m not ready to hear Mom list
all the reasons this is a bad idea.”

“Why would she do that? She
wants
you
to date people and be happy. Jeez, Jason, give her some credit. I
mean, Mom drives me nuts too, but she’s not horrible. And you’re
not as defective as you think you are.”