New Life (10 page)

“What do you really want?” he demanded
abruptly.

“Nothing. Jesus!” I was starting to wonder
why I’d bothered. If I was going to pick any of the people from
group to make friends with, why had I chosen Rob?

“Why are you suddenly volunteering to talk at
group and asking me to hang with you? What happened?”

“I guess it’s like Maxie says, I’m finally
ready to talk. So tell me more about yourself, Rob. You’re in the
insurance business, right?”

“Claims adjustor.” He drummed his fingers
against his bag. “Or I was. I’m laid off.”

“That’s too bad. Fucking economy, right?”

“Fucking jerks running my office, more
like.”

I bit down on another smart-ass comment.
Can’t imagine they’d want to lose a guy with a personality like
yours.
Instead, I made the mistake of saying, “Tell me about
it.”

Rob did. In detail. For the next forty-five
minutes while I sipped my iced coffee.

“That guy’s been out to get me since I was
hired. It was only a matter of time,” Rob finished gloomily.

“That sucks,” I repeated for the tenth time,
then changed the subject. “You had a head injury when you got
mugged, didn’t you? Ever think of claiming disability?”

That launched Rob on another tirade, this
time against government bureaucracy.

“Sounds like you’re having a hard time,” I
said finally. “It’s not easy to bounce back from stuff is it?”

He tapped a finger against his coffee cup.
“What’s the deal with you, anyway? People don’t just change all of
a sudden.”

“I…” Again I wished I’d picked anyone other
than Rob to talk with. He was the grumpiest guy I knew. “I don’t
like to whine about what happened to me. That’s why I never talk at
group. All you guys have suffered traumas inflicted on you. What
happened to me I did to myself. It didn’t feel right to complain
about it.”

“So what’s changed?”

Anna’s smile flashed in my mind.

“I met this girl.” I forced back a goofy grin
that wanted to bust out all over my face. “I’d figured I was pretty
much done with dating. I was living one day at a time with as
little contact with people as possible.”

“How’d you meet this chick?” Rob’s shaggy
eyebrows knit together as if he was trying to figure out whether
I’d simply picked up a hooker.

“In the building I clean.”

“What’s the woman do?”

“She’s a lawyer.” It sounded ridiculous when
I said it out loud. Why in the world would a successful career
woman be interested in a janitor?

“Oh.” Rob sounded as if he’d come to the same
conclusion, and he didn’t pull any punches. “You sure you’re not
making this up? Like maybe you have a crush on her and she has no
idea who you are?”

“No. I’m not making it up. We went out this
weekend, and it was”—a barrage of memories of that night swept over
me, and I could hardly formulate words—“good. I think we’ll be
seeing each other again.”

Rob squinted doubtfully.

“I didn’t expect anything like this. It’s
kind of changed my perspective about what I can expect out of life.
So I’m trying to put forth some effort at group.”

“Well, I guess I could see some girl liking
you. You’re not ugly. But a lawyer? How you gonna deal with her
being successful and rich?”

I don’t care. Stop harshing my buzz. I’m
happy for the first time in a really long time. Can’t I just enjoy
it for two seconds?

“I wouldn’t count on it working out,” he
continued. “It can be hard for a guy to date a really successful
woman.”

“You speaking from experience?”

He didn’t answer. “So now you’ve got this
new-lease-on-life thing going. Well, don’t expect that to
last.”

“I’m really glad we decided to get together.
Your outlook is inspiring,” I said dryly.

“Hey, man, I’m just warning you not to get
too pumped. What goes up must come down.” Rob stabbed a finger in
the air. “You’ve got to find your own way to be happy, with or
without the girl.”

“Like you?” I noted his permanent frown
lines.

“I’m happy. I have my interests. In fact, I’m
glad I got fired—laid off, ’cause now I can do what I’ve always
wanted. I’m going to open a hobby shop.”

“Really?”

“I have the finest collection of World War II
battleship models outside of a museum. They’ll be featured in the
store window, and that will bring in customers.”

Rob talked about model shipbuilding and World
War II for a while. He was a quirky dude with no social skills, but
who was I to judge, considering my special issues? At least I could
count on him to be bluntly honest. Whether he was right about Anna
and me being an impossible couple remained to be seen.

Chapter Ten

“Are you ready?” Jules asked. “Because I have
no doubt in my mind that you are.” My mentor was great at
bolstering confidence and soothing fluttering nerves.

I nodded. “Absolutely.” And I realized I
meant it. I was fully prepared to present our case and “squeeze”
the juice company until it was willing to settle.

In court, I was very calm as I described
conditions at the bottling plant and told about the
E. coli
outbreak that had been traced back to Grandpa’s Old-Fashioned Grape
Nectar. There weren’t a lot of holes in my case. Grandpa’s legal
team called a recess, then settled on a tidy sum that satisfied our
clients.

“Good work.” Jules smiled at me as we left
the courthouse. “Feels good, doesn’t it? You were cool as a
cucumber.”

I couldn’t help but feel smug after another
success. Good to know all those years of school hadn’t been wasted.
In fact, I was pretty damn good at my job.

The moment my mind wasn’t caught up in the
case, thoughts of Jason crept back in. Since our date, I’d waffled
back and forth between dying to see him again and devising ways to
let him down easy. I was a broken barometer incapable of reading my
own weather. That afternoon, I sat at my desk and reread our
exchange of texts from Sunday.

Jason: Had a great time last night. Hope u
did too.

Me: I did. Glad you went out with me even tho
you weren’t feeling well.

Jason: Maybe a movie next time?

Me:
(after several hours of pondering
whether I wanted to go further)
Sounds good.

Jason: Let me know when.

Me: Schedule’s tight. Will figure something
out.

Nothing from Jason for several hours. Maybe
he was busy or maybe he was showing me he could play it cool too.
At last he responded.
Sure. Whenever.

Late Sunday evening I’d come to a decision.
Any free days this week?

Jason: Meet for lunch Wed.?

We’d agreed to meet in the little park by my
office building, the one where the homeless people hung out. Since
setting the date, I’d spent a lot of time trying to decide what I
was going to say to him. Jason didn’t fit into my life. I couldn’t
picture having a long-term relationship. But so what if we merely
dated awhile and it didn’t go anywhere? Nothing wrong with that. So
what if I enjoyed his kisses, his sense of humor, and the
intentness of his incredible eyes just for a while?

Because, Jason isn’t someone you can take
lightly
.
Whatever happens between you is going to
mean
something. Are you ready for it?
My inner voice sounded too
much like Jules Arden.

“You’re making a bigger deal out of this than
you need to,” I said aloud.

“What’s a big deal?” Cindy popped into my
office like an uninvited genie appearing. “Did you blow it in court
again?”

“Uh, no, I didn’t. In fact, I negotiated a
great settlement.”

She sank into the chair on the other side of
my desk, kicked off her high heels, and rubbed one foot against the
other. “Congratulations. So, what’s the big deal?”

“Nothing. It’s
not
a big deal. That’s
the point.”

Cindy leaned forward, eyes narrowing. “Come
on. You’ve got something brewing. I can smell it on you. Last week
I thought so, but this week I’m sure. You’re all jumpy and flushed.
It’s a new guy, isn’t it?”

I didn’t want to lie, but I knew
diarrhea-mouthed Cindy would let the whole office know my
business.

“My parents are coming to visit in a few
weeks,” I said. “They always put me on edge. I’m just reminding
myself that I’m a successful woman and their opinion doesn’t
matter, that I’m making a bigger deal out of their visit than it
deserves.”

It was the truth. Mom and Dad
were
coming to visit soon, and I wasn’t thrilled about it.

“Oh, is that all?” Cindy slumped back into
her seat. “I’d rather hear about a juicy new romance, preferably
with someone completely inappropriate—like maybe with that hot
janitor you were talking to the other day.”

I schooled my face into a neutral expression.
Was she joking or fishing for details? With Cindy it could be
either one. That was why she was so good in court. She could
prattle on, putting her witness at ease, and then suddenly spring a
trap they never saw coming.

“If I wanted to share my love life, I would,”
I said shortly.

“Hah! So you admit there
is
something
to share,” she crowed.

I glanced at my watch. “I have a deposition
to prepare for. I can’t chat with you right now.”

“Fine. I’m going.” Cindy slipped on her shoes
and headed to the door. “But you can’t escape me forever.” She left
with a finger waggle.

I was too busy the rest of the day to dwell
on relationships or busybody coworkers, and that evening I devoted
my attention to Baby. She was so thrilled to see me her little body
shook. But she didn’t jump on me. The doggie day care handlers
really knew how to correct bad behavior.

I gathered Baby in my arms and, avoiding the
reproving eyes of the handler, allowed the pup to lick my face.
“Good girl. That’s a good, sweet girl.”

I buried my nose in her fur and took pleasure
in her pure love. Animals were so uncomplicated. People did awful
things to each other and then sued.

I thanked the staff for providing another
happy—and expensive—day of care, clipped on Baby’s leash, and
walked her to my car.

We spent a quiet girls’ night, eating dinner,
then watching a romcom that put both of us to sleep. But the movie
must have seeped into my consciousness, because I had a very vivid
dream about Jason making love to me on a tabletop like the couple
in the movie. When I woke, the end credits were rolling, my body
was quivering, and my panties were soaked through.

The next day was Date Day. I was on edge all
morning, counting down the minutes until I saw Jason again. I
recognized my excitement was extreme. I’d never been this het up
about seeing Tim in the entire time we’d been together. Not even in
the early days. What was it about Jason that had me feeling like a
cartoon character with butterflies dancing around my head and a
heart beating right out of my chest?

At twelve thirty, I walked toward the
sandwich cart at the edge of the park where we’d agreed to meet. It
was a beautiful fall day following a series of cold, cloudy ones.
The leaves were turning, and the sun made the touches of gold and
orange glow like flames. Jason was waiting for me on a bench, long
legs stretched out in front of him, arms draped along the back. His
face was tilted to the sunshine, eyes closed. Threads of copper
glinted in his dark hair.

My heart sped up along with my feet. I wanted
to kiss him with a desperate longing—like Baby diving into a bowl
of dog kibble. Whatever doubts I’d had when we were apart
evaporated instantly upon seeing him. I recalled the way his hands
had felt on my body, his lips on mine, and I wanted more. I hurried
toward him, but when his eyes opened and focused on me, I stopped,
suddenly shy.

“Hi.”

He smiled a one-sided smile, and warmth
unfurled low in my belly. “Hi.”

I shook off my odd nervousness and plunked
down beside him. “What are you up to today?”

“Having lunch with you, then going to work
later. What about you?”

“I’ve been busy. The usual.”

“What’s the usual?”

“A lot of research and organizing facts. This
afternoon, I have a meeting with a client.”

My leg bumped against his. I glanced down at
his jeans-clad knee and my flowered skirt, his battered tennis shoe
and my sleek high heel. I imagined our bare legs entwined together,
then quickly dragged my attention back up to his face.

“So…” I took a breath, considering all the
things I’d planned to say, then plunged in. “If I’ve seemed at all
standoffish this week, it’s because I needed time to think. I
really enjoyed the other night, but things moved along faster than
I’d expected.”

Jason nodded. “Yeah. I didn’t expect that
either.”

That
meaning our incredible make-out
session and intimate sharing of confidences. I looked away from his
too-intense eyes and studied the bracelet on my wrist.

“I’d like to keep seeing you,” I said. “But
it’s going to be hard to find time when we’re on opposite
shifts.”

He took his arms from the back of the bench
and folded them. “Plus, it’s not like we’re in the same social
circle. I understand.” He sounded as if he were responding to a
“get lost.”

I touched his arm. “Wait. I’m not saying I
don’t want to get together, only that it’s going to take some
arranging. But I want to, if
you
want to.”

“Hell, yeah.” His smile was back.

“Good. Well... Shall we get something to eat?
The Jamaica wraps at this cart are fantastic.”

I stood, and Jason rose stiffly. We joined
the queue for the cart and talked a little about the beautiful
weather and the outlook for the coming weekend.

“Maybe you’d like to join Baby and me at the
dog park on Saturday or Sunday if you have a few hours.”