New Life (6 page)

When Jason’s gaze flicked up and met mine, I
focused all my attention on my plate. I was suddenly off-balance
and couldn’t think of anything to say. Our work lives were light
years apart, and there wasn’t a lot to discuss about the janitorial
profession. What could the two of us possibly have in common?

“Good song,” Jason said. “It’s got a…good
beat.”

“You hated it,” I guessed from his tone.
“That’s okay. You can say it.”

His wrinkled his nose. “The band’s okay.
Maybe a different song…”

I took the player from him and skipped
forward a few tracks. “Try this one.”

This time, as I watched his frown of
concentration, I swear I saw the moment when his expression changed
from doubt to belief. He nodded. “Better. I like it.”

For some reason, that really mattered to me.
I wanted him to enjoy that song, but for real, not just to be
polite. I guess I needed to know we had some similar tastes.

“Try this.” He offered me his iPod, and I
listened to a rockabilly tune that had my toe tapping.

“Do you like to dance?” I asked.

“I’m more of a listener. My feet don’t move
so well.”

I’d completely forgotten about the way his
right leg seemed to drag a little. Of course, he wouldn’t be into
dancing.

“You can slow dance. It’s just shuffling
around with a partner.”

His mouth quirked up on one side. “You
offering?”

Was I? Did I really want him to meet my dog
or to go out dancing? What would be the harm in setting a real
date?

“There’s a club I like. No electronic dance
music. More of a retro kind of place. You might like it, and I
won’t force you to dance if you don’t want to.”

Jason looked at me, and a little shiver of
anticipation tickled my spine. Immediately I understood the harm
that might come from one date. With this guy, casual could turn
into something more, and I didn’t know if I was ready for that. But
cart before horse. It was a little soon to be worrying about the
future.

“I’d like that,” he said. “But I work most
nights.”

“We could go after your shift, if you’re not
too tired. Up to you.” I acted nonchalant, part of me hoping he’d
turn me down and put an end to my wondering if this was a bad
idea.

Instead, he stared even more deeply into my
eyes and asked, “Why?”

I blinked. “What?”

“Why would you want to go out with me? Why’d
you ask me to meet you here?” He sounded honestly curious.

“Why not? I like talking to you. Look, if
you’re not interested, just say so.”

He was silent long enough for me to start
feeling like a fool. “I’m interested,” he said at last. “I just
don’t understand why
you
are.”

Whoa, self-esteem issues much?
I knew
how I responded was pretty important right then, so I took a breath
and thought it through.

“I like your sense of humor. You have a
unique way of looking at things. It would be interesting to get to
know you. Anyway, I could ask the same thing.”

“Why I’m interested in you? You’re
kidding.”

I glowed as if he’d given me the most
elaborate compliment. His eyes spoke volumes, which was good,
because he didn’t add anything more.

“All right, then. Let’s go out.”

He paused, and I began to realize he usually
paused before he spoke. Maybe it took him some time to find the
right words. “I’m off on Saturday.”

“Saturday evening, then.”

We talked a little more, first-date chitchat
that felt pretty comfortable with Jason. We exchanged phone
numbers, and as we walked out of the diner, I offered him a ride
home so he wouldn’t have to wait for a bus.

Jason looked at the traffic flashing past.
“It’s probably out of your way.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Let me give you the address first, before
you decide.” He took his wallet from his back pocket and handed me
a laminated card with his name, address, and phone number on it and
a line at the bottom explaining he was brain damaged. There was
also a contact number for his parents. The little card was
sobering, reminding me that, despite appearances, Jason had been
through severe trauma.

“I don’t have my address memorized. Just know
what bus stop to get off at. You need to understand I have
problems, mostly with my memory but other things too. If you change
your mind about the date, I understand.” His jaw clenched. I could
see what that admission cost him.

I looked at the card, then into dark eyes,
which gazed unblinking into mine. “This isn’t that far out of my
way. And I don’t plan to break our date.”

He smiled, and lines crinkled the corners of
his eyes and grooved deep into each cheek. It was impossible not to
return that smile, even while a logical voice in my mind demanded
to know what I was doing getting involved with someone as
complicated as Jason.

Chapter Six

Over the next week, it was as if I had a
girlfriend. Anna sent me texts. I hadn’t received texts from
anybody but my family in the entire time I’d had the phone. She
asked how my day was going or told me about something cute her
puppy had done, and each random line was like finding gold to me. I
couldn’t wrap my mind around somebody as successful and pretty as
Anna being interested in me, but I was going to ride this crazy
train as long as the trip lasted.

Saturday morning, bright and early, my mom
called to remind me of Dad’s birthday party that afternoon.

“I have it written down,” I said. “I’ll be
there.”

“I know. I don’t want you to think I don’t
trust you, but—”

“It’s okay.”

I couldn’t blame her for not counting on my
memory, because she was right—I’d been so caught up in thoughts of
Anna and our date that evening, I
had
forgotten the big
birthday bash. I’d also forgotten my promise to take Katie to that
movie she wanted to see. She’d hate me if I postponed, but I didn’t
see how I could fit everything into one day.

“Aunt Ginnie and Uncle Steve are going to be
in town. And Kyle and his family,” Mom said. “You haven’t seen some
of your cousins in years. But they’re family, and it’s important
for all of us to get together once in a while.”

“Okay.” I watched a cockroach stroll across
my kitchen floor. I’d given up trying to exterminate them, figuring
if I didn’t leave a single crumb for them to snack on, they’d
eventually move out and surrender the apartment to me.

“Jason, there are going to be a lot of
people. I know you don’t do well with crowds. If you start feeling
too stressed, you should practice your relaxation exercises. Maybe
you should take some of your antianxiety meds.”

“I will.” I gritted my teeth, swallowing the
knot of tension her soothing tone provoked in me.

“Katie said you two plan to go to a movie
after the party. I don’t know if that’s a good idea. You have
out-of-town relatives you should spend time with. Besides, I don’t
want you to overextend yourself.”

“I promised Katie. We’re going.”

“Fine. It’s your decision.” She drew a
breath, and I interrupted before she could give me more
instructions.

“I’ve got to go, Mom. I’ll see you around
one.”

I hung up, already calculating how few hours
I could get away with being there. It wasn’t as if I didn’t want to
celebrate Dad’s birthday, but socializing with a boatload of
relatives was going to be stressful. Every look of pity was a paper
cut. Add enough of them together and I felt pretty flayed by the
end of a gathering.

Katie would be as anxious as me to get out of
there. A late-afternoon matinee was a perfect excuse to cut things
short, and I’d have plenty of time after the movie to get ready for
my date with Anna at eight o’clock.

Everything was under control.

Seeing the Connecticut relatives was like
meeting strangers. I didn’t remember them from before the accident.
No surprise, since we’d only gotten together about every other
year. My cousin Kyle, several years older than me, was apparently
successful in every way. He had a medical practice, a wife and baby
and a country home they’d just bought. He kept showing photos of
the new house to everyone, while his wife, Marcy or Mary rattled
off details about square footage and acreage. I looked at the
photos and said how great the place was.

Kyle lowered his voice, confidential and
concerned. “How are you doing, Jason? You getting along all
right?”

“I’m fine.”

“You know, there’ve been some amazing
advances in brain-injury recovery. Just the other day I was reading
in
JAMA
about a new electromagnetic pulse therapy.”

I bit my tongue and listened to my
general-practitioner cousin ramble on as if he knew more than the
specialists I’d been to, who’d told me there was no technology to
regenerate the damaged neural pathways in my brain. No quick
fix.

At last I couldn’t take Kyle’s well-meaning
advice anymore. “I’ve got to help my mom in the kitchen.”

I escaped the crowd of people in our backyard
and sighed with relief when I reached the cool and quiet living
room. I flopped down on the couch.

“You hiding out too?” My dad’s voice startled
me.

He stood silhouetted against the window with
a cup of beer in hand, looking out at the party. “Your mom’s sweet
to throw this shindig for me, but—”

“It’s not your thing.”

He walked over and sat in his armchair. “It’s
important to her, and I guess it’s nice to see everybody. Maybe
just not all at once.”

“I hear you.” I smiled at him. “Anyway, happy
birthday.”

“Thanks.” He sipped from his cup. “Hard to
wrap my mind around a number like fifty-five. I suppose sixty will
be even harder. The years slip by fucking fast.”

My eyes widened. I’d rarely heard a “damn” or
“shit” from my father. “I guess they do.”

He squinted at me, and I realized he’d had
more than a couple of beers. “Remember that. Don’t let time slip
away. You had a close call once already. Make the rest of your life
count.”

“Um, okay.” I reached out, and he passed the
plastic cup to me. I finished the beer for him.

“I have a date tonight,” I blurted, wanting
to let him know I wasn’t letting life pass me by.

“Really? That’s great!” he exclaimed. “Who is
she?”

“Somebody I met at work. She’s a lawyer.”
Damn, that sounded like I was bragging. Well, maybe I was a little.
“Her name’s Anna. We went out for coffee once, but this is our
first official date.”

“Good for you.” He smiled, and suddenly I saw
him as more than just “Dad.” His hairline was receding, lines
creasing his face, but underneath was a guy who was shocked by the
middle-aged man he saw in the mirror. I could imagine the guy my
mom had fallen in love with in college. I saw their life together
mapped out in photos and memories and two kids. And I appreciated
what a gift it was to have parents who had not only stayed together
but still seemed to love each other.

“Let’s get back to your party before Mom
starts freaking out.” I dragged myself off the couch and offered a
hand to help him from his chair. Then I gave him a quick hug. “Love
you, Dad.”

He squeezed the breath out of me with his
strong embrace. “Love you too, son. If you’d talk to your Uncle
Steve and keep him away from me, that’d be the best birthday
present you could give me. I can’t stand that guy.”

“Deal, if you do the same for me with
Kyle.”

By the time Katie and I said our good-byes
and extricated ourselves from the party, I had a headache that
pulsed with every beat of my heart. The pain stretched from my
temples, down my neck. The right side of my body felt like I’d
tried and failed to run a marathon. Too much tension made my old
injuries flare up.

I would’ve begged off going to the movie with
Katie, but she was already chattering about how great the special
effects were supposed to be. I couldn’t disappoint her. Besides, I
figured I could grab a nap in the dark theater.

Unfortunately, because neither Katie nor I
can drive, when I “took her” someplace, it actually meant Mom or
Dad had to give us a ride. Dad would have been happy to escape his
party and drop us at the nearest megaplex at the edge of the city,
twenty minutes away, but one of the younger cousins volunteered so
he wouldn’t have to leave.

During the drive, I tried to listen to
Katie’s story about some mean girls at school and their list of
crimes, but I kept zoning out and letting her words wash over me
like so much white noise.

“Are you even listening?” Katie demanded.

I turned toward her scowling face. Were
twelve-year-old girls ever happy? “Cassie sucks. T.J. is even
worse. And Deb stole the guy you like.”

Her frown relaxed. “That’s right. So
anyway…”

My mind drifted to thoughts of Anna, who’d
sent a text confirming she’d meet me at eight. She’d offered to
pick me up at my apartment, but there was no way I wanted her
there. Bad enough she’d seen the dilapidated building when she gave
me a ride home the other night.

Katie and the female cousin whose name I
couldn’t remember chatted about school and then about the
Bloodsuckers
sequel until we arrived at the theater.

“Wish I was going with you guys. I hear this
is a good one,” the cousin said before she drove away.

“How long did you say the movie was?” I asked
Katie as we walked into the theater.

“I don’t know. A couple of hours.”

I calculated the time it would take for me to
catch a bus from here back to my side of the city and then to the
club where I was supposed to meet Anna. “I won’t be able to stay
with you until Mom or Dad comes to pick you up. Can you wait by
yourself?”

She rolled her eyes. “Of course. I’m not an
infant. But why? What do you have to do that’s so important?”