Nice Girl (25 page)

I was in shock.  I remember leaving my name and resume with the secretary when I first started working for A and V.   That seemed like a lifetime ago.  The secretary had asked for an alternative number besides my cell.  I gave her A and V’s work number.  I wonder if she left a message that she was calling regarding a fall position.  I was too afraid to ask.

“Yes, I would love to interview for the position.”

“That’s wonderful.  I am setting up appointments on Tuesday and Wednesday morning.  Which is better for you?”

“I can come in tomorrow morning.”  Might as well get it over with.

“Is nine thirty too early?”  She probably figured by now that she woke me up.

“No, that’s perfect.  I’ll see you then.”

Now I had to text Anthony that I was going to be late tomorrow.  I was really pushing it.  If I was going to quit, did I really care?  I know why I cared.  I loved those guys.  Would I really be able to quit?  It seemed much easier than to face Vinnie every day.  So much for strong confident woman.  Try weak pathetic woman.

I quickly took a shower and got dressed to go shopping.  Just washing my hair and standing under the warm water immediately improved my mood. 

I felt conflicted about interviewing tomorrow.  I was glad for the opportunity to go shopping to get my mind off of the dilemma.  I truly didn’t know what I was going to do if the job was offered to me.

I immersed myself in the hustle and bustle of New York City department stores.  When you actually have money to spend and a purpose, there is nothing more medicinal than shopping.  The brightness, the smell of new clothes, the huge selection, it is all like a neon welcome sign. 

When I was overweight, I used to hate shopping.  Now being two sizes smaller, I no longer looked at it like a chore. I was excited about the possibility of finding a dress that would throw in Vinnie’s face exactly what he was missing.

I stopped myself and wrestled with that exact thought.  Was that why I was so determined to get another sexy dress?  Was it my goal to make Vinnie jealous?  The fact that I had that very thought cross my mind meant I wasn’t over him.  Maybe I did need to land that research assistantship job.

I tried on fifteen dresses and my excitement waned pretty quickly.  I just wasn’t finding one that impressed me.  Maybe it was my mood.  I was actually thinking of giving up and trying again another day.  I didn’t have classes this week so I did have plenty of time to go shopping another day. 

I was walking out a little dejected when I glanced at the rack where customers return clothes they didn’t want.    I saw a dress thrown to the side.  What hit me first was the color.  A subtle shade of pink.  Now, I knew I wasn’t a pink kind of girl.  I don’t think there is anything in my closet that is pink.  I used to be a tomboy so the color immediately screamed prissy girl to me through the years.  Yet, I was drawn to this dress.

The color was light but it wasn’t one of those pinkish colors that often are confused with a whiter shade.  One knows you never wear white to someone’s wedding.  This was a light soft shade that at first might have been unassuming.  The pink was so delicate.  Until you looked at the pattern.  A beautiful etching of light sparkles were deeply lined.  They formed a radical design of swirls that traveled across the entire dress.  It had a sweetheart neckline which I always loved.  It was difficult to tell the length by looking at it but it didn’t look too short.  It had a sexy slit up one side to add to the allure. 

I couldn’t wait to try it on.

It shimmied down my head like it was made to fit only me.  I was surprised at how form fitting it was.  It hugged my body in all the right places.   I had never found a dress that felt like it was made for me personally. I felt beautiful in it.

I looked at the price tag, although I didn’t care.  I was buying this dress no matter what.   It would cost an entire paycheck.  I justified it by telling myself that I already had a pretty pair of Ivory shoes so I wouldn’t have to buy anything else. 

I couldn’t wait to walk into that wedding reception wearing this dress.  The dreaded wedding reception.  I remember telling my girlfriends this was going to be the night that Vinnie and I would finally have sex.  How ironic this turn of events was. 

I found my legs bringing myself over to the lingerie section.  It was like someone else controlling my body.   The sleeves of this dress were off the shoulder so I would need a strapless bra.  I picked out a pink lace one.  Then I bought a matching pink lace thong and thigh high stockings.  It was almost as if I was teasing myself with this look.  I knew no one would see these undergarments yet I was determined to look as sexy as possible. 

I also needed to stop spending more money.

I took my purchases up to the register feeling a strong sense of satisfaction.

It was the best I felt in two days.  All because of a dress?  It made no sense.  The only good part was that my spirits were lifted enough that I felt ready to go back to work on Tuesday.

When I was within one block of my dorm, my cell phone rang.  I looked at the caller ID.  It was Anthony.  Well, I better answer it, I told myself.   I needed to tell him I’d be late tomorrow morning because of the interview.   My first reaction was to lie and tell him I just had a school meeting, not an interview.

  Nice girl Grace has become a liar.  How my girlfriends would be shocked.

“Hello?”

“Hey Grace, it’s Anthony.”

“Oh hi.  I was just getting ready to call you.”

“I’m sure you were.”

What does that mean? 

Anthony continued.  “Grace, I’d like to talk in person.  Are you in your dorm room?”

Panic!  Do I lie?

“Well, uh.  I just went for a walk for some fresh air.  I should be back to the dorm in a few minutes.”

“Good.  I’m waiting out front.”

Damn.  There was the perfect example of why you should never lie.  I would have been caught red handed.  Of course, when I strolled up to my dorm, I needed to somehow explain my shopping bags.  Well, maybe he won’t notice.

Sure enough, there was Anthony waiting in front of my dorm.  I was a little nervous as to why he would need to meet with me in person. 

“Hi Anthony.”

“Hey Grace.  Decided to do a little shopping, huh?”  He grinned.

Caught!

“I um.”  Basically I was speechless.

“It’s okay, Grace.  Everyone needs a day off.”

There was that reminder again how Anthony could really be a dream boss.

“Why are you here?  Is everything okay?”

Please tell me Vinnie is okay.

“Is there somewhere we can sit and talk?”  

Oh No!

“Uh yeah.  There are park benches around the corner.”

“Great.  Let’s go.”

  Even though the park area is less than fifty feet away, we couldn’t get there fast enough.  As we began to sit down, Anthony mentioned what a beautiful day it was.

“What’s wrong, Anthony?  I doubt you walked over to my dorm to sit and chat about the weather?”

“Grace, are you going to quit?”

Shit.

“What would give you that idea?”

“The office of Criminal Justice called from your college.  The woman left a message that you should call them back about a fall research assistantship.”

Double shit.

“It is something I looked into a long time ago.  I have to be honest though.  I’m going to interview tomorrow morning.  I feel I should at least check it out.  It could be a good opportunity.”

“But I thought you were happy with us.”

“I am!  I love you guys.  The work you do is fascinating.  I’ve learned so much.  It has nothing to do with A and V, I’m just looking out for my future.”

“Are you sure that this interview has nothing to do with Vinnie?”

I SO did not want to go there
.

“Why would you think that?”

“Grace, we can stop pretending.  Vinnie is my best friend.  I know what happened.”

My face turned bright red. 

“Vinnie made it clear that he just wants to be friends.  I’m okay with that.  I didn’t move here to get caught up into a relationship anyway.  I need to focus on my career.  That’s why I think the research position at my school will be better for me in the long run.”

“We’ll get back to what job will be better for your career in a minute.”  Anthony did not look pleased.  “First, you need to know how much Vinnie is hurting right now.”

“He’s hurting?”  I practically shouted. “I was crying for two days straight.”

“That’s what I thought.”  And then Anthony smiled.

“You find this amusing?”  I snapped.

“No, I don’t find it funny that you were crying.  I’m smiling because I now know I did the right thing in coming to talk to you.  You care about him as much as he does for you.”

“I never said I didn’t care for him.”

“And I have never seen him devoted to a woman until you came around.”

“He told me Saturday night that he wasn’t capable of a normal relationship.  He said it would never happen between us.  I need to move on.”

“I think you’re too quick to give up on him.  He fucked up Saturday night.  He’s a mess about it.  It doesn’t mean his feelings have changed.  He was brutal to work with today.  It started as soon as he found out you weren’t coming in this morning.”

“Does he know about the job interview tomorrow?”

“Hell no!  I’m not going to be the one to tell him that.  You think I’m on some kind of suicide mission?”

I started to smile thinking of Vinnie missing me but then I stopped when I remembered him ending it all.  “I’m so confused, Anthony.”

“I know.  Here I am encouraging you to give him a second chance.  I’m asking you to trust me when I say you are very special to him.  I know he wants more but he doesn’t know how to take the next step.”

“I don’t either.”

“That’s why I’m going to tell you some things.  Some very personal things about Vinnie.  I’m hoping when you hear me out, you will give him more time and not run away.”

“Is that what you think?   I’m running away?  Wait don’t answer that.  I guess I am.”  I said softly.

“It’s okay, Grace.  Actually what I’m about to tell you might scare you even more.  But I know you are a smart strong woman.  If there is anyone who can let Vinnie in, it’s you.”

Now my eyes were watering. 

Anthony went on. “What has Vinnie told you about his upbringing?”

“That his mother was a drug addict and a prostitute.  She died when he was 19.  I will be honest with you that Jamie told me a few things too.  I hope you’re not mad.”

“No, I know that you and Jamie are close.”

“He told me that Vinnie’s mother often would um, uh…. service her customers in the apartment she shared with Vinnie.  It didn’t even seem to matter to her what Vinnie grew up seeing.”

“That’s true but it’s even worse than that.  Around the time that we were teenagers, his mom started trying to expand her business.  Her drug use was getting heavier and she needed to make more money.  She brought in other prostitutes and started using every room in their small apartment for their activities.  Imagine all this sex in not just her bedroom but the kitchen and the living area.  She even used Vinnie’s room when he was at school.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“Vinnie quickly learned where his mom’s priorities were.  Definitely not being a role model to her son.”  Anthony snorted.  “Many of these women often spent the night.  What I’m going to tell you now is not easy.” Anthony took a breath. 

My body felt paralyzed when I saw how nervous he was to continue.  What could be worse than what he described so far?

“Many of these women began to offer sex to Vinnie for free.”

Oh god, it can get worse.

Anthony continued “He was only about sixteen.  You can imagine to a teenager just learning about his own hormones…well let’s just say this was like a fantasy come true.  Even at such a young age, he was a big kid.  He would brag that these women said he was better equipped than most of the customers that came in.  They fed his ego, I guess.  He told me stories of fucking three women at once.  I’m sorry Grace.  I know this is hard to hear.”

“Yes it is but I think I understand why you’re telling me all this.  What sixteen year old boy is going to turn down sex?  But Vinnie has a lot of anger towards women so something must have happened.”

“Yeah and it’s pretty bad.  When Vinnie was eighteen, he came home from work to find his mom with one of her customers in the kitchen.  This normally would not have been odd.  The problem was his mom was tied to a chair.  She was giving the guy head but it was obvious he had beaten her up beforehand.  Vinnie went nuts and started attacking the guy.  Somehow the prick was able to grab a kitchen knife and slashed Vinnie in the face.”

“That’s how he got his scar.  I never wanted to ask because I was afraid he’d think his scar mattered to me.”

“Vinnie is one tough motherfucker.  Even at eighteen, he was able to fight the guy off after his face got cut.  He untied his mother and she screamed at him because the guy ran off without paying her.  She said nothing about the fact that Vinnie was hurt.  She went into her bedroom and slammed the door.”

I sat there in shock. 

“It was just luck that I had stopped by.  Vinnie was sitting in the living room drinking a beer.  I took one look at his face and I knew he would need a doctor to look at that cut.  He refused to go to the hospital.  I had to call my mom and get her involved.  She came over and insisted Vinnie leave with her.  For some reason, he always listened to my mom.  He had 15 stitches put in.  When he came out, he told me his mother was dead to him.”

“There was a total change in him.  He was always a hard ass and tough as nails but now he became almost emotionless.  He never smiled and never joked.  He became an enforcer for some really bad guys.  He told me he did it just for the pleasure of being able to beat someone up for a reason.  His only other outlet was lifting weights.  You can see the result of that.  I’ll give one credit to him.  He never did drugs and even barely drinks more than one beer.  I think it’s because he associates being wasted from his mother.  He hated her that much.”