Nigel Benn (21 page)

A
lot of people soon get to the point where they just want to put on their slippers, stay at home and watch TV every night. That’s not me. I don’t want to be 60 and say I wish I had done this and that when I was 30. Just because you are married doesn’t mean you have to start living like a married couple, where she does the needlework while you sit down with the crossword. And just because I’d finished boxing, it didn’t mean I had no ambition left. I believe in living life to the full. When the grim reaper knocks on my door, I want to be able to say to him: ‘Come on in, I’ve done everything I’ve ever wanted to do, come and take me. I have no regrets.’

The time when I was really living my life to the maximum was when I first got into the hardcore rave scene in the late Eighties. Man, they were good times. A while back I watched a TV programme on which all these hippies were talking about what it was like back in the Sixties. And the more I thought about it, the more I understood what they were saying. Those hippies had their
time in the Sixties, while the Eighties and early Nineties — well, they were our time, my generation’s party time, the time of the hardcore raves. Those hippies in the Sixties were all off their heads — well, it was just the same in the Eighties and Nineties.

Drugs have never been part of the scene for me, though. I don’t want anything to do with them. I once tried some cocaine in America but that put me off for life. I sprinkled a bit on my finger and tasted it with my tongue but I wouldn’t snort it. I don’t agree with stuffing things up your nose. It would stop me from getting what I want in life. I’d rather have money in the bank.

Nothing upsets me more than when people say that I’m into drugs. Michael Watson made that mistake a couple of years ago. After Michael had been injured by Chris Eubank, I visited him in hospital. I just broke down and cried when I saw him, and it wasn’t even me who’d inflicted the injuries. I took his mum shopping after the fight, and bought her loads of stuff. I just remember thinking that I hoped someone would do that to my mum if the same happened to me.

Just before Christmas 1993, Michael was robbed. Thieves ransacked his house, taking his TV and stereo and all his memorabilia and pictures. Everything. It was sick! I can’t think of anything more low or disgusting. He was in a wheelchair and still suffering from brain damage. I would happily pay somebody a lot of money to tell me who it was. Michael was in tears when he told me about it. So I asked him round to my place for
Christmas and bought him a replacement TV and stereo system.

So, one day we were talking on the phone, and he said to me, ‘So, Nige, you off the gear?’

‘What gear?’

‘You know, the white gear … the charlie.’

I couldn’t believe what he was saying. ‘Let me tell you something,’ I said. ‘I ain’t never been on the gear to get off the fucking gear. Why you coming to me asking these questions? Where did you get this from?’

‘I heard it from other people.’

‘See you later, Michael,’ I said, and put the phone down. I was really upset that Michael thought I might be doing that stuff. I’ve had plenty of offers, and there are plenty of boxers I know who’ve been on the Special K. Some of them have retired and some are still fighting — they know who they are without me naming them. I even confronted one guy with it when he was
bad-mouthing
me — and he was shoving charlie up his nose at the time! Not my scene, mate.

I haven’t spoken to Michael since that day. I want him to know how much he upset me when he said that to me. Despite everything, I really love the man.

But drugs or no drugs, the scene was good in those days. We used to go to the Ministry of Sound, where there was a good crowd in the early days. Everybody knew everybody, and Master P was the DJ who was carrying it at the time. Sometimes we’d hang out at the Ministry until about 10.00am, then move on to The Bridge, The Park in
Kensington and then on to the Café de Paris, which was
the
club. In those days, the DJs on the scene were guys like Justin Cantar, Micky Simms, and particularly Matt Jam. Those guys were carrying it on a US tip, the music was mellower, more like party music. These days it’s all UK Underground, which is all attitude, much darker.

Nowadays, I don’t really think of myself as a boxer any more — I think of myself as a DJ, and I strive to be as good a DJ as I can possibly be. Being a DJ is just as important in my life now as being a boxer ever was. This is my challenge now. I look up to the American guys, such as Louis Vega, Roger Sanchez, Dave Morales, CJ Mackintosh — men who are so tight, you can bet your bottom dollar that there’s going to be no bump in the record when they’re at the decks. When you listen to these guys mix, you just get lost and think, ‘Please God, one day let me be able to be a quarter of what these guys are.’

In the same way that I was a world champion, these guys are world class, too. I’ll never be number one like them, but as a DJ now, I’m just looking to give people a good time, and have fun myself. It’s a big challenge for me, too, because the scene is full of people knocking me, saying I’m just getting off on my name to get the gigs. Well, let me tell you, I don’t care who you are. If you’ve got the Queen mixing up at the Ministry of Sound, and she’s screwing it up, you’re off the decks, Ma’am! It doesn’t matter who you are, you’ve got to be able to mix it, to get the crowd going, and if it ain’t working, you ain’t playing there again.

That’s the level I’m at now — people can enjoy my music and come up to me and say, ‘Yeah, wicked set, Nige!’ I’ve got my decks set up in a room in my house, where I practise whenever I get the chance. I’ve got a set of Technics 1200 decks, and a Uri mixer — just like they have in the Ministry of Sound. Let me tell you, you’ve got to be tight to use a mixer like that — it’s the complete guv’nor! There’s no cross fader, so if you can’t handle the mixer, there’s no place to hide.

That’s not what Frank Bruno thought, though, when we were both doing a set at this club in Birmingham. It was decided that there should be a Nigel Benn vs Frank Bruno DJ-ing competition. I thought it sounded like a laugh but, naturally, I wanted to be the champion! So I hit the deck and played a wicked two-hour set which really got the crowd rocking. I was pleased with it, and was like, ‘Follow that, Frank!’

So it gets to Frank’s turn, and he starts playing this monster set, really getting everyone moving. I was impressed, so I walked round to the decks only to see some other guy doing the mixing! Frank was even having a conversation with Carolyne. I don’t think Frank asked to get paid for that gig.

Frank is funny like that — very, very funny. He had me in fits of laughter once at a Buckingham Palace garden party by taking the mick out of everyone. The party was held to honour world champions, and I think Prince Edward represented the Queen. Frank had everyone around him rolling about with laughter. I always knew he was a joker,
but when I saw him at the decks I couldn’t believe it!

The music that I’m into now reminds me of those days gone by, those good times when everybody was happy. They were the happiest days of my life. And when I look back on it, I realise that one of the most important parts of my life back then was my relationship with Rolex Ray.

Ray and I were like brothers. I’ve never been as close to anyone as I was to him, and I never will be. We used to party hard together, and he always encouraged me in my boxing. In fact, it was Ray’s encouragement and help that got me through a bad time after my first fight with Malinga. I was very down because although I had won on points, I was not very happy with the way it went. Ray took a more positive role and persuaded me to train with Jimmy Tibbs. I wasn’t sure if Jimmy would want to train me, but Ray insisted on taking me round to his gym and I’ve never looked back since then. He also did the decent thing and insisted we speak first to my previous trainer and explain the position to him.

Some of the people I knew were hangers-on who tried to lead me astray because party time for them meant that I was footing the bill — even at the expense of my boxing. Now, Ray, I’m not saying he never led me astray, he just got me to party really hard. But he never let my partying interfere with the boxing; he always had respect for that. But the partying we did, Man! He’d hire out a whole penthouse suite at the Barbican just for us to have a good time. And he was heavily involved in
the music with me — we used to go down to the Ministry of Sound at night, a whole group of us, just to practise our mixing. They were some hardcore days, some really happy days.

A lot of stuff has been written in the press about how Ray and I fell out, but he knows the truth, he knows how he ruined a good friendship. The whole episode is so hurtful to me. I was more upset about splitting with Ray than when Sharron and I separated. It was as though another brother had died. And now I’ll never, ever speak to him again.

A couple of times a month I go out to Cyprus or Rhodes and DJ in the clubs out there, and it’s in those places that I do most of my playing now. Like I’ve said, the UK Underground scene is much darker, full of guys with attitude, and I’ve got to put my family first. It’s all down-in-the-dungeons music, and there’s a lot of wannabe gangsters out there. I don’t want to have to risk potentially violent situations, and if I’m in a club and somebody’s disrespectful to my wife, then they’re being disrespectful to me and I’m not going to take it. He’ll inevitably come looking for me with a gun, I’ll go looking for him with a gun — why would I want to be put in that position? Something can so easily go seriously wrong, but I love my wife and kids too much to let that happen.

So now I spend a lot of time at home, with my beautiful wife and five wonderful kids. I love being at home with them, and we have a lot of fun together. When Dominic and I battle it out for football supremacy on Playstation, I’m just as
competitive as I was with Eubank! And Dominic, even though he is disabled and only has the use of one hand, has the heart of a sportsman — and can even whoop my ass from time to time!

I love my kids — they are the focus of my life now. But I’m strict with them just as my dad was strict with me. Since they’ve been living with me, their marks at school have gone through the roof, and that’s because I make them work. I wouldn’t want Conor to be a boxer — I went through that so he wouldn’t have to. But they are going to have to graft just like I did, because I want them, like me, to be satisfied with their lives and what they’ve achieved.

When I look back over my life, I feel proud at what I’ve done, and now I feel so lucky to be surrounded by the people I love. I don’t miss the fight game, because my life is as full now as it has ever been, but not a day goes by that I don’t think about it, relive my victories, consider the highs and lows of my turbulent career. I’ve come a long way since I was a kid on the streets of Ilford. Nigel Gregory Benn, the Dark Destroyer, two-time champion of the world, 42-5-1. That’s a good record, a career to be proud of. And if anyone wants to disagree — well, then, they’ll have me to argue with.

N
early two years have passed since I first sat down to write this book. When it was first published, the reaction was incredible. Members of the public, people who had supported me throughout my whole boxing career, queued up to buy copies, and to get my autograph. It was amazing. But since then, my life has changed beyond all recognition.

I had another affair. My last, as it turned out. It was such a stupid thing to do, and I found myself in the same old situation, hurting all the people who are close to me, the people who love me — my wife, my kids, my parents. Everybody who had helped me not only through my career, but through my life as well. It was such a terrible time. I found myself taking a step back and saying to myself, ‘Wow, when am I actually going to grow up?’

Now that you’ve read my book, you’ll know that my life has been a story of ups and downs, but I can tell you that this was the very lowest I’d ever been. So low that I actually tried to commit suicide.

I felt like fate was tempting me. I felt like it was
saying, ‘Go on, then. See if you can do it.’ And so I did. I was that low. I was out on Streatham Common, in the car — in fact, I think it was Carolyne’s car — crying my eyes out. I took a bottle of sleeping tablets and drank a bottle of wine. Picture it: the Dark Destroyer, alone in his car on Streatham Common. All around, there’s guys picking each other up, and meanwhile there’s me — two-time champion of the world, sitting in my car in tears, not knowing if I was going to live or die. When you’re in a situation like that, it makes you realise how low you’ve got. I remember driving home — four miles, I don’t know how I did it — wondering if I was going to pull through, and genuinely not being too worried if I didn’t. I didn’t contemplate going to hospital, I just went home and fell into a deep, deep sleep.

It took me two days to wake up. I’d tried to commit suicide, but miraculously I survived. Somehow, it wasn’t meant to be. I think now that someone was trying to tell me something and, when I look back, I think that moment was a real turning point in my life. I’m not saying I suddenly woke from the dead and felt great — I felt shitty — but I can safely say that that’s when my life started changing.

Carolyne started going to church, because she knew that we were in serious, serious trouble, and that was the turning point for us. She started reading the Bible to me, and I was like a dog with its tail between its legs, just sitting there, listening, like I was listening to my master reading to me. All the time, I felt the guilt of my actions rising up in
me, and I felt so low. I wanted to make it up to my wife, but I just didn’t know how to do it. I was thinking to myself, If this is life, I don’t want no part of it. It seemed to me that my life was following one pattern; you have affairs, you’re unhappy, and then you die. That’s it! I’d been hurting people all my life, people I love, and I just thought, No, I don’t want any part of it.

So when Carolyne started going to church and reading the Bible to me, I started thinking about things more seriously. I was never a church kind of person — sure, I’d say ‘Thank God’ and everything, but I never really knew what I was saying, never really knew what it actually meant. But I’m a really inquisitive person, and eventually I started getting into it. I’m fascinated about learning how everything started, and what it means to be a human being — how we see, how we hear, how we move, how we breathe. If you come round my house and catch me watching TV, chances are I’ll be watching the Discovery channel, learning about history. I love stuff like that — it’s always interested me.

So I started reading the Bible for myself, because I wanted to learn about where we came from. I learned that God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul. It was such a powerful story, I just thought, Nige, you gotta check this out! So I read on. I read how Adam needed a companion, so God put him in a deep sleep and removed one of his ribs, and from that he made woman.

So I started to learn how to pray, and eventually I went to church. In fact, I went to three different churches. One was predominantly black, another was predominantly white but, in the end, I found a church — the Heart to Heart in Brixton — that had a mixture. At the end of the day, I like to be surrounded by all cultures, so that was where I felt most comfortable and, after all, the Lord told us to love one another. As soon as I walked in there, I was greeted with a hug. It was nice — straight away I knew it was the church for me.

Not long after I started going to church, something happened that made me understand how it had changed me. It was about a year ago now, and this friend of mine came round the house to see me. Now, he’d seen how I’d been transformed — everyone had seen how I’d been transformed! — and he said to me, ‘Nige, with you being a Christian and everything, if someone jumped over your wall and broke into your house, what would you do to them?’

Now you’ve got to remember, I’m a Christian, but I’m not a fully-fledged Christian! Old habits die hard, so I said to him, ‘If someone jumped over my wall, I’d kick ’em in the arse and send them on their way.’ And at the time, I meant it. I wouldn’t have anyone threatening the safety of my family.

This conversation happened at exactly 4.30 in the afternoon. Now, at exactly 4.30 the following morning, someone rings my bell. If someone rings my doorbell at 4.30am, I’m not one of those guys that’s all sleepy, thinking, Hmm, I wonder who that could be. I am UP! Ready to go into action. So
I go into the garden and this bloke is there, saying, ‘Come on, you black c***. Knock me out!’ And he’s jumped over my wall at exactly 4.30 in the morning.

I couldn’t believe it. I thought, Why do you want to start fighting me? You know I can fight. Why me, Mr Little Man? And then he starts hurling abuse at my wife. So I grabbed his arm, forced it behind his back, and had him on the floor in seconds. All the time he was hurling abuse at my wife and kids, but I didn’t hear any of that. I actually picked him up and started squeezing him, to stop the screaming.

At that moment, I could have killed him. I could have killed him right there and then. I took everything away from him so that he couldn’t breathe. But then I let him go. Maybe if it had happened a year earlier, he wouldn’t have been so lucky. If I hadn’t been a Christian, he might not be alive today. But the bottom line was, I felt compassion for him, and my compassion was stronger than my anger. And Carolyne felt compassion for him, too — not at the time, maybe, but later. That was what saved him. It was a test.

The worst thing about the whole incident was this — I knew the kid. I knew him very well. When I first knew him, he was a lovely kid. We’d talk, and I’d sign his boxing gloves or anything else that he wanted. But when he broke in that night, he was high on drugs. He was a mess. Most probably one of his friends had said to him, ‘Go on, you can go and beat the black bastard.’ And he really thought he could come and beat me up. Look where it got
him. I’ve heard that he’s in a mental hospital now.

A lot of people believe that Satan can hear what you say, but he can’t read your mind. That’s what I believe. At 4.30 in the afternoon, he’d heard me say that I’d go for someone who tried to jump over my wall, and at 4.30 the next morning he sent someone to tempt me. And it makes sense if you think about it. For 35 years, me and Satan were best buddies! He knows what my weaknesses are — fighting and women — so all of a sudden he sees me going in a different direction and he’s like, Oy, where do you think you’re going? You didn’t think I was going to let you go that easily, did you? And it’s true, he’s not going to let me go that easy, but I’m going to fight him all the way. And fighting is something I’m very, very good at …

Nowadays, people may say, ‘Hey, Nige, you’re going over the top.’ But when you believe in the Lord, your whole outlook on life changes. For example, I’ve started thinking about the press and how they tried to ruin me. But at the end of the day I think to myself, Don’t blame the press. I gave them the ammunition. If I’d lived by the ten commandments, I’d never have been in that situation in the first place. I feel now that I don’t have any grievances against the papers, because I know they’re only out to make a few quid. And I’m hardly one to talk about hurting people. If everyone lived by God’s law, we’d have none of that. I really believe that you get what you deserve, and although we’re always quick to blame other people, we should really look at our own actions.
That’s what I’ve started to do, and when I think about it, I realise that, even when I was considering suicide, all I’ve done is pure destruction.

A lot of people act funny when they see the new me, because they can’t really comprehend what I believe. But I can’t pretend for them. I can honestly say that I’d rather be a fake boxer — a fake anything — than a fake Christian. What I’ve learned in the past year has been tremendous. I now surround myself with Christian people. It’s important to me, because I think you need to feed your spirit, and being surrounded by all these lovely people just rubs off on me. They don’t want anything from me; they only want to guide me in the right direction. When you have people around you that don’t follow God’s word, it’s kind of hard for you to follow that path yourself.

Now that I’ve found the Lord, I don’t really have any non-Christian friends. In fact, the only ones I’ve got are Wayne and Rob. They’ve known me for years, and I know that they won’t lead me into temptation like some others I could mention.

Now I have these huge Christian parties at my house — unbelievable parties, with gospel choirs singing and people cooking amazing food in my kitchen. I’ll never throw a non-Christian party again — they’re absolutely kicking. One time, soemone found a diamond ring during one of these parties, and just went up to the mike and announced that it had been found. Now, at any other party I’d been to, there’d be someone thinking, Yeah, I could make a few quid flogging that. But not now. I’ll tell you, compared to
Christians, non-Christians are hard work!

One of the people I most admire is the pastor at my new church — Pastor Miller and his wife Shirley. I can relate to him, because he’s very like me. He lived a hard life, but he found the Lord at the age of 22, and he has to deal with everybody. Horrible people — we’re talking rapists and stuff — who I could never even go near. I don’t know how he can do all that stuff. He’s a real man. One of the things he’s taught me is that a lot of people go to church and have their bibles and look nice, and that’s great. But there’s no point going to church unless you truly believe, and that’s how I feel now.

He’s even inspired me to become a Christian counsellor. I’ve just started learning, and I think I’ll be great at it, because I love to help people. I love to see the smile on their faces. It’s a million miles from where I was a few years ago.

For years I’ve suffered from arthritis in my hands and my legs as a result of my boxing. It’s especially bad when I wake up in the winter and the weather is really bleak — my hands are so cramped up that I can hardly move them sometimes. And Carolyne has had back trouble ever since she had the twins — she’s very petite, and when she was pregnant it put a lot of stress on her back and she was in a great deal of pain. So she went to see this healer, and he fixed her back! She couldn’t believe it. She hasn’t had any trouble ever since. So I went to my pastor and I asked him, ‘Look, couldn’t you get this guy down here to help with my arthritis?’

The pastor told me, ‘Nigel, if you pray to the Lord with your wife and me, we can do it.’ At first I was worried about this. I thought, maybe the Lord has given this man the power to heal people. But my pastor told me, if I had faith, it would work. I didn’t think so! Still, I tried it, and guess what — the arthritis disappeared for two months. But once I started doing my counselling, I found I wasn’t reading the Bible enough, or praying — so it started to come back. I know that I have to fill my body with God’s words to truly heal it.

And the Lord’s even got me talking to my ex-wife! I feel good about that. It all happened when we went to watch Rene’s gymnastics. The kids all wanted me to speak to their mum, but when we got there, the first person I saw was her husband Clem. Now, Clem’s a big bloke, and whenever we see each other, we always look like we’re on the verge of going for each other. But when I saw him this time, he just gave me this really big smile. I headed straight over to him and we ended up talking for two hours! It was amazing. Two hours talking to the guy who was once my biggest enemy. And there wasn’t even a tiny bit of animosity. It was relaxed, no pressure, him telling me all about his work and everything. And then I went over to my ex-wife, and said, ‘Hello, Sharron,’ and I felt really weird shaking her hand. I actually asked her for forgiveness for the things I’d done. She said she’d forgive, but she’d never forget. Well, OK. I know I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m just happy to be able to try and repair the
bridges that I’ve damaged.

So we still speak — not regularly, but if the kids have got a problem, I want to know. I don’t want them living this perfect life when they’re with me, only to go and be disobedient to their mother. But the new twist my life has taken has been good for them, too. Sadé came home with her school report, and she had 6 As, 26 Bs and 3 Cs. That’s my daughter Sadé! I can’t tell you what it meant to me — how proud it made me feel. That’s the best academic report in the history of the whole Benn family! I was like, ‘What? You weren’t getting these grades two years ago.’ I took her out and bought her anything she wanted. Her success at school made me so happy.

Connor and India will be starting school soon — what me and Carolyne are going to do at home by ourselves, I don’t know! Dominic’s doing well, too — we’re still battling it out at the Playstation.

And, of course, there’s still Carolyne. We are such soul mates — more so now since we’ve been going to church. Sure, we argue. But what people forget is that we’re with each other 24 hours a day, so there might be a bit of, ‘Oh, give me a break, will you?’ But at the end of the day we love each other tremendously. No one will ever take her place. I trust her with my life. She does everything right for me, and she’s made me who I am today with the help of the Lord.