Night Sky (25 page)

***

After three days of movies where stuff is
blown up and people drop the f-bomb in British accents, I’ve
watched every guy movie in the house. I’m looking forward to
getting out of the here—no matter what.

Dad is still in the hospital. He gets to
leave today, but I’m not sure where he’ll end up.

I drive to school,
finally. I want to feel that nervous anticipation of hoping I’ll
get a glimpse of her, hoping we’ll see one another. Instead, I know
I’ll see Sarah in the morning and again for third period English.
We’ll spend lunch together and might meet
after school to go swimming.

I step into the government
room with my binder. Graduation is the only item on the agenda
since there are only a few days of school left. Sarah’s holding a
letter in her hand and laughing with Kaylee.
I’m glad to see her, it’s been three days, but am I as happy
about it as I should be? I don’t know. It doesn’t feel like Sky,
and I guess that’s all the answer I need.

“What’s up?” I ask, dropping my backpack
onto a chair.

“I just got my acceptance to study in London
for a year!” Sarah’s face is filled with happiness and
excitement.

“And you’re taking
it?”
Three days after kissing me?
But she doesn’t have to answer. Of course she’ll
take it. The fact that I feel a pretty even mix of sadness and
relief sort of answers any question of how I feel about
Sarah.

She half skips to where I
stand and almost puts our lips together. Her arms wrap around my
neck. “This is high school, Jamesy. No one stays with the person
they meet in high school.”
This is her
brilliant explanation?

Her arms hold me, but my arms are down at my
sides. “Right.”

She stands up taller, putting her lips close
to my ear. “Don’t be mad. I hoped you’d be my first, before we left
for college.” Her body presses against me, and it just doesn’t feel
right. All the fun, childish things I used to like about her, I
don’t anymore—not in the way she’s suggesting.

I back away. “It’s not
about physics, Sarah…”
It’s about
chemistry,
but I don’t say it out loud
because I’d sound like a dork. My pack slides easily onto my back
as I head for the door. I don’t know why I’m so hurt. She just
doesn’t get it. Being so casual about losing her virginity makes me
wonder how well I ever actually liked her. Almost as much as her
telling me that no one stays with the person they met in high
school. I knew when I stepped into the room that I didn’t feel for
Sarah what I should for the two of us to be together, but her
second rejection stings almost as much as the first. Whether my
feelings are all still there or not, she now has the facts and this
is what she’s choosing to do with them.

She follows me to the door. “Oh, come on,
Jameson. You know I wanted us to get together and it sucks that it
didn’t happen sooner, but we could still have a really great summer
together.”

And it hits me right then
what’s changed about Sarah.
She’s trying
to be someone she’s not. She doesn’t know who she is anymore. She’s
lost.
And I can’t imagine being with
someone like that. The problem is that when a relationship really
means something, it messes with your head.
No one messes with my head like Sky, and I love it. I love
her.
As I walk down the hall, I realize I
haven’t taken a deep breath since she left.

I start toward my
locker.
I can’t stay here, there’s no way
I’ll be able to concentrate. Besides, even if I didn’t do a shred
of work for the rest of the year, I’d still graduate.

“Jameson,” Sarah calls behind me.

I keep walking.

“Jameson!” she yells. She catches up and
grabs my arm. “Aren’t we even going to give it a try? I don’t want
to lose you.” A tear slides down her cheek.

I wipe it away with my thumb. “We never had
each other, Sarah. Not if we didn’t care enough to say what we
really mean.” I spin around and walk away.

I head out of the school
just wanting to be home. I’ll just claim I thought my suspension
was for four days. I stop next to my car. I can’t do it. I can’t
walk out
…crap.
I
turn back around and don’t care what people say about the fight or
me and Sarah, or anything. It just doesn’t matter anymore.
Sky—she’s all I can think about.
I need to get myself together before I even
attempt to talk to her.
Sky won’t want me
like this. She’s too good to take me like this. She was right. I
wasn’t over Sarah for our first round. But I will be over her for
our second…if there’s a second.
And that
horrible word comes up again—if.

Now I’m dreading third period English where
I’m supposed to sit next to Sarah. She stares at me with a face
full of sympathy.

“We’re okay.” I sit down next to her. “But
you and I aren’t designed to be more than friends.”

“Okay.” She frowns, looking sad and
rejected. What I would have done for that look a couple of months
ago? I slide my arm across her back and pull her into a hug. This
is how Sarah and I feel good together…as friends. She puts her arm
around me. And she feels like a sister, a friend. Things are
finally resolved between us.

The teacher walks up to my
desk. “The principal wants to see you,” he says, handing me a hall
pass.
Perfect.
I
let Sarah go, take the slip and head down the hallway.
This is probably where he tells me if I can walk
at graduation or not.
I care about it for
my parents, but that’s it.

I knock.

“Jameson, come on
in.”
He looks tired.

“It’s about graduation, right?”

The look on his face says it all.

“I can’t walk.”

“You really did a number on Eric. If it
wasn’t you and it wasn’t the end of the year, you would have been
expelled. Eric’s nose is broken and he’s missing two teeth.”

“Wow,” I say, sitting
down.
Eric deserved to be hit, but not
like that.

“It’s alright.” I stand up and reach my good
hand over the desk. “Sorry.”

“Are you okay?”

“Just peachy.” I chuckle once. “I’ll be
alright.” I let out a breath.

“Congratulations on setting the new
freestyle record.”

“Oh yeah, thanks.” Crazy
thing is that I almost forgot. One goal accomplished. The one that
seemed like the most important thing earlier in the year, and I’ve
already forgotten about it.
Amazing how
things change.

The rest of the school day passes in a blur
of odd stares from my teachers and a million questions from my
classmates. It’s about what I expected. I’m grateful there are only
a few days left. Then I can walk out of here for good.

TWENTY-EIGHT

I walk into the house to see Mom and Dad
sitting on the couch together watching HGTV as if nothing ever
happened.

“Hey.” I close the door slowly behind
me.

“Hey, sweetie.” Mom waves, but turns back
around, resting her head on Dad’s shoulder.

Best to give them the news
now.
I step into the living room. “Got a
sec?”
We’ll get to the whole Mom and Dad
together on the couch thing in a minute.

“Of course.” Dad smiles.

“I can’t walk at graduation. You know,
because of the fight.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Dad starts to tense up,
and Mom rests her hand on his shoulder.

“I knocked out two of his teeth and broke
his nose,” I explain.

Dad holds in a smile. Mom sighs in sadness
and frustration. “What happened, Jameson?” she asks.

“I told you, he was standing over Sarah and
she looked scared.”

“But shouldn’t they take that into
consideration?” Mom asks, leaning forward.

“They did. It means I
still get to graduate. I just don’t get to walk.”
It’s crazy to know that a few minutes of lost
temper almost cost me my entire high school career.

“So…” I look between them. “Are you home for
good?”

Dad nods. “I’m home.”

“Okay.” I clench my jaw. I really don’t want
to cry, not now, not in front of anyone, not alone. Just, not at
all.

I step into the kitchen
and take the saran wrap to my room. I need to get in the
water.
It takes a measurable portion of
the roll to cover my arm appropriately. But I finally have
it.

The late afternoon air is hot. It feels good
on my skin as I step outside. I know the pool will feel even
better. I slide in more slowly than I ever bother doing. I swim out
to the middle and let myself sink to the bottom. I go up and down a
few times and then lie floating on my back. I want to reach out and
touch Sky’s fingers. I want to hear more about her home…her
family…her beliefs.

How did Sarah and Sky ever get twisted
around in my heart? How could I have ever been confused or
mistaken? I need to find a way to talk to Sky. I want her to know
that I’m different. That just knowing her has changed me. And I
love her for that.

There’s no way I’m ready to admit I may
never see her again. Right now my hope is that she won’t be gone
too long. That she’ll want to tell me about herself and her
daughter. That she’ll want to tell me everything, and I’ll be
worthy of hearing it.

“Hey.” Mom’s voice is soft.

“Hey.” I continue to float.

“You know that’s a waterproof cast, right?
You don’t need to raid the saran wrap.”

“What?” I stand up and look at the wad of
plastic on my arm. “Guess I was a little out of it at the ER,
huh?”

She nods. “And I think you still have a lot
on your mind.” She sits by the pool and lets her feet slide into
the water.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Wanna talk?”

“I don’t know.”
And that’s the truth.
In
my limited experience, saying things out loud makes them more real
and everything already feels too real for comfort. “I miss Sky, so
bad.”

“I know. Come over here and sit by me.” Mom
pats the concrete next to her.

I had a bit of extra spring to my jump, and
manage to slide out of the water using one hand. It’s about time I
told her everything. “Sky has a daughter,” I blurt out.

“What?” Mom’s eyes widen
in surprise
.

“There was a boy…and she didn’t want him,
Mom…but he…” It still breaks me to think about it, and again,
saying it out loud is even worse.

Mom’s hand comes to her mouth like it always
does when she receives staggering news.

“That’s what brought her down here. Her
aunt’s raising her daughter, but there are apparently some clan
issues with custody and the father is involved. It’s a mess, and I
don’t know if she’ll be able to find a way out of it.”

“I’m so sorry, Jay. I really, really like
her. I just wish you two could have met two or three years down the
road,” Mom says.

“Why’s that?”

“Because she’s
that
awesome.”

Awesome enough to keep
around, forever…now it makes sense.
“What
did you two do that day you spent together?”

Mom smiles. “We sat at the bottom of the
pool, the way you like to do. Well, that was part of it.”

“Does that mean you won’t scream my name
when you see me down there anymore?” I laugh.

“I promise.”

“I really miss her,” I say, leaning my head
against Mom’s shoulder.

“Well, a phone call couldn’t hurt,
right?”

“I don’t know if I’m
ready. There’s too much to say. And I don’t know what the phone
situation is like where she is. What if I can’t even reach
her?”
Or what if we just yell at each
other again?
I don’t think I could take
it. Not right now.

“You should at least try.”

“So…you and Dad?”

“He’s sorry, genuinely sorry. We all get off
track sometimes. It’s going to take a while for your father and I
to get back to where we were before this whole mess, but we both
want this marriage to work and we’re going to do everything in our
power to make that happen.”

“Just like that?”
It sounds so easy.

“When you both really want each other—you
make it happen, you forgive because there’s nothing else you can
do. Because you love each other enough, the other stuff doesn’t
matter as much as it once did.”

“Hmm…”

“Just think about it, Jay.”

“Yeah, I will.”
Do I love Sky enough to forgive her?
I guess at this point, we both have to forgive
each other. But how can we even try to make up, if we’re not even
talking?

***

I don’t know if she’ll even get my email,
but I log on to ask Sky for an explanation. I want to know
everything, and why she kept things from me in the first place. My
chest swells when I see I already have an email from her in my
inbox.

Jameson –

You know how when there’s something so
important in your life, but you don’t know how to tell someone
about it? It’s why I didn’t tell you about my daughter. My
insistence on honesty actually came back to bite me.

I’m sorry things got so mixed up between us,
but I want to thank you for helping me through the hardest part of
my life. Being separated from my family, living in a strange place
with grandparents I didn’t really know—you helped me to stay
focused on the moment, instead of on the things that were out of my
control.