Night Tide (22 page)

you! and! Wink! seemed! so! tight.! Like! you’d! never! not! be!

friends.”!

!

“Kind!of!tough!to!hang!out!with!someone!in!jail.”!

!

“I!managed.”!

!

I!blinked.!“You!stayed!in!touch?”!

!

Those! big! shoulders! rose! and! nearly! covered! his! ears.! “I!

went!to!visit!now!and!then.!Passed!on!the!latest!gossip,!books,!

and!homemade!cookies!from!his!mom.!Brought!him!things!he!

asked! for.! He! got! a! degree! in! there.! Was! working! toward! a!

master’s.”!

Night&Tide
—Sherer&

146&

!

I!shook!my!head.!“I!didn’t!know.”!

!

“He’s!a!smart!guy.!Always!was.!Guess!he!figured!he’d!still!

have!a!life!ahead!of!him!when!he!got!out,!so!he!worked!hard.!

Studied.!Never!gave!up.”!

!

It!dawned!on!me!I’d!never!considered!what!Wink!might!or!

might!not!have!done!in!prison.!I’d!bricked!up!that!wing!of!my!

life,!gone!on!to!build!elsewhere.!

!

“You!never!presumed!he!did!it?”!I!said.!

!

“Speculated!once!or!twice,!I!suppose.”!!

!

“Hard!not!to,!based!on!the!evidence.”!

!

“Exiguous,! at! best,! though! compelling.! But! I! never! really!

believed!he!did!it,!no.”!!

!

“Not!even!by!accident?”!

!

“You!knew!him.!Think!he’d!make!that!big!a!mistake?!Not!

likely.”!!

!

“Why’d!you!help!him?!Go!see!him!and!all?!He!didn’t!exactly!

go!easy!on!you!when!we!were!kids.”!

!

He!tented!his!fingers!over!his!huge!belly!and!touched!the!

tips!to!his!lips.!“A!lot!of!our!schoolmates!said!and!did!hurtful!

things,!spiteful!things.”!

!

“Kids!were!mean!to!you.!Cruel,!even.”!

!

“People!still!are.”!He!turned!his!palms!out.!“I!mean,!look!at!

me.!Easy!target.!I’m—”!!

!

“Fat.! Huge.! Morbidly! obese.! An! example! of! why! our!

healthcare!system!is!so!expensive.”!It!came!out!before!I!could!

filter! it,! a! sign! of! how! long! I’d! been! off! my! meds.! “Sorry,! Jeff.!

You!were!chubby!before.!You’ve!gotten!big!as!a!house.”!

!

He! smiled.! “Not! quite! what! I! was! going! to! say,! but! close!

enough.! But! Wink! was! an! equal! opportunity! joker.! Sure,! he!

teased! the! geeks! and! the! fatties,! but! he! punked! the! cool! kids!

and! made! fun! of! himself,! too.! I! never! minded! the! grief! I! got!

from!Langford.!The!Chuck!Bannocks!and!Sarah!Fosters!of!the!

world!were!the!ones!who!got!under!my!skin.!They!had!it!all—

Night&Tide
—Sherer&

147&

looks,!talent,!friends.!They!needed!to!dump!on!people!like!me?!

What!was!the!point?”!

!

“Looks!like!things!turned!out!all!right!for!you.”!

!

“Hunky6dory.! Better! than! they! did! for! Wink.! A! little! time!

with!him!always!reminded!me!of!that!fact.!And!it!seemed!such!

a!small!thing,!a!few!hours!out!of!a!Saturday!once!in!a!while.”!

!

“So!where!is!he?”!

!

“I!don’t!know.”!

!

“All!that!time!you!spent!with!him,!he!didn’t!confide!in!you?!

Tell!you!his!plans!when!he!got!out?!Say!where!he!thought!he!

might!go?”!

!

Again! his! ears! almost! disappeared! as! his! shoulders! rose!

and!fell.!“No.”!

!

“But!you!saw!him!when!he!got!out.”!

!

His!eyes!flicked!away,!then!back!to!my!face.!

!

“I!thought!so.!He!told!you!where!he!was!going.”!

!

His!head!swung!back!and!forth!like!an!old!bull’s.!“Not!true,!

and!whatever!he!may!or!may!not!have!said!is!privileg—”!!

!

“Bullshit.! You’re! not! his! lawyer,! are! you?! You’re! the!

attorney!for!his!parents’!estate.”!

!

“And!by!extension,!Wink.”!

!

“Nice!try.”!

!

He! pursed! his! lips.! “Fine.! He! came! by! to! claim! his!

inheritance.!That’s!it.!I!went!over!the!estate!with!him,!he!signed!

the! papers,! and! he! left,! reasonably! better! off! than! when! he!

came!in.”!

!

“What!else?”!

!

He!stared!at!me,!silent!for!a!moment.!

!

“You!were!among!the!few!people!who!didn’t!tease!me!as!a!

kid,”!he!said.!

!

“Guess!I!was!one!of!those!who!figured!there!was!no!point.”!

!

“No,! I! like! to! think! you! had! a! little! empathy,!
Legs
.! Or! did!

you!prefer!‘Spaz’?”!

!

My!turn!to!shrug.!“Whatever.”!!

Night&Tide
—Sherer&

148&

!

“I!can’t!tell!you!where!he!went.!I!honestly!don’t!know.!But!

one!of!the!things!his!parents!left!him!was!a!piece!of!property!

up!in!Washington.”!!

!

The! words! sank! in! slowly.! “My! Washington?! Washington!

State?”!!

!

“His!grandfather!on!his!mom’s!side!had!a!fishing!camp!on!

Hood!Canal.!Wink!said!he!had!good!memories!of!the!place!from!

family!vacations!as!a!kid.!Apparently,!it!was!a!little!too!rustic!

for! Mavis,! and! they! only! went! back! once! or! twice! more.! But!

Wink!said!he!remembered!it!being!quiet,!peaceful.!A!beautiful!

spot,!near!the!water.!Lots!of!trees.!The!Olympics!practically!in!

the!back!yard.”!

!

I! thought! I’d! known! Wink! pretty! well.! Now! I! wasn’t! so!

sure.!Either!he!never!told!me!about!his!trips!to!Washington!or!

my!memory!was!playing!tricks.!Then!again,!maybe!it!was!one!

of!those!things!that!never!registered.!Maybe!he!and!his!family!

had! taken! their! vacations! around! the! same! time! mine! went!

camping!in!Wisconsin!and!we!never!got!around!to!comparing!

notes.!

!

“Why!go!out!there?”!I!said.!“Why!not!stay!here?”!

!

“He!said!it!sounded!like!a!good!place!to!get!acclimated!to!

the!world!again.!Slow!and!easy.!He!didn’t!actually!say!he!was!

going!there.”!

!

“You!don’t!think!he!went!after!the!people!responsible!for!

the!bombing?”!

!

“I!imagine!he’s!contemplating!it.!Wouldn’t!you?”!

!

“I!don’t!know!what!I’d!do.!I’d!want!to!put!it!behind!me.”!

!

“Tough!when!you!don’t!think!you!should!have!been!there!

in!the!first!place.”!

!

“But! he! was! there.”! I! paused.! “Did! he! ever! suggest! a!

different!chain!of!events?!An!alternate!ending?”!

!

“He! kept! his! theories! to! himself.! But! he! seemed! to! be!

fixated!on!the!group!that!briefly!claimed!responsibility!before!

recanting.”!

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149&

!

“E.L.F.?!I!heard!investigators!went!down!that!road!and!hit!

a!dead6end.”!

!

“He!always!thought!there!was!something!more!to!it,!but!I!

don’t!know!what!he!found!out.”!

!

“Not!likely!there!are!too!many!people!left!with!first6hand!

knowledge!of!what!happened.”!

!

He!didn’t!respond.!

!

We! tried! some! small! talk! after! that,! quickly! relating! our!

C.V.s!to!each!other,!comparing!notes!on!how!life!had!treated!us!

so! far.! Even! a! few! reminiscences! about! high! school! couldn’t!

prevent! the! conversation! from! devolving! into! an!

uncomfortable! pretense! that! we’d! ever! really! been! friends.! I!

stifled! a! yawn,! exhaustion! creeping! over! me.! I! soon! made!

excuses,!thanked!him!for!the!information!and!left.!

!

With! no! burning! sense! of! nostalgia,! no! maudlin! desire! to!

recreate! the! past,! I! skipped! a! tour! through! the! old!

neighborhood! and! a! look! at! the! house! where! I! grew! up.!

Instead,! I! got! back! in! the! rental! car! and! drove! down! to!

Carbondale,!found!a!motel!on!Main!Street!less!than!ten!minutes!

away!from!the!SIU!campus,!and!checked!in!for!the!night.!Body!

clock!totally!thrown!off!by!the!time!change!and!sudden!switch!

to!a!daylight!schedule,!I!walked!to!a!nearby!restaurant,!ordered!

takeout! and! took! it! back! to! the! room.! I! wolfed! it! down! and!

tumbled!into!bed.!

Night&Tide
—Sherer&

150&

!

!
Chapter(24(

!! “Well?”!he!said.!“Have!you!gotten!anything!from!him!yet?”!

!

Keely’s!hand!shook!as!she!raised!the!glass!of!wine!to!her!

lips!and!took!a!sip,!thoughts!scrambling!for!a!way!out!of!this.!

She!came!up!empty.!

!

“No,”!she!said.!“Not!yet.”!

!

“Why! not?! I’d! have! thought! he’d! be! no! match! for! your!

feminine!charms.”!

!

Her!face!burned.!
Was*he*having*her*watched?
!“Is!that!what!

you!expect?!You!think!I’ll!just!fuck!him!and!he’ll!tell!me!what!I!

want!to!know?”!

!

“No!need!for!that!kind!of!language.!You!should!have!a!little!

more!self6respect.”!

!

“Sounds! like! you’re! the! one! who! doesn’t! respect! me.! I’ve!

got!a!brain.”!

!

“Then!use!it.”!

!

She! heard! the! sharpness! in! his! voice! through! the! phone!

and! blinked! back—no,! she! wouldn’t! even! consider! it.! She!

swiped! at! her! eyes! with! the! back! of! her! hand.!
Had* it* always*

been* this* way?* Jill* had* gotten* all* the* attention,* all* the* praise*

growing*up.*And*then*she*was*gone.*What*about*her?*What*was*

so*wrong*with*her*that*no*one*gave*her*the*credit*she*deserved?
!

She! took! a! breath! and! calmed! her! nerves,! fighting! back! the!

emotion!that!welled!up!in!her!chest.!She!was!a!grown!woman,!

for!heaven’s!sake.!It!was!ancient!history.!!

!

“I’ve! done! everything! you! asked.!
I’m
! the! one! who! found!

the!first!one!on!the!list.”!

!

“But!you!haven’t!yet!found!the!ones!really!responsible,”!he!

said.!“
I
!did!that.”!

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—Sherer&

151&

!

“And!look!what!happened;!they!got!away.!I’m!telling!you,!

Sanders! can! lead! us! to! Langford,! and! Langford! will! tell! us!

where!they!are.”!

!

“So,!
do
!it.”!

!

She! swallowed! hard.! He’d! find! out! anyway.! He! always!

seemed! to! know! what! was! going! on! before! even! she! did.! “I!

don’t!know!where!Sanders!is.”!

!

“I!thought!he!was!there!with!you.”!

!

“He!was.!Don’t!worry,!I’ll!find!him.!He’s!around.!I!just!have!

to!track!him!down.”!

!

“See!that!you!do.”!The!sharp!tone!was!back!in!his!voice.!“I!

still!say!he’s!a!liability,!a!loose!end!we!should!deal!with.”!

!

“Have! you! seen! the! news?! Half! the! police! in! the! city! are!

looking! for! the! crew! that! shot! up! the! restaurant! the! other!

night.!They!think!it’s!related!to!the!cop!who!was!shot.”!

!

“The!police!don’t!know!anything,!not!even!who!the!target!

was.! Don’t! worry.! They’re! good! men.! They! won’t! get! caught.!

And!if!any!do,!no!one!can!connect!them!to!us.”!He!paused.!“Find!

this!man,!Sanders.!Quickly.”!

*!*!*!*!*!

!

The! next! morning,! after! a! complementary! breakfast! of! a!

desiccated! sweet! roll! and! thin,! insipid! coffee,! I! made! my! way!

over! to! the! campus! and! found! the! administration! building.! I!

didn’t! hold! out! a! lot! of! hope! of! finding! anyone! at! school! on! a!

Saturday,! but! a! young! woman! with! a! short! utilitarian! haircut!

and! a! pleasant! demeanor! offered! to! help.! When! I! explained!

what!I!wanted,!she!roped!in!a!student!tour!guide!who!normally!

would! have! shown! applicants! around! campus! and! assigned!

him! to! me.! Clean6cut! and! Midwestern! wholesome,! he! tackled!

his!mission!cheerfully.!

!

Stepping! into! the! June! sauna! triggered! old! memories.! In!

the!hazy!sunshine!of!early!summer,!color!brought!the!campus!

to!life,!a!picture!postcard!of!bucolic!academe,!nothing!like!the!

photo!negative!the!last!time!I’d!seen!it.!Ponderous,!muggy!air!

Night&Tide
—Sherer&

152&

portended! thunderstorms! later.! The! heat! sapped! my! energy,!

but! my! guide! Alex! didn’t! seem! to! mind.! He! kept! up! a! steady!

patter! of! factoids! and! tidbits! garnered! from! university! puff!

pieces,! throwing! in! enough! personal! anecdotes! and! campus!

myths!to!give!the!spiel!his!individual!spin!without!straying!too!

far!from!an!admissions!office!script.!My!brain!tuned!out.!

!

“You!play!ball?”!he!said!on!a!path!between!buildings.!“You!

look!like!a!ball!player.”!

!

The!question!brought!me!back!from!somewhere!far!away.!

“A!long!time!ago.”!

!

“Tough!season!this!year.!You!an!alum?”!

!

“No,!just!doing!a!little!research.”!

!

He!nodded.!Sensing!the!tour!was!wasted!on!me,!he!limited!

his!comments!after!that!to!highlights.!

!

The!engineering!complex!soon!came!into!view!across!the!

main!road!that!circled!campus,!just!the!way!I!remembered!it.!

The! building’s! scars,! though,! had! faded! as! if! that! night! had!

never! happened.! Holes! rent! elsewhere! by! the! bomb’s! blast!

hadn’t! healed! so! quickly.! Alex! led! me! through! the! door! that!