Night Tide (32 page)

I! drove! in! a! daze! for! a! while! trying! to! put! it! all! together,!

not!really!sure!where!I!was!going.!I!know!I!spent!time!up!in!the!

park!where!Molly!and!I!used!to!play!for!long!hours!with!Cole!

when!he!was!little.!The!gaping!hole!his!suicide!had!left!ached!

like! a! heavy! weight! pressing! on! my! chest.! The! abscess! had!

almost! turned! gangrenous! by! the! time! Molly! and! I! split,! but!

had! slowly! closed! over.! Volunteering! with! Jeri’s! suicide!

prevention!group!had!helped,!but!every!so!often!I!went!a!round!

with!the!what6ifs!and!the!twin!harbingers!of!depression,!regret!

and! remorse,! that! ripped! the! wound! open! again.! If! I! wasn’t!

careful,!my!mind!would!walk!into!an!ADD!trap!of!negativity,!a!

ruminative!cycle!on!everything!I’d!ever!done!wrong.!

!

Thoughts!of!Cole!and!Molly!weren’t!all!that!distracted!me.!

Too!much!had!happened!in!a!week!for!me!to!process,!filling!my!

head! with! bits! and! pieces! of! information! that! darted! around!

like!microbes!on!a!slide,!none!of!which!I!could!quite!manage!to!

bring!into!focus.!My!usual!dose!of!meds!hadn’t!helped,!either,!

unable! to! counteract! the! exhaustion! that! pulled! at! me.! Every!

movement,!every!thought!felt!like!swimming!in!molasses.!

!

Work!beckoned,!an!oasis!to!a!thirsty!man,!a!place!where!I!

could! let! myself! get! swallowed! up! in! routine! and! push! the!

thoughts!aside.!I!drove!down!to!the!warehouse!in!Ballard!early!

enough! to! find! plentiful! parking.! A! few! other! route! drivers!

pulled!in!as!I!got!out!and!walked!toward!the!steps!next!to!the!

Times
!loading!dock.!The!open!doorway!yawned!widely,!spilling!

bright!white!light!from!the!metal!halides!lamps!inside.!Halfway!

there,!someone!stepped!out!of!the!shadows!at!the!edge!of!the!

wharf!overlooking!the!marina,!bringing!me!up!short.!Keely.!

!

“Where!have!you!been?”!she!said.!

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!

Shadows!made!it!hard!to!read!her!expression.!

!

“Around.”!My!face!grew!warm.!

!

“Around?!Around!where?”!

!

I!shrugged.!“You’re!mad!at!me.”!

!

“More!like!worried.!I!didn’t!know!where!you!were.”!

!

“What!difference!does!it!make?”!

!

“What! diff—?”! For! a! moment! her! mouth! hung! open.! “I!

stopped! by! your! apartment,! checked! with! your! landlord,!

waited!to!see!if!you’d!show!up!for!work.”!She!ticked!the!points!

off!on!her!fingers.!“No!sign!of!you.”!

!

“Now!you’re!stalking!me?”!I!smiled,!tried!to!make!light!of!

it.!!

!

She! wasn’t! buying.! “For! god’s! sake,! you! come! by! in! the!

middle!of!the!night!and!tell!me!someone!tried!to!kill!you.!When!

I!wake!up,!you’re!gone,!nowhere!to!be!found.!What!the!hell!am!

I!supposed!to!think?!I!thought!you!were!dead,!damn!it!”!

!

“’Fraid!not.”!I!held!my!arms!out!and!looked!at!them.!“Sorry!

to!disappoint!you.!Still!here.”!

!

She!slapped!me.!Hard.!I!didn’t!see!it!coming,!and!it!landed!

with!a!loud!crack!like!the!snap!of!a!wet!locker!room!towel!on!

bare! ass,! attracting! the! attention! of! two! Vietnamese! co6

workers! passing! by.! They! may! not! have! understood! what! we!

were! saying,! but! they! didn’t! mistake! the! hand6delivered!

message.!

!

I!rubbed!my!cheek,!eyes!widening.!“What!the!hell!was!that!

for?”!

!

She! turned! away! quickly,! but! not! before! I! saw! tears!

glistening!on!the!edge!of!her!eyelids.!!

!

Confusion!running!through!me,!I!hesitantly!put!a!hand!on!

her! shoulder.! “Hey,! don’t! do! that.! I’m! sorry.! Whatever! I! did,! I!

didn’t!mean!it.”!

!

She! whirled! to! face! me! again,! incredulity! painting! her!

features.! “Are! you! kidding?! I! said! I! thought! you! were! dead.! I!

didn’t!say!I!
wanted
!you!dead.!What’s!the!matter!with!you?”!

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—Sherer&

213&

!

Anger! trumped! confusion.! “What’s! wrong! with!
me
?! What!

are!you!doing!here?!Accosting!me!at!work?!In!the!middle!of!the!

night?!If!you’re!not!stalking!me,!it’s!a!damn!good!imitation.”!

!

“I’m!not!supposed!to!care!about!you?”!

!

“And!I!don’t,!I!suppose.!You!were!right.!Someone!tried!to!

kill!me.!I’ve!been!trying!to!figure!out!why.!Who.!I!
left
!because!I!

didn’t!want!to!involve!you!any!more!than!I!already!had.!I!was!

afraid!I!might!have!put!you!in!danger.”!

!

Her! abrupt! laugh! stopped! me.! “
You
! were! looking! out! for!

me
?! That’s! pretty! funny! coming! from! someone! who! wouldn’t!

even!offer!his!best!friend!a!little!support!when!he!needed!it.”!

!

The! confusion! was! back.! “Wait.! What?! Are! you! talking!

about!Wink?!Langford?”!!

!

Her!silence!signaled!affirmation.!

!

“You!want!to!know!where!I!was?”!I!said.!“It!just!so!happens!

I! flew! back! to! Illinois! to! see! if! I! could! figure! out! where! Wink!

might!have!gone.!I’ve!been!pretty!busy!the!past!few!days.”!

!

She! widened! her! stance! and! put! her! hands! on! her! hips.!

“And! you! didn’t! think! you! could! tell! me?! You! couldn’t! even!

spare!a!few!minutes!to!call!me!and!tell!me!you!were!okay?”!

!

The! tears! were! back! in! her! eyes.! She! sniffed! and! blinked!

them!away.!

!

“Whoa!!I!told!you,!I!was!trying!to!protect!you.!And!then!I!

got! so! caught! up! in! following! in! what! I! was! doing! I! kind! of!

forgot.”!

!

“You!forgot?”!!

!

“I!do!that!”!I!snapped.!“I!get!involved!in!what!I’m!doing!and!

I!forget!things!sometimes.”!

!

“You!just!left!!No!note!or!anything!”!

!

“Is!that!what!this!is!about?!You’re!pissed!I!didn’t!call!you?”!

!

“We!made!love!!Or!don’t!you!remember!that!part?”!

!

“We! had! sex.! Great! sex,! Keely,! but! I! don’t! know! you! well!

enough! to! make! love! to! you.! Don’t! give! yourself! so! much!

credit.”!

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—Sherer&

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!

“You!bastard!”!!

!

She!came!at!me!with!both!hands!raised!high.!I!got!my!arms!

up! in! time,! elbows! out,! hands! protecting! my! face! as! she!

pounded!me!with!her!fists.!The!rain!of!blows!bounced!mostly!

harmlessly!off!my!shoulders!and!arms,!but!a!few!caromed!off!

the! side! of! my! head! making! me! glad! she! wasn’t! any! bigger.! I!

finally! clapped! both! hands! around! her! wrists! and! held! them!

tight.!She!wriggled!and!aimed!a!pointed!toe!at!my!shin.!

!

“Stop!!Stop!it!!Shit,!Keely,!I’m!sorry.!I!shouldn’t!have!said!

that.!I!didn’t!mean!I!didn’t!enjoy!it.!You.!Or!that!I’m!not!grateful!

for!what!you!did!for!me.”!

!

She! sagged,! the! fight! gone! out! of! her,! and! I! let! go.! She!

stepped!back,!looking!at!me!from!under!her!eyelashes,!nostrils!

flaring.!

!

“No,! you’re! just! the! ‘fuck6’em6and6forget6’em! type! I! hated!

so!much!in!high!school.”!Her!voice!held!more!bitterness!than!a!

double!shot!of!espresso.!!

!

“I—”!My!ears!rang!and!my!heart!pounded.!“We!shouldn’t!

have!done!that,!Keely.!
I
!shouldn’t!have!done!that.”!

!

“Why!not?”!She!sniffled.!!

!

“I’m!not!ready,”!I!said.!It!wasn’t!that!simple,!but!I!couldn’t!

articulate!why.!“I!made!a!mistake.”!

!

She!looked!at!me!thoughtfully,!but!didn’t!reply.!

!

“I!should!have!left!you!a!note,”!I!said.!“Or!called.!I’m!sorry.”!

!

My!hand!moved!to!touch!her!cheek.!I!thought!better!of!it!

and! willed! it! back! down.! It! hung! awkwardly! at! my! side.! I!

shoved!it!into!a!pocket!and!shifted!my!weight!onto!one!leg.!

!

“Look,!I!have!to!go!to!work.!Are!we!okay!here?”!

!

She!inhaled!sharply!and!let!it!out!slowly,!shaking!her!head.!

“No,!we’re!not!fucking!okay!here.”!

!

“I!said!I!was!sorry.!What!else!do!you!want!me!to!say?”!

!

“It’s!not!okay.!Not!until!you!tell!me!about!Langford.”!

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!

I!blinked.!“Not!much!to!tell,”!I!said!slowly.!“I!have!a!lead!on!

where!he!might!be.!Figured!I’d!follow!up!on!it!when!I!finish!my!

route.”!

!

“I’m!coming!with!you.”!She!set!her!mouth!in!a!determined!

line.!

!

“I!don’t!think!that’s!such!a—”!

!

“I’m!not!asking.”!

!

I! put! my! hands! up! in! surrender.! “Don’t! blame! me! if!

something!goes!wrong.”!

!

“Like!what?!What!do!you!think!he’ll!do?”!

!

“Oh,!I!don’t!know.!Kill!us?”!

!

“Don’t!be!melodramatic.”!

!

I!lifted!a!shoulder!and!let!it!fall.!“I!really!don’t!know!what!

to!expect.”!!

!

“I!thought!you!had!to!go!to!work,”!she!said.!

!

“I!do.”!

!

“So?”!She!nodded!toward!the!loading!dock.!“Lead!on.”!

Night&Tide
—Sherer&

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!

!

Chapter&35&

!

!

We!missed!the!first!Edmonds6Kingston!ferry!by!five!or!ten!

minutes,!which!put!us!close!to!the!head!of!the!line!for!the!next!

one,!leaving!at!six6twenty6five.!As!soon!as!we!parked!aboard,!I!

got! out! and! made! my! way! straight! up! to! the! passenger! deck,!

leaving! Keely! to! fend! for! herself.! I! hadn’t! been! able! to! figure!

her! out.! She’d! expressed! concern! at! the! warehouse,! but! her!

sudden!shift!in!attention!to!our!game!of!“Where’s!Wink?”!had!

thrown!me.!And!her!rebuke!still!stung—I!wasn’t!sure!what!I’d!

done!wrong.!Well,!I!knew,!but!I!couldn’t!admit!it.!

!

I!bought!a!large!coffee!and!took!it!outside!to!the!forward!

observation!deck.!Blue!water!slid!by!the!steel!hull!as!the!ferry!

got! underway,! the! breeze! picking! up! as! we! gained! speed! and!

moved! away! from! shore.! The! salt! air! filled! my! nose! with! the!

briny! scent! of! decaying! seaweed! and! denizens! of! the! deep.! A!

gull! floated! on! air! currents! ten! feet! overhead,! effortlessly!

keeping! pace! with! the! ferry,! sharp! eyes! watching! for! errant!

crumbs!from!some!passenger’s!breakfast.!

!

Already!well!above!the!horizon,!the!sun!blasted!radiation!

through!the!back!of!my!shirt!as!if!the!material!didn’t!exist.!My!

shadow!danced!on!the!rippling!water,!staying!just!ahead!of!the!

racing! bow.! I! was! grateful! for! the! cool! air! standing! my! short!

hair!up!on!end.!The!nighttime!temperature!hadn’t!fallen!much!

below! a! balmy! sixty6five! degrees,! and! another! cloudless! sky!

augured! a! carbon! copy! of! the! prior! day’s! heat.! I! hoped! the!

coffee!and!cool!air!would!revive!me!and!clear!the!fog!out!of!my!

head.!!

!

Keely!came!up!beside!me!and!rested!her!forearms!on!the!

rail,!staring!at!the!water!below.!I!tensed!involuntarily.!I!hadn’t!

exchanged!more!than!a!dozen!words!with!her!during!the!night!

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—Sherer&

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other! than! to! ask! her! to! hand! me! alternate! newspapers! for!

certain!customers!on!the!route.!She’d!worked!tirelessly,!hadn’t!

complained,! and! I! knew! she! had! to! be! as! tired! as! I! was.! She!

gave!no!indication.!!

!

She!raised!her!head!and!scanned!the!far!shore.!“What’s!the!

plan?”!

!

“No!plan.”!

!

“Is!that!a!good!idea?”!

!

“Hell,!I!don’t!know.!I!figured!go!in!quiet,!see!what’s!what.!If!

we!don’t!get!shot,!knock!on!the!front!door.”!

!

“That!might!work.”!

!

I!glanced!at!her.!“I!still!don’t!know!why!you’re!so!gung6ho!

on!finding!him.”!

!

She!turned!her!head,!one!blue!eye!peering!up!at!me!visible!

under!a!sheaf!of!blonde!hair.!She!looked!relaxed,!a!vacationer!

or!tourist!headed!for!a!week!of!rest!and!recreation.!A!painted!

nail! fluttering! in! the! sun! drew! my! eye.! A! forefinger! softly!

tapped!the!rail!in!triple!time,!revealing!how!tightly!wound!she!

was.!!

!

“Like! I! told! you,”! she! said,! “he! didn’t! do! it.! He! didn’t!

deserve!to!have!twenty!years!of!his!life!taken!away!from!him.”!

!

“So!this!is!out!of!the!goodness!of!your!heart?!Might!make!

you! feel! better,! but! it! won’t! give! him! his! life! back.”! No! more!

than! I! could! by! telling! him! I! was! sorry! for! leaving! him! in! the!

lurch.!But!I!had!to!try.!!

!

“No,!I’m!not!that!altruistic.”!She!looked!down!at!the!water!

for!a!moment.!“The!question!is,!if!he!didn’t!do!it,!who!did?”!

!

“Been!asking!myself!the!same!thing.”!

!

“I!want!the!people!who!killed!my!sister.”!!

!

I!considered!her,!her!tone!sending!a!shiver!up!my!spine.!

!

“Guess!we’re!all!convinced!Wink!knows!more!than!the!rest!

of!us,”!I!said.!“A!neat!trick!if!it’s!true.!Since!he’s!been!locked!up!

all!this!time.”!