Nights with Uncle Remus (15 page)

“Tooby sho' he wuz,” continued Uncle Remus, heartily assenting to the child's interpretation of the situation; “tooby sho' he wuz. He stan' dar, Brer Fox did, en he watch Brer Rabbit motions. Bimeby he holler out, sezee:

“ ‘Ay yi!
³⁵
Brer Rabbit!' sezee. ‘Many a time is you made yo' 'scape, but now I got you!' En wid dat, Brer Fox en de yuther creeturs cloze in on Brer Rabbit.

“Seem like I done tole you dat Brer Rabbit done gone en tuck mo' dram dan w'at 'uz good fer he wholesome. Yit he head aint swim so bad dat he dunner w'at he doin', en time he lay eyes on Brer Fox, he know he done got in close quarters. Soon ez he see dis, Brer Rabbit make like he bin down in de cup mo' deeper dan w'at he is, en he stagger 'roun' like town gal stannin' in a batteau, en he seem lak he des ez limber ez a wet rag. He stagger up ter Brer Fox, he did, en he roll he eyeballs 'roun', en slap 'im on he back en ax 'im how he ma. Den w'en he see de yuther creeturs,” continued Uncle Remus, “he holler out, he did:

“ ‘Vents yo' uppance, gentermens! Vents yo' uppance!
³⁶
Ef you'll des gimme han'-roomance en come one at a time, de tussle'll las' longer. How you all come on, nohow?' sezee.

“Ole Brer Rabbit talk so kuse dat de yuther creeturs have mo' fun dan w'at youk'n shake a stick at, but bimeby Brer Fox say dey better git down ter business, en den dey all cloze in on Brer Rabbit, en dar he wiz.

“In dem days, ole man B'ar wuz a jedge 'mongs' de creeturs, en dey all ax 'im w'at dey gwine do 'long wid Brer Rabbit, en Jedge B'ar, he put on his specks, en cle'r up his throat, en say dat de bes' way ter do wid a man w'at kick up sech a racket, en run de neighbors outer der own house, en go in dar en level
³⁷
on de pantry, is ter take 'im out en drown 'im; en ole Brer Fox, w'ich he settin' on de jury, he up'n' smack he hands togedder, en cry, en say, sezee, dat atter dis he bleedz ter b'leeve dat Jedge B'ar done got all-under holt on de lawyer-books, kaze dat 'zackly w'at dey say w'en a man level on he neighbor pantry.

“Den Brer Rabbit, he make out he skeerd, en he holler en cry, en beg um, in de name er goodness, don't fling 'im in de spring branch, kaze dey all know he dunner how ter swim; but ef dey bleedz fer ter pitch 'im in, den for mussy sake gin 'im a walkin'-cane, so he kin have sumpin' ter hol' ter w'iles he drownin'.

“Ole Brer B'ar scratch his head en say, sezee, dat, fur ez his 'membunce go back, he aint come 'cross nothin' in de lawyer-book ter de contraries er dat, en den dey all 'gree dat Brer Rabbit kin have a walkin'-cane.

“Wid dat, dey ketch up Brer Rabbit en put 'im in a wheel-borrow en kyar 'im down ter de branch, en fling 'im in.”

“Eh-eh!” exclaimed 'Tildy, with well-feigned astonishment.

“Dey fling 'im in,” continued Uncle Remus, “en Brer Rabbit light on he foots, same ez a tomcat, en pick his way out by de helps er de walkin'-cane. De water wuz dat shaller dat it don't mo'n come over Brer Rabbit slipper, en w'en he git out on t'er side, he holler back, sezee:

“ ‘So long, Brer Fox!' ”

XIII

Notwithstanding Brother Rabbit's success with the drum, the little boy was still inclined to refer to Mr. Benjamin Ram and his fiddle; but Uncle Remus was not, by any means, willing that such an ancient vagabond as Mr. Ram should figure as a hero, and he said that, while it was possible that Brother Rabbit was no great hand with the fiddle, he was a drummer, and a capital singer to boot. Furthermore, Uncle Remus declared that Brother Rabbit could perform upon the quills,
³⁸
an accomplishment to which none of the other animals could lay claim. There was a time, too, the old man pointedly suggested, when the romantic rascal used his musical abilities to win the smiles of a nice young lady of quality—no less a personage, indeed, than King Deer's daughter. As a matter of course, the little boy was anxious to hear the particulars, and Uncle Remus was in nowise loath to give them.

“W'en you come ter ax me 'bout de year en day er de mont',” said the old man, cunningly arranging a defence against criticism, “den I'm done, kaze de almanick w'at dey got in dem times wont pass muster deze days, but, let 'lone dat, I speck dey aint had none yit; en ef dey is, dey aint none bin handed down ter Remus.

“Well, den, some time 'long in dar, ole Brer Fox en Brer Rabit got ter flyin' 'roun' King Deer daughter. Dey tells me she 'uz a monst'us likely gal, en I speck may be she wuz; leas'ways, Brer Fox, he hanker atter 'er, en likewise Brer Rabbit, he hanker atter 'er. Ole King Deer look lak he sorter lean todes Brer Fox, kaze ter a settle man like him, hit seem lak dat Brer Fox kin stir 'roun' en keep de pot a b'ilin', mo' speshually being's he de bigges'. Hit go on dis away twel hardly a day pass dat one er de yuther er dem creeturs don't go sparklin' 'roun' King Deer daughter, en it got so atter w'ile dat all day long Brer Rabbit en Brer Fox keep de front gate a skreakin', en King Deer daughter aint ska'cely had time fer ter eat a meal vittels in no peace er min'.

“In dem days,” pursued Uncle Remus, in a tone of unmistakable historical fervor, “w'en a creetur go a courtin' dey wa'n't none er dish yer bokay doin's mix' up 'longer der co't-ship, en dey aint cut up no capers like folks does now. Stidder scollopin' 'roun' en bowin' en scrapin', dey des go right straight atter de gal. Ole Brer Rabbit, he mouter had some bubby-blossoms
³⁹
wrop up in his hankcher, but mostly him en Brer Fox 'ud des drap in on King Deer daughter en 'gin ter cas' sheep-eyes at 'er time dey sot down en cross der legs.”

“En I bet,” said 'Tildy, by way of comment, and looking as though she wanted to blush, “dat dey wa'n't 'shame', nuther.”

“Dey went 'long dis away,” continued Uncle Remus, “twel it 'gun ter look sorter skittish wid Brer Rabbit, kaze old King Deer done good ez say, sezee, dat he gwine ter take Brer Fox inter de fambly. Brer Rabbit, he 'low, he did, dat dis aint gwine ter do, en he study en study how he gwine ter cut Brer Fox out.

“Las', one day, w'iles he gwine thoo King Deer pastur' lot, he up wid a rock en kilt two er King Deer goats. W'en he git ter de house, he ax King Deer daughter whar'bouts her pa, en she up'n' say she go call 'im, en w'en Brer Rabbit see 'im, he ax w'en de weddin' tuck place, en King Deer ax w'ich weddin', en Brer Rabbit say de weddin' 'twix' Brer Fox en King Deer daughter. Wid dat, ole King Deer ax Brer Rabbit w'at make he go on so, en Brer Rabbit, he up'n' 'spon' dat he see Brer Fox makin' monst'us free wid de fambly, gwine 'roun' chunkin' de chickens en killin' up de goats.

“Ole King Deer strak he walkin'-cane down 'pon de flo', en 'low dat he don't put no 'pennunce in no sech tale lak dat, en den Brer Rabbit tell 'im dat ef he'll des take a walk down in de pastur' lot, he kin see de kyarkiss er de goats. Old King Deer, he put out, en bimeby he come back, en he 'low he gwine ter settle marters wid Brer Fox ef it take 'im a mont'.

“Brer Rabbit say he a good frien' ter Brer Fox, en he aint got no room ter talk 'bout 'im, but yit w'en he see 'im 'stroyin' King Deer goats en chunkin' at his chickens, en rattlin' on de palin's fer ter make de dog bark, he bleedz ter come lay de case 'fo' de fambly.

“ ‘En mo'n dat,' sez ole Brer Rabbit, sezee, ‘I'm de man w'at kin make Brer Fox come en stan' right at de front gate en tell you dat he is kill dem goat; en ef you des wait twel ter-night, I wont ax you ter take my wud,' sezee.

“King Deer say ef Brer Rabbit man 'nuff ter do dat, den he kin git de gal en thanky, too. Wid dat, Brer Rabbit jump up en crack he heels tergedder, en put out fer ter fine Brer Fox. He aint git fur 'fo' he see Brer Fox comin' down de road all primp up. Brer Rabbit, he sing out, he did:

“ ‘Brer Foxy, whar you gwine?'

“En Brer Fox, he holler back:

“ ‘Go 'way, Rab; don't bodder wid me. I'm gwine fer ter see my gal.'

“Brer Rabbit, he laugh 'way down in his stomach, but he don't let on, en atter some mo' chat, he up'n' say dat ole King Deer done tell 'im 'bout how Brer Fox gwine ter marry he daughter, en den he tell Brer Fox dat he done promise King Deer dat dey'd drap 'roun' ter-night en gin 'im some music.

“ ‘En I up'n' tole 'im,' sez Brer Rabbit, sezee, ‘dat de music w'at we can't make aint wuth makin'—me wid my quills, en you wid yo' tr'angle.
⁴⁰
De nex' motion we makes,' sezee, ‘we'll hatter go off some'rs en practise up on de song we'll sing, en I got one yer dat'll tickle um dat bad,' sez Brer Rabbit, sezee, ‘twel I lay dey'll fetch out a hunk er dat big chicken-pie w'at I see um puttin' in de pot des now,' sezee.

“In a 'casion lak dis, Brer Fox say he de ve'y man w'at Brer Rabbit huntin', en he 'low dat he'll des 'bout put off payin' he call ter King Deer house en go wid Brer Rabbit fer ter practise on dat song.

“Den Brer Rabbit, he git he quills en Brer Fox he git he tr'angle, en dey went down on de spring branch, en dar dey sing en play, twell dey git it all by heart. Ole Brer Rabbit, he make up de song he own se'f, en he fix it so dat he sing de call, lak de captain er de co'n-pile, en ole Brer Fox, he hatter sing de answer.”
⁴¹

At this point Uncle Remus paused to indulge in one of his suggestive chuckles, and then proceeded:

“Don't talk 'bout no songs ter me. Gentermens! dat 'uz a funny song fum de wud go. Bimeby, w'en dey practise long time, dey gits up en goes 'roun' in de neighborhoods er King Deer house, en w'en night come dey tuck der stan' at de front gate, en atter all got still, Brer Rabbit, he gun de wink, en dey broke loose wid der music. Dey played a chune er two on de quills en tr'angle, en den dey got ter de song. Ole Brer Rabbit, he got de call, en he open up lak dis:
en den Brer Fox, he make answer:

Den de quills en de tr'angle, dey come in, en den Brer Rabbit pursue on wid de call:
en den Brer Fox, he jine in wid de answer:

En des 'bout dat time King Deer, he walk outer de gate en hit Brer Fox a clip wid his walkin'-cane, en he foller it up wid 'n'er'n, dat make Brer Fox fa'rly squall, en you des better b'lieve he make tracks 'way fum dar, en de gal she come out, en dey ax Brer Rabbit in.”

“Did Brother Rabbit marry King Deer's daughter, Uncle Remus?” asked the little boy.

“Now, den, honey, you're crowdin' me,” responded the old man. “Dey ax 'im in, en dey gun 'im a great big hunk er chicken-pie, but I won't make sho' dat he tuck'n' marry de gal. De p'int wid me is de way Brer Rabbit run Brer Fox off fum dar.”

XIV

There was a pause here, which was finally broken by 'Tildy, whose remark was in the shape of a very undignified yawn. Uncle Remus regarded her for a moment with an expression of undisguised scorn, which quickly expressed itself in words:

“Ef you'd er bin outer de house dat whack, you'd er tuck us all in. Pity dey aint some place er 'n'er whar deze yer trollops kin go en l'arn manners.”

'Tildy, however, ignored the old man, and, with a toss of her head, said to the little boy in a cool, exasperating tone, employing a pet name she had heard the child's mother use:

“Well, Pinx, I speck we better go. De rain done mos' hilt up now, en bimeby de stars'll be a-shinin'. Miss Sally lookin' fer you right now.”

“You better go whar you gwine, you triflin' huzzy, you!” exclaimed Uncle Remus. “You better go git yo' Jim Crow kyard en straighten out dem wrops in yo' ha'r. I allers year w'ite folks say you better keep yo' eye on niggers w'at got der ha'r wrop up in strings. Now I done gun you fa'r warnin's.”

“Uncle Remus,” said the little boy, when the old man's wrath had somewhat subsided, “why do they call them Jim Crow cards?”

“I be bless ef I know, honey, 'ceppin' it's kaze dey er de onliest machine wa't deze yer low-life niggers kin oncomb der kinks wid. Now, den,” continued the old man, straightening up and speaking with considerable animation, “dat min's me 'bout a riddle w'at been runnin' 'roun' in my head. En dat riddle—it's de outdoin'es' riddle w'at I mos' ever year tell un. Hit go lak dis: Ef he come, he don't come; ef he don't come, he come. Now, I boun' you can't tell w'at is dat.”

After some time spent in vain guessing, the little boy confessed that he didn't know.

“Hit's crow en co'n,” said Uncle Remus, sententiously.

“Crow and corn, Uncle Remus?”

“Co'se, honey. Crow come, de co'n don't come; crow don't come, den de co'n come.”

“Dat's so,” said 'Tildy. “I done see um pull up co'n, en I done see co'n grow w'at dey don't pull up.”

If 'Tildy thought to propitiate Uncle Remus, she was mistaken. He scowled at her, and addressed himself to the little boy:

“De Crow, he mighty close kin ter de Buzzud, en dat puts me in min' dat we aint bin a-keepin' up wid ole Brer Buzzud close ez we might er done.