Nila's Hope (21 page)

“It's pretty. Very elegant. Suits you.”

He took a step closer to her, and the light in his eyes sent a shiver through Nila. But he stopped, closed his eyes briefly, and turned back toward the door. “I'd better get the rest of those boxes.”

The apartment felt empty without him. She shook her head and turned her attention back to her treasures. As Nila dug into the next box, uneasiness wormed its way into her thoughts. She knew this home was an answer to her prayers, and she was thankful. But now she wanted more.

She wanted Will, and that scared her. Her lips quivered as she relived their few, sweet kisses. When he took her in his arms, she forgot about her need for independence.

Nila nibbled her lip. She had to be careful. Look what happened when she'd depended on Nick. Her heart began to pound, triggering a painful pulse in her arm. She winced. But Will was nothing like Nick. He would never beat her. She knew that. Then again, he was awfully protective. Maybe too much? Was she rushing into another mistake? Would Will expect her to give up her freedom after she'd gone through so much to achieve it? Or could he be patient, give her some time to enjoy her solitude?

Her thoughts churned as she tore open box after box. Soon the floor was littered with cardboard and packaging.

Will's footsteps announced his return. “Sorry that took so long. I met Kendra on the way out.” He set down his armful. “I didn't realize she and Carson were your landlords. Now I feel better.”

Her head jerked up, and she spoke without thinking. “Don't you think I can take care of myself?”

Will blinked and backed up. “What's wrong with watching out for you? I care about you.”

Irritation melted into shame. “I'm so sorry, Will. I didn't mean to snap at you. You're important to me, too. Very. You're the best friend I've ever had, and I hope…” She turned away from him. “It just feels like everything is moving too fast.” Nila bit her lip. That hadn't come out the way she'd intended.

 

****

 

Will blinked. Nila's words couldn't have hurt him more if they'd come with a slap. For a second he'd seen Vixen, not Nila. He clenched his jaw and ground out, “Fine. Sorry for pushing you. And for caring so much.” He turned toward the stairs. “I'll get the rest of your stuff.”

“Will.” She spoke his name like a caress.

It stopped him in his tracks, but he didn't turn around. “What?”

“Please look at me.”

He shrugged and faced her, frowning. The moisture in her eyes nearly undid him. He looked out the window.

She sighed, a deep, shuddering breath. “I really do care about you. Maybe too much.”

His heart beat faster.

“I just need some time. Can you give me that?”

“How much?” He growled and hated himself for it.

She shook her head slowly. “I don't know. But I need to know I can make it alone before I depend on anyone else.”

Will rubbed the side of his face as disappointment battled with compassion. “Fine. Friends, it is.”

“That's not what I meant.”

He ignored her murmured protest.

A short time later, the truck was empty, so he grabbed another knife and began to open the boxes he'd just delivered. He heard Nila murmur something now and then as she put away her treasures, but he clamped his mouth shut.

Friends didn't have to be chatty.

He sat back on his haunches and grunted. Apparently, he needed time, too. Time to grow up and be reasonable.

But Nila's request still hurt like a sucker punch. It felt too much like that time with Vixen, when she'd patted his face—hard enough to sting—and laughed. He could still hear her giggle as she'd said, “Back off, sweetheart. I'm not ready to commit.”

He'd thought they'd had something special. He'd been wrong. Miserably deceived. Was he wrong about Nila, too? He groaned, stood, and rubbed his lower back.

Nila looked up at him, questions he couldn't answer in her eyes.

“Can the rest wait? We need to get going soon.”

She looked around. Boxes and wrappings littered the counter, table, and floor. She smiled, and he steeled himself against its warmth. “Sure. I didn't actually expect to get anything unpacked today. Thanks for all your help, Will.”

He allowed a trace of bitterness to ride on his words. “That's what friends do.”

She ducked her head, her smile gone.

Shame scudded through him. “Come on, I'll buy you a burger before we face the munchkins. You still up for babysitting?”

Nila straightened and lifted her chin. “I've been looking forward to it ever since Faith asked.” She shut a drawer and picked up her coat without looking at him. “The question is, do you still want to be there with me?”

The evening wouldn't be what he'd hoped, but sucker that he was, he did want to spend it with her. “Of course. And I promise to keep my distance.” He swallowed his disappointment. “By the way, how's your arm?”

She looked at him then with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. “It's sore, but it's fine. I'm sure I could manage alone, if you'd rather. I understand.”

Will snorted. “I said I'd be there, and I will.”

“Fine. I'll lock up here and meet you at the truck.”

He opened his mouth to make a flippant remark, but something stopped him. Instead, he nodded solemnly.

“As you wish.”

 

 

 

 

23

 

Nila felt relieved when they parked in front of Jason and Faith's. Conversation had been stilted at the restaurant, and the strain stole her appetite. Maybe Jessica's chatter would drown out the echo in her head.

“As you wish.”

She stole a glance at her companion as she unfastened her seatbelt. He was a good man. A protective man. She sighed. He made her feel safe, but she needed to be on her own. For a while, not forever. Was that so difficult to appreciate?

Will seemed to be lost in thought, so Nila slipped out of the truck and went to the door. As soon as she pressed the doorbell, she heard Jessica's high-pitched voice.

“Dey're here! Dey're here!”

Jason opened the door, and the pajama-clad toddler dashed out and grabbed Nila's legs. “Ni-ya!”

Then she spotted her uncle coming up the steps. She released Nila and jumped into Will's arms. “Hunky Unky!” She planted a wet kiss on his mouth as he hugged her. “I wuv you.”

“At least someone does.”

Pain twisted Nila's stomach when she heard Will's murmur.

Jason swung the door wide. “Come on in, you guys. And get back in here, Jess. It's cold out there.”

As they removed their coats and boots, Jason gestured toward the stairs. “Faith is putting Tommy to bed, and then we've got to go. This little twerp,” he patted his daughter's blonde head, “needs to go to bed by eight.” He grinned. “Good luck with that. She's been excited ever since we told her you'd both be here this evening.”

Faith joined them, hugged Nila, and then Will. “Thank you for doing this. We haven't had a night out for months, so I've been almost as excited as Jess.”

She knelt beside her daughter and cupped the little face in her hands. “You mind your uncle and Nila, OK?”

The little girl nodded solemnly, but her eyes danced.

“And that means you go to bed when they tell you to.”

A pout appeared. “O…K.”

Faith stood with Jessica in her arms. “It might help if you put her to bed in the daybed in Tommy's room. We let her sleep there on special occasions. She likes watching over her baby brother.” She kissed Jessica's cheek. “Don't you, darling?”

Jessica nodded, eyes wide. “Uh-huh. My Tommy.” She waved good-bye to her parents without a whimper and promptly designated Nila as the mommy horsey and Will as the daddy.

Nila felt Will's gaze on her several times as they played on the floor with Jessica and her plastic ponies, but she couldn't meet his eyes. She didn't dare, or she'd throw herself into his arms. Instead, she threw herself into Jessica's fantasy story of the pony family's trip across the countryside, neighing as she moved her pony across the carpet. She couldn't help responding to Jessica's bubbly laugh as they crawled across the carpet, leaving Will behind.

She heard him clear his throat loudly and turned. He pointed to his watch and mouthed, “Bedtime.”

She skidded her pony to a halt. “It's time for the ponies to go to bed, Jessie. Want me to help you put them away?”

Jessica's little mouth pouted for a moment, but then she sighed dramatically and stood. “OK. Read story?”

Nila busied herself picking up toys.

Will responded. “Sure, sweetie. We'll read you a bedtime story. Put the ponies away, and then you can pick out a book.”

Before long, she climbed onto the couch where they sat at either end and plunked an illustrated Bible story book onto Will's lap. “Story.” She patted the spot right beside her. “Ni-ya, come.”

“Good idea, kiddo,” Will said. “Would you like us to take turns reading?”

“Um-hmm.” The little head nodded.

“OK, you win,” Nila said to both of them. She moved close to Jessica, but that meant Will was only a few inches away. The three sat close together, little Jessica snuggled between Will and Nila, as they read about the angel's visit to Mary.

“I yike angeos,” Jessica said when Nila closed the book.

“I like angels, too,” Will said. “They're God's helpers. Now who do you want to tuck you in?”

Jessica slipped off the couch and tilted her head. “You.” She pointed to Nila and then to Will. “And you.”

Will lifted her into his arms. “It's a deal. Do you want to sleep in your room or in Tommy's?”

“Tommy.”

They started up the stairs, but Nila lagged behind. Jessica noticed. “Come, Ni-ya.”

Nila didn't want Jessica to go to bed. The little girl was a capable chaperone, whether she knew it or not. This “playing house” scenario tempted her to forget her goals. It would be too easy to give up her dreams for all that Will had to offer. But that wouldn't be fair to either of them. Somehow, she had to make him understand, and tonight had to be the night.

By the time she reached Tommy's bedroom, Jessica was snuggled under the daybed's covers, her tiny hand wrapped in her uncle's large one. She wasn't ready to sleep yet, though. “Pray!”

“Go ahead,” Nila whispered to Will.

He glanced at her, his expression unreadable. “Lord Jesus, thank You for Jessica and Tommy. Thank you that you are always with them. Give them both a good sleep now for Jesus' sake, amen.” He leaned over and kissed the little one's forehead.

She beamed up at him and then turned her bright gaze to Nila. “You pray.”

Nila gulped. It felt so private, so intimate, praying together in this bedroom. Will made room for her to sit beside him on the bed. She struggled to control the warmth creeping up her neck as she sat on the edge of the mattress. She stroked Jessica's cheek and gently brushed her hand over the little one's eyes. It worked, and Jessica closed her eyes. “Dear Jesus, thank You for this home and this family. Thank You for watching over Jessica and Tommy. Give them both a good rest and keep them safe always, amen.”

Something tickled the back of her neck, and she glanced around the room. Nothing. She kissed Jessica's cheek. “Good night, sweetheart. Sweet dreams.”

Once downstairs, she and Will settled again on either end of the large couch. She didn't know what to say, so she kept silent. The silence grew heavy, and she nibbled her lower lip.

“What did I do?” Will's deep voice startled her.

She sighed and shook her head. “Nothing, Will. You didn't do anything wrong. It's me.”

He jumped to his feet. He kept his voice low, but it rumbled with anger. “Oh, so this is the ‘it's not you, it's me' line?”

“No!” She held out her hands in supplication. “I don't know how to explain it, but I'll try. Please sit down.”

He frowned. “Fine.” He sat. His expression revealed disappointment and confusion.

Nila had to be completely truthful. She pulled her knees to her chest. “I'm afraid I'm falling in love with you, Will, and that terrifies me.”

His frown smoothed out, and his eyes began to glow. “Go on.”

“I've never successfully lived on my own.” She grimaced. “Homelessness doesn't count, and neither does living with an abusive man.”

Anger flared again, and his fists clenched, but he didn't say anything.

“Before I can feel like a whole person, I have to know I can make it alone.” She lifted her face to his. “Can you understand that?”

He nodded solemnly. “I think I do now. I panicked because I thought I was losing you. Can you forgive me?”

She nodded, and her wide, brown eyes held him captive.

Will grinned and beckoned her to move closer. “You had me at ‘falling in love.' Come here.”

 

****

 

She scooted close enough to touch but held herself aloof.

Will pulled her to his side and put his arm around her shoulders. “It's all right. Just relax.”

She looked up at him, eyes wide.

He clenched his jaw and looked away. “Maybe it's not all right. I want so much to kiss you right now.”

She melted against his side. “Really?”

He turned back to her, his expression fierce. “You make me crazy, Nila. I planned to avoid any serious relationships until I got my journeyman status. But now I can't stop thinking about you. About us.”

Heat radiated from deep inside, and Nila pressed her face into his shoulder. “Oh. Me, too. It terrifies me. I'm really sorry I hurt you. I never want to do that.” She moved a few inches away, dislodging his arm from her shoulders. “What are we going to do?” A flush of desire made her squirm. “We have goals that don't mesh and…needs that do.”