Authors: Beth Flynn
I spent the
rest of the day keeping myself busy, grateful I hadn’t made a fool of myself in
front of Grunt. He had a girlfriend. I don’t know why it’d never occurred to me
that he might.
I had Chowder
help me hook up some hoses, then took Damien and Lucifer down into the empty
pool and bathed them. They loved it. Moe showed up sometime around one o’clock
and I asked her if she could take me shopping. She looked at me skeptically and
I told her
Grizz
had given me permission to go with
Grunt. I didn’t see why it wouldn’t be okay if she took me to a couple of
places. She motioned that she would and to give her ten minutes. That was
enough time for me to go back to number four, check on
Gwinny
,
change clothes, grab my hat and sunglasses and get some money.
Grizz
had recently showed me where he kept some cash in
case I ever wanted any. This was the first time I’d used some. My eyes widened
when I realized the amount of money I was holding and had no choice but to take
a hundred dollar bill. There was nothing smaller.
I met Moe back at
her car. She drove a Volkswagen Bug. Naturally, it was black. I told her I
needed bras. That was one article of clothing that hadn’t shown up at the
motel. I also wanted to get another bathing suit. We headed north to the Pompano
Square Fashion Plaza, which was north of Fort Lauderdale and not really
familiar to me.
I went to JC Penney
for the bras and was surprised that I found a bathing suit there, too. It was
late June, and the bathing suit selections were usually picked over by this
time of year. I settled on an orange and turquoise bikini that fit my top
better than the yellow one Jan had given me. I encouraged Moe to try some
things on, too. I had never seen her wear anything other than black T-shirts
and black jeans. She just smiled and shook her head.
I asked her if we
could find a grocery store on the way back and she nodded and took me to a small,
family-owned store. It wasn’t in a really good part of town but I wasn’t afraid;
I was just worried what
Grizz
might think if he knew
where we were. Was I subconsciously trying to please him? But the grocery
shopping was quick and uneventful, and before I knew it, we were heading back toward
the motel.
We were back on
State Road 84 heading west when she took a left. I realized we were heading
into the small town of Davie. I asked her where we were going, and she reached
into her ashtray, took out a small key and dangled it. Then it occurred to me.
We were going to the post office to check the mail. I found this very interesting.
I was curious to see if anyone else received mail besides Grunt.
Soon enough we
pulled up and parked at a small building. I asked if I could go in, too. She
shrugged her shoulders like “why not?” and I followed her in. We were in a
small vestibule area that housed the boxes. I leaned up against a counter that
was there for customers to use. I turned around and noticed there was a
bulletin board above it. I took note of the lost dogs, horses for sale,
babysitters and cleaning ladies for hire.
I heard Moe
approaching and was just turning to follow her out when something caught my
eye. It was an old missing persons flyer, yellowed with age. The girl in the
picture seemed familiar. She had long black hair, parted down the center. Other
than that, I couldn’t tell what it was that made me think I knew her. Then it
dawned
on me and my jaw dropped as I read
:
$25,000 REWARD
Missing Person
Last Seen November 12, 1969
Miriam Parker
Aged 20
It was Moe.
____________
I
completely forgot about spying on the mail Moe had picked up. I followed her
out to the car and got in. I must have been unusually quiet because she kept
glancing at me as she started the car. I was speechless. I couldn’t think of
what to say. That poster was printed six years ago, and it said she was twenty
years old then. So she was twenty-six now. Her real name was Miriam Parker. I
think that and her age were the first personal things, other than her missing
tongue, that I learned about Moe.
There was a huge
reward offered for her return. That amount of money is a lot today. It was
really significant back then. That told me she was loved. That someone missed
her. How many times had she been at this post office to get the mail? Surely
she knew that poster was there. Maybe she didn’t. It was crammed in between a
lot of different flyers. I wondered if she was from Davie. If she
was
, would she feel comfortable going in the local post
office? Of course, with her short hair and heavy makeup, I doubted she would be
recognized. Had she been kidnapped? Was her family threatened like mine?
I wanted so bad
to ask
Grizz
, but wasn’t sure if I should. I could
always ask Grunt, but I was still dealing with mixed emotions concerning him.
If she had been with the gang since the time she went missing, that meant she
would have arrived at the motel about the same time Grunt did. I wonder what he
knew.
We drove off and
she took some side roads. We were really in the heart of Davie now, and we
turned off onto an unpaved road. We followed a fence for what seemed like a
long time. On the other side of the fence was beautiful, green pastureland. I
noticed horses in the field.
We pulled over at
a shady spot. There was a gigantic
ficus
tree on the
other side of the fence, and two horses were under it. She smiled and pointed.
I looked at the horses and then at her.
“You like horses?”
She nodded and
smiled. Then her smile faded and she didn’t look sad, but wistful. Like she was
thinking about the past.
“Did you used to
have horses?” I asked, pressing further.
A small nod this time.
She never took her eyes off the big
brown one.
“Did you have a
horse that looked like that one?”
I looked from her
to the brown horse and back again and I instantly knew. She didn’t have a horse
that looked like this one. This one had been hers. We had just stepped into her
past and I was honored and saddened at the same time that she had let me be a
part of it. Again, I didn’t know what to say. She shifted the little bug into
drive and made a sharp U-turn. We headed back to the motel.
As I carried my
groceries into number four, I told her I was cooking dinner and she was
invited. She carried my JC Penney bags for me and left them on the couch. I
didn’t hear her leave.
I put the change
on the dresser and went to feed the animals. After that, I put away my new bras
and bathing suit and set to work in the kitchen.
I don’t know if I
mentioned I could cook. As I got older at home, I’d taught myself. I was pretty
good. I guess it was survival instinct. Vince and Delia usually ate something at
Smitty’s
or brought home take-out from a fast food
restaurant. Early on I’d grown tired of macaroni and cheese, tomato soup and
take-out, so I experimented. I knew I was a good cook based on Vince and Delia’s
occasional requests.
This was the
first time I found myself wanting to do something nice for someone at the
motel. Up until this point I’d made small meals for myself, sometimes
Grizz
. He never asked me to cook for him and he lived
mostly on take-out from one of the many bars he owned. I’d give Moe a small
grocery list and she provided the basics every week. I’d been living off of
cereal, grilled cheese and BLT’s. I was ready to cook again.
So here I was at
the motel, whipping up spaghetti and meatballs from scratch. I made everything
except my own pasta. I hadn’t thoroughly surveyed
Grizz’s
kitchen, so I realized too late that I didn’t have a strainer for the pasta. I
found Chowder and he quickly made me a homemade strainer with some leftover
screening. It was crude, but it worked. I thanked him and told him dinner would
be at seven.
That’s how
Grizz
found the three of us. Moe and I were sitting on the
couch. Chowder was in the recliner. We were holding our plates and eating and
laughing at something Chowder had said.
“What smells so
good?”
Grizz
asked as he laid some paperwork on his
desk.
“Best damn
spaghetti and meatballs I ever ate is what smells so good,” Chowder replied.
“From where?”
Grizz
asked.
Chowder now had a
mouthful of food and motioned toward me with his empty fork.
Grizz
looked at me. “You had somebody take you for
take-out? Hope you saved me some.”
“I made it. Moe
took me grocery shopping. There’s plenty. Help yourself.”
“Good, cause I’m
half starved,” he said as he headed into the kitchen.
Chowder started
to get up to let
Grizz
sit down, but
Grizz
motioned him back and indicated
for
me and Moe to scoot over
. We made room for him on the couch. The four of
us sat there in companionable silence and enjoyed the homemade meal.
Chowder and Moe
eventually went back to their rooms, and I started to do the dishes. I thought
I heard
Grizz
fiddling with the stereo. I was right.
Before I knew it, Barry White’s sexy voice was belting out a tune.
Grizz
wanted to listen to Barry White? I stiffened for just
a second then let myself relax. I had my hands in the hot, soapy water and was
really enjoying the music when I felt
Grizz
come up
behind me. He slipped his arms around my waist and softly kissed the side of my
temple.
“Kit, I don’t
know how much longer I can wait for you, honey. I’ve tried to be patient. To
give you space. Just so you know, that’s not
like
me.”
My hands stilled.
“I’m a little scared,
Grizz
. Actually, more nervous
than scared.” I tilted my head up to him, hands damp. “I know you have
experience. I have none. I’m afraid you’ve built me up in your head to an ideal
I can’t live up to. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
Until that very
moment I didn’t even know the extent of my feelings. But I recognized there was
truth in what I said.
I was falling for
Grizz
.
I still can’t
explain the Grunt thing. Maybe it wasn’t real. Maybe it was all in my head
because of the dream. I didn’t know. It didn’t matter.
Because while I
was talking,
Grizz
was kissing my neck and I was
letting myself enjoy it. I closed my eyes and leaned into him.
“You could never
disappoint me, baby and I don’t want you to have experience. Everything you
need to know you’ll learn from me,” he said as he turned me around and kissed
me. “Only me.”
I wasn’t a very
practiced kisser, either, but I was able to take his lead and kiss him back the
way he wanted. I was leaning into him now, and if what was pressed against my
stomach was any indication of his feelings for me, then I must have been doing
something right.
“I’ll go real
slow with you, baby. I promise.”
I was heady with
emotion. I didn’t think about Grunt. I didn’t think about Sarah Jo. I didn’t
think about the kidnapping, Johnny Tillman, fence guy, Moe. I was lost in the
man that was holding me and kissing me.
I stopped him,
took him by the hand and led him back to the bedroom. He was right.
It was time.
Chapter Twenty-Two
My
experience with
Grizz
was better than I ever
expected. He was gentle, he was caring,
he
was
patient. So different from the man I watched lead a notorious motorcycle gang.
The rest of the
summer passed uneventfully. I signed up for the same high school correspondence
course Grunt took. I fell into a domestic routine of cooking and cleaning. I
spoiled the animals. Every evening after dinner,
Grizz
and I played chess on a little set that I bought on one of my shopping trips.
Afterwards, he’d go to the pit while I read, did homework or practiced my
guitar.
I never asked
Grizz
about his business and he never offered up any
information, either. I rarely, if ever, went to the pit at night, but I knew he
had to. In addition to just hanging out there, a lot of business was conducted
around the fire. There were always people coming and going.
Two or three
times I went with Moe to get the mail in Davie, and we made the same stop under
the
ficus
tree each time.
I think I was
happy, but restless. Something was bothering me. I struggled with my faith.
There was serious guilt about having sex out of wedlock. I didn’t realize how
much it bothered me until one evening in August.
Grizz
and I were in bed and we were getting ready to make
love. He was
on top of me and kissing me
. He slowly
started to make his way down my body teasing me with his tongue and light
kisses. Every time he went lower, I scooted lower, causing him to have to inch
his body lower. Just as he was making his way below my belly button, he stopped
what he was doing and looked up at me.
I was leaning up
on my elbows, eyes wide. I’d been watching him.
“Damn it, Kit,
what are you trying to do?”
“What do you
mean? I’m not doing anything. What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to
get to your pus—”
“Eh, stop it! Don’t
say it. I hate that word. It’s so vulgar. Just don’t, please.”
“Kit, I’m laying
here with my ass hanging off the end of the bed. Would you mind telling me why you
won’t let me down there?”
“It’s just too
personal.”
He looked at me
strangely and started to crawl up to face me. “What do you mean too personal?”
“Look, I just
think that you having your face in
my…my—
” I
could tell he was getting ready to finish my sentence. “Don’t say it!”
With my right
hand I absently played with the earring in his left ear and continued. “Having
your face there is the most personal thing I can think of between a man and a
woman. Even intercourse doesn’t seem as intimate compared to that.”
There, I finally
said it.
I had avoided
oral sex with him ever since that first night, after the spaghetti dinner. It
was never an issue. He was true to his word about taking things slowly with me,
and he never pushed me. When I thought he might try something like this, I
purposely distracted him. When I had my period and thought he might want oral
sex, I avoided him. I guess it was a miracle I’d held him off this long. I was
very good at providing distractions. I didn’t fully understand myself the
reason why until this moment. I did my best to explain.
“Look,
Grizz
. Thanks to Grunt, I will never be a virgin on my
wedding night.”
He interrupted me
before I could continue. “Kit, I’ve never told you how sorry I am about that. I
never should’ve had Grunt do that to you. I wasn’t thinking straight. You know,
I’m bigger than that damn stick. I thought it would hurt you less and I didn’t
want to hurt you even a little. That’s why I let Grunt take care of it. I never
cared about a woman before.”
He looked away
from me then, and I realized how much it cost him to say that. That was the
first and last time I heard
Grizz
express regret for
anything.
“That’s not what
I’m trying to get at here,” I said, cheeks flushing. “What I’m trying to say is
I need to save something of myself for when I do finally get married one day.
There has to be something I can give my future husband that is his alone. Does
that make sense?”
I looked at him
pleadingly and he didn’t say anything. An emotion showed on his face I had not
seen yet. I was unable to read him. He dropped his forehead so it rested on
mine. I wrapped my arms around his back and started to kiss him.
We made love that
night and I fell asleep grateful he didn’t press the issue.
I thought the
matter was dropped until two days later. He told me he was taking me somewhere
special and to dress nicely.
I didn’t have any
dress clothes, so I wore a nice sundress and sandals. He wore new jeans and a
dress shirt. We got in his Corvette and headed for the beach. I pestered him
the whole way. What were we doing? Why the surprise?
I was a little
disappointed when we pulled up in front of Eddie’s tattoo parlor. I told him I
didn’t mind waiting in the car, but he said to come inside. His business here
had to do with me.
It had to do with
me, all right. Apparently, Eddie was also an ordained minister.
That day I became
Mrs. Richard David O’Connell. I was six months shy of my sixteenth birthday.