Niubi! (11 page)

 

闪约
shǎnyuē
(
shan yreh
)

Speed-dating. Literally “flash appointment.”

闪婚
shǎnhūn
(
shahn hwen
)

Literally “flash marriage,” describing couples who meet, fall in love, and get married very quickly.

 

两地分居
liǎng dì fēn jū
(
lyahng dee fen gee
)

Long-distance marriage. Literally “in two different places” or “in two different cities.” Such marriages have long been common in China due to a strict residence permit system that results in many people finding work in cities far from their spouse, though nowadays this situation is improving.

 

金龟婿
jīnguī xù
(
jean gway she
)

A rich husband. Literally “golden turtle husband.” A golden turtle was a status symbol denoting high rank for officials in the Tang dynasty (618-907).

 

半糖夫妻
bàntáng fūqī
(
bahn tahng foo chee
)

Literally “half-sweet couple.” Couples who live apart during the work week and only spend weekends together, to keep the romance alive in their marriage. An increasingly common phenomenon among upper-middle-class professionals.

 

走婚族
zǒuhūn zú
(
dzoe hwen dzoo
—the first syllable rhymes with Joe but with the beginning sound like a
d
and
z
slurred together)

Literally “walking marriage.” Used to describe young Chinese couples in big cities who stay with their respective parents during the work week and live together only during the weekend.

 

急婚族
jíhūn zú
(
gee hwen dzoo
)

Literally “hasty marriage group.” A new term that describes people who marry hastily and not for love, especially young women who marry a wealthy man soon after graduating from college so they don’t have to work.

 

形式结婚
xíngshì jiéhūn
(
sheeng shih jyih hwen
)

A marriage of convenience—for example, between a gay man and a lesbian.

 

二锅头
èrguōtóu
(
er gwuh toe
)

Literally “second-pot head” and the name of a brand of twice-distilled Chinese liquor. Also slang for a woman who remarries.

抬杠
táigàng
(
tie gahng
)

Beijing slang for arguing for the sake of argument or for no reason. Also means being unreasonable in an argument, or deliberately picking a (verbal) fight. Literally “lifting the pole,” as in someone who keeps lifting up one end of the scale just to be higher than the other.

 

堕入情网
duò rù qíng wǎng
(
dwuh roo cheeng wahng
)

Lovesick. Literally “sink into love’s net.”

 

麦芽糖女人
màiyátáng nǚrén
(
migh yah tahng nee ren
)

Literally “malt sugar women.” Refers to possessive women who demand that their boyfriends or husbands spend every second with them—cling to them like sticky malt sugar.

 

气管炎
qìguănyán
(
chee gwun yen
)

Literally “lung infection.” Refers to a man who is so whipped that he never talks back to his girlfriend or wife, thus his friends might jokingly say he has a lung infection.

 

见光死
jiàn guāng sǐ
(
gin gwahng sih
)

Literally “killed by exposure to light.” Refers to two people who fall for each other via the Internet or phone dates, but whose would-be romance is sadly killed by the cold, harsh light of reality once they actually meet.

 

离婚同居
líhūn tóngjū
(
lee hwen tohng gee
)

Continuing to live together after a divorce, either because one or both sides can’t afford a new home or because they refuse to pay their ex for their half of the home they jointly owned before the divorce.

 

断背婚姻
duànbèi hūnyīn
(
dwun bay hwen een
)

Literally “brokeback marriage,” after the Ang Lee movie
Brokeback Mountain
. Refers to a marriage in which one side is gay and/or has had a gay affair.

 

私房钱
sīfángqián
(
sih fahng chyinn
)

Literally “private house money.” Refers to the secret stash of money that a wife puts aside in case her husband leaves her. Also refers to the money that a husband secretly puts outside of his wife’s reach because he’s whipped and is expected to give her all the money he earns.

 

吃醋
chīcù
(
chih tsoo
)

To be jealous, to be envious. Literally “to eat vinegar.” A 醋坛子
cù tánzi
(
tsoo tahn dz
), literally “vinegar jar,” is a jealous person.

 

窝里横
wōlǐhèng
(
wuh lee hung
)

Literally “unruly in the nest,” referring to people who seem polite and civilized in public and only reveal their nastiness at home.

 

三角恋
sānjiǎo liàn
(
sahn jow lyinn
)

Love triangle.

 

爱恨交加
ài hèn jiāojiā
(
aye hun jow jah
)

Love-hate relationship.

 

心碎
xīn suì
(
sheen sway
)

Brokenhearted.

 

反目成仇
fǎn mù chéng chóu
(
fun moo chung cho
)

Utter hatred after a breakup.

有一腿
yŏu yì tuǐ
(
yo ee tway
)

Have an affair. Literally “has one leg,” suggesting a man’s leg intertwined with a woman’s. Originated in Hong Kong or Taiwan but used everywhere.

 

劈腿
pī tuǐ
(
pee tway
)

Affair, cheat, two-timing. Literally “split legs.” Also the technical term for a split in gymnastics. Commonly used in southern China.

 

戴绿帽子
dài lǜmàozi
(
die lee mao dz
)

A cuckold, a man who is being cheated on. Literally “wear a green hat,” supposedly because male-brother workers during the Tang dynasty had to wear green hats. Because of this term, no Chinese man, and even many Chinese women, will wear green hats. One friend of mine found this out when he had to organize an office Christmas party, and all the Chinese in the office shot down his idea of dressing like elves, as it meant they’d have to wear green hats.

 

负心汉
fù xīn hàn
(
foo sheen hahn
)

Cheater (referring to a man). Literally “cheating man.”

 

包二奶
bāoèrnăi
(
bow er nigh
—the
bow
sound rhymes with “cow”) or just 二奶
èrnăi
(
er nigh
)

Long ago, when Chinese men had multiple wives,
èrnăi
referred to the second wife. Today it refers to the mistresses of wealthy men and government officials, an extremely common fact of life in China. Literally “packaged second wife.”

 

傍家儿
bàng jiār
(
bahng jer
)

Mistress. Literally “depend on home.” Pejorative term for a young woman who has an affair with a rich married man. Used in Beijing only.

 

榜肩
bàng jiàn
(
bahng jyinn
)

Beijing slang for an extramarital lover. Literally “depend on shoulders.”

 

情儿
qíngr
(
churr
)

Beijing slang for an extramarital lover. Literally “passion.”

 

小老婆
xiǎolǎopó
(
shyaow laow pwuh
)

Mistress. Literally “little wife.”

 

蜜
mì
(
me
) or 小蜜
xiǎo mì
(
shyow me
)

Mistress. Literally “honey” or “little honey.”

 

婚外恋
hūnwàiliàn
(
hwen why lyinn
)

Extramarital love.

 

小三
xiǎo sān
(
shyow sahn
)

Literally “little third.” Refers to the “third person” in a relationship; i.e., the mistress.

 

出位
chū wèi
(
choo way
)

Literally “overstep the mark.” Describes a person who has had an extramarital affair. May also describe other situations when a person inappropriately “oversteps the mark”—for example, job applicants who include sexually provocative photos of themselves in their resume (a not infrequent phenomenon, as it is legal for employers in China to require that applicants submit a photo, and many even require that girls be within a certain height and weight limit).

 

漂婚
piāo hūn
(
pyow hwen
)

A fake marriage, of sorts, between two people who are already married to other people, but who manage to establish a life like they are married in another town. This phenomenon is made easier by the fact that many Chinese wind up living and working far away from their spouses due to a strict residence permit system. Literally “floating marriage.”

 

亚偷情
yā tōu qíng
(
yah toe cheeng
)

Literally “second stolen feelings.” Refers to married people who have an intense friendship with a friend of the opposite sex and are so close that they are practically having an affair, but without ever actually having sex.

CHAPTER FIVE

F
or much of China’s four thousand years of history, sex was an open topic studied and perfected in great detail. Ancient Taoists believed that immortality (or, at the very least, longevity) could be achieved through sex, and medical texts dating as far back as the second century BC have been found to treat sex as an academic field of study. Specific sexual positions with names like Flying Dragon and Jumping Monkey were recommended to treat specific ailments, and illustrated sex manuals were kept by the bed for easy reference and sometimes even given as gifts to new brides. Women were considered to have an inexhaustible supply of yin, a sort of cosmic life essence, and men could replenish their own limited supply of that essence (in them called yang) by inducing a woman to multiple orgasm while refraining from ejaculating themselves, thereby drawing in the woman’s energy. Yin and yang also represented female and male sexual parts. Some texts recommended sex with as many as ten different women in a night; others extolled the life-extending virtues of sex with virgins, ideally no older than fourteen.

The puritan ethics of, first, Confucianism (which, among its many other codes of conduct, dictated that a man and a woman should never touch in public) and, then, Communism (which kept marital sex hidden and outlawed extra-and premarital sex) effectively wiped out such open discourse. But ever since the period of “reform and opening,” beginning with the controversy surrounding new China’s first published photo of a kiss in 1979, sex has steadily become a more and more open topic. Today there are sex shops all over the place, the pickup scene in bars late at night looks pretty much the same as anywhere else in the world, and men across the country, either suffering from erectile dysfunction or just wanting to perk up their sex lives, are snapping up all the caterpillar fungus, deer penis, and Viagra they can get.

Nonetheless, China officially remains an extremely conservative society when it comes to sex. Dating and public displays of affection are frowned upon or even outright banned on many college campuses; TV shows and movies depict women in their late twenties who still live at home in rooms filled with stuffed animals; and a Taiwanese actress who appeared in Ang Lee’s NC-17-rated
Lust, Caution
has been blackballed from the mainland media.

However, one need only to stroll through the public parks of China at dusk, when every bench and shadow is occupied by ardent young couples strenuously making out (or more), to be reminded that despite the best efforts of China’s sternest cock blockers, nothing will ever keep the birds and the bees apart. To that end, here are the words that help make China the world’s most populous country.

处女
chǔnǚ
(
choo nee
)

Virgin (female).

 

处男
chǔnán
(
choo nahn
)

Virgin (male).

 

黄花闺女
huáng huā guīnǚ
(
hwahng hwun gway nee
)

Virgin (female). Literally “yellow flower girl,” alluding to a fashion during the Song dynasty when girls would decorate their faces with yellow plum flowers. When these flowers were not in bloom, they used yellow paper cutouts instead.

 

雏
chú
(
choo
)

Dirty and/or insulting Beijing slang for a virgin. Literally “chick” or “young bird.” Before 1949 this was frequently used in brothels to refer to a young prostitute without much experience in entertaining the customers: “chicken” is slang for a prostitute, so a “chick” would be a young prostitute.

 

破雏
pò chú
(
pwuh choo
)

Insulting and/or lewd Beijing slang for losing one’s virginity. Literally “break chick.”

 

破处
pò chǔ
(
pwuh choo
)

To lose one’s virginity. Literally “break virginity.”

 

开包
kāi bāo
(
kigh baow—kigh
rhymes with “high”)

Beijing slang for losing one’s virginity. Literally “open the package.”

性欲冲动
xìngyù chōngdòng
(
shing yee chohng dohng
)

Arousal, sexual desire. 性欲
Xìngyù
(
shing yee
) can also be used by itself to mean “lust” or “desire,” while 冲动
chōngdòng
(
chohng dohng
) alone is literally “impulse” but can mean horny or aroused.