No Child of Mine (61 page)

Reaching for her hands to try and calm her, Anna said, ‘Yes, I do, but before that ...’

Alex stood up, walked to the door and turned back again. ‘I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I?’ she declared. ‘I mean for us. I’ve been such a fool, but there’s no going back from it now. I’ve had her for over a week, I’ve lied to the police, to my sister, Tommy, to everyone I know. The fact that she means the world to me, and probably really is better off with me, won’t count for anything when they find out that I took her and that I’ve had her here all along. Even Val, the detective who’s been so kind, will turn against me, and who can blame her? It’s a crime to steal a child, even if her parents are Brian and Erica Wade.’

Trying to steady the moment, Anna said, ‘I understand that according to the letter of the law you shouldn’t have done what you did, but you, more than anyone else, knew what was going on in that house ...’

‘It won’t matter, Mum, honestly. In fact, it’ll probably make it a hundred times worse, because I know the rules. I’m actually someone who’s supposed to apply them, and if people like me start to disobey them what do we have?’

Not reacting to the fact that Alex had called her Mum for the first time, though loving it, Anna said softly, ‘In this case what we have is a little girl who’s been rescued by someone who genuinely loves her, who’s safely asleep upstairs, who doesn’t want to be anywhere other than
where she is now, and who wants to wake up to no one else but you in the morning.’

Though Alex was grateful for her mother being so understanding, it left her feeling more tortured than ever. ‘She’s not old enough to have a say,’ she responded, trying to stop herself breaking down. ‘And even if she were, it still won’t make what I’ve done right.’

‘No, it won’t,’ Anna agreed sombrely.

‘I’m sorry,’ Alex choked, ‘I’m so, so sorry. We’re only just getting to know one another, we had so much to look forward to, and now I’ll never be able to come to New Zealand ... For all I know I’m going to end up in prison and what will happen to Ottilie then? They’ll never let me see her again after this, and how is that going to help her? It was all I ever wanted, to help her, and I’ve made such a terrible, stupid mess of it.’

Taking her in her arms, Anna said, ‘I think we both need to sleep on this and talk again in the morning.’

‘But don’t you understand?’ Alex cried. ‘If you don’t go to the police right away, you’re going to be in almost as much trouble as I am.’

‘Why don’t you let me worry about that,’ Anna said gently. ‘You just go on up to bed now so you can be there if Ottilie wakes up, and I’ll go and bring in my luggage.’

Though Alex hadn’t slept particularly well, lying awake most of the night gazing at Ottilie’s sleeping face while trying to steel herself to give her up, by the time Anna came in with some breakfast she was feeling clearer-headed than she’d expected.

‘N-Anna,’ Ottilie cried cheerily as Anna put a tray down on the end of the bed.

‘And how are you this morning?’ Anna asked with a smile. This dear, sweet little creature really knew how to get to her.

Ottilie glanced at Alex.

‘Go on, you can do it,’ Alex encouraged softly.

‘I’m fine,’ Ottilie announced and gave a breathy little laugh. ‘Boots too,’ she added, holding him up.

‘Well, that’s all that matters, isn’t it?’ Anna teased. ‘Did he sleep well?’

Ottilie nodded and gave him a squeeze. ‘He likes stories,’ she declared.

‘Really? Which is his favourite?’

Again Ottilie turned to Alex.

‘I think you know,’ Alex told her.

‘Pooh and Piglet,’ Ottilie stated and showed all her teeth in a cheesy little grin.

Giving in to the urge to hug her, Alex said to Anna, ‘How about you? Did you sleep well? I heard you in the night.’

‘I’m sorry if I woke you,’ Anna said, coming to sit with them and running her fingers over Ottilie’s cheek. ‘You’re such a beautiful, darling little girl,’ she told her fondly.

‘And Boots,’ Ottilie replied. ‘But he’s not a girl.’

Anna laughed, and choked with feeling Alex drew Ottilie in more tightly. ‘I’m going to see a lawyer this afternoon,’ she told her mother.

Anna’s eyes widened in surprise.

‘He’s the brother of a ... a friend, I guess,’ Alex explained, ‘and he’s offered to help.’

More amazed than ever, Anna said, ‘Does he know ... about this?’

‘No, no, of course not, but I thought ... Actually, I’m not sure what I thought. I suppose that he might be able to help me make the press go away, but that’s just being naïve, isn’t it?’

‘Probably,’ Anna agreed. ‘For that you’re going to need another major story to break.’

Alex gazed wistfully down at Ottilie. ‘Then she’ll be off the front pages and everyone will move on ... Until she’s found.’ She swallowed hard, trying not to imagine just how awful that was going to be for them both.

Tilting Alex’s face up to gaze into her eyes, Anna told her, ‘I had a long talk with Bob during the night, and now I’m a lot clearer in my mind about what we need to do.’

It was a couple of minutes before two when Maggie Fenn opened her front door, and before Alex had a chance to speak she pulled her straight into an embrace.

‘Come in, come in,’ she urged. ‘I’m so glad to see you ... My goodness, everything you’re going through, well, I can hardly begin to imagine. Why can’t they just focus on finding the little girl and leave you alone, that’s what I want to know.’

And why, Alex was thinking desperately to herself, hadn’t she just brought Ottilie straight here? OK, it wasn’t the right way to do things, but she’d be in a whole lot less trouble now if she had. And if anyone could give Ottilie a loving home, it was Maggie. Maybe she still could, except the last person the authorities would allow to make any suggestions about Ottilie’s future after this would be her, the woman who’d abducted her. It would be abduction, wouldn’t it, with a maximum sentence of seven years; not kidnap, please. Heaven only knew how long they might give her for that.

‘Alex, hi,’ Anthony Goodman said, getting to his feet as Maggie showed Alex into the cosy sitting room, where a fire was glowing in the hearth and rain was spattering the deep bay windows.

Taking his hand, Alex forced a smile. As she met his eyes she found herself remembering how attractive she’d considered him on the two previous occasions they’d met, and she still did. It wasn’t only his looks, it was the aura he seemed to exude that was severe and yet friendly too. He was a capable man, confident, would know how to tackle problems head on and sort them.

Except this one.

If he knew the truth about her, if either he or his sister did, what would they think of her then?

How she hated deceiving them. They were decent, kind people, who totally believed in her; if only it could stay that way.

For a while, as Maggie poured the tea she’d already set out, they talked about the search and nationwide shock of so many arrests being linked to the same paedophile ring.

‘They were saying on the news just now,’ Maggie ventured, ‘that they’re about to add conspiracy to kidnap to the list of charges against Brian Wade.’

Swallowing her tea, Alex kept her eyes down as she said, ‘I guess, in the end, at least as far as sentencing goes, it won’t make much difference. The abuse itself is enough to send him away for life, and then there’s the murder of his wife, of course.’ She glanced at Anthony, the expert in these matters, and didn’t receive a contradiction.

‘Let’s just hope they don’t end up having to charge him with a second murder,’ Maggie commented sadly.

As Alex winced, Anthony shot his sister a reproving look.

Maggie apologised, blushing. ‘That was thoughtless of me. Please try to forget I said it.’

‘It’s OK,’ Alex assured her. ‘I expect a lot of people are thinking the same way.’ Feeling Anthony’s eyes still on her, she made herself look up. She wanted to try and make a quip about fishing, but nothing would come to mind. ‘Are you on holiday?’ she asked.

He raised an ironic eyebrow. ‘Not exactly,’ he replied. ‘I’m trying a case in Dean Crown Court starting on Wednesday, so I’ve been here for a few days getting prepared.’

Remembering he’d told her that when she’d rung, she said, ‘Is it serious?’ and immediately wished she hadn’t. Maybe these things were confidential.

‘A robbery,’ he replied.

She nodded, and tried to conjure something incisive or at least intelligent to say about robberies, and decided she’d probably stood a better chance with the fishing.

‘I believe your mother’s here?’ he remarked, raising a foot and resting it on one knee.

She noticed how expensive his shoes were, and that his black jeans were of very good quality. Why was she even registering these things? Anything rather than get to the real point of why she was here, especially now there was no point at all.

‘Go anyway,’ her mother had said. ‘If he’s as eminent a lawyer as you say he is, he could turn out to be a very worthwhile friend to have.’

Alex had blanched.

‘I’m not saying you’re going to need one,’ Anna had
hastily added, ‘but you never know. Besides, it’ll do you good to get out, knowing that Ottilie’s safe with me.’

What if, in her absence, her mother took Ottilie to the police? She might feel it was the easiest way to do it, to spare her, and Ottilie, the agony of having to say goodbye.

‘Yes, she arrived yesterday,’ she told Anthony. ‘She wanted to come before, but it was her husband’s birthday and they’d arranged a big party.’ She took a sip of her tea. She needed to be more communicative than this, but she could hardly think what to say. Then her mobile rang and seeing it was Val Bingham she said, ‘It’s the police, would you mind ...?’

‘Of course not,’ Maggie insisted. ‘We’ll wait in the kitchen.’

‘No, no really. I’m sure it’s only to fix up a time to come and see me,’ and clicking on she said, ‘Hi Val, how are you?’

‘I’m good,’ came the reply. ‘I won’t ask how you are, but something’s come up that I think you should know about before it hits the news. The remains of a little girl have been found in Norwich, at the home of one of the paedophile ring. Don’t worry, we know it’s not Ottilie, they’re way too far gone for that, but obviously we can’t rule out the possibility that other bodies might be buried in the vicinity.’

Alex put a hand to her head. ‘That’s terrible,’ she said weakly. ‘Do you have any idea yet who the child might be?’ Though she could feel Maggie and Anthony watching her, she kept her eyes lowered.

‘No way of telling at this stage,’ Val Bingham replied, ‘but apparently she’s female and would have been around six or seven years old. Forensics will come up with a more detailed profile in the next couple of days. Meantime, if there’s anything else, I’ll be in touch.’

‘Thank you,’ Alex murmured.

After ringing off she passed on what she’d been told, and added, ‘It’s a gruesome business, awful, terrible. It makes me wonder sometimes why I chose to go into child protection.’

‘I guess it would be a love of children,’ Maggie suggested drily. ‘Which reminds me, I didn’t tell Sophie you were coming today. I knew I’d never get her to school if I did ...’

‘That’s good, I’m glad you didn’t,’ Alex broke in. ‘It could create even more problems if my bosses found out I’d visited one of the children in my caseload while I’m under suspension. She’s all right though, is she?’

‘Absolutely. We’re very proud of the progress she’s making, but she’s worried about you.’

Anthony said, ‘How’s the internal inquiry going?’

‘I’m not sure. Tommy, my team leader, is dealing with everything at the moment. I’m not due to see anyone myself until Wednesday.’

‘Do you have someone to go with you?’ he asked. ‘I think it might be wise to have some legal support.’

‘I – I don’t actually know anyone. I was going to ask Tommy to be with me, but ...’

‘You need some independent counsel. If I weren’t going to be in court I’d go with you myself, but not a problem. I’ll make a couple of calls. I’m sure we can find someone.’

As he left the room, Maggie smiled at her warmly and refreshed her tea. ‘I’m glad your mother’s arrived,’ she said. ‘It must be a tremendous relief to have someone to lean on.’

Alex didn’t deny it. ‘She’s being especially wonderful considering that we’ve only just got to know one another,’ she replied.

Maggie looked intrigued, so Alex told her the story, or at least most of it. She didn’t mention anything about why her mother had left her when she was young; it really wasn’t something she wanted to discuss. Just thank God no one from the press had got hold of it – she didn’t even want to think about what the headlines would have said.

‘OK,’ Anthony announced, coming back into the room, ‘the chap I’ve just spoken to is Jolyon Crane. He’s a pretty big noise in Bristol, so not a million miles from here. Unfortunately he can’t attend himself on Wednesday, but he’s going to send someone he knows he can trust.’

‘Thank you.’ Alex managed to smile.

‘Alex was just telling me about her reunion with her mother,’ Maggie said as he sat down again.

He raised an interested eyebrow.

‘I think I already mentioned that she lives in New Zealand, didn’t I?’ Alex said, realising how hard she was finding it to keep track of her thoughts. ‘I’m hoping to go back with her when she goes.’

‘When will that be?’ he ventured.

‘I’m not sure yet. I guess as soon as I can get away.’

‘And will you stay there, in New Zealand?’ Maggie asked.

Alex felt her insides tightening. ‘I’m thinking about it,’ she replied. ‘There won’t be anything to keep me here once I’ve been fired,’ she added.

Feeling Anthony’s watchful eyes on her, she put her cup down and said, ‘I guess I ought to be going now, I just wanted to come and thank you for your ... Well, for being so kind and now for finding me a lawyer.’

‘It’s the least we can do,’ Anthony responded, getting to his feet.

Alex wasn’t sure if she saw a look pass between sister and brother, but guessed something must have, because Maggie hugged her goodbye in the sitting room and left Anthony to take her to the door.

‘I trust there’s been no comeback from Heather Hancock since Ron and Maggie’s letter was published,’ he said, as they stepped into the porch.