No Child of Mine (64 page)
Alex’s heart was still racing from the shock of being tapped on the shoulder by a man in uniform who she’d immediately assumed was a policeman. He’d been so friendly as he handed Boots back, understanding what a nightmare it could be if a small child lost a special friend. Anna had stepped in to chat to him about his own children, while Alex had settled Ottilie back in her buggy. If he’d known, had even the slightest suspicion, how different their exchange would have been.
They’d fastened their seat belts quite some time ago, and the doors had long since been sealed, but for some reason the plane still wasn’t pushing back from the gate. Minute after endless minute was ticking by. Alex could feel her skin prickling with sweat; she was desperate to find out what was happening, but too terrified to ask. She just knew that any minute now it would all be over: the doors were going to open, the police would stream on board and Ottilie would be plucked from her seat while she, Alex, was escorted away. She was so convinced of it that she could scarcely breathe past the fear of it, and she could tell that Anna was every bit as tense.
Looking down as Ottilie’s head flopped against her arm, she had to choke back a sob as she lifted a hand to stroke her hair. She was going to miss her so much. The pain of it was already crippling her. She simply couldn’t bear to think of being without her, of wondering every day where she was, how she was, and knowing she would never be told.
‘I wonder why they’re not saying what the delay is?’ Anna murmured, the tremor in her voice seeming to shake through Alex too. ‘They usually make an announcement, but I haven’t heard anything, have you?’
Alex was so rigid she could barely reply, but then she lifted a hand and cupped it round Ottilie’s face. As those beautiful solemn eyes looked up at her, so trusting and
adoring, she could feel herself starting to break down. ‘Are you OK?’ she whispered raggedly.
Ottilie nodded. ‘We’re going up in the sky,’ she told her.
Alex managed a smile. ‘That’s right,’ she replied.
‘But we don’t have any wings.’
‘No, but the plane does.’
‘Wheeee,’ Ottilie sang as she flew Boots as high as she could reach.
She’s so happy, Alex was thinking desperately.
Please don’t let it all come to an end for her now. She doesn’t deserve it, even if I do
. Swallowing hard, she said, ‘Would you like some juice?’
Ottilie shook her head and smacked a kiss on to Boots’s nose before offering him to Alex to do the same. Then she flew him over to Anna and giggled when Anna blew a raspberry. She tried to do the same, and made a mess that Alex dabbed away with a tissue.
‘Alexandra Lake?’
Alex froze as icy fear gripped her. They were here, it was finally happening, and now somehow, for Ottilie’s sake, she had to make herself stay calm. She looked up, her vision so blurred by terror that she could hardly make out the person standing over her. ‘It’s OK,’ she said, starting to unfasten her seat belt.
Oh God, Ottilie, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry
.
‘There’s no need to get up,’ the person was saying. ‘I think this is yours.’
Bewildered, Alex looked down at what he was holding.
‘You must have dropped it,’ he told her.
Stunned, but finally starting to register that he was a steward, not a policeman, she took the passport and looked inside. It was indeed hers.
‘Hello you,’ he said across her to Ottilie. ‘And what’s your name?’
Ottilie gazed at him wonderingly.
Alex was still so undone by the past few minutes that she was barely able to register what he was saying.
‘Boots,’ Ottilie suddenly announced, holding up her bear.
The steward appeared impressed. ‘And isn’t he a handsome lad,’ he smiled.
Ottilie nodded earnestly.
‘So are you going to tell me
your
name?’ he prompted.
Ottilie looked at Alex.
Alex’s head was spinning again as she realised they hadn’t encouraged her to say Phoebe, which was on her ticket, for fear of confusing her.
Anna said, ‘She changes her name sometimes, so I wonder who she is today. Are you going to tell us, sweetheart?’
Ottilie took a big breath and slapping a hand against her chest, she announced, ‘I am Chloe. And this is Nanna, and this is
Mummy
.’ As she said Mummy she tried to throw herself over the arm of the chair on to Alex’s lap.
Laughing, the steward said, ‘Well I think you have a very pretty name, Chloe, which is only right for a pretty little girl. And is our aeroplane taking you somewhere nice?’
Ottilie’s eyes went questioningly to Alex. ‘We’re going to New Zealand, aren’t we?’ Alex responded.
‘Zealand,’ Ottilie echoed.
‘Oh, so you’ve got a very long journey ahead of you,’ he declared. ‘Is it a holiday?’
Ottilie looked at Alex again. ‘Actually,’ Alex said, gazing down at her and loving her so much she seemed to be made of it, ‘we’re going home, aren’t we, my darling?’
Ottilie nodded seriously. ‘Going home,’ she told him.
‘Well, there’s lovely. And it would seem,’ he added, glancing out of the window as the plane started to ease back from the stand, ‘that we’re finally on our way. Are you buckled in nice and tightly now?’
Ottilie checked and nodded obediently.
‘There’s a good girl. I expect we’ll find some nice surprises for you once we’re in the air.’ He smiled at her fondly. ‘I’ll be back soon, so don’t go anywhere, will you?’
‘No,’ Ottilie promised in a whisper.
Somehow Alex managed a laugh, and wanting to hug her with all her heart, she turned to her mother, still not quite daring to believe that they really were on their way.
Anna smiled through her tears of relief, and her hand
was shaking as she reached for Alex’s. ‘It’s going to be all right,’ she told her softly. ‘Remember, it’s meant to be.’
Alex looked down at Ottilie, who was watching them curiously. ‘Yes,’ she whispered shakily, ‘yes, I think it is.’
Acknowledgements
I’d like to express the biggest thank you possible to Karen Hallam and Sarah Scully the social workers in child protection who guided me through the vital stages of this book. It’s absolutely true to say that I could never have done it without them, and I especially thank Karen for finding the time to come to my home to help keep me on track. Also for her help in the field of Family Services I would like to extend a very warm thank you to Gill Briggs. (Because of how complex the child protection system is I have taken the liberty of simplifying it now and again in order to move the story along).
I would also like to thank Sean Goodridge of the Child Abuse Investigation Team who helped me to set the research in motion and who lent much support along the way.
Once again my thanks go to Ian Kelcey and Gill Hall of Kelcey and Hall who advised on the legal aspects of the case. And to Carl Gadd for yet more invaluable back up.
I would also like to thank Sharon Barton for sharing her knowledge of private fostering, and my wonderful GP Helen Lewis for advising me on hallucinogens and tranquillisers.
My thanks and great affection also go to my editor Susan Sandon and my agent Toby Eady, two people who quite simply make my world go round. Thank you for believing in me and thank you for your incredible support. Last, but by no means least, I’d like to say a huge thank you to the amazing team that takes the book from me, prepares it for its new life in the world at large and then delivers it to
you, the reader: Georgina Hawtrey-Woore, Averil Ashfield, Rob Waddington, Jen Doyle, Sarah Page, Louise Page, Simon Littlewood, Diana Jones and the fantastic sales and marketing teams both here in the UK and around the world.
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Copyright © Susan Lewis 2012
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This book is a work of fiction. Names and characters are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental
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