No Country for Old Men (20 page)

I think I do. Do you love it?

I guess you could say I do. But I'd be the first one to tell you I'm as ignorant as a box
of rocks so you sure dont want to go by nothin I'd say.

Bell smiled. He got up and went to the sink. The old man turned the chair slightly to
where he could see him. What are you doin? he said.

I thought I'd just wash these here dishes.

Hell, leave em, Ed Tom. Lupe'll be here in the mornin.

It wont take but a minute.

The water from the tap was gypwater. He filled the sink and added a scoop of soap powder.
Then he added another.

I thought you used to have a television set in here.

I used to have a lot of things.

Why didnt you say somethin? I'll get you one.

I dont need one.

Keep you company some.

It didnt quit on me. I throwed it out.

You dont never watch the news?

No. Do you?

Not much.

He rinsed the dishes and left them to drain and stood looking out the window at the little
weedgrown yard. A weathered smokehouse. An aluminum two horse trailer on blocks. You used
to have chickens, he said.

Yep, the old man said.

Bell dried his hands and came back to the table and sat. He looked at his uncle. Did you
ever do anything you was ashamed of to the point where you never would tell nobody?

His uncle thought about that. I'd say I have, he said. I'd say about anybody has. What is
it you've found out about me?

I'm serious.

All right.

I mean somethin bad.

How bad.

I dont know. Where it stuck with you.

Like somethin you could go to jail for?

Well, it could be somethin like that I reckon. It wouldnt have to be.

I'd have to think about that.

No you wouldnt.

What's got into you? I aint goin to invite you out here no more.

You didnt invite me this time.

Well. That's true.

Bell sat with his elbows on the table and his hands folded together. His uncle watched
him. I hope you aint fixin to make some terrible confession, he said. I might not want to
hear it.

Do you want to hear it?

Yeah. Go ahead.

All right.

It aint of a sexual nature is it?

No.

That's all right. Go ahead and tell it anyways.

It's about bein a war hero.

All right. Would that be you?

Yeah. That'd be me.

Go ahead.

I'm tryin to. This is actually what happened. What got me that commendation.

Go ahead.

We was in a forward position monitorin radio signals and we was holed up in a farmhouse.
Just a two room stone house. We'd been there two days and it never did quit rainin. Rained
like all get-out. Somewhere about the middle of the second day the radio operator had took
his headset off and he said: Listen. Well, we did. When somebody said listen you listened.
And we didnt hear nothin. And I said: What is it? And he said: Nothin.

I said What the hell are you talkin about, nothin? What did you hear? And he said: I mean
you cant hear nothin. Listen. And he was right. There was not a sound nowheres. No
field-piece or nothin. All you could hear was the rain. And that was about the last thing
I remember. When I woke up I was layin outside in the rain and I dont know how long I'd
been layin there. I was wet and cold and my ears was ringin and whenever I set up and
looked the house was gone. Just part of the wall at one end was standin was all. A
mortarshell had come through the wall and just blowed it all to hell. Well, I couldnt hear
a thing. I couldnt hear the rain or nothin. If I said somethin I could hear it inside my
head but that was all. I got up and walked over to where the house was and there was
sections of the roof layin over a good part of it and I seen one of our men buried in them
rocks and timbers and I tried to move some stuff to see if I couldnt get to him. My whole
head just felt numb. And while I was doin that I raised up and looked out and here come
these German riflemen across this field. They was comin out of a patch of woods about two
hundred yards off and comin across this field. I still didnt know exactly what had
happened. I was kindly in a daze. I crouched down there by the side of the wall and the
first thing I seen was Wallace's .30 caliber stickin out from under some timbers. That
thing was aircooled and it was belt fed out of a metal box and I figured if I let em run
up a little more on me I could operate on em out there in the open and they wouldnt call
in another round cause they'd be too close. I scratched around and finally got that thing
dug out, it and the tripod, and I dug around some more and come up with the ammo box for
it and I got set up behind the section of wall there and jacked back the slide and pushed
off the safety and here we went.

It was hard to tell where the rounds was hittin on account of the ground bein wet but I
knew I was doin some good. I emptied out about two feet of belt and I kept watchin out
there and after it'd been quiet two or three minutes one of them krauts jumped up and
tried to make a run for the woods but I was ready for that. I kept the rest of em pinned
down and all the while I could hear some of our men groanin and I sure didnt know what I
was goin to do come dark. And that's what they give me the Bronze Star for. The major that
put me in for it was named McAllister and he was from Georgia. And I told him I didnt want
it. And he just set there lookin at me and directly he said: I'm waitin on you to tell me
your reasons for wantin to refuse a military commendation. So I told him. And when I got
done he said: Sergeant, you will accept the commendation. I guess they had to make it look
good. Look like it counted for somethin. Losin the position. He said you will accept it
and if you tell it around what you told me it will get back to me and when it does you are
goin to wish you was in hell with your back broke. Is that clear? And I said yessir. Said
that was about as clear as you could make it. So that was it.

So now you're fixin to tell me what you done.

Yessir.

When it got dark.

When it got dark. Yessir.

What did you do?

I cut and run.

The old man thought about that. After a while he said: I got to assume that it seemed like
a pretty good idea at the time.

Yeah, Bell said. It did.

What would of happened if you'd stayed there?

They'd of come up in the dark and lobbed grenades in on me. Or maybe gone back up in the
woods and called in another round.

Yeah.

Bell sat there with his hands crossed on the oilcloth. He looked at his uncle. The old man
said: I aint sure what it is you're askin me.

I aint either.

You left your buddies behind.

Yeah.

You didnt have no choice.

I had a choice. I could of stayed.

You couldnt of helped em.

Probably not. I thought about takin that .30 caliber off about a hundred feet or so and
waitin till they throwed their grenades or whatever. Lettin em come on up. I could of
killed a few more. Even in the dark. I dont know. I set there and watched it come night.
Pretty sunset. It had done cleared up by then. Had finally quit rainin. That field had
been sowed in oats and there was just the stalks. Fall of the year. I watched it get dark
and I had not heard nothin from anybody that was in the wreckage there for a while. They
might could of all been dead by then. But I didnt know that. And quick as it got dark I
got up and I left out of there. I didnt even have a gun. I dang sure wasnt haulin that .30
caliber with me. My head had quit hurtin some and I could even hear a little. It had quit
rainin but I was wet through and I was cold to where my teeth was chatterin. I could make
out the dipper and I headed due west as near as I could make it and I just kept goin. I
passed a house or two but there wasnt nobody around. It was a battle-zone, that country.
People had just left out. Come daylight I laid up in a patch of woods. What woods it was.
That whole country looked like a burn. Just the treetrunks was all that was left. And
sometime that next night I come to an American position and that was pretty much it. I
thought after so many years it would go away. I dont know why I thought that. Then I
thought that maybe I could make up for it and I reckon that's what I have tried to do.

They sat. After a while the old man said: Well, in all honesty I cant see it bein all that
bad. Maybe you ought to ease up on yourself some.

Maybe. But you go into battle it's a blood oath to look after the men with you and I dont
know why I didnt. I wanted to. When you're called on like that you have to make up your
mind that you'll live with the consequences. But you dont know what the consequences will
be. You end up layin a lot of things at your own door that you didnt plan on. If I was
supposed to die over there doin what I'd give my word to do then that's what I should of
done. You can tell it any way you want but that's the way it is. I should of done it and I
didnt. And some part of me has never quit wishin I could go back. And I cant. I didnt know
you could steal your own life. And I didnt know that it would bring you no more benefit
than about anything else you might steal. I think I done the best with it I knew how but
it still wasnt mine. It never has been.

The old man sat for a long time. He was bent slightly forward looking at the floor. After
a while he nodded. I think I know where this is goin, he said.

Yessir.

What do you think he would of done?

I know what he would of done.

Yeah. I guess I do too.

He'd of set there till hell froze over and then stayed a while on the ice.

Do you think that makes him a better man than you?

Yessir. I do.

I might could tell you some things about him that would change your mind. I knew him
pretty good.

Well sir, I doubt that you could. With all due respect. Besides which I doubt that you
would.

I aint. But then I might say that he lived in different times. Had Jack of been born fifty
years later he might of had a different view of things.

You might. But nobody in this room would believe it.

Yeah, I expect that's true. He looked up at Bell. What did you tell me for?

I think I just needed to unload my wagon.

You waited long enough about doin it.

Yessir. Maybe I needed to hear it myself. I'm not the man of an older time they say I am.
I wish I was. I'm a man of this time.

Or maybe this was just a practice run.

Maybe.

You aim to tell her?

Yessir, I guess I do.

Well.

What do you think she'll say?

Well, I expect you might come out of it a little better than what you think.

Yessir, Bell said. I surely hope so.

No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy

No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy

He said I was bein hard on myself Said it was a sign of old age. Tryin to set things
right. I guess there's some truth to that. But it aint the whole truth. I agreed with him
that there wasnt a whole lot good you could say about old age and he said he knew one
thing and I said what is that. And he said it dont last long. I waited for him to smile
but he didnt. I said well, that's pretty cold. And he said it was no colder than what the
facts called for. So that was all there was about that. I knew what he'd say anyways,
bless his heart. You care about people you try and lighten their load for em. Even when
it's self-ordained. The other thing that was on my mind I never even got around to but I
believe it to be related because I believe that whatever you do in your life it will get
back to you. If you live long enough it will. And I can think of no reason in the world
for that no-good to of killed that girl. What did she ever do to him? The truth is I never
should of gone up there in the first place. Now they got that Mexican up here in
Huntsville for killin that state trooper that he shot him and set his car afire and him in
it and I dont believe he done it. But that's what he's goin to get the death penalty for.
So what is my obligation there? I think I have sort of waited for all of this to go away
somehow or another and of course it aint. I think I knew that when it started. It had that
feel to it. Like I was fixin to get drug into somethin where the road back was goin to be
a pretty long one.

When he asked me why this come up now after so many years I said that it had always been
there. That I had just ignored it for the most part. But he's right, it did come up. I
think sometimes people would rather have a bad answer about things than no answer at all.
When I told it, well it took a shape I would not have guessed it to have and in that way
he was right too. It was like a ballplayer told me one time he said that if he had some
slight injury and it bothered him a little bit, nagged at him, he generally played better.
It kept his mind focused on one thing instead of a hundred. I can understand that. Not
that it changes anything.

I thought if I lived my life in the strictest way I knew how then I would not ever again
have a thing that would eat on me thataway. I said that I was twenty-one years old and I
was entitled to one mistake, particularly if I could learn from it and become the sort of
man I had it in my mind to be. Well, I was wrong about all of that. Now I aim to quit and
a good part of it is just knowin that I wont be called on to hunt this man. I reckon he's
a man. So you could say to me that I aint changed a bit and I dont know that I would even
have a argument about that. Thirty-six years. That's a painful thing to know.

One other thing he said. You'd think a man that had waited eighty some odd years on God to
come into his life, well, you'd think he'd come. If he didnt you'd still have to figure
that he knew what he was doin. I dont know what other description of God you could have.
So what you end up with is that those he has spoke to are the ones that must of needed it
the worst. That's not a easy thing to accept. Particularly as it might apply to someone
like Loretta. But then maybe we are all of us lookin through the wrong end of the glass.
Always have been.

Aunt Carolyn's letters to Harold. The reason she had them letters was that he had saved
em. She was the one raised him and she was the same as his mother. Them letters was
dogeared and tore and covered with mud and I dont know what all. The thing about them
letters. Well for one thing you could tell they were just country people. I dont think
he'd ever been out of Irion County, let alone the State of Texas. But the thing about them
letters was you could tell that the world she was plannin on him comin back to was not
ever goin to be here. Easy to see now. Sixty some years on. But they just had no notion at
all. You can say you like it or you dont like it but it dont change nothin. I've told my
deputies more than once that you fix what you can fix and you let the rest go. If there
aint nothin to be done about it it aint even a problem. It's just a aggravation. And the
truth is I dont have no more idea of the world that is brewin out there than what Harold
did.

Of course as it turned out he never come home at all. There was not nothin in them letters
to suggest that she had reckoned on that possibility.

Well, you know she did. She just wouldnt of said nothin about it to him.

I've still got that medal of course. It come in a fancy purple box with a ribbon and all.
It was in my bureau for years and then one day I took it out and put it in the drawer in
the livin room table where I wouldnt have to look at it. Not that I ever looked at it, but
it was there. Harold didnt get no medal. He just come home in a wooden box. And I dont
believe they had Gold Star mothers in the First World War but if they had of Aunt Carolyn
would not of got one of them either since he was not her natural son. But she should of.
She never got his war pension neither.

So. I went back out there one more time. I walked over that ground and there was very
little sign that anything had ever took place there. I picked up a shellcasin or two. That
was about it. I stood out there a long time and I thought about things. It was one of them
warm days you get in the winter sometimes. A little wind. I still keep thinkin maybe it is
somethin about the country. Sort of the way Ellis said. I thought about my family and
about him out there in his wheelchair in the old house and it just seemed to me that this
country has got a strange kind of history and a damned bloody one too. About anywhere you
care to look. I could stand back off and smile about such thoughts as them but I still
have em. I dont make excuses for the way I think. Not no more. I talk to my daughter. She
would be thirty now. That's all right. I dont care how that sounds. I like talkin to her.
Call it superstition or whatever you want. I know that over the years I have give her the
heart I always wanted for myself and that's all right. That's why I listen to her. I know
I'll always get the best from her. It dont get mixed up with my own ignorance or my own
meanness. I know how that sounds and I guess I'd have to say that I dont care. I never
even told my wife and we dont have a whole lot of secrets from one another. I dont think
she'd say I'm crazy, but some might. Ed Tom? Yeah, they had to swear out a lunacy warrant.
I hear they're feedin him under the door. That's all right. I listen to what she says and
what she says makes good sense. I wish she'd say more of it. I can use all the help I can
get. Well, that's enough of that.

When he walked in the house the phone was ringing. Sheriff Bell, he said. He made his way
to the sideboard and picked up the phone. Sheriff Bell, he said.

Sheriff this is Detective Cook with the Odessa police.

Yessir.

There's a report we have here that is flagged with your name. It has to do with a woman
named Carla Jean Moss that was murdered here back in March.

Yessir. I appreciate you callin.

They picked up the murder weapon off of the FBI ballistics database and they traced it
down to a boy here in Midland. The boy says he got the gun out of a truck at a accident
scene. Just seen it and took it. And I expect that's right. I talked to him. He sold it
and it turned up in a convenience store robbery in Shreveport Louisiana. Now the accident
where he got the gun, it took place on the same day as the murder did. The man that owned
the gun left it in the truck and disappeared and he aint been heard from since. So you can
see where this is goin. We dont get a lot of unsolved homicides up here and we damn sure
dont like em. Can I ask you what was your interest in the case, Sheriff?

Bell told him. Cook listened. Then he gave him a number. It was the investigator of the
accident. Roger Catron. Let me call him first. He'll talk to you.

That's all right, Bell said. He'll talk to me. I've known him for years.

He called the number and Catron answered.

How're you doin Ed Tom.

I aint braggin.

What can I do you for.

Bell told him about the wreck. Yessir, Catron said. Sure I remember it. There was two boys
killed in that wreck. We still aint found the driver of the other vehicle.

What happened?

Boys'd been smokin dope. They run a stopsign and hit a brand new Dodge pickup broadside.
Totaled it out. The old boy in the pickup he climbed out and just took off up the street.
Fore we got there. Truck had been bought in Mexico. Illegal. No EPA or nothin. No
registration.

What about the other vehicle.

There was three boys in it. Nineteen, twenty years old. All of em Mexican. The only one
lived was the one in the back seat. Apparently they was passin around a doober and they
went through this intersection probably about sixty mile a hour and just T-boned the old
boy in the truck. The one in the passenger side of the car, he come through the windscreen
head first and crossed the street and landed on a woman's porch. She was out puttin some
mail in her box and he didnt miss her by much. She set off down the street in her
housewrapper and haircurlers just a hollerin. I dont think she's right yet.

What did you all do with the boy that took the gun?

We cut him loose.

If I come up there you reckon I could talk to him?

I'd say you could. I'm lookin at him on the screen right now.

What's his name?

David DeMarco.

Is he Mexican?

No. The boys in the car was. Not him.

Will he talk to me?

One way to find out.

I'll be there in the mornin.

I look forward to seein you.

Catron had called the boy and talked to him and when the boy walked into the cafe he didnt
seem particularly worried about anything. He slid into the booth and propped up one foot
and sucked at his teeth and looked at Bell.

You want some coffee?

Yeah. I'll take some coffee.

Bell raised a finger and the waitress came over and took his order. He looked at the boy.

What I wanted to talk to you about was the man that walked away from that wreck. I wonder
if there's anything that comes to mind about him. Anything you might remember.

The boy shook his head. Naw, he said. He looked around the room.

How bad was he hurt?

I dont know. It looked like his arm was broke.

What else.

Had a cut on his head. I couldnt say how bad he was hurt. He could walk.

Bell watched him. How old a man would you say he was?

Hell, Sheriff. I dont know. He was pretty bloody and all.

On the report you said he was maybe in his late thirties.

Yeah. Somethin like that.

Who were you with.

What?

Who were you with.

Wasnt with nobody.

The neighbor there who called in the report, he said there was two of you.

Well, he's full of it.

Yeah? I talked to him this mornin and he seemed to me to be about as unfull of it as they
come.

The waitress brought the coffee. DeMarco poured about a quarter cup of sugar into his and
sat stirring it.

You know this man had just got done killin a woman two blocks away when he got in that
wreck.

Yeah. I didnt know it at the time.

You know how many people he's killed?

I dont know nothin about him.

How tall was he would you say?

Not real tall. Sort of medium.

Was he wearin boots.

Yeah. I think he was wearin boots.

What kind of boots.

I think they might of been ostrich.

Expensive boots.

Yeah.

How badly was he bleedin?

I dont know. He was bleedin. He had a cut on his head.

What did he say?

He didnt say nothin.

What did you say to him?

Nothin. I asked him was he all right.

You think he might of died?

I got no idea.

Bell leaned back. He turned the saltcellar a half turn on the tabletop. Then he turned it
back again.

Tell me who you were with.

Wasnt with nobody.

Bell studied him. The boy sucked his teeth. He picked up the coffee mug and sipped the
coffee and set it down again.

You aint goin to help me, are you?

I done told you all I know to tell. You seen the report. That's all I know to tell you.

Bell sat watching him. Then he got up and put on his hat and left.

In the morning he went to the high school and got some names from DeMarco's teacher. The
first one he talked to wanted to know how he'd found him. He was a big kid and he sat with
his hands folded and looked down at his tennis shoes. They were about a size fourteen and
had Left and Right written on the toecaps in purple ink.

There's somethin you all aint tellin me.

The boy shook his head.

Did he threaten you?

Naw.

What did he look like? Was he Mexican?

I dont think so. He was kindly dark complected is all.

Were you afraid of him?

I wasnt till you showed up. Hell, Sheriff, I knew we shouldnt of took the damn thing. It
was a dumb-ass thing to do. I aint goin to set here and say it was David's idea even if it
was. I'm big enough to say no.

Yes you are.

It was all just weird. Them boys in the car was dead. Am I in trouble over this?

What else did he say to you.

The boy looked around the lunchroom. He looked almost in tears. If I had it to do over
again I'd do it different. I know that.

What did he say.

He said that we didnt know what he looked like. He give David a hundred dollar bill.

A hundred dollars.

Yeah. David give him his shirt. To make a sling for his arm.

Bell nodded. All right. What did he look like.

He was medium height. Medium build. Looked like he was in shape. In his mid thirties
maybe. Dark hair. Dark brown, I think. I dont know, Sheriff. He looked like anybody.