No Greater Love (7 page)

“What does that mean, Bert?” Kate whispered, still glancing everywhere distractedly for Alexis. Perhaps she was talking to the Allison child, or comparing dolls, as they’d done before.

“It means this is very serious, Kate.” Bert explained the rockets to her. “You must get off with the children at once.” And this time she knew that he meant it. He held her hand tightly in his own and there were tears in his eyes.

“I don’t know where Alexis has gone,” Kate said, with
a tone of rising panic in her voice, and Bert looked frantically over the crowd from his height, but still didn’t see her. “I think she must be hiding. I was holding her hand until I ran after Oona….” Tears sprang into her eyes. “Oh, my God, Bert … where is she? Where could she have gone?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll find her. You stay here with the others.” He pressed through the crowd, and he walked through every group, glanced into every corner, running from one cluster of people to another. But Alexis was nowhere. He hurried back to Kate then, and as she stood holding the baby, and trying to keep track of George at the same time, frantic eyes looked up at her husband, asking a question, but he only shook his head in answer. “Not yet,” was his only answer, “but she can’t have gone far. She never goes very far from you.” But he looked worried and distracted.

“She must have gotten lost.” Kate was on the verge of tears. This was no time for a six-year-old child to disappear in the tense moments as the
Titanic’
s passengers boarded the lifeboats.

“She must be hiding.” Bert frowned unhappily. “You know how afraid she is of the water.” And how afraid she had been to come on the ship, and how Kate had reassured her that nothing could possibly happen. But it had, and now she had disappeared, as Lightoller called out for more women and children, and the band played on beside them. “Kate …” Bert looked at her, but he already knew that she wouldn’t leave without Alexis, if at all.

“I can’t …” She was looking all around, and overhead the flares were exploding like cannons.

“Send Edwina then.” Perspiration stood out on Bertram’s face, this was a nightmare they had never dreamed of. And as the deck continued to tilt beneath their feet, he knew that the unsinkable ship was sinking
fast. He moved closer to his wife, and gently took little Teddy from her, unconsciously kissing the curls that fell over his forehead from under the wool cap Oona had put on him when they woke him in the cabin. “Edwina can take the little ones with her. And you go in the next boat with Alexis.”

“And you?” Kate’s face was deathly pale in the eerie white reflection of the rockets, as the band moved from ragtime to waltzes. “And George and Phillip?” … and Charles …

“They won’t let the men on yet,” Bert answered her question. “You heard what the man said. Women and children first. Phillip, George, Charles, and I will join you later.” There was, in fact, a large group of men standing beside them now, waving at their wives as the lifeboat filled slowly. It was five minutes after one, and the night air seemed to be getting even colder, as the women continued to beg Second Officer Lightoller to allow their husbands to join them, but he wouldn’t have it. And he sternly waved the men back, looking as though he would brook no nonsense.

Kate moved swiftly toward Edwina then, and told her what Bert had just said. “Papa wants you to get in the lifeboat with Fannie and Teddy. And George,” she added suddenly. She wanted him to at least try to go with the others. He was a child, too, after all. He was only twelve. And Kate was determined to get him into a lifeboat with Edwina.

“What about you?” Edwina was startled, as she looked at her mother, shocked at the prospect of leaving the rest of her family on the ship, and taking only George and the two youngest with her.

“I’ll come in the next one with Alexis,” Kate said calmly. “I’m sure she’s hiding right here, she’s just frightened to come forward because she doesn’t want to get in the lifeboat.” Kate felt slightly less confident than
that, but she didn’t want to communicate her panic to her eldest daughter. She wanted her to get in the lifeboat with the little ones. And it was no help that Oona had deserted them. Kate wondered how she was faring in steerage with her cousin. “George can help you until Papa and I come.” But George groaned at the prospect, he wanted to stay till the end with the men, but Kate was firm as she led them all back to Bert, and Charles and Phillip followed, “Have you found her yet?” Kate asked her husband, referring to Alexis while nervously glancing everywhere, but there was no sign of her anywhere. And Kate was anxious now for the others to get in the lifeboat so she could help Bert in his search for Alexis. But he was thinking of the others now. Lightoller was about to lower lifeboat number eight, the other women that were going were already in, although there were still a number of empty places. There would also have been enough room for the men, but no one would have dared challenge the intense little second officer’s commands. There was talk of drawing guns if any of the men tried to board the lifeboat, and no one was anxious to challenge him to do that.

“Four more!” Bert called out to him as Edwina looked frantically at her parents, and beyond them at Charles, watching her in silent anguish.

“But …” She didn’t even have time to speak as her father pushed her toward number eight with Fannie and George and baby Teddy in her arms.

“Mama … can’t I wait for you?…” Tears sprang into her eyes, and for an instant she looked as she had as a child, as her mother put her arms around her and looked into her eyes. Teddy started to cry then, and reached his chubby little arms out to his mother again.

“No, baby, go with Edwina … Mama loves you …” Kate crooned and she touched his face with her own, then kissed his cheek and his little hands, and
then, with both hands she touched Edwina’s face, looking tenderly at her oldest daughter. There were tears in her eyes, and this time they were not tears of fear, but of sorrow. “I’ll be with you every minute. I love you, sweet girl, with all my heart. Whatever happens, take good care of them.” And then she whispered, “Be safe, and I’ll see you in a little while.” But for an instant, Edwina wondered if her mother really believed that, and suddenly she knew she didn’t want to go without her.

“Oh, Mama … no …” Edwina clutched at her, with little Teddy in her arms, and suddenly they were both crying for their mother, as the men’s powerful arms grabbed her and George and Fannie, and Edwina’s eyes flew wildly between her mother, her father, and Charles. She hadn’t even had a chance to say good-bye to him, and she called out, “I love you,” as he blew her a kiss and waved and suddenly his gloves came hurtling toward her. She caught them just as she sat down, never taking her eyes from his. He was staring at her strangely, as though he didn’t want to let go of her with his eyes. “Be brave, dear girl. We’ll be with you in a minute,” he called out, and at the same instant, the lifeboat was lowered, and Edwina could barely see them. She glanced from her mother to her father to Charles, tears streaming from her eyes, until she couldn’t see them anymore. Kate could still hear little Teddy crying as she gave a last wave, fighting back her own tears, as she stood on deck, holding tightly to her husband’s hand. Lightoller had balked when they’d put George in the lifeboat, but Bert had been quick to say he was not yet twelve. And he didn’t wait for the second officer to comment as he lifted his son into the lifeboat. He had lied by two months, but Bert had feared he might not get George on if he admitted his correct age. George himself had begged to stay with his father and Phillip,
but Bert thought Edwina might need his help with the two others.

“I love you, children,” Bert whispered, staring at them till they were gone, as the lifeboat approached the water. Bert had shouted down his last words to them, “Mama and I will be along soon,” and then turned away so they wouldn’t see him crying.

And Kate gave an almost animal groan as they lowered the boat toward the water, and at last she dared to look down. She squeezed Bertram’s hand. She could see Edwina holding Teddy, and clinging to Fannie’s hand, and George looked up at them as the boat creaked and dropped slowly to the surface of the water. It was a delicate maneuver and Lightoller looked like a surgeon performing a difficult operation, one swift move, one careless gesture and the lifeboat would overturn on the way down, spilling its passengers into the icy water. And the voices below all shouted up at them, a mixture of frantic words, last messages, and I love you’s. And then suddenly before they were halfway down, Kate recognized Edwina calling. She saw her waving frantically and nodding her head and pointing. And as Kate looked to the front of the lifeboat, she saw her. The halo of blond curls was turned away, but there was no mistaking Alexis huddled at the front of the lifeboat. And Kate felt a wave of relief pass over her as she shouted down to Edwina, “I see her!… I see her!…” She was safe, with the others … five children, her five precious babies all in one lifeboat. Now all she had to do was get off with Phillip and her husband, and Charles. He was chatting quietly with some of the other men, who had just put their wives in the lifeboat, and they were reassuring each other that everything would be fine, and they would all be off the ship shortly.

“Oh, thank God, Bert, she found her.” Kate was so relieved to know where Alexis was that her whole body
visibly relaxed in spite of the continuing tension. “Why on earth would she get into the lifeboat without us?”

“Maybe someone grabbed her and put her in when she walked away from us, and she was too frightened to speak up. Whatever, she’s safe now. Now I want you off next. Is that clear?” He sounded stern only to mask his own fears, but she knew him better than that.

“I don’t see why I can’t wait for you and Phillip and Charles. The children will be fine with Edwina.” It was an unnerving feeling, thinking of all of them in the lifeboat without her, and yet now that she knew that Alexis was safe in her older sister’s care, Kate wanted to stay with her husband. She shuddered at what it would have been like to not know that Alexis was safe, and she thanked God again that Edwina had been able to let her know Alexis was with her and all right.

The lifeboats below were moving away from the ship, and as number eight turned on the icy seas below, Edwina clutched little Teddy to her, and she tried to maneuver Fannie onto her lap as well, but the seats were too high, she could barely make it. She wanted to move toward the front to let Alexis know she was there, but it was impossible to go anywhere, and George was busy rowing with the others. It made him feel important, and in truth, they needed his help. Finally, she asked one of the women to let Alexis know she was there, and watched pointedly as word was passed along toward the front of the lifeboat, and finally the little girl turned her head, so Edwina could see her, but as she did, Edwina gave a gasp. She was a beautiful child, and she was crying because she’d left her mother on the ship, but she wasn’t Alexis. And Edwina knew she had done a terrible thing. She had told her mother that Alexis was there, and they wouldn’t look for her now on the ship. A sob broke from her as she stared, and little Fannie started to cry as Edwina clutched her to her.

And at that very moment, Alexis was sitting quietly in her stateroom. She had slipped away when her mother let go of her hand and ran after Oona, and she had gone back as she’d wanted to from the first. She had left her beautiful doll in her bed, and she didn’t want to leave the ship without her. And once she had gone back to her room, the doll was there, and it seemed so much quieter here, and so much less scary than on deck. She wouldn’t have to get in a lifeboat now, or fall in that ugly, dark water. She could just wait here until it was all over and everyone came back. She would just sit here, with her doll, Mrs. Thomas. She could hear the band playing upstairs and the sounds of ragtime came drifting in the open windows, and voices and cries and murmurs. There was no running in the corridor now.

Everyone was on deck, saying good-bye to loved ones and hurrying into lifeboats, as the rockets continued to explode overhead, and the radio operator tried frantically to bring nearby ships to their aid. The
Frankfurt
was the first to reply, at 12:18, then the
Mount Temple
, the
Virginian
, and the
Birma
, but there had been no word at all from the
Californian
since eleven o’clock when she had warned them of the iceberg and Phillips had snapped at her radio operator not to interrupt him. Ever since then, her radio had been silent. In truth, her radio was shut off. But she was the only ship close enough to help them, and there seemed no way to raise her at all. Even the rockets were to no avail. All those who saw them, on the
Californian
, only assumed that they were part of the festivities on the much celebrated maiden voyage. And it never dawned on anyone for a moment that they were sinking. Who would ever have thought it?

At 12:25, the
Carpathia
, only fifty-eight miles away, contacted them and promised to come as quickly as she could. By then, the
Olympic
, the
Titanic’
s sister ship, had
chimed in, too, but she was five hundred miles away and too far to help at the moment.

Captain Smith was stepping in and out of the radio shack by then, and after watching Wireless Operator Phillips send the standard distress signal, CQD, he urged them to try the new call signal SOS as well, in the hope that even amateurs might hear it. Any assistance at all would have been welcome and was direly needed now. It was 12:45
A.M.
when the first SOS was sent, and at that moment, Alexis was alone in the silent stateroom, playing with her doll and humming softly as she sat quietly, continuing to play. She knew she would be scolded later when they all came back, but maybe they wouldn’t be too angry at her for running away, because after all today was her birthday. She was six years old now, and her dolly was much older. She liked to say that Mrs. Thomas was twenty-four. She was a grown-up.

On deck, Lightoller was filling another lifeboat, and on the starboard side, several men were climbing into the lifeboats now too. But on the port side, Lightoller was still strictly adhering to women and children only. The second-class lifeboats were being filled as well, and in third class, some of the passengers were breaking through barriers and locked doors, in the hope of boarding in second class or even first, but they had no idea where to go, or how to get there. Members of the crew were threatening to shoot them if they attempted to make their way through the ship, because they were afraid of looting and property damage aboard. The crewmen were telling them to go back the way they had come, as people shrieked and cried and begged to come past the crew members keeping them from the first-class lifeboats. One Irish girl, with another girl her own age, and a little girl, was insisting that she had come from first class in the first place, but the deckhand stolidly
kept them from leaving third, he knew better than to believe her.