No Holding Back (29 page)

“Chris! Christine!”

She heard her name being called by strangers, and it didn’t take long for news cameras and dozens of reporters to invade her personal space and shove microphones in her face. But she didn’t care about them, or anything else for that matter.

All she could do was stare at
Heretic’s bus as her father hauled her away. Even when her father shoved her inside of his jeep, they continually hounded Chris for questions, dogging her at every angle until her father stepped on the gas pedal.

Chris stared off into space as her father expertly drove them towards the interstate. But it didn
’t take long for the reality of what had happened to hit her. She grew dizzy and swooned until she fell down exhausted onto the back seat.

For three days, Wade rarely emerged from his room. Not for Os, Joe, or even Mike. The few times he came up for air was to take a piss, but even then, no one was brave enough to say anything. Since Chris’ reveal, they noticed a sudden and frightening change in their friend. They never discussed it but they didn’t have to. The pain in his face and eyes cut deep into his once happy expression and Joe couldn’t remember the last time he cracked his lips to talk, let alone smile. He neglected everyone and refused to talk.

Wade also neglected himself. Refusing to eat anything, he laid in his bed
for hours on end while the door to his room remained shut and locked and no matter how many times Joe tried to bang on it, he didn’t answer. In a short amount of time, Wade withdrew from everyone and everything, becoming a shadow of his former self.

The only thing that Wade
knew was that their bus had been stopping and going ever since the competition, but he didn’t care where they ended up. He was still too busy trying to get over the look of so many shocked and disappointed people. But the worst of it was seeing Rick Delanost’ face as his expression was one of victory over Heretic’s former fan base. 

He remembered all too well his rival
’s expression the moment the true identity of Heretic’s biggest secret was bust wide open for all to see. But the feeling was nothing compared to the rage within his own heart.

He felt broken and betrayed by his very instincts; his gut feeling that brought Heretic to the top, now came crashing down
- threatening to bury him alive under a mountain of sorrow and regret. But he didn’t care if it did.

As Heretic
’s bus hummed along the interstate, Wade pushed the pillow further into his face wishing the world would devour him and make him disappear forever.

He put the talent of a homeless runaway first and foremost, in front of the ba
nd itself, and now it cost him - dearly.

As Pete steered the bus to nowhere, Wade faded in and out of sleep several times; the drawl of hunger the only thing keeping him barely coherent. He
felt overwhelmed by everything - his head, his heart, his gut - all these swirled together in a menagerie of pain and despair. He wanted to be better than this. He wanted to rise above the influx of his emotions in which he was drowning and to answer the nagging questions that lingered in the back of his mind.

Where would Heretic go now? Did they even have a future? Could they ever recover from this?  All this and more plagued his fleeting thoughts like a growing sickness as the bus passed through one nameless town after another.

Even a concerned Mike followed Heretic’s bus loyally in his car. Ever since Chris’ reveal, his agent didn’t so much as say a word. He also did what he could to stave off the hungry media and didn’t give them the satisfaction of a single statement and Wade was secretly thankful for it.

Wade knew that the results of the competition weren
’t disclosed yet, but he could already feel the sting of defeat. And so he didn’t check his phone or the TV and strictly forbade anyone else on the bus from doing the same.

And tonight was no different as he dozed of
f uncomfortably in torturous nightmares.

A fierce pounding came from Wade
’s door that forced him awake with a start. Instantly, Wade shot up and reeled in bed, feeling as though he was recovering from the worst hangover in his life. He rubbed his eyes and looked out of the small window in his room and right away, he knew it was very late.

“Wade!” came J
oe’s voice from behind the door. “I’m serious, man! I ain’t fuckin’ leavin’ this time until you open the door! C’mon!”

More relentless pounding and soon Wade
’s stomach followed with a fierce growl of hunger.

“Ugh,
” Wade massaged his gut and sluggishly made his way to the door and opened it.

“Jesus, man,
” Joe commented, noticing the deteriorated appearance of his friend.

“What is it?” Wade asked angrily
.

“We
just pulled over to get something to eat. Pete and Os are already inside. They’re waitin’ for ya,” Joe stated with concern.

Wade
’s shoulders slumped at the thought of what he was putting his friends through. He never wanted any of this to happen but he didn’t want to be seen by anyone, especially the media.

“The news crews?
” Wade’s voice cracked.

“They
’re gone, man. They finally gave up and turned around when we got halfway through Wyoming.”

Wyoming?
Wade couldn’t believe he had been out of it for that long. He rubbed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Where are we
now?”

“Nebraska. S
ome town called Scottsblood or some shit.”

“Scottsbluff,” Wade corrected him.

“So, you comin’ or what?” Joe asked impatiently.

“Yeah, yeah. Jus
t gimme a minute to get changed.”

As Wade shuffled through his belongings to try and find clean clothes, Joe did his best to hide his excitement.
After all, it was the first time anyone had talked Wade into being social. But while Joe waited for him to get ready, he felt compelled to bring up what he knew would be a sore topic.

“So what
’er we gonna do about Chris, man?”

Wade sighed while he searched for his boots, but he was in no mood to talk about anything.

“Not now, Joe.”

“What
’er you talkin’ about, man? We can’t just leave her-!”

Frustrated, Wade got to his feet and right into Joe
’s face.

“I
said
‘I don’t want to talk about it!” he screamed. “I don’t what to do – or even where to go! Everything’s so fucked up right now, I don’t even know which end is up!”

Just as Wade got into Joe
’s face, he was abruptly pushed away and knocked on his ass. Surprised, Wade came to his feet a second time and stared at Joe as if he had never seen him before.

“Joe?” Wade seethed. “I don
’t wanna hurt you…”

Joe didn
’t blink. “Try it, big guy.”

In a blind rage, Wade came forward, throwing both of his fists left and right. But nothing could prepare Wade for the brutal beat down that he received.

Joe expertly dodged all of Wade’s clumsy throws and jabbed him in his ribcage several times, causing him to stumble back. But it was Joe’s right hook to the gut that brought him to his knees.

Wade coughed and s
puttered from the dizzying blow he received. While he held his gut in the last place that Joe hit him, he looked up, but found eyes full of anger and hatred staring right back at him.

“You know?” Joe growled in the darkness. “For as long as I
’ve known you, you’ve come through for me – for this
band
.”

Wade coughed again and massaged his tender ribcage as if he had been beaten by five grown men. He noticed Joe
’s scrawny frame silhouetted against the wall, giving him a much broader appearance, and wondered how they hell someone he had fifty pounds on, man-handled him as if it was no big deal.

“But when Chris needed you? What did you do?” Joe asked.

Infuriated, Wade redoubled his efforts and came at Joe, swinging again and again at the air. But nothing connected.

“What did you
do
!?” Joe repeated.

Finally, after another missed throw, Wade felt a hand grab his wrist and yank his arm around his back.

“ARRRGHH!”

Wade yelled in pain but when he felt his head slam up against the wall, a sharp, stinging sensation shot up the entire right side of his face. He t
ried to lift his head, but Joe’s forearm hunkered down on his neck - smashing his face against the bus a second time. Pinned, all Wade could do was stand there while Joe tore into him.

“You
left
her to the fuckin’ wolves!”

Breathing heavily, Wade could do nothing while Joe pushed his arm further up his back. He tried to move, but Joe
’s grip was like steel. He felt the shooting pain continue up his arm and into his shoulder, but all he could do was clench his teeth when Joe got right into his ear.

“You
’re no front man," he seethed. "You’re a god damn COWARD!”

With that, Joe released Wade, hurling him to the ground in one final insult. When he skidded to a stop, he looked up at Joe, hoping that he was finished with him.

“I could rip your throat out,” Joe confessed with the maniacal expression of a serial killer. And Wade believed him. “But if I did, then Chris would never hear an apology come outta your worthless mouth.”

Wade slowly came to his feet, but he had no intentions of doing round three with Joe. His pride was already ripped to shreds. Even when he approached him and dug his finger into Wade
’s chest, Heretic’s front man stood there and took it.

“
All I’m hearing you say is “I”, “I!” “
I!!”
” he screamed, making Wade break eye contact first. “So, whenever you wanna stop being a selfish, arrogant, bastard, I’ll be across the street with the
real
members of this band!”

With one final push of his finger into Wade
’s chest, Joe turned and stormed off the bus. But only when Wade felt the shift in weight did he sigh and drop his head to his chest.

He stood there for the longest time debating whether or not to even show his face to the rest of the group now, but after Joe
’s ‘disappointed dad’ speech and a severe ass-whooping he had never known, he needed to come to terms with everything eventually. But he would do it
after
a hot shower.

And so Wade turned on the faucets and made the water a scalding temperature. In a way, he was hoping it burn
away the memories, the images - the disappointment. But when he emerged fifteen minutes later, he only felt slightly better. He took one quick look in the mirror and found a red rash up the side of his face where Joe pushed him against the wall. In hindsight, Wade was glad happy he didn’t get a bloody nose or a black eye. With some remaining energy, Wade managed to dress himself and take the lonely walk just across the street to the diner.

Before he opened the door, he saw a neon sign with a few unlit letters that read
Tricia’s Diner.
But more importantly, Wade recognized it as another hole-in-the-wall in which he could have a quiet meal.

He pushed open the doors and
cringed at the annoying bell that signaled his arrival. When he entered, everyone looked up at him. That is, with the exception of Joe, who sat and poked at his food with his utensil.

Wade cleared his throat uncomfortably as Os, Pete
, and Mike exchanged awkward smiles and head nods.

“
Jesus, man,” Mike commented. “It looks like someone beat the shit outta you.”

Wade swallowed and looked briefly at Joe. But to his surprise, his friend didn
’t make eye contact or say anything at all. Wade could only gather that Joe hadn’t disclosed their heated ‘discussion’ with anyone.

“
I uh,” Wade started with a clearing of his throat. “…I just haven’t been sleepin’ real well.”

When Wade couldn
’t take a moment more of the dreadful awkwardness, the only waitress on duty stepped in and ritually brought out her pad and pencil.

“What can I get for ya tonight, hun?”

“Got any chili?” Wade asked, rubbing the hunger pangs from his gut.

“We sure do.
Would you like a side with that?” she asked.

“Yeah, can I get frie-
?”

Wade paused in his own verbal tracks, but after a few moments, the waitress cocked her
head and leaned in slightly to hear him better.

“What was that, hun? I
’m sorry - I didn’t catch that.”

“N-Nothing,
” Wade corrected. “Just chili.”

The wait
ress tapped the butt of her pencil on the pad and disappeared with a simple, “Be right back.”

As everyone else
sat in silence, chewing methodically at their food, Wade slumped in his chair and rubbed his tired eyes. He should have felt refreshed after a hot shower, but he was physically and mentally exhausted and his almost permanent attachment to his bed over the last few days left him nowhere near coherent enough to deal with the pangs of reality.

Only a few times did Wade even dare to look over at Joe, b
ut not once did his band mate meet his gaze. He couldn’t recall the last time Joe had ever lashed out like to anyone, other than Hess. Even thinking about their confrontation earlier made Wade massage the side of his ribcage.

Just when Wade
’s stomach growled again, the waitress came over with a hearty bowl of chili that she expertly handled with one hand while she released several packages of saltines with the other.