No Kiss Goodbye (11 page)

‘No.’

‘Can I ask why not?’ the younger guard asks rejoining the conversation to the humorous annoyance of his superior.

His tone is accusatory, and I dislike him very much now.

‘I’m not sure if that’s exactly what he meant,’ I explain.

‘You’re not sure if he wanted to poison you or not?’ Sergeant Clancy says. The kindness is slowly fading from his eyes, replaced with frustration.

‘He didn’t actually say he wanted to poison me…but…but…but I know that’s what he was talking about.’

I’m embarrassed by how pathetic my story sounds. I’m struggling to take myself seriously; how can I expect anyone else to? I know my panic is becoming noticeable as my jaw starts to twitch.

‘Okay, Laura,’ Sergeant Clancy says. ‘We’ll get a toxicology report to see what poisons we are dealing with and then take an official statement.’ He’s still smiling but not as kindly as before. I get the distinct impression neither policeman believes me.

I don’t reply. Neither does Ava. She’s too busy watching the young guard who actually snorted out loudly moments before and walked away.

‘Does that all sound okay to you?’ the sergeant asks. He’s obviously noticed I’m distracted.

I hang my head in embarrassment before I continue. I knew how hollow my theory already sounds. If I admit that I haven’t actually ingested the poison, then I’ve lost all hope of being taken seriously.

‘Love,’ Sergeant Clancy says loudly. His voice is rough and cranky now. ‘Are you happy to have a blood test?’

‘There’s no point,’ Ava says beating me to it.

The sergeant stares through me.

‘I spilt it,’ I admit.

‘You spilt the poison?’ the younger guard repeats from behind the desk before offering his attention to his breakfast roll.

‘Yes, I spilt it,’ I snap, furious about very obviously becoming the butt end of a joke.

‘Do you think I’d be standing here to tell the tale if I had drunk it?’ I threw in a rough huff at the end for dramatic effect.

‘All right, Laura. Calm down. We believe you,’ Sergeant Clancy says.

‘Thank you,’ I sob as I let my face fall tiredly into my hands.

‘Yeah, but you might have a bit of trouble convincing a jury though,’ the younger guard snorts.

‘Stop laughing at me,’ I shout abruptly.

‘All right, Mystic Meg, no more laughing I promise,’ he continues.

‘Why don’t you come back tomorrow with your tarot cards; that’ll really convince us.’ ‘Enough,’ the sergeant bellows. He tries to remain professional, but I can’t miss him look away and support his stout belly with his hand as he shoulders shake from laughing silently.

‘Look, Laura,’ he says. ‘I’m very sorry that the terrible accident has caused such a strain in your marriage. It’s understandable, and I wouldn’t wish something so horrible on my worst enemy. But I can’t arrest your husband for attempted murder just because you are having domestic problems. I need proof. Can you get me that?’

‘No,’ I reply shaking my head sadly.

‘Well, then I’m sorry, love, but I can’t waste any more valuable police time on this nonsense.’

‘Valuable police time, my arse,’ I groan to Ava as we reluctantly walk towards the door. ‘Helping Little Bo Peep to find her sheep and lashing into the donuts isn’t a valuable use of police time.’

‘Oh, did they have donuts?’ Ava giggles in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere. ‘I’d love a donut. I’m starving.’

It doesn’t work. Nothing is going to take my mind off the fact that I’m a sitting duck. I’m certain Mark and Nicole are rethinking their strategy. It’s only a matter of time before they find me. I’ve nowhere to hide, and no way to protect myself.

We’re sluggishly reaching the car when the young guard appears, racing up behind us waving with a sheet of A4 paper in his hand.

‘They must be going to help us after all,’ I say with a relieved smile.

The smile is quickly wiped when I notice a blurry, black and white photo of the children and I on the page in his shaking hand. Their faces have been blacked out but mine is as clear as day.

‘I knew it. You’re the Lucan School Stalker,’ he accuses loudly.

The what?
I can’t take my eyes off the page.

Ava’s hands fly to her face and tears stream down her cheeks. It’s not shock upsetting her, it’s familiarity.
She knows this picture.

‘Well, it is you. Isn’t it?’ The guard stutters.

‘That’s my picture.’ I point. ‘But I really don’t know why you have it or what the hell you are talking about.’

Ava is almost hysterical it’s embarrassing.
What the fuck is going on
? More secrets. I suddenly felt completely alone. Is there no one I can trust? Not even Ava.

‘Ava, please. Talk to me,’ I plead.

She looks at me so sadly that I think her heart was going to break right there on the spot.

‘It says here that you attempted to snatch a little boy from the local primary school, and you assaulted your friend when she tried to stop you.’ the officer explains, running his finger over the article printed below my picture.

‘Where did you get that?’ Ava snaps.

I realise she’s not surprised to see the photo, but she is surprised to see the guard with it.

Maybe she’s on my side after all.

‘All charges were dropped,’ Ava continues, shaking in temper. ‘How dare you use hearsay to frighten my friend? Tabloids will print anything to sell the paper. No cop should use that as evidence. You know that.’

‘Hearsay?’ I echo, dry retching on my own words.

Ava turns to me and takes my hands in hers. The gesture is familiar, and I know she’s preparing me for some bad news.

‘The papers wrote a nasty article saying you and Nicole got into a nasty argument,’ Ava says softly.

‘That’s stupid,’ I shout, flinging Ava’s hands away from mine so roughly she staggers and almost falls over.

‘Why would the papers care about a nobody like me? There’s more to it than that. Why is everyone lying to me?’

So many different emotions grip me all fighting for space inside my body. My eyes weigh heavy. But I won’t let my body fall limp just because my mind doesn’t want to comprehend my reality. I shake the dizziness from my limbs. A tingle buzzes so strongly in my fingers, it stings and my knees tremble…but this time I win. I fight the darkness and push it away. Something is happening around me, and I need to understand. Everyone knows what it is, even strangers. I’m the only clueless one. It hurts to be lied to on so many levels.

‘You stalked her with threating emails and texts for days and then attacked her outside your house with a piece of broken fencing,’ the guard says quoting more text from the vicious article.

Ava glares at him furiously.

‘That’s what the papers said, but Nicole denied it all,’ Ava promises.

‘How could an article like this have made it to the national papers and I have no memory of any of it?’

‘It was printed just days after you left the hospital. We didn’t tell you about it because they printed a retraction within hours. You had enough on your mind without the stress of that added to your plate,’ Ava explains.

‘Is Nicole setting me up? I have a strange feeling that she was watching when the crashed happened. Like, every time I think of it Nicole is there in my mind too.’

‘I don’t know,’ Ava admits. ‘It’s possible, I suppose, but I don’t think she’s that cunning.’

‘She is. I know she is. God knows how long she’s been planning this. You have to give her credit; it’s very clever. She takes her time and brands me as a psycho-bitch, and then just as she has everyone convinced, she kills me off claiming self-defence. Christ, it’s genius; the perfect crime.’

‘Psycho-bitch?’ the guard repeats. ‘Well, it wouldn’t take much convincing,’ he tuts under his breath.

I doubt he intended for either Ava or myself to hear him, but Ava has ears that would hear a rugby player fart in an arena of chanting spectators.

Ava calls him all sorts of degrading names, but he ignores her. He’s clearly much more angry that I’ve ripped the paper from his hands and crumpled it into a ball before throwing it back at him.

‘I could have you arrested for that sort of carry on,’ he bellows.

I shake my head. I can’t believe squeaky-clean, super-good girl Ava has just disrespected a policeman.

‘And I could complain about you badgering us. I wonder what the department would have to say about you taunting my friend here,’ Ava said sternly. But it was obvious to me she was shaking inside. I really appreciated her standing up for me. I’m usually the strong one, but I’m too shocked to string two words together.

‘Go on, get out of here before I really get annoyed,’ he stutters like an intimidated schoolboy.

Ava and I quickly scamper into the car, knowing he’s dashing inside for the support of the sergeant. We lie down on the backseat and scream dramatically at Adam to drive away quickly. Our heartbeats are beginning to slow to a normal pace when Ava’s phone rings loudly and startles the hell out of us. She fumbles for what seems a lifetime in her leather jacket pocket and finally pulls out her fancy new iPhone that has given up ringing.

‘Who was it,’ I ask?’

‘Mark,’ Ava says.

My hands fly to my face. ‘Do you think he’s looking for us?’

‘Of course, he’s bloody looking for us. Adam and I literally kidnapped you.’

‘You can’t kidnap someone who goes with you of their own free will,’ I reassure.

‘But you didn’t,’ Ava says shaking her head. ‘You were unconscious when we took you.’

‘You saved me.’

‘It doesn’t matter if we did or not. Doctor Hammond was about to take you back to the hospital and we got in the way of that. Adam, you were right. We never should have come near a police station. I’m surprised they didn’t arrest me. Oh God, Laura, I’m so scared.’

‘Stop it, Ava, you’re freaking me out.’ My lips quiver and I hold my mouth open a little, aware that if I close it my teeth will chatter. ‘We’re not the ones who need to be arrested.’

‘Yeah, you and I know that but the cops don’t. Jesus, Laura, Mark has a doctor on his side. We’re never going to win. We have to get the hell out of here.’

‘Where can we go?’ I whisper.

‘New York,’ Ava says.

At the country cottage, Ava paces the floor in an attempt at wearing the carpet threadbare. Adam is sitting in an armchair by the fireplace. His left ankle is resting on his right knee and his thumb and finger are stroking his chin. He’s studying me insistently. Gaging my every breath. I’m certain he detests me for dragging Ava into this mess. What he doesn’t know is that I hate myself just as much.

‘What good is running away going to achieve?’ Adam finally says. ‘America is a crazy notion. A pipedream.’

Christ, I hate him so much that I just want to slap him across the face. But I don’t, of course. For Ava’s sake.

‘Laura isn’t safe here,’ Ava explains surprisingly calmly.

‘Laura, c’mon. See sense, for fuck’s sake,’ Adam says. He obviously wants to pick his argument with me and not Ava.

‘What’s your problem?’ I snap no longer able to control my frustration.

Ava places her hand firmly on my shoulder, and I know it’s not my place to say more.

‘This doesn’t have to be your problem, Adam. You can walk away now. No one gets hurt.’ Ava replied softly.

‘My problem?’ Adam snaps, ignoring how his anger makes tears pour down Ava’s cheeks.

I stare at the ground. I’m too embarrassed to make eye contact with either of them. Ava and Adam may not have the best relationship in the world lately, but I hate being the cause of another argument between them. It seems lately that no matter what I do, World War III breaks out around me.

‘Laura has always been there for me. I’m going to be there for her now. I have to do this,’ Ava insists as she flings her arms around me. She shakes and quivers, and I soon realise she needs the hug more than I do.

‘New York,’ Adam says. ‘Of all the places, you want to go there. Are you looking for trouble?’

What’s wrong with New York?
I suddenly realise I’m missing the deeper point behind the heated conversation. Adam isn’t angry with me. I am not privileged to the reason why he is upset. I can’t help shaking my head.

‘That’s my prerogative,’ Ava snaps. ‘I have a mind of my own, and a body of my own, for that matter. I choose what I do with it and where I take it.’

Adam throws his arms in the air and glares at me. ‘You know what? Fine! Go to damn New York. You always do what you want anyway.’

I didn’t intend to interrupt their
War of the Roses
moment, but I can’t listen to any more of their nonsensical rubbish. The tiny, insignificant matter of my husband trying to kill me is pressing slightly on my mind.

‘Adam, if you’re worried I’m putting Ava in danger, then why don’t you come with us?’ I suggest. I cross my fingers behind my back that he won’t take us up on the offer to tag along. Seven hours flying across the Atlantic beside that insufferable jerk and I would beg Mark to kill me at the other end.

‘Laura, don’t talk such crap,’ Adam growls.

‘Excuse me,’ I yell, waving my finger widely in his face like an enthusiastic guest on Jeremy Kyle. ‘I’m not talking crap, Adam. Thank you very much. I’m freaking the fuck out here, and I’m just trying to be polite, when all I give a shit about is getting the hell out of here alive.’

‘Oh, shut up,’ Adam rudely instructs.

Ava glares open mouthed at him. Resentment boils in her eyes. This obnoxious attitude is a new low, even for Adam.

‘I’m very sorry if my survival is an inconvenience for you,’ I blurt out.

‘Are you for fucking real? Can you think of anyone other than yourself for just one minute? Maybe other people have stuff on their mind. Maybe we don’t give a shit that you think your husband is bonking some blonde bombshell.’

I recoil in shock. I’m too upset to retaliate. Heartache churns in my stomach, and if I could be physically sick all over his granny’s hideously floral couch, I would be.

‘I’m surprised the poor bastard has put up with your high-maintenance ass for as long as he has,’ Adam continues.

Ava grabs her coat off the couch. ‘Let’s go,’ she says as she wrestles with my limp body in a pitiful attempt to help me into my chair. Adam doesn’t offer to help. He stares at us. His face is as puce as a well-slapped backside.

‘This is completely crazy,’ he says pointing towards me. ‘Just crazy. Look at you. You can’t even get up off the couch, but you’re going to manage to run away to America.’

Ava doesn’t respond. She’s too determined to get the hell out of there; nothing is going to delay us any longer.

‘If you leave now, then I won’t be here when you get back,’ Adam shouts after us.

‘I won’t be coming back here,’ Ava snorts.

Adam looks around the cluttered old cottage and stomps his foot in frustration when he realises how wrong his attempt at a dramatic ultimatum has gone. ‘I won’t be back at my apartment either,’ he says with an arrogant toss of his head. ‘I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend as if everything is okay.’

‘Okay, Adam. Goodbye,’ Ava snorts dryly as she slams the sitting room door behind us leaving Adam standing alone with his mouth gaping. This time she means it. This time I know they’re finally broken.

‘Damn it,’ Ava grumbles loudly. ‘Damn it to hell.’

‘What’s wrong?’ I ask, feeling stupid for asking such a general question at that moment.

‘I left the bloody car keys on the coffee table. How can I go back for them after that outburst?’

I start to laugh. I laugh so hard I worry I’ll lose full bladder control. Perhaps it’s a combination of fear and just plain exhaustion, but the laughter continues to spill loudly out of my mouth. I’m bordering on hysterics. But I’m laughing alone. Ava is motionless. It’s almost annoying watching her stand like a zombie. I wait for her to snap out of it, but after five minutes into her trance, I’m begging to worry that her heart was breaking on the spot. Oh God, she’s going to change her mind. She’ll stay and Mark will find us.
Oh God, oh God.

I can hear the muffled sounds of the television coming through the door. Adam had obviously finished sulking and sat down to relax. I wish we were still sitting in front of the nice cosy fire. Even though we are in the hall of the old cottage, I feel incredibly vulnerable and exposed without Adam beside us to protect us. The vertical glass panels framing each side of the front door are large enough to make hiding almost impossible. I shudder at the thoughts of who may be outside watching and waiting for us.

‘Just go back in and get the keys,’ I say.

‘No,’ Ava snaps, clearly furious that I would even suggest such a thing. ‘There’s a spare set somewhere. Let’s just look for those.’

‘Fine.’

‘By all means, Laura, if you have a better idea, I’d love to hear it. Maybe we’ll just hitch a lift to town on the back of a Massey Ferguson.’

I ignore Ava’s sarcasm. She’s entitled to be pissed off because I’m dragging her into hell. She just lost her boyfriend because she was trying to protect me.

Ava races into the small, cluttered kitchenette and begins upturning pots and pans and slamming cupboards.
Is she making noise on purpose?
Adam turns the volume on the telly to an uncomfortably loud point and chooses to completely ignore Ava’s dissection of the kitchen.

Seconds seem to tick by like hours as I wait in an alcove between the hall and kitchen. I can’t edge any further to help Ava’s search as the step connecting the two rooms is just too steep to navigate. I constantly keep one eye on the frosted glass by the front door that exposes us. I can’t focus properly because of the nervous twitch that’s causing my eyes to blink so fast I think they’ll fall out of my head as they break the sound barrier. I stare at the blurry cows in the field opposite. They seem to look at me with sympathy. If only my life was as simple as theirs was. Then again, chewing grass all day and walking around in each other’s shit can’t be much fun. That’s when it crystalizes in my head. There’s just no pleasing me. Adam is in some ways right; I
am
high maintenance. But I’m not the total bitch he’s making me out to be. I’m a great mother and no matter what my faults are, no one has the right to take my children away from me.

I notice the handle on the sitting room door creak, and in a blind panic, I force my chair down the rickety steps that have held me back until now. I manage to clear it in one swift motion and I take a moment to look back and commend myself for the achievement. I startle Ava and she drops a large frying pan on her toes.

‘Ouch, ouch, ouch,’ she cries as she hops around gripping her foot in her hand and strutting like a one legged chicken dancing to The Black Eyed Peas.

‘Adam’s left the sitting room,’ I whisper. ‘We should grab the keys now.’

‘Yeah, good idea,’ Ava agrees and darts past me.

I’m alone again.
Damn this bloody chair
. I curse under my breath as I look at the steps that tease me. Going down was one thing, but I have no hope of getting back up.

Ava arrives back beside me within seconds. I don’t like her expression.

‘Did you get the keys?’ I ask.

‘The keys?’ she echoes.

‘Yeah you know small little silver things. They open doors, start cars, that sort of thing.’

‘Oh, the keys. I forgot the keys.’

‘What? You just went to get them.’

My heart sinks. Without the keys, were we going nowhere. I wonder if deep down Ava doesn’t want to go. Forgetting the keys might be her way of attempting to repair things with Adam. But the lines in her face scream more than just heartache. She has fear in her expression. I recognise it because I see that same face every time I look in the mirror lately.

‘Ava, are you okay? You’re acting weird.’

Ava shakes her head.

‘Did you see Adam? Did he say something to upset you?’

‘Yeah, kind of.’

‘What did he say?’
Christ, that guy is such a dickhead.
‘Whatever it was, it wasn’t worth the breath he wasted on saying it. Don’t let him get to you.’

‘He wasn’t talking to me. I overheard him on the phone.’

‘Who was he talking to?’ I ask reluctantly, remembering the last time I overheard a phone conversation.

‘I don’t know, but whoever it was he was giving them the address of the cottage and some very detailed directions.’

I start to quiver. At first, I think it’s the cold finally gnawing its way through my tweed jacket, but deep down, I know it’s panic. It’s a feeling that’s unfortunately becoming way too familiar.

‘Oh Christ, you don’t think he called the cops, do you? They’re already pissed off with us over earlier. If Doctor Hammond has reported me missing, then they’ll think you kidnapped me.’

‘Laura, stop. That won’t happen. You’re not missing. You’re a grown woman. You can go where you like. This has nothing to do with the police.’

‘Well, who was he talking to then?’

‘I’m not sure. Somebody he knows, I think.’

Mark?

Ava bends down to be close to me and takes my hand in hers. I know I’m not going to like whatever I hear next.

‘I think he was talking to Nicole.’

I close my eyes.
He wouldn’t do something like that
, I reassure myself. Even Adam isn’t that big a bastard. Unless he’s in on it, too.
Oh God.
‘Are you sure?’

‘No.’ Ava shakes her head. ‘Not one hundred percent, but I overheard enough to know we really need to get out of here. Now.’

Ava flings open the door off the kitchenette and the sting of the icy outside air blasts us in the face. I glare down the long country lane. It winds like a corkscrew. In the hours we’ve spent at the cottage, I’ve only seen one tractor and a lonely lost sheep pass by. It would take us at least an hour to make it back to the village by foot, and by that time, Mark and Nicole may have reached us.

‘Oh God, Laura,’ Ava says between loud terrified sighs. ‘Adam has just landed us a death sentence. I don’t see how we can get away now.’

She sits on the wet ground and begins to cry.

‘Oh no, please don’t fall apart on me,’ I beg. ‘I can’t be strong on my own.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Ava cries shaking her weary head. ‘I tried so hard to help you. I just want to be a good friend, and I have only made things way worse for you.’

‘You are a good friend. I love you to bits. We’ll be okay, you’ll see.’

Loud vibrating rings from my phone interrupt my courage-building speech. I fumble in my pocket to find it.

‘It’s Mark,’ I say, almost dropping the phone.

I clutch my chest and tug my clothes away from my skin. I’m suddenly way too hot and breathing is hurting my throat. ‘What will I do?’ I yelp.

‘Answer it,’ Ava insists.

‘No way.’

‘Answer it,’ she shouts. ‘We can find out where he is.’

‘As if he is going to tell us that.’

What the hell did Ava think Mark was going to say? ‘
I’m just coming off the main road; I’ll be there to kill you in about five minutes. Stay where you are.’

The ringing stops and eerie silence hangs in the air.