No Life But This (28 page)

I blinked at him. Screaming? It took me a while to remember what the word meant.

Quin stared at me for a long time, and then, to my surprise, his face crumpled. His hand clenched mine and he started to cry. There was no anger at all in his mind. Nothing
but grief. He thought I was gone. He had finally lost me, and he wasn’t going to be able to pull me back, because he didn’t have my power. My brain waves had spent the last twenty-four hours displaying nothing but static, and everyone thought I – my personality – had been erased. It was the last straw.

So much sorrow. Was this even Quin? Yes. Yes, it was. A tested, tried and tired Quin, who had
been through hell and back in just a few days. Very, very, hesitantly I went searching for a word. At first, I’m afraid all I could find was,
‘You?’

Quin’s head snapped up and he looked at me. ‘Otto?’

Otto. Quin.
You
, in this instance was,
‘Quin?’

‘Yes!’ Quin hissed. ‘Oh, god! Oh, thank god.’ His relief was palpable.

Words were coming back now. I remembered. I needed them. Words were very,
very important. Things were falling back into place now that I was fully conscious.
‘What happened? The riots?’

Quin shook his head, dismissing it. ‘They’re done for now. Everyone’s safe for the moment.’

‘Rose?’

Quin almost smiled. ‘Mr Zellwegger made her go lie down. She’s been sitting here for the last twenty hours. I said I’d spell her.’

‘What happened?’

‘You passed out when you touched
the water, Rose says. I’m not surprised.’ He swallowed. ‘I … I’ve been with the
harvestaras
. You have no idea … Otto, they knew. They had to have known. You, me, they’re why they made us. The
harvestaras
are like us!’

I shook my head.
‘No, they’re not,’
I told him. ‘
They’re more like … like Nabiki. She was changed by being with me. They’re people who have been in perpetual close contact with …’
And the memory of the
I
superseded all other thought again. Quin grunted as I hit him with even a portion of it, and tried to let go of my hand. I snapped it shut, like closing a door. It was easy. I had more control over my mind than I ever had before. I took a deep breath before I told him, ‘
It’s been affecting their minds for generations now, thinking, feeling, trying so hard to be understood.
But it had no words. This moon is alive, Quin. A single being. A person!
’

Quin nodded. To my surprise, he was not wholly shocked. ‘The
harvestaras
said much the same,’ he told me. ‘But with them, it’s like a religion. They don’t know, they just believe it.’ He hung his head. ‘I thought I’d killed you.’

That last seemed disconnected, but really it wasn’t. It was the thought that had been pounding
repeatedly in his head for the past two days. He didn’t ask for forgiveness. He didn’t have to. The need for it was burning in every corner of his mind.

‘Quin,
’ I sent to him.
‘I’m your brother.’

There was really nothing else that needed to be said.

‘You are?’ Quin asked. ‘You really are? The doctors say your brain waves don’t look remotely human anymore. I didn’t think you were going to come
back. Not this time.’

I didn’t know what my brain waves were doing, but I was beginning to feel more like me. Properly me, even. Not dying and not insane. But there was something different. Something … clear …
‘What’s happened to my brain?
’

Quin shook his head. ‘The doctors are still trying to work that out. Dr Zellwegger says your cellular structure has stabilized, and Dr Shiva – she says your
mind … your brain waves don’t make any sense anymore. They say what they’re reading is more like what happens in the open ocean out there.’

That made sense. ‘
But the rest of me is fine?’

‘Blood pressure, heart rate, organ function, all normal as far as they can see. Rose was a little weird for a bit, but she’s normal now, too. She said you were … I don’t know. Screaming at her as she dragged
you through the water. Like, rock concert level screaming at her. Mr Zellwegger had her checked out, but she seems to have gone back to normal – or as normal as she ever is.’

‘
So he’s alive, too?’

Quin looked down. ‘Yeah.’

‘
We thought you’d killed him.’

Quin stared at me evenly. ‘I thought I was going to.’ He shrugged. ‘It was what I’d set off to do.’ He looked down. ‘I met these
harvestaras
, and they were … so happy to see me. They’ve been waiting for us – for you, really, but they honour me, too. They didn’t tell me everything when I first met them, but they made it clear they wanted to meet you. While you were sleeping, I went and told them that Captain Jagan was coming, and that there was going to be this grand ball at the train station. I didn’t realize …’ He stopped. ‘Maybe I
did. I didn’t want some stupid party – I wanted them to call it off. Maybe a security breach would make them grow up. And then after I met those rich goblins, it was so much worse. I knew Jamal was a sped, I didn’t realize his entire family were parasites. And you were so sick. When I realized how far gone you were, I … I think I went a little crazy myself. I went off again and I told the rebels,
and they panicked. They told me they’d set up a bomb at the party. I told them I couldn’t let them kill you, and they let me go. They said I could go save you, if I wanted.’ He sighed. ‘Maybe I should have just told Captain Jagan, but I hated them all so much. I just knew I had to go get you. I screwed up.’ He stood up, angry again. ‘And then I totally lost it. They lied to me! Jagan told the news
service that you’d been killed in the blast.’

‘
He thought I was involved,’
I signed to him. ‘
Maybe he thought it would flush you out of hiding.’

‘Yeah, well, it didn’t,’ Quin muttered. ‘Then that old man just walks out into the lions’ den, telling them he’s looking for me.’ Quin shook his head. ‘For
me!
Since when does he give squitch about me? What has he got, a death wish?’

‘
Yes,’
I told
him honestly. ‘
He hates himself a thousand times more than you ever could. But that’s a secret.’

Quin looked at me. I’d never told him anything I’d ever read in anyone’s mind before – and I probably never would again – but it changed Quin’s face. It softened. ‘I guess I can see that. He said it was just that he’d … remembered he was responsible for me. I took it the wrong way, I think. I told
them he deserved to die. Then they did this … press conference, and they told
me
to kill him!’

‘
I know,’
I signed. ‘
You turned off the camera.’

‘I needed time to think,’ Quin said. ‘I thought about 49, and you, and Una and all the other dead ones. And the simple ones, and poor Penny with her emotional damage, and Tristan never allowed at the Olympics, no matter how good she gets. I
wanted
him
dead. I wanted someone to pay for all that. And I told him that, and then he told me you weren’t dead.’ Quin shook his head. ‘I had thought I already had blood on my hands. I thought I’d killed you – or at least let you die. When he said I didn’t, I just … I realized I didn’t have to do it. I mean, I’m angry, I’m always going to be angry. I know what I am,’ he said, looking at me. ‘You know what
I am,’ he added. ‘I’m never going to be able to stop … this.’ He closed his hand into a fist, then he bit his knuckle. ‘But I don’t have to be a killer, do I.’ He took a deep breath. ‘So I told them to talk to him.’

‘
Told them?’
I asked.

‘Okay, I talked them into it,’ Quin said. ‘I guess I never realized before what kind of power I
did
have. I mean, with all of you with all this magicky mind-reading
stuff, I’d forgotten that most people control others’ minds just with words.’ He shrugged. ‘I have words.’

‘
I know,
’ I signed. ‘
I’ve always been jealous of you, because of it.’

Quin paused, and then made a gesture, something between a salute, and the signs for
you’re welcome
and
I know.

‘I talked to them,’ he said. ‘I know how it feels to be angry, and they’re angry. Oh, they are so angry.
But I persuaded them that if I was willing to abandon my anger for a bit, they could, too. Mr Zellwegger wasn’t Captain Jagan. Maybe he was right. Maybe they just needed to talk.’

I looked at Quin’s hand, and his cut, and how he held his head. Quin had changed. Quin was a soldier now. A soldier for his people. A leader. He didn’t really know it yet, but I knew it. As surely as I knew who I was,
and who Rose was, and who everyone had to be. The
I
, I realized, had done things to my perception.

Quin went on. Negotiating the harvesters’ demands had been more difficult for the old man than placating Quin. He and the rebels had gone off to talk, and Quin had gone off to try and find me. ‘Your passive little princess is a lot stronger than she looks!’ Quin said. ‘If Mr Zellwegger hadn’t been
there to call those Plastines off, they would have killed me. What was she thinking?’

‘
You got her angry,’
I told Quin with a bit of a smile. ‘
Don’t get Rose angry. She melted a Plastine once, all on her own.’

‘Yeah, well, she got me shot.’

‘
Yes,’
I signed simply.

Quin glared at me. ‘She nearly started a war, and got you all killed. When that rebel threw the bomb after you, I broke my hand
on his jaw, I was so angry.’

‘
That’s not her fault. To be fair, you weren’t being very clear in your communication. You should have started the negotiations off with, “I didn’t kill him”.’

Quin rolled his eyes. ‘How was I supposed to know she was suddenly interested in the news? She never has been before.’

‘
Don’t dismiss her.
’

‘Don’t worry,’ he said with a grin. ‘No one’s ever going to make
that mistake again. Not after her heroic swim. You know she sinks like a stone, she’s got so little body weight? I mean … how?’ He gestured to me, and how much bigger I was than her. How had she managed to drag me through below-freezing temperatures while I was mentally screaming at her?

‘
She’s determined.’

‘Clearly. I watched the whole thing. I was sure you were dead. By the time I came down,
you were totally out. We were both so worried, we just … didn’t talk about any of it. It was like none of it had ever happened.’

They had sat by my bedside, hoping I’d come out of it. Neither of them had been sure I would. They’d talked, Quin said, but he wouldn’t say about what. They seemed to have come to a full truce. I was more important, anyway. They took turns holding my hand, trying to
call me back. They weren’t sure if they could. My brain waves had changed. My entire mental structure had shifted subtly to better match that of the conditions in the Europan ocean. In short, I was like the
I
now. A true child of the
I
. And I would never think as a human being again.

Once I could sit up, I called a meeting between myself and Quin, Mr Zellwegger, Dr Zellwegger, Rose, the
harvestara
leader that Mr Zellwegger had negotiated with, and all three city captains. I’d written up what needed to be said, and gave it to Quin. I arranged to have the meeting in the icebreaker bay of Diamond Caverns – the Crystal Village being too damaged among the ice villages to host a summit. Then I told him to set up a camera, and I put it on a live feed.

‘My brother called this meeting to act as
ambassador,’ Quin told them. ‘The moon of Europa is calling for a truce.’

‘What?’ Captain Jagan was annoyed.

‘The moon is alive,’ Quin said. ‘Otto has communicated with it. And moreover,’ he looked Dr Zellwegger square in the face, ‘you must have known he would have.’

Dr Zellwegger looked confused. ‘Why me? What are you looking at me for?’

‘The EPs were created as human beings capable of communication
with another being on a cellular level,’ Quin explained. ‘There’s only one reason why anyone would need to create such a thing. There was something you needed to communicate with, on a cellular level. Which meant you knew – or someone knew – that this planet was alive, and was trying to communicate.’

‘That’s one crackpot theory out of a dozen, yes,’ Dr Zellwegger admitted. ‘The plankton comprise
a complex ecosystem, it was possible that there was something more than mere instinct in play. But there are ten other theories equally as plausible, and as a scientist, that one seems unlikely. What makes you look at me like I knew something?’

‘Well, you don’t look shocked, for one,’ Quin said. ‘For another, neither does my rebel friend, there. In fact, all the
harvestaras
have believed that
Europa was alive for decades, now.’

Captain Jagan dismissed it. ‘That’s just the religious absurdity of a radical fringe.’

‘Which someone believed so whole-heartedly that they invested tens of billions of credits, and condemned a hundred lives to inhuman cellular vivisection,’ Quin said acidly. ‘Doesn’t sound like a radical fringe to me.’ He looked around. ‘And the fact that none of you are
saying that it’s nonsense leads me to think that you believe Otto. Which means part of you already believed it before we said it.’

Jagan just looked disgusted. ‘I am simply listening to what you children have to say,’ he said. ‘Though why the UniCorp executive is so willing to be led by children’s mysticism is beyond me.’ He looked daggers at Xavier.

‘And I don’t know any such thing,’ Dr Zellwegger
added. ‘I’m a scientist. I’d need more proof before I’d believe something so extreme.’

‘But you do believe it,’ Rose said. ‘You helped implement this whole thing.’

‘What are you accusing me of?’ Ted said. ‘I was still in gradschool when this … project was instigated.’

I looked over at Rose and she sighed. I’d explained the whole tangled problem to her as I’d explained it to Quin. It made her
sad to think that Xavier’s son might have been just as corrupt as his father. Xavier had complicated reasons for the mistakes he’d made. She didn’t want to think about what Ted might have done, and why. ‘There was never any treatment,’ Rose said. ‘Was there. You brought Otto up here only because he was dying, and it was the last chance to see if the experiment would work.’