No Longer Mine (5 page)

No Longer Mine

“Jamie,” she said again, this time biting the woman’s name off. “So…when did this happen? How long has it been going on?”

How long have you been making a fool of me?

“Nikki, don’t…”

“Don’t what?” she demanded. “Don’t ask for details? Considering you just destroyed me with this little bit of information, I think I have right to know some details.” Her voice rose with each word until she was shouting.

Wade flinched as she became more graphic, looking disgusted with himself for doing to this to her.

“Nikki,” he said, his voice pleading. “I was drunk, so damn drunk I don’t even remember it. I didn’t know what in the hell I was doing. Hell, I was probably too drunk to remember my own name.”

“You’d obviously forgotten mine,” she snarled. Her gaze dropped briefly to the region of his fly and she bitterly added, “And you obviously weren’t too drunk to get it up, were you?” Blinded by tears, she stumbled into the living room. She scrubbed them away.
Hold it together. Hold
it together.
She had to. For a little while, at least. She took a deep breath, trying to force some air into her tight lungs, but the knot in her throat made it almost impossible.

She had to know. She hated herself for it, but she absolutely had to know. Turning to face him, she asked quietly, “Tell me something. Is she the first? Or just the most recent?”

“It only happened that one time, Nik. Just the one time. That one time. I swear to God. I wouldn’t have hurt you like that,” Wade insisted, moving cautiously to stand closer to her.

Looking into his bleak eyes, Nikki cursed herself for being a fool. If she had learned anything from her father, it was that things like this seldom happened “just once”. But she believed him.

It didn’t make the pain any easier to bear.

She bit back against the wave of agony that rolled through her like a bout of nausea as she grabbed her purse from the table and headed out the door.

Wade moved like a bolt of lightning, blocking her. “Nikki, you can’t just walk out,” he pleaded, reaching for her.

Her shoulders rose and fell in a helpless shrug “What else can I do, Wade? What am I supposed to do?

Damn it, I don’t even know how to feel.”

“Damn it, Nikki,” he rasped, pulling her against him, his forehead dropping to rest against hers.

“Damn it all to hell.”

Pulling away from him, Nikki looked at Wade and flatly said, “I am in hell.” With a vicious jerk, she tore away from him, moving backward until there were several feet between them. “And I can’t even figure out what I did to bring this on,” she told him.

“Nikki…” Wade reached for her once more, his hand stretching out.

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27

Shiloh Walker

Nikki stared at his hand, entranced, for a long moment. And then she looked up, met his eyes, mutely shook her head. She turned on her heel, ran for the back door and headed out into the rain. She didn’t know where she was going, but she couldn’t let him touch her. Couldn’t let him get too close. She’d fall apart for certain then…

She dodged a mud puddle and headed for the trees, wishing for the first time that this place weren’t so isolated. A nosy neighbor right now would help. Wade caught up with her, snagged her elbow, and she slid, causing them both to end up on the wet grass. As rain fell around them, he stared down at her with anguished eyes. Removing her glasses, Wade covered her face with kisses, hot little nipping ones at her mouth, gentle soothing ones against her streaming eyes.

Don’t let him do this to you. It’s over. Just get out of here.
The tiny voice whispered over and over in her mind while her heart pleaded with her to stay.
It’s over. This will be the last time, the very last… Don’t
you deserve one more time?

After an internal war, Nikki reached up and locked her arms around his neck. One more time. She had to have just one more time. Hot hands slid under her shirt, stroking rain-cooled skin. She gasped, arching up. A jerk of one of the hard hands popped the buttons on her worn cotton shirt, baring her breasts to him.

Through the damn lace of her bra, he nuzzled her nipple before taking it into his mouth, nipping and licking until she whimpered beneath him, clutching his head close to her.

Nikki’s hands raced down his shirt, freeing buttons and streaking over smooth, hard, muscled planes as Wade fought to free her from the wet denim of her shorts, shoving his own jeans down just far enough.

Positioning himself between her legs, Wade whispered, “I’m sorry, but I can’t wait. God, I need you so bad.” Then he arched her hips up and drove into her, burying himself to the hilt.

She cried out as he filled her, stretching her. Above her, Wade moaned deep in his chest, his body shuddering. One of his hands knotted in her hair. The other caught her knee, pulling it up, opening her body. He slid deeper and she whimpered as he shifted angles, the head of his cock rubbing against her in the sweetest way.

She clenched around him, her nails biting into his arms.

“Damnation,” he whispered. He stiffened above her, then pulled out and drove inside her, again and again, harder and harder, until he was lifting her with each deep thrust.

Overhead, the storm continued, rain pounding down, thunder crashing through the sky. Nearby, lightning flashed. The smell of ozone mingled with the scent of sex and sweat.

Pleasure slammed through her like a runaway train, sending her flying before knocking her flat. Her breath caught and held in her throat and she squirmed against him, seeking more.

Wade bit at the side of her neck, and she cried out, light exploding behind her eyes before everything dimmed. And he kept on moving. Drained and panting for breath, she lay passively in his grip until he reared up and grabbed her behind her left knee, hooking his arms under her legs and opening her body 28

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No Longer Mine

wide, leaving her unable to move. She whimpered slightly in protest, then gasped in dazed pleasure as he fell forward again, driving deeper.

“Look at me,” he whispered. “Damn it, you look at me.” She turned bleary eyes to his as he slowed his pace until he was barely rocking against her, each tiny movement rushing through her like fire. Her eyes focused on his and he rewarded her with a twist of his hips that had her gasping for breath, then whimpering with gratitude.

Then Wade resumed his pace, holding himself back until she arched up weakly, groaning out his name as one final orgasm rolled through her.

He stiffened above her, pinned her hips with his and held her in place as the fire spread from her body into his, joining them.

Seconds later he slowly collapsed against her.

It was over in moments, but left Nikki weak and shaking, feeling as though the lightning had struck her instead of just flashing in the sky overhead. Shuddering, she didn’t protest when he turned onto his side, tucking her body snugly against his while they waited for their hearts to slow and their breath to return. The rain slowed to a gentle mist, cooling overheated bodies until goose bumps covered their flesh.

Sometime later Wade roused enough to right his jeans. He gathered her clothes and tucked them into her arms before taking her in his and rising, carrying her out of the rain and into the house. He laid her on the bed, heedless of their filthy bodies, spooning up behind her, tucking her against him. His arms locked around her middle as though he never intended to let go.

It was after midnight when she finally freed herself. She hadn’t slept. Her mind had chased itself in circles, but there weren’t a lot of choices left to her.

Turning, Nikki paused to look at him, light from the hallway casting half his face into shadow. He looked exhausted. She had noticed the lines of strain forming around his mouth and eyes, but she had attributed them to work. She knew otherwise now.

It had been guilt. And it had probably been guilt that had dulled his appetite to the point of not eating.

Weight he hadn’t needed to lose had melted off, leaving him leaner than normal. There was nothing on him but muscle and sinew.

Gently, she brushed back a silky black lock of hair that had fallen into his eyes. Then, as a sob threatened to burst free, she turned away.

Silently, Nikki gathered her filthy clothes, just as she silently laid her diamond engagement ring on the dresser next to his keys and a mess of coins. Then she slid out of the bedroom. She dressed quickly, donning ruined shorts, tying her ruined shirt in a knot at her rib cage to keep it closed. She grabbed her purse and keys and was out the door without looking back.

If she looked back, she’d never be able to leave.

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29

Shiloh Walker

Now

Nikki came back to herself slowly, sitting in front of the refrigerator, cold and aching inside as though the years hadn’t passed.

As though it had just happened.

She wiped away her tears and shakily pushed herself to her feet. Nikki rested briefly against the counter before moving woodenly into the living room. She had left that night, thinking it was all over.

But it hadn’t been.

For on that final night something had gone incredibly wrong. Or incredibly right. That turbulent night, their bodies soaked with rain and sweat, Wade had planted a child in her. And by doing so, he had saved her life.

Painful as it was, even Nikki couldn’t deny the irony of it all. She was the one who ended up like the interloper, for by the time she knew about the baby, Wade and Jamie were married. She had known it would happen once she walked away, although that wasn’t entirely
why
she had walked.

Nikki had seen the damage that had happened when two people didn’t trust each other and she wasn’t about to start her life with a man she could no longer put her faith in.

But she had known he’d ask Jamie to marry him—out of duty. And Nikki had known Jamie would say yes.

Wade was miserably old-fashioned sometimes. She knew he’d make himself do it, even if it made him miserable, even if it made her miserable.

So while they had gotten married and lived in the house Nikki and Wade had picked out, Nikki had hidden away like the interloper.

But only for a few more months.

By the time Halloween rolled around, she and her family had settled in Monticello in a rented house while they waited for their own house to be built.

Their own house.

Nikki had hit the publishing jackpot—selling one proposed and two completed books, selling the books for more money than she’d ever thought to see in her lifetime.

It meant less than nothing to her. All that had mattered was Jason.

And now even he was gone.

30

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Chapter Five

Wade stood outside the bookstore, staring inside at the display.

It was a salute to local writers, featuring none other than Nicole Kline.

Local
.

He owned the first book in the insanely popular young adult series she’d written, although he hadn’t read it. He hadn’t followed her career, and he hadn’t ever attempted to look her up. He’d been tempted more than once, and more than once he’d found himself on Google, typing in her name just to see what he could find out about her, only to make himself stop before he could do it.

Whatever she had done with her life, it no longer included him, and he had no right to know a damn thing about her, no right to contact her. He knew it.

But it was more than that… He needed to focus on the life he had with his daughter, and he didn’t know how well he’d be able to do that if he let himself get focused on the girl he’d lost.

But ever since he’d seen her in the grocery store in Monticello there was the tearing, burning need to know. Need to know
more
.

He tucked his hands into his back pockets and rocked back on his heels as he counted the books featured. Three of them. There was a TV series supposedly being based on the series.

Idly, he wondered if she was rich as Midas now.

He went into the bookstore to the display stand. He took down one book, the one that had drawn his attention. It was the first in the series, the one he already owned, but it had a new cover.

The rendering on the front was what had caught as his eye as he wandered through the mall waiting on his mother and Abby to finish up their “girl’s things”.

The guy looked just like him—or at least it looked like he had had five or ten years ago, and if he’d been the leather-wearing type.

Opening it to the first few pages, he scanned them over.

As he scanned the acknowledgements page, a knot settled in his throat. She’d always written. Even before they’d started dating. He knew she couldn’t remember a time when she
hadn’t
written.

But as much time as they’d spent together, he hadn’t ever read her work.

It was something he often kicked himself over because he knew how much it had meant to her and he should have supported it more. Should have treated her so much better than he had.

Shiloh Walker

Even though he hadn’t ever read her work, he recognized some of the names on the acknowledgements page, recognized turns of phrases she’d used.

The next page was blank save for these words:

This is for all the people who said I could do it. And all of those who said I couldn’t.

He turned to the copyright page, staring once more at the date there. Staring at it still gave him a shock, though not as bad as had the first time he’d seen it.

That first time it had been one brutal, vicious punch.

It had been almost eighteen months to the day since she’d walked out. Abby had been nine months old and a sheer terror. At his wit’s end, he’d pushed her into the bookstore, hoping he could find something bright and noisy that would keep her occupied so he could finish his Christmas shopping.

He’d seen her book sitting right by the cash register.

Once he’d gotten past the shock, he’d realized he had the answer to a question that had plagued him for a while. She had shown up at his house that last day, her eyes bright and shining with a secret.