No Longer Safe (27 page)

I picked up the phone downstairs, heard the dial
tone and put it down. I didn’t want to do this to her. I wanted her to do the
right thing and hand herself in.

I tapped on her door.

‘Karen, you have to give him back,’ I called out simply.
‘His parents must be going crazy.’

‘You’re wrong, Alice, you’re mistaken. You haven’t been
well.’ 

As she spoke, the pain beside my eye ignited again, as if
she’d lashed out at me. I tried to blink it away.

‘The child is a
boy
,’
I protested, ‘the one who was abducted. I can see that. Anyone can see that!
You can’t
keep
him.’

I tried the door handle, but Karen had locked herself in.

‘I’m calling the police, Karen – I have to.’

‘No – wait,’ she called out. ‘Don’t call them yet. You’re
right – it’s all over, but I need to tell you something first. I need to
explain. Let me get him dressed.’

I could hear her fussing over him and went downstairs to try
Stuart once more. His mobile connected again, but he didn’t answer. This time I
thought I heard a ringtone faintly in the background somewhere. I must have
been mistaken.

Two days before

Everything has gone so badly wrong, I just
want to blot it out.

Of course, I recognised Charlie straight away. I hid
the stool in my room, knowing I’d have to burn it. It was covered in his blood.
Alice didn’t see me take the mobile phone from his jacket, either, to dispose
of later.

No one was going to miss Charlie so getting rid of him
wasn’t an issue. He deserved everything he got. Alice has turned into a
liability, however – going flaky on me and I can’t be sure she won’t buckle
under pressure if the police start asking more questions.

Couldn’t relax once Charlie had handed over a boy. I
did my best – I cut Brody’s curly hair and dyed it much darker – I dressed him
in pink and prayed that no one saw him naked. I did feel sorry for Brody’s mum
for a while – but she has another kid. I have no one.

I fell into a real depression as a result of Charlie’s
unforgiveable mistake. I’ve been using dope and drinking too much – probably
giving the child too many sedatives, but I wanted to keep Brody out of the way
as much as I could. Not been the world’s best mum, to be honest. It’s not his
fault – but I’m stuck with the wrong child.

I went into the hall, about to call up to say she
was running out of time, when Karen appeared on the landing. For a second, she
reminded me of my mother. She had the same expression on her face: pity, mixed
with disdain and a dash of impatience for good measure.

It reminded me of a long-forgotten memory. I’d been helping
my father in the garden one afternoon, holding the ladders and handing him
tools as he fixed the guttering. Dad hadn’t realised I’d followed him into the
house and was standing right behind him. I overheard him say it was a shame I
wasn’t a boy. Mum hadn’t spotted me either and replied without disguising the
disappointment in her voice that it was also a pity I wasn’t gifted,
intelligent or pretty. ‘She’ll never find a husband,’ she’d said.

I was about eleven at the time. Those words had stuck like
thorns in my skin that day and had never fallen away.

I realised, as Karen stood still waiting for me to say
something, that I’d spent my entire life trying to be small; trying to keep out
of everyone’s way, so I’d be no bother. My sole aim in life, it now occurred to
me, was to be useful. Like holding the ladders and passing the tools to my dad;
like stealing the exam paper and spying for Jodie. I thought that at least
would give me a reason for people to like me, because there was so little else
going for me. But all that was in the past. I’d had enough of feeling
diminished a long time ago. And I wasn’t going back.

I wasn’t going to wait.

I was about to turn away and finally make the call, when
something struck me. I had to stay near the phone, but as long as Karen was out
of my sight I didn’t know what she was up to. And Brody – I needed him right by
me to make sure he was safe.

‘Get Brody and come right down.’ I told her. ‘I’m waiting
here right by the phone until you do.’

Present Day

Big problem. Should have locked the bathroom
door! So close to getting away with it – damn it. Alice has found out and my
cover is blown. I need to stop and think this through.

Will have to lay things on a bit heavier now – she’s
no longer the pushover she was at Leeds. At least I don’t need to pretend we’re
friends anymore. Nevertheless, got to think quickly to minimise the damage.

How can she possibly understand? How can anyone? She
doesn’t know what happened to me and how much I lost. Being a mother is a
primitive drive for me – as basic as breathing and I can’t fight it.

She’s waiting – the time has come. I need to face her.
She’s about to call the police. I’ve got to stop her. It’s as simple as that.

I’m ready.

I had the receiver in my hand when Karen reached the
bottom of the stairs holding Brody.

‘After everything I’ve done for you – you’d turn me in?’ she
said. She lifted Brody into the playhouse and approached me, looking broken.

‘Am I supposed to be indebted to you for ever?’ I said.

‘I thought we were better than this, Alice.’ Her words were
soft, enticing, but a voice inside me said,
Enough
.
I wasn’t going to get pulled into this again; get tricked into believing she
thought our relationship was worth something.

Only as this fiasco unfolded had I realised how one-sided
our relationship had always been. I’d confided everything to Karen at Uni and
she’d listened, cajoled, given advice – whatever I’d needed, but it had never
worked the other way around. I hadn’t noticed it at the time, but she’d never
told me anything deeply personal or shared her worries, her doubts, her
failings. It was never equal. We weren’t best friends; she was
my
best friend – there was a difference.

I was always so grateful to have someone in my corner that
it hadn’t been an issue, but now I saw it was all false. When we were at Uni, I
thought I had to ‘earn’ my right to be her friend, but real friends don’t
operate like that. They support each other, share and stand up for each other –
they don’t set tasks and offer token friendship as the reward.

It was time for some straight talking, some home truths.
‘Karen, be honest. You’ve never really liked me, have you?’

Her face dropped.

‘You’ve only ever
used
me. All that chumminess at Leeds was about getting me to do your little jobs
for you and Jodie. I’m deeply ashamed of that now – sneaking around for you,
lying, stealing, spying for you. I did it so you’d like me. I admired you, you
know. I thought you were terrific – so courageous and inspiring. I wanted to be
like you. Now, I’d much rather be
me
;
plain and unsophisticated. At least I’ve never been to prison!’

‘I told you I didn’t kill my baby,’ she said.

I only had her word for it and that didn’t mean much
anymore.

‘I kept trying to work out why you’d invited me here, but I
get it now. This whole escapade was a charade to cover up the abduction of a
child. Unbelievable!’

I wanted her to deny it. To insist that it hadn’t only been
about that. To claim that she’d missed me and wanted to renew our friendship,
but, of course, she didn’t.

‘You knew I’d come, because I owed you for the way you
helped me – and you banked on me doing as I was told.’ My voice was cracking
with anger and loss, but I kept going. ‘You also needed me to keep quiet. You
could be sure I wouldn’t tell anyone you killed Charlie – but I’ve worked it
all out, Karen. You were in on the abduction with him and something went wrong.
You hit Charlie over the head…’

She glanced at the phone; it was still purring in my hand.
‘Don’t forget – you covered up Charlie’s death and that carries a prison
sentence,’ she sneered. ‘If you say anything, you’re going to be in very deep
shit yourself, Honey.’

‘Well – you should know. Being jailed for killing your baby!
Making out you were in Hollywood, when all the time you were locked up in
Holloway! It’s gone too far, Karen. I’m sick of playing the doormat – feeble
little Alice who always goes along with everything. I don’t care what happens
to me – I’ve had enough of owing you. I’ve had enough of leverage and
blackmail. I’m calling the police.’

‘Wait, Alice.’ She reached out, but I took a step away.
‘Please hear my side of things. At least allow me that, will you?’ Her voice
was strained. ‘I want you to know what it was like for me. Will you hear me
out?’

I put the receiver down, but warily kept my hand on it.
Throughout my misty adoration of her I’d never considered what she might truly
be capable of until now.

I glanced over at Brody to check he was okay. He was playing
with the little piano Mark had brought and chuckling away to himself.

She leant wearily against the doorframe.

‘I didn’t know enough about shaken baby syndrome at the time
and there was no one to help me. I was left completely on my own with a useless
lawyer who had it in for me. No one likes a woman who attacks a kid.’

She picked at stray paint on the door frame without looking
at me. ‘I was already two months pregnant when we finished at Leeds.’

I gasped. Of course. If she’d had a baby in early 2008 that
would be right. She hadn’t said a word at the time.

‘I met a guy called Travis one night at the local cinema and
we hung out for a while, but he wasn’t about to ditch his wife and family for
me – I knew that.’

‘But weren’t you with Roland, then?’

‘Only as a fall-back. He wasn’t the father.’

She said it so casually. By now, I shouldn’t have been
surprised at the way Karen treated relationships with such indifference.

She carried on. ‘Mel was always a sickly child and she
seemed to cry non-stop. A number of people – I thought they were my friends –
had seen me fly off the handle about it, but never at Mel herself. I never
touched her. I punched cushions, I screamed, I threw chairs at the wall, but I
never laid a finger on her.

‘It tore the inside out of me, feeling her go limp in my
arms, like that. I fought to get her to breathe, I tried everything…’ I heard
the bones crunch in her jaw. This wasn’t an act.

‘Can you imagine what that was like?’ she said, desolation
flooding her voice.

‘Dreadful…awful…it must have been,’ I said, meaning it.

‘I didn’t know then that it was going to get worse.’

She went over to Brody and picked him up. Straight away, he
became agitated, flapping his arms against her chest and kicking out.

‘Mammaa…’ he cried, pulling away from her.

‘I know, sweetheart…I’m sorry.’

She tenderly kissed his forehead and held him like he was
the most precious thing in the world.

‘The trial was torture – I was trying to grieve with
everyone around me pointing the finger and hating me. Then getting put away
like that nearly finished me off. I kept looking for her in prison, even though
I knew she wasn’t there. I ached with a pain I never knew was possible.’

I let out a whimper, like an injured cat.

Brody reached out for the playhouse, so she put him back and
held up a mobile of feathers and sparkly butterflies for him. ‘I made this,’
she said. ‘He seems to like it.’

She hooked it over the side of the box and returned to me as
I stayed where I was, hovering by the phone. I was horrified to my core by what
she was telling me.

She pressed her fingers into her forehead, fighting back
tears. ‘I don’t know how I got through the rest of my sentence. I lived like a
small shrew, going in and out of my cage to get fed and going back in again to
sleep. The other inmates hated me being amongst them. I wasn’t one of
them,
I was a monster in their eyes. They
could only see me as a child hater, a baby-killer, and they made me pay for it.

I was beaten over and over. They knew where to cause the
most damage. In the end I was rushed to intensive care and they all got what
they wanted. I lost the chance to have another child ever again. I was
pronounced infertile.’

She dropped her gaze to the carpet and I wanted nothing more
than to scoop her into my arms and let her slump against me. But I stayed
still. I knew if I moved I might lose my nerve and give in to her. I had to
stand against her on this. I just had to.

‘Weeks and months turned into years and then my release day
finally came in May and I was out.’ She took a step towards me. ‘I’m not a bad
person, Alice. I’ve just learnt new ways to defend myself. I’ve had to toughen
up. Prison does that to you.’

‘I can’t imagine how you coped,’ I said with conviction. I
held out my arm towards the boy. ‘But you’ve taken someone else’s child – he
doesn’t belong to you. Remember how
you
felt when your baby was gone? Well – his mother is in agony now.’

‘Poetic justice,’ she said wryly.

I tapped my lip. I was thinking back to our first few days
here. ‘When did you do the swap? You were at the cottage when the boy was seen
being handed over.’

‘The night Brody was taken, a witness flagged up a car,
that’s true – but it wasn’t mine – it was Charlie handing the baby over to a
go-between couple. I never met them and they didn’t have the whole picture, but
they looked after the child until the handover to me at the pick-up point,
miles from here, the following night.

‘Mark didn’t take much persuading to head off to the pursuit
centre with Jodie earlier that evening. I offered them a lift and took Mel,
remember?’

I thought about it and nodded slowly.

‘I did the swap after I’d dropped them at the pub. It was
just you I had to worry about, but it turned out really easy. I got back here
in time to give you a nightcap, with Brody already fast asleep after a
sedative.’

‘Why resort to this?’ I glanced over at him. ‘I know you
couldn’t have another baby of your own, but why didn’t you adopt a child or set
about fostering?’

She laughed. ‘With
my
criminal record? Think about it. I tried – of course I did ¬– but all my
efforts were blocked, especially as my offence involved a child. But I made a
friend in prison and she’s been amazing.’

She snatched a breath.

‘Pam got out before me, but we stayed in touch. She let me
‘borrow’ her daughter, Daisy. She was used to babysitters and she’s about the
same age as Mel when she died. Pam knew from our time together in Holloway how
much losing Mel had destroyed me – and she named her own baby Daisy Melanie as
a way of remembering her. I paid for Pam to stay in Fort William while I rented
this place.’

She was tripping over her words, getting it all out.

‘Daisy was just a stand-in until I picked up the baby I was
going to keep. I needed witnesses to see her with me when the other child went
missing.’

She slowed down, her eyes roaming around the room.

‘There were times when I almost felt she was mine. Like
going back in time with
my
Melanie. I
couldn’t wait to do it for real.’

I felt my head shake from side to side in disbelief as the
pieces continued to slot into place.

‘The day before my birthday you said you’d gone to the
hospital…’ I said.

‘I took Daisy back to Pam for a while, just to keep them
both happy. I never set a foot inside the hospital.’

She was looking pleased with herself, even though her plan
had gone completely off the rails.

‘Didn’t the police here want to see a birth certificate?
Didn’t they know you lost your own baby? Weren’t they suspicious about the baby
girl being yours?’

She smiled. ‘That’s where I need to give you the full
picture.’ She stroked a knot in the wood on the open door. ‘As far as the police
know, I’ve been looking after my friend’s child. They knew my history and I
told them I was babysitting for Pam to give her a break. They checked up with
Pam, of course, and everything was above board.’

‘So why the big pretence to all of us that the baby was
yours
?’

‘Because I was going back to London a mother, bringing home
the baby girl who’s been ill for so long. That’s the story everyone around me
was meant to know. Pam and I set this up months ago.’

‘But, the baby’s a boy...’

She rested her head against the doorframe and sighed. ‘Yeah
– and I’m going to have to rethink everything. I might not go back. I might
have to start again somewhere new.’

She stared over towards the window, no doubt dreaming up
fresh schemes for her future.

I wanted to bring her back. ‘So, Mark’s not involved?’

‘No – he just provided some of the money.’

‘Won’t the police back home ask questions? About this new
baby you have, out of the blue?’

‘Why? There’s nothing to link me with Brody’s disappearance.
The police are looking for Charlie – your new friend, Nina, put them on to him.
Pam’s child is back safe and sound. Why would anyone be snooping around after
me?’

‘But social services will, surely? They’ll want to watch you
like a hawk with your record.’

‘I’m not worried about them. They’re concerned about me
harming
a child and there’s no way that’s
going to happen. Someone’s preparing me a fake birth certificate and I can
easily get fake hospital records if I need them – I’ve got friends underground
now.’

I could see how this might – just – have worked, but not now
she had a boy on her hands. There was so much to tell Stuart – it was
mind-boggling.

‘You have to give him back, Karen.’

‘Don’t you see that I can’t face the horror of going back to
square one after all the hope and anticipation, the longing, the waiting I’ve
endured to finally get my baby back?’

‘He’s not yours, Karen. You’ll get caught and it will all be
terrible.’

She put her hands on her hips. ‘I won’t get caught,’ she
said, shooting me a fierce stare through narrowed eyes.

I picked up the receiver. ‘I can’t stand by – even after
what you’ve told me. It’s still wrong.’

‘Don’t do this, Alice. Don’t make me hurt you.’

She lurched forward, but I was too quick for her. I let go
of the phone and slammed the sitting room door in her face pushing her out into
the hall, then shoved a wooden chair under the handle. She rattled it, then
threw her weight against it, trying to get in.

‘Alice – don’t do this. It will end very badly.’

I picked up the antiquated handset again and dialled nine
three times. I could hear it ringing at the other end. Any minute now and the
police really would be on their way, this time.

Then I looked up. I realised too late. I’d forgotten about
the door at the other end of the room that connected to the kitchen. The cord
was only a metre long and I couldn’t reach that far with the phone still in my
hand.