No Matter What (146 page)

“
India
, come on ...”

“Get her out of here, Michael!”

He sighed again, walking over to Layla, gently touching her arm.
 
“I’m sorry, baby.
 
Just give me five minutes, ok?”

She looked at him, then at
India
.
 
“Ok.
 
Five minutes.”

India
watched her leave, waiting until the door closed behind her before she turned back to look at Michael.

“You’ve got no right to speak to her like that,
India
.”

“I’ve got every fucking right after what you’ve done to me.”

“None of it’s
her
fault.”

“Isn’t it?
 
So, that DVD of you fucking her that she gave me six years ago was just a figment of my imagination was it?”

He looked at her.
 
She was so cold, so hard and that was his fault.
 
He knew that.
 
He’d handled this all wrong but he couldn’t take it back now.
 
He couldn’t change what had happened, no matter how much he wanted to.
 
Had he ruined it all over again by doing what he’d done?

“Are you going to tell JJ?”

“Tell him what?”

“Stop playing games, Michael.
 
You know what.
 
Are you going to tell him about me and Ray?”

“I don’t know.”

She looked at him, right into those blue eyes she’d once loved, eyes that had lied to her so many times and she had to fight with her emotions to forget how much he’d once meant to her.
 
Because that man was still in there somewhere, he had to be. She refused to believe he’d never been there at all.

“Did you ever really love me?” she asked, her voice quiet.

“Too much,” he whispered.
 
“I loved you too much.
 
I still do.”

“How can you?
 
How can you love me if you’re doing
this
?
 
If you’re letting this threat hang over my head?
 
How can you possibly love me?
 
What is it, huh?
 
If
you
can’t have me then why should anyone else?”

He didn’t say anything to that and she stared at him.

“Oh, my God.
 
That’s it, isn’t it?
 
That’s really it.”

“
India
...”

“You’d do that to me?
 
You’d actually
do
that to me?”

“I don’t know.
 
Everything’s such a mess ...”

“Quite an understatement there, Michael.”

He looked at her, her face still so beautiful despite the hardness that was now there, a coldness he hadn’t seen when they’d been together.

“Sleep with me,
India
.
 
Sleep with me again and I’ll tell JJ nothing.
 
I won’t mention a thing, it’ll be our secret.”

She couldn’t believe what she’d just heard.
 
Had he actually just said that?

“You’ve got to be kidding me.
 
Are you
kidding
me?”

He continued to look at her, not taking his eyes away from hers.
 
“I’m serious,
India
.
 
If you don’t want JJ to know about you and his brother then all you have to do is sleep with me one more time.
 
It’s only sex, after all.
 
Isn’t that what it was between you and Ray Foster?
 
Just sex?”

“Who the hell are you, Michael?
 
Because I don’t recognise you anymore.”

“Just once.
 
That’s all you have to do.
 
One quick fuck and your secret’s safe.”

She moved forward and slapped him hard, so hard her hand stung.

“Don’t you ever think about your son?” she asked quietly.

He put a hand to the side of his face, turning to look at her again.
 
“I’m always thinking of him.”

“Don’t you see what you’re doing?
 
Don’t you realise he’s happy with me and JJ?
 
He’s happy and he’s settled and you’d take that away from him?
 
If I don’t sleep with you?”

“JJ isn’t his father.”

“His father isn’t coming home, Michael.
 
He’s not coming home, and you need to get used to that, you really do.”

“And you need to get used to the fact that you can’t just fuck about and get away with it.
 
Life isn’t that easy,
India
.”

She shook her head, refusing to get into another argument.
 
She didn’t want it and she didn’t need it.
 
“Whatever, Michael.
 
I’m tired of all this now.
 
Let’s just get this movie finished and move on, ok?”

“Like I said,
India
.
 
Life isn’t that easy.”

She stared at him again.
 
She’d married this man and it had been one of the happiest days of her life.
 
How had it all come to this?

“Maybe not.
 
But sometimes it’s best not to make things any worse than they already are.
 
Isn’t it, Michael?”

He watched her leave, his heart still beating like a jack-hammer every time he looked at her and he was so confused he couldn’t even think straight.
 
Part of him wished he hadn’t taken this job, part of him wished he’d just left everything alone and let her get on with her life.
 
But without her he couldn’t get on with his.

Sitting down on the arm of the sofa he put his head in his hands for a second, pushing them though his hair.
 
He didn’t have many options left now.
 
He had to do it, he had to go through with it even though he still loved her with every inch of his being.
 
But right now she wasn’t coming back to him.
 
Not the way things stood at the minute.
 
She wasn’t coming back to him, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever get his head around that.

He got up, grabbed his jacket and gathered together everything he needed for the day ahead, checking himself in the mirror one last time before he opened the trailer door.

He was left with no choice.
 
None at all.
 
Maybe now she’d realise that.

***

“It’s so cold!” JJ laughed, as
India
wrapped herself around him whilst they waited for her to be called.

She snuggled in against him, her arms round his waist underneath his jacket.

“This is a good day, Joe, believe me.”

He folded his arms around her, the heat of her body already warming him up. “Yeah, well, I’d have preferred it if we could have just stayed in bed, all day.
 
Just you and me.”

“Who else were you thinking of inviting?” she smiled, and he laughed, that deep, wonderful laugh and she closed her eyes as he kissed her gently.

“Well, when we get back to the States we can always re-visit that Vegas lap dancing club and ask that incredible looking dark haired Asian girl to join us, the one with the fabulous legs …”

India
pretended to be shocked.
 
“JJ Foster!
 
I had no idea you harboured desires of a threesome.”

“I don’t,” he said, his mouth resting on hers.
 
“Not really.
 
I just wouldn’t mind watching you two go at it.”

“Joe!” she laughed, nipping him gently, unwilling to bring her hands out from underneath his jacket to hit him properly.

“Come on, baby,” he whispered, his mouth kissing that place just underneath her ear, the place that always drove her crazy.
 
“Are you telling me you wouldn’t do that?
 
For me?”

“I’m not getting into this conversation now,” she said, smiling as he kissed her again.

“So, it’s not a no, then?”
 
He smiled back, a look in his eye that
India
knew was a look he always got when he thought he was onto something.

She laughed again.
 
“Shut up and keep dreaming.”

“Maybe, then?”

“Joe!
 
Pack it in will you?”

He pulled her closer and kissed her again and Michael watched all of this play out from the sidelines.
 
She looked so happy with JJ.
 
As happy as she’d been with him?
 
Who could tell?
 
Only
she
knew the answer to that one.

He watched as they continued to play fight, laughing and kissing and her face lit up every time she looked at her new husband.
 
How could she be so happy when
he
was still so miserable and tired and confused?
 
He was so confused.
 
Was what he was about to do the right thing?
 
He didn’t know, he wasn’t sure but he was going to do it anyway.
 
Maybe it wouldn’t make him feel any better,
 
but he wasn’t sure anything could anymore.

She was giving JJ one more kiss, a long, slow kiss that Michael couldn’t take his eyes off, even though it hurt to watch it going on.
 
Then she smiled at him, this younger man who now had everything Michael had ever wanted.
 
She smiled at him and slowly pulled away from him, his fingers holding onto hers until he had no other choice but to let her go, and that’s when Michael made his move.

Once she was out of sight he walked over to JJ, taking a deep breath as the young man who’d taken everything Michael had ever loved turned to look at him.

JJ was surprised to see him standing there, and it wasn’t an altogether pleasant surprise.
 
Something about
India
’s ex-husband really creeped him out.
 
When Kenny had told him he’d never trusted him JJ could now see exactly what he meant.
 
There was something about him that was disturbingly unsettling and it made JJ feel uncomfortable.

“Do you want something?” he asked, looking away from Michael and out to sea, watching the waves lapping out over the sand, the sound they created a comforting antidote to the dark feeling Michael appearing had created.
 
JJ couldn’t explain it but something just didn’t feel right.

“Can I have a word?” Michael asked, folding his arms.

“Is it important?”

“It’s about your wife.”

JJ looked at Michael.
 
“
India
?
 
What about her?”

“I think there’s something you need to know about her.”

JJ narrowed his eyes.
 
“Oh yeah?”

“And your brother.
 
This concerns him too.”

JJ was getting more confused by the second.
 
What the hell did Ray have to do with anything?

“I don’t understand.
 
What’re you talking about?”

“Come with me,” Michael said, the look on JJ’s face now telling him he couldn’t back down from this.
 
He’d already said too much to leave it now.
 
“I don’t think this is a conversation you’ll want to have out here, believe me.”

***

Ray opened the trailer door and let
India
in.

“What’s up?” he asked, continuing to tidy everything up around him.
 
She watched what he was doing.

“So, you’re quite happy to tidy up your trailer but you leave your own house like a pig sty.”

He just shrugged.
 
“This is a lot smaller.
 
It’s not as much work.”

She couldn’t help smiling.
 
“Is that Ray Foster logic then?”

He smiled back.
 
“You could say that.”
 
He put down the pile of papers he was holding and looked at her.
 
“Are you ok?”

“I spoke to Michael this morning.
 
I asked him if he was going to tell JJ. About us.”

Ray stopped what he was doing.
 
She looked nervous, her arms folded against herself in an almost defensive manner.

“What did he say?”

She shrugged.
 
“He said he didn’t know.
 
He didn’t know if he was going to tell JJ or not.
 
I just don’t know what to do, Ray.
 
He knows everything; he knows the whole sorry, sordid story ...”