No Mercy (21 page)

“I’d rather be crazy and happy than sane and sad any day,” I say after Mickey who’s charging toward her car. Mickey can have that shit if she wants it. I personally don’t see the point in creating more friction than need be. Life’s already difficult enough as it is.

              “Sorry I’m late,” I say, rushing inside Dr. Whitmore’s office. I drop my bag on the futon and give my grandmother a hug.

             
“That Chase is a sweet boy to drop you off,” Netta says as Chase’s car loudly pulls away from the curb. “Your mama told us what happened with her car.”

             
“Yeah, he’s a good friend, unlike Mickey who left me at Nigel’s house after she begged me to go with her. That’s the last time I do Mickey any favors.”

             
“What happened now?” Mama asks as she beats cornbread batter in a large, red clay bowl. I hope that’s for us and not just the ancestors. I’ve missed Mama’s cooking.

             
“She went off on Nigel and Mrs. Esop who of course set her straight, further enraging her perpetually hot head,” I say, reliving the memory. “If anyone can take Mickey’s daughter from her it’s Mrs. Esop, forget biology.”

             
“Leave it to Teresa to start some shit,” Netta says, snapping green beans. “She always wants to be somebody’s mama.”

“This time it wasn’t her fault,” I say, walking over to the small washbowl and cleaning my hands and face like I do when I walk into Netta’s shop. “I can’t believe I’m defending her, but Mickey was way out of pocket today. Way, way out of line.”

              “Speaking in being out of line, I heard you spent the night with that Keenan person,” Netta says, snapping the peas harder than necessary. “What’s that all about?”

             
“Yes, do tell,” Mama says, setting the bowl down. “Your mama has voiced her concerns over this friend of yours more than once, which makes me very concerned.”

             
“My mom is overreacting.” Where is she anyway? She told me to meet her here and then leaves me to the firing squad alone after dropping all of my business.

             
“She went to the church with your grandfather,” Mama says, dropping a bomb of her own. “She and Karl wanted to get his blessing and decide on a final date for the ceremony. She wanted you to go with her but you were late.”

             
“Mickey,” I whisper under my breath. I want to be there for my mom and Karl but life keeps getting in the way.

             
“That girl didn’t put a gun to your head, Jayd,” Netta says, unsympathetically. “You have to learn when to say no and let it be.”

             
“Absolutely, especially to these little friends of yours, including that boy.” Mama takes a cast iron skillet from the pot rack hanging from the ceiling in the small kitchen adjacent to the main room and wipes it clean with her apron.

             
“You keeping your legs closed, little girl?” Netta asks, taking down a stainless steel pot for the beans.

             
“Yes, ma’am,” I say. They don’t need to know that I’m thinking about doing the opposite.

“Well, when you do decide to take that extra step into womanhood do it with all of your power in place,” Mama says, pouring the gold batter into the buttered skillet. “And make sure that you d
on’t give your love to anybody unless you’re sure he’s ready to receive it.” Mama’s so wise and her advice is right on time.

“The grill’s warming up,” Dr. Whitmore says, stepping inside from the back. “Afternoon, Jayd.”

“Good afternoon, Dr. Whitmore,” I say, noticing him notice Mama. They exchange a knowing look and he heads back outside.

“Mama, what’s that all about?” I ask. Mama blushes and continues with today’s lesson.

“Your imagination’s running wild, child,” Netta says, taking some of the heat from her friend but I know what I saw.

“Like all of the women in our lineage, y
ou’ve got all the right working parts. I am well aware that you’re a beautiful young woman and will always attract a lot of attention.”

“Just like your grandmother and mama,” Netta says, winking at her best friend for life.

Mama rolls her eyes at Netta. “
I know you can go out there and do whatever the hell you want to. My concern is who you do it with, and also that you come out of it as healthy as you were when you went in. I’d be lying if I said I felt comfortable with this Keenan boy is all of a sudden being your new best friend when you’re still getting over Rah and Jeremy.”

“When you say it like that I feel like a slut and I haven’t even done anything yet,” I say, suddenly feeling bad. It has been a busy few months.

“No one’s saying all of that,” Mama says, placing the skillet in the oven. “All I’m saying is to slow down and think about the consequences of your actions. It’s like playing chess: Plan three steps ahead and you’ll always win the game.”

“It’s a merciless game, that’s for sure.” I sigh, tired of the repeated heartbreaks.

“Baby, love has no mercy on our hearts. Not at all,” Mama says, touching the crossed heart charm hanging at the end of my eleke. “Love is merciless yet it depends on our ability to forgive for it’s very survival. Ain’t that some irony for your ass? When you go in you have to go all the way in, damn the consequences. At times love will hurt so bad you’ll think you’re going to die. And that’s also how good it feels on the other side.”

“
That’s the truth, Jayd. And what your grandmother’s not saying is that sex is wonderful when it’s with the right person,” Netta says, filling the pot with water and placing it on the stove. Dinner’s going to be delicious. Too bad we still have a few hours before that happens.

“
One day we’ll talk about men and things, but not right now,” Mama says, glaring at Netta who shrugs her shoulders. One day I’ll have to have some alone time with my godmother to get the real talk. 

“
Why not?” I want to hear about the men in Mama’s life, including Dr. Whitmore. Anyone with eyes can see that they have a special chemistry.

“
Because there are still some things you’re too young to understand and I’m not comfortable talking in detail about with anyone your age,” Mama says. “Just know this: Life is untidy, Jayd. What you think is wrong can suddenly become the most appealing decision you’ve ever encountered. And once your innocence is lost it’s gone forever, no matter how it happens, and power comes as a byproduct of this transformation. Good or bad, womanhood is power.”

             
“Just look at your friend Mickey,” Netta says, taking the spirit book off of the shelf, ready to get into our real work for the afternoon. “That girl wasn’t ready for her crown but she has to wear it.”

             
“That’s why I can’t understand how I’m supposed to know when it’s the right time and the right person.” I thought Rah would be my first, then I met Jeremy. That hasn’t worked out very well, and I’m attracted to Keenan but something tells me that he’s not the one, either.

             
“When it’s right you’ll know it,” Netta says, flipping through the pages of the ancient book. She’s the only non-Williams woman allowed to touch our family manuscript. “The stars will align, the birds will sing and there will be no fear in your heart.” Netta laughs at her over-dramatized rendition of losing one’s virginity but I know it’s supposed to be more like that than what Nellie and Mickey experienced.

“Your silly godmother is right about one thing, Jayd:
In relationships, it is the fear that hurts, not the love. Love never hurts, except when people are afraid to give or receive it.”

Well if that’s the case that rules out both Rah and Jeremy.

“It’s up to you to listen to your spirit when choosing,” Netta says, handing the book over to Mama.

“I’
ve always chosen the wrong men. Well, except maybe once or twice,” Mama says, recalling a memory I wish I could snatch up. “But other than that I seem to have made a habit of choosing the same stupid ass man time and time again, just in a different body until I met your grandfather, of course,” Mama says, winking at me. I know Mama and Daddy have had their fair share of indiscretions but they always seem to find their way back to each other. 

“
It is true, the man who makes love to you until you scream out in both pain and pleasure is the one who can lock you down and make you stupid in love if you let him,” Mama says, reading my thoughts. “But the choice is still yours if you choose to exercise it. No need in trying to figure the shit out. It is what it is. The only thing I can do is pray for the spirit of discernment to sit with you, take over what you think you know and show you the right way. As soon as spirit says run, run. As soon as spirit says be quiet, shut up. As soon as spirit says stay, sit your ornery ass down somewhere and be still. Your heart was not meant to be worn on a sleeve, Jayd. Protect it at all cost.”

Talk about hitting two birds with one stone. Mama
’s right on all fronts, as usual.

“Sometimes it’s better to leave love out of the equation until you’re strong enough to handle it without getting handled by it.”

“Okay, ladies. Enough chatter. We have several orders to fill for our clients before we can enjoy dinner. Jayd, please gather the strawberries and baking soda for the teeth whitening paste. Ms. Newson’s about to have a fit if we don’t fill her monthly order.”

I do as I’m told and consider all that Mama’s given me to think about. I wish Jeremy and I could work our issues out because as of now, he’s the only one in my heart and on my mind if I’m honest with myself. Maybe my confession about Cameron’s evil doings on Friday wasn’t such a bad thing after all. The sooner her conniving ass is checked once and for all, the better. Jeremy still has a lot to learn about courage under fire but when it’s all said and done, I choose him. Jeremy and I can discuss our future after tonight’s study session, Cameron be damned.

“I don’t much believe in things I can’t see.”

-Jeremy

Drama High, volume two: Second Chance

~17~

Curious White Boy

Mama insisted that I come back to the spirit room before heading to Redondo Beach for the evening. Mrs. Bennett assigned a test for this Wednesday and everyone’s in a panic, even her favorite students. If it weren’t for Marcia texting me earlier about the Facebook announcement for the study group I would’ve never known. Marcia may turn out to be a good new friend after all.

“What up, niecey?” Bryan asks, scaring me half to death.

“Nothing much. Just feeding the shrines before I head to the bus stop,” I say, slightly bitter that I’m back on public transportation. But if all goes well this evening I’ll be able to count on Jeremy for a ride home. “What’s up with you?” I usher him inside.

“Me and the wifey have plans before I go to work at the radio station tonight,” Bryan says, stepping inside of the small house to check his reflection. “A brotha looks irresistible, doesn’t he?”

“He’s aight,” I say, playing with my favorite uncle. He does look nice in his khaki pants and crisp, white shirt. His braids are also quite flyy, courtesy of his favorite niece.

“Yeah, the wifey’s going to be impressed.”

The sound of Esmeralda’s back door slamming shut causes us both to look out of the window and into her backyard where I can see Misty and Emilio sweeping the back porch. Esmeralda’s got skills when it comes to mind control, no doubt.

“Are you okay, Jayd?” he asks, pointing at my luminescent sight.

“I’m fine,” I lie. I check my reflection in the wall mirror and admire the green glow. “They’ve been doing that a lot lately.”

Misty stops what she’s doing and stares across the yard. Our eyes lock; hers intensely blue and my jade ones shining strong.

Bryan looks across the way and notices the energy exchange; so does Emilio who is now an involuntary participant in our energy triangle.

“Jayd, what the hell is going on?” Bryan asks, trying to shake me free but I don’t want to let go. Misty’s no match for Maman.

“Don’t worry, unc. I’ve got this.” I relax into the powers as the cool feeling completely takes over, manipulating Misty’s assumed powers. I easily maneuver through her thoughts with her none the wiser to what she’s giving up, which isn’t much. Whatever Esmeralda’s using to keep Misty on lock is also keeping my nemesis in the dark.

Remembering my walk through Emilio’s sight I lock onto his hazel eyes and allow Misty to continue her ineffective probing on me. He’s the perfect mule because he has no powers of his own: Emilio’s powers are in his drawings. I can see him drawing veves for Esmeralda’s ceremonies. Both his grandmother and godfather are present to provide the cornmeal and Florida water needed to create the images on the ground. Once his work is done Misty steps into the center of the picture and lends her power to a voodoo doll given to her by her godmother.