No Ordinary Bloke (6 page)

“Why are you asking me?” I pointed to myself.

She laughed. “I thought you might know something of it.”

“No more than you. I rarely date women I work with and certainly never anyone in my department. It’s not good for business.” She’d opened the door to the topic. It seemed like as good a time as any to bring it up. “Why don’t you ask Trey?”

“Trey?” She seemed baffled. “Why him?”

“Well, I’m guessing he chased you, love.”

“No, not really. We met through mutual friends. We’re in very different spheres of the company.” She glanced out the window and then back at me. “And Trey would never be with anyone in his department let alone his chain of command. He’s told me that several times.”

“That’s smart.” What else was I going to say? I didn’t believe old Trey for a second. Back when he started out, he could’ve banged every secretary on his floor, including his own, and no one would’ve cared at all.

When we arrived at the zoo, we started off on the tram tour, but that soon got boring, and I didn’t like being with all the tourists. It was much more fun when we began to leisurely stroll through the exhibits. She was amazed. “This is fascinating. I’ve never been to a zoo with the animals so active. Have you been here before?”

“I have. I came here with Natalie once.”

“Natalie the flight attendant.”

“Yup.”

“Huh.”

You could see the wheels working in her brain trying to figure out what was going on with Natalie and me. I thought it over, and there was really nothing wrong about her knowing.

“Natalie and I have been friends for a while. She’s getting married now. Harold or something. He’s a pilot.”

“Oh,” she said, her lips forming a surprised “O” to match the word. “So you’ve been more than friends in the past.”

“Yes, but we’re still friends.” I leaned over a railing to take a better look at some hippos. “She invited me to her wedding.”

“Will you go?”

“Maybe. I’m not sure of the date.”

“What are you going to get her for a gift?”

“Dunno. Something off her registry I’m sure. I always get my ex-girlfriends a wedding present, even if I’m not invited to the wedding.”

“That’s generous. Why do you do that? I’m sure they don’t expect it.”

“No, usually they don’t, but I like to do it just the same.”

“How come?”

“A gift is a nice way to remember someone, isn’t it?”

She covered her eyes for a second, and when she withdrew it, she laughed. “Really? You give gifts to random girls you sleep with so that they never forget you were once together?”

“I beg your pardon,” I said in a pretend huff. “These women aren’t random.”

“Whatever. You get them a gift so they won’t forget you?”

“I doubt they’re going to forget me regardless, but yes, I think a gift is a nice reminder of me,” I said with a smirk.

Her grin became bigger with disbelief. “You are
so bad
.”

“Nah. I’m harmless.”

“I don’t believe that at all. So about these wedding gifts you give. Are they big? Small? Do they have any special significance?”

“They’re actually rather boring. I just buy something off the registry or at Tiffany’s, and the amount I spend is in direct correlation with how much I liked the girl.”

“I would ask if you were kidding me, but I know you well enough now to say that you’re not.”

“Nope. I’m not.”

“So what’s Natalie going to get?”

“Natalie? She’s special. She’ll get a grand gesture that’s sure to make her husband curious.”

“What’s a grand gesture?”

“It all depends on her registry. It could be all of her cutlery or something like that.”

“Wow. You must really like Natalie. Are you two still—”

“No, of course not,” I said, grimacing. “I told you we were friends. I don’t bust up marriages. It’s bad karma.”

“Yeah, I think it is, too.” She smiled. “So what’s the smallest thing you get someone? A salt shaker?”

“The minimum is usually a breadknife from Tiffany’s or the like.”

“So I’m guessing you have to go shopping a lot.” She crossed her arms. “Am I right?”

“Lately, yes. They seem to be dropping like flies.”

“So will
you
ever settle down?”

Her gaze was so interrogatory that I picked up a rock and skipped it across the pond, avoiding the hippos who ignored it anyway. “I’ll settle down if I find the right girl.”

“What if the right girl hears about your past and thinks you’re the wrong guy?”

Brushing the dirt off my hands, I was matter-of-fact. “Then she’s the wrong girl, right?”

“I guess so.”

“Come on,” I said steering her down the path. “Let’s go see the fishing cats. They’re cats that actually do something.”

As we wandered around the park, we talked more about work and the animals. She talked freely about Trey. It turned out he was from some kind of patrician Upper Eastside family—all very proper and rich. When I didn’t say anything, she cocked her head. “That doesn’t really impress you, does it?”

“Not a bit.”

“Why is that?”

“I hate to be crude, but—”

“Please do. I think you’re at your funniest when you are.”

I laughed. “Have I told you that you’ve got a great sense of humor—especially for an American bird?”

“I’m not a bird.”

“It’s a term of endearment, love.”

“You seem to have a lot of those.”

“I do. Now back to what I was saying. You’ve got a great sense of humor.”

She shrugged and smiled. “I’m a little crude myself. Blame it on my two older brothers.”

“I’d thank them for it.”

“I’ll tell them that. Now get back to your answer. Why don’t you care about wealth or stature or any of that? It doesn’t make sense given what you do and the circles you travel in.”

“I don’t care because every man wipes his arse the same way.”

“Okay, that is crude, but I get your point.” She laughed.

“The funny thing is that my cousin, Adam, is a viscount.”

“A viscount? That’s royalty, right?”

“Aristocracy. Complete rubbish.”

“What does he think of being a viscount?”

“Actually, I think he’s rather embarrassed by it. Always has been.”

“And you’ve never been jealous of him at all?” She stared me down, clearly waiting to judge my reaction.

“Only when I was young. We didn’t have much money, and Adam seemed to get whatever he wanted. I was a bit jealous, but not really.” After all this talk about me, I turned the tables on her. “What about you? Are you impressed by a pedigree like Trey’s?”

“Not so much.”

“Hmph,” I said, not believing it.

“No, really. I don’t care about money or stature. In my job, I’m blessed to work with everyone in the company from janitors to investment bankers. I’ve seen that money can make things easier for people, but it doesn’t make them happier. With Trey, I’m impressed by how incredibly stable his family is. His parents just celebrated their sixtieth wedding anniversary. His brothers and sisters also have these very established, even-keeled lives. That’s what stands out to me.”

“Your family sounds pretty even-keeled.”

“Yeah.” She looked down and stared at her hands. “Mostly.”

I didn’t think anything of it at the time because really, who didn’t have a nutter or two in their family? Even Adam, Viscount Kincaid, had that pervy Uncle Willard that the family didn’t talk about, though they kept him away from Adam and Sylvia as much as possible.

As we walked around the exhibits, we encountered what I thought were wild boars. Allison pointed to the information sign. “They’re not boars. They’re Bornean Bearded Pigs.”

I studied the strange creatures that looked like boars except for the heavy beard around their face. It was disheveled and dirty like that of an old pub drunk. “Jesus those are some ugly animals.”

Allison leaned closer over the fence, staring at the animals as they rooted around the ground. “They’re kind of cute in a way.”

“They have a face only a mother bearded pig could love.”

Just then Allison clasped her hand over her mouth. “Oh my God. Those two are mating.”

I looked over to where she was pointing. Two pigs were shamelessly going after it. I covered my eyes and turned away. “I didn’t need to see that.”

“Yeah, it’s not the best image to have in your mind.” I led her down the pathway, and she continued, “I remember the first time I saw animals mating on the farm. I was six, and it was a couple of dogs. I ran in and told my mom that two dogs were trying to play piggyback.”

“And what did she say?” I laughed.

“To her credit, she gave me the basic facts I needed at the time.”

“How so?”

“I was too young really to be told everything about human sexuality, but she simply said that when I see animals doing something like that they’re mating and all animals do it.” She smiled. “I figured out the rest over the next few years.”

“That actually doesn’t sound like a bad way for a kid to learn.”

“What about you? How did you learn?”

“Here and there. From kids on the streets. My parents filled in the blanks.”

“From both of them? That’s kind of cool. It always seems like it’s the same gender parent teaching the child.”

“Both for me.” I shrugged. No need to tell her that later me mum had no other choice.

After a few hours at the zoo, we were both completely knackered. No matter how many times I thought of kissing her and more that night, I was resolute with myself. From the moment I suggested we head back, I made it very clear to her that we would be going to our separate hotels. I knew that if I wanted to see her again tomorrow, I couldn’t lay it on thick tonight.

“But do come out gambling with us tomorrow,” I said, as she got out of the taxi.

“Sure. I think I can.” Her smile bloomed as she closed the cab door. I watched as she greeted the bellboy. Maybe she was happy that I was making everything so platonic between us. Little did she know.

L
ewis Chan was the most likable of blokes, or maybe it was simply because he was a fellow Liverpool fan that I enjoyed spending time with him. Born in Hong Kong, he went to school in the UK and now lived in Singapore, buying and selling companies. He was always fair in his dealings and never a wanker if things didn’t go his way. Even if I wasn’t working a deal with him, I met with him and his guys, Zhan and Joseph, because we could trade information and talk sports or gamble.

Before we were to meet that night, I rang him up so I could prep him. At first he was worried that I was cancelling our meeting, so I reassured him that we were still on for that night. Then I told him the real purpose of the call, “I just wanted to let you know that I may have a friend with me.”

“I like your friends. Bring her along.”

“It’s actually a lady friend of—”

A deep, throaty laugh roared through the line. “A lady friend?” Lewis asked in a perfect English accent. “You have a lot of those kinds of friends. Which one is this?”

“No, you don’t understand. She really is a friend.”

“Oh.” He sounded intrigued. “All right. What’s her name?”

“Allison Wright. She actually works at Greystone.”

“At Greystone? I don’t know her.”

“You may know her boyfriend, Trey Chabot.”

“Trey! Yes, I know Trey. Interesting guy.” He voice changed abruptly. “So how old is she? Trey’s getting up there.”

“I’d say she’s in her mid-thirties.”

“Lucky Trey.”

“Yes,” I said, disgruntled at the thought. “He’s a lucky bastard.”