No Place for Magic (17 page)

The troll roared, opening his mouth so wide that we could see his tiny teeth and his huge gullet. Ferdy didn't wait for him to finish. He whacked the troll, just as he said he would—one, two, three! Neat slits appeared in the troll's ragged clothes, but his hairy hide was unharmed underneath. However, Ferdy wasn't about to give up.

This troll is tough, his skin so thick—

Defeating him won't be so quick.

Give me just a minute more

And he'll be laid out on the floor!

The troll lumbered as far as his still-caught tail would let him while Ferdy whacked away until the raggedy clothes hung in ribbons. When the troll reached for Ferdy, the sword jumped aside, then whacked the creature's hands like a teacher slapping a wayward student.

The troll growled, unhurt but obviously angry. "Hold still!" he bellowed. "Me get you!"

Instead of going for Ferdy again as I thought he would, the troll buffeted the sword aside and reached for Eadric, wrapping his beefy hands around his neck. I shrieked, then bit my lip and thought furiously, knowing that with a twitch of his fingers the troll could snap Eadric's neck in an instant. Because trolls seemed to be constantly hungry, I thought a little distraction might help. The troll's mousy tendencies gave me an idea for the spell.

Stop that troll, if you please.

Hit him with a wheel of cheese!

A huge wheel of yellow cheese shot out of nowhere, thumping the troll soundly in the chest. He looked surprised, then delighted when he saw the cheese spinning on the floor where it had landed. "Yummy!" he bellowed. Letting go of Eadric, the troll lunged after the cheese, jerking to a stop when he reached the length of his tail.

While the troll struggled to free himself, I ran to Eadric and grabbed him by the back of his tunic. "Come on," I said, trying to pull him toward the steps.

Coughing and rubbing his throat, Eadric turned and followed me. Our fathers were already halfway down when we reached the stairs. Hearing another troll land on the floor lent us speed, and we dashed down to the courtyard, nearly stepping on the kings' heels.

One after the other the trolls crawled over the parapet. As we crossed the courtyard, heading for the keep, the first trolls started down the steps behind us. Haywood was waiting for us, and the moment we crossed the threshold, he said a spell that made the door as immovable as the stone walls around it. Now nothing could open that door until he undid the spell. We were discussing what we should do next when we heard something heavy crash against the door, but it was stronger now than its original wood, and the trolls couldn't even make it rattle.

"What about the other doors?" asked my father.

"The witches from the retirement community are taking care of those," said Haywood.

"The trolls are climbing the walls of the keep!"

Grassina shouted from the entrance to the Great Hall.

"They must be going for the windows," said Haywood. "We'll have to take care of those next."

The arrow slits were too narrow for a troll to fit through, but the windows facing the valley were wide enough. When Grandmother's friends had finished with the doors, they went from window to window, shrinking them so that even a troll's hand wouldn't have fit. Although the rest of the castle might be overrun with trolls, the keep would be impenetrable once every door and window was blocked.

As soon as the witches were finished, we met in the Great Hall to try to come up with some way of evicting the trolls. "We're safe enough here," said King Bodamin. "I have soldiers stationed around the keep, watching the trolls through the arrow slits. They'll keep us posted if the trolls try anything new."

"We're trapped, aren't we?" said my mother.

King Bodamin's expression was fierce. "Only magic could get us out now."

"Has anyone seen the troll queen?" I asked. When no one could answer me, I took out my farseeing ball and asked to see her. At first I couldn't figure out where she was. She was using her nails to climb up a small, narrow space. Her four heads made hideous faces as they squeezed through the opening and she climbed out into . ..

"That's the garderobe down the hall from my room!" Bradston shouted into my ear. I hadn't known that he was peering over my shoulder, so I jumped when he shouted, and the image in the ball disappeared. I knew the garderobe he was talking about, however. It was a tiny room that jutted out from the side of the castle like a wart on a troll's nose. The hole of the garderobe emptied into the valley, making an easy entrance for anyone who climbed the wall on that side, provided they weren't too squeamish.

"She's in the castle?" said Queen Frazzela, her voice high and shrill.

Bradston pointed overhead. "She's . . ."

Then we all heard her, whooping and yelling as she thundered through the corridor
above
the Great Hall, growing louder as she drew closer. Queen Frazzela became so pale that I was sure she was about to faint. "Can't someone do something?" she whispered.

The troll queen tore down the steps, her four heads screaming. Each was wild-eyed and covered with filth. A row of soldiers stood ready to defend us, forcing us to peer around them to see the queen. The closer she came, the better we could see her faces, lumpy with dried scabs left by the troll pox, and colored with garish paint that highlighted her eyes and mouths.

The troll queen fought the soldiers, their swords and pikes bouncing off her as she beat them back with the cudgels she held in her hands. She was almost through the line when Eadric tried to pull me behind him, but I stood my ground and said a spell that would have stopped most people. I didn't know if it would hurt her, but then I didn't know if anything could.

Let the ground beneath her open

To a deep and noisome pit.

Put inside it snakes with venom

Of the kind that bite or spit.

One moment the troll queen was coming after me, the next the ground had opened under her and she'd disappeared. I cringed, wondering if I'd gone too far. I'd never intentionally hurt anyone before, and the thought that I had made me feel cold inside. Everyone froze, listening for some sound from the pit, afraid that they might actually hear it. After a dreadful silence the witches began arguing about who should retrieve her body. My father suggested that I seal her in, but King Bodamin didn't want me to, saying that if the troll queen was still alive down there, she might find some way to undermine the castle foundations and kill everyone.

While the two kings debated what to do, the witches prepared to draw straws to see who would go into the hole. I was watching them when Queen Frazzela shrieked and pointed at the hole. The troll queen's heads had risen over the edge and she was crawling out, dragging herself by her nails.

However frightening she'd looked before, it was nothing compared with how she looked now. Her filthy clothes had been torn when she'd fallen into the snake pit, and what was left of them writhed as if they'd taken on a life of their own. Bulges rippled and slid across her stomach, then over her chest and down her arm. A snake slipped out of a hole in her sleeve, its tongue flicking the air. She grabbed it just behind the head and bit it while the tail thrashed and twitched. After she'd eaten the entire snake, savoring each bite, she used her nails to dig the scales from her teeth.

More soldiers had positioned themselves between the troll queen and the royal family. I'd have to do something before she hurt anyone else, but first I needed some questions answered. "Why do you want the prince?" I said. "Do you honesdy want to marry him?"

"Prince promised to me. He mine!" Fatlippia said as the troll queen stopped short.

Queen Frazzela gasped and began to cry.

"Did you promise the troll queen that you'd marry her?" King Bodamin asked his youngest son as he shook him by the shoulder.

Bradston gulped and shook his head. "I didn't promise her anything."

"Then what is she talking about?" asked the king.

"Who promised that you could marry the prince?" I called to the troll queen.

"Two humans," said Tizzy. "Young one and old one. Came through magic mirror. Said if queen took young prince, queen have husband and human kingdom. Humans warn queen about you. Old one say you come if queen took prince. Gave queen two balls show magic. Young one tell where prince hunt eggs."

"What did the humans look like?" Eadric asked, pushing me to the side.

Grunella leaned toward Fatlippia, whispering, "That prince I tell about."

After studying Eadric a moment, Fatlippia nodded and whispered back, "I see what Grunella mean." Raising her voice, she told him, "Young one hair color of straw and eyes like summer sky. Old one no hair on top and big belly."

Eadric glanced at me. "Sounds like Jorge and Olebald."

"They had no right to promise you the prince," I told her. "Bradston can't go with you."

Curling her lip, Fatlippia shook her head. "Queen not want that one. He talk too much. Queen want that one," she said, pointing at Eadric. "Grunella say he prince, too."

Eadric grunted as if he'd been hit in the stomach. "You can't have him either," I said. "I just married him. He's mine now."

I could have sworn I heard Fatlippia growl. The other heads looked at her as if they were expecting something to happen. "No human tell queen what can and can't do," she said, narrowing her eyes. Raising her clubs to shoulder height, she began to twirl them like a child might twirl a length of rope. The clubs went faster and faster, making an awful whining shriek that hurt my ears. When the troll queen reached the soldiers, her clubs were an unstoppable force that cut them down like grain before a scythe. After finishing with the soldiers, the troll queen turned her eyes on me.

"Kill her, Fatlippia! If she dead, prince not belong to anyone," called the head named Grunella.

Everyone except Eadric and I had fled to the back of the Hall. Unlike my family's castle, however, there were no doors there to allow them to escape. The only thing behind the Great Hall in Upper Montevista was the valley and a thousand-foot drop. "Get back!" Eadric shouted at me, pulling Ferdy from his scabbard.

"A. troll, a troll . . . " the singing sword began.

"No," I told him. "You heard the queen. This fight is mine!" And then I did something I'd never intended to do in front of my new husband's family again. The first time I'd done it, it had made them hate me and could have ended any chance I had of marrying my one true love. Now I didn't see that I had any choice if I was to save him from the troll. Closing my eyes, I said the same spell that I'd used at the tournament and many times since.

The shriek was torn from my throat as my body began to burn. I felt as though the spell was peeling off my skin and replacing my bones with lava. It was excruciating, but when it ended abruptly, I stood before the troll queen a peridot green dragon, more than twice as long as she was tall, ready to defend all the humans in the room.

"Look!" said Ingabinga.

"Maybe we go home now," said Grunella.

"I not quitter!" growled Fatlippia. "That prince mine!" Roaring her rage, she launched herself at me, her clubs moving so fast that they were hard to see.

I reared up, glad that I'd eaten gunga beans and hot flami-peppers only the week before. As the troll queen twirled her clubs, I took a deep breath and exhaled, igniting her clothes, her hair, and the banners hanging on the walls behind her. The witches in the Hall doused the flames and wafted the smoke out the window while the troll queen began to pound me with her cudgels. I beat my wings once and rose above her now-hairless heads.

Although the troll queen was strong, I knew that I was stronger. With the witches waiting to undo any damage I might accidentally inflict on the castle, I whipped around and hit her with my tail, knocking her through the tables and benches so that she hit the far wall with a crash.

The queen staggered to her feet and shook her heads, then came after me with a roar. Hitting me with both clubs at the same time, she sent me spinning upward so that I slammed into the ceiling. The beams cracked; the ceiling disintegrated. The witches caught the debris before it could hit anyone while I snagged the troll queen with my claws. I tried to bite her, but she rammed her hand into my mouth and tried to pull out my tongue. I shook her like a dog does a rat, so she hit me over the head with her clubs. When I opened my jaws and dropped her onto the floor, she sat up, cursing.

I landed beside her, my sides heaving as I gasped for air. "You can't have him," I said when I had the breath to speak.

The troll queen's breathing was ragged when she wiped the ashes of her singed-off hair from her unscathed scalp. "I not take him now, but I not give up. I come back later when you not look."

"Are you sure you want him?" I asked.

Trying to turn Eadric into a dragon would surely kill him, but there was something that I could do that might work just as well. While the queen pushed herself off the floor, I thought of the magic that Olebald Wizard had used in the battle against my father's army. His dragons had been illusions, complete except for their lack of a dragony smell. I could use something like it, but only if the troll queen wasn't as observant as I had been.

"Psst,
Eadric," I whispered. "Just play along."

"What are you planning?" he asked.

"You'll understand in a minute," I said, and I whispered the spell that seemed to transform Eadric.

The dragon appeared so suddenly that all four of the troll queen's heads gasped. He was an orange dragon, just as Olebald's had been. And just like Olebald's pretend dragons, he was huge. When he reared back, his head nearly touched the ceiling. Even though I had made the magic and knew that he wasn't real, I was impressed.

"Go home," said Eadric, although it sounded as if the dragon were speaking. "I'll never marry you. If you try to take me back to your cave, I'll become my true self and eat you alive."

Fatlippia and Grunella leaned toward each other until their foreheads touched. They began to whisper, but I could still hear what they said.