No Regrets (Live Today #2) (17 page)

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep Gabriel.”

“I was actually thinking of going through some of mom’s things for dad. I know he won’t have the courage to do it.” Paisley answers oblivious to what Jenna and I are doing. Jenna stops immediately, turning her full attention to her.

“Well, if you wanted to join us today, I wouldn’t mind going over it with you after the service.”

Paisley shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t think you or Brennan really want me to go.”

“Paisley, if I didn’t want you to go, I wouldn’t have mentioned it to you.” Jenna counters. She can be such a great liar to those who don’t know her that well. When her eyes meet mine, I roll mine. She reaches for my inner thigh, again, but I stop her.

“Stop.” I squeeze her hand. “I will punish you.” I threaten. She smiles and turns back to Paisley.

“You can bring your friends too if you think you’ll be more comfortable.”

“Well, Stephen and Alex have plans on seeing some old friends. Justin was just going to hang with me. Would you mind if he came along?” Jenna is squeezing my hand so tight, I think I’m losing circulation.

“Not at all. Justin is more than welcome to join us.” She tries to say without the strain in her voice. “Will it take you long to get ready? Everyone else should be filtering in any minute now.” I glance at Paisley, and her face lightens up.

“No time at all. We can be ready in five to ten minutes.” She says before walking toward us. She leans down and hugs Jenna. Both of us are in shock. “Thanks Jenna. I know you didn’t have to do this, and I know you don’t really want us to go. I promise, we will behave.”

Jenna returns the hug, but still in utter shock. “Uh. Sure, of course I want you to go.” She lies again.

Paisley laughs. “You do know us Munson’s do this funny thing with our noses when we lie. It’s one of mom’s traits.” She replies pulling away. Jenna begins to smile. “If it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t ever know you’re lying.”

“I… Uh, I’m sorry. But really, it’s okay. We were truly talking this morning about you guys going with us. Plus, I’m sure dad will appreciate it.”

“Well, thank you.” Paisley makes her way toward her wing. “I’ll go tell Justin. Be back in a flash.” She leaves.

“That was interesting.” I chuckle. “You’ve known her for a few days, and she knows when you’re lying or not.”

“Oh, shut up. How was I to know that it was something mom did? I mean, I know Brennan and I twitch a nostril when we lie, but shit.” She sighs heavily.

“It’s okay Jenna. Your secret is safe with me.”

~~~

“You are seriously not going to eat that are you?” Justin asks Jenna as she inhales another hot dog. “Holy shit. I didn’t think girls could take down that much food in one sitting.” He laughs. She fills her mouth and shrugs.

“Jenna’s not your normal chick.” Drew chimes in. “Dude, you should seriously hear her burps. They are way beyond normal.”

Robert and the other set of parents are sitting at their own table laughing at us. Jenna has managed to consume three hot dogs, a large serving of fries and ordered herself some nachos as an appetizer while she waited for our food to come.

“One day we can’t get you to take one bite, and then the next, you’re eating everything in front of you.” I laugh at her while she reaches over and takes the rest of my pretzel.

“I’m hungry. Let me eat dammit.” She growls.

“Slow down sis, you’re gonna get sick.” Brennan argues. Ashley just stares at Jenna as if she’s grown an extra head or something.

“I’ve never seen you eat like this.” I rest my hand on her thigh. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I reach in and grab a fry, but she slaps it away. “Jenna, seriously? Did you just smack my fry from me?” Matt and Willow are laughing.

“Dude, remember that one time we had that barbeque at the beach? She ate like a man in an all you can eat buffet then too.”

“The time she took my plate of ribs?” Willow asks, scooting Danika’s plate away from Jenna, making sure she doesn’t touch the baby’s food.

“That wasn’t my fault. Brennan starved me.” She defends herself.

“No I didn’t, Will and Gabe ate everything in the fridge and were too lazy to go to the store.” Brennan responds, throwing a fry at me.

“God they were such good times.” I snag the fry before Jenna gets it.

“You guys really are a family aren’t you?” Paisley asks a little more serious, but with a smile on her face.

“Of course we are.” Jenna looks at her and wipes her mouth. “When you live in the dark, and someone comes into your life with a light shining so bright that you can’t push it away no matter how hard you try, they become family. We have learned to love one another, trust one another and lean on one another for support. It started with Brennan and me.” Suddenly, both groups get extremely quiet. But she continues.

“Then when dad left, my light went completely dark. Pitch black. Will came in and pulled me out of the darkness. He moved in with us. Matt was with me all the time at school, when he wasn’t with Willow of course. Actually, the three of us hung out all the time. But I still don’t think I was out of the darkness for a while. Then, one day, Brennan brought Gabe home. Things didn’t change immediately, but eventually, we spent every waking moment together. My brick wall was so high in my life, and my light was still dark. But eventually, for some strange odd reason, Gabe was able to chisel away at my wall and he brought the light back into my life. Even though it made Brennan furious that we were so connected, he has to admit that between all of them, Gabe was the one that really brought me out of it.”

Immediately, I lean in and kiss her just below the ear. “I love you so much Angel.” She smiles and leans into my kiss.

“Those two were like gravity, still are. It didn’t matter how much I tried keeping them away from each other, they still ended up together. It got so bad, they ended up finishing each other’s sentences.” Brennan says annoyed.

“God, I hated being around them. They made me want to puke half the time.” Matt teases.

“But you let Drew in?” Paisley asks.

“Well, that’s different.” Jenna answers looking at Drew and smiling. “Drew kind of let me in.” He laughs.

“Jenna and I met in rehab. She saved me.” Jenna was going to argue but he continues. “Actually, we saved each other.” His face turns red. Drew was never one to be in the spotlight. “I knew who she was, but when we met, we both had a love for music. We sang, wrote and played every day. When we got out, she introduced me to the band, and that’s all she wrote. Been with them ever since.”

“And I couldn’t be happier. Of course it probably wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for the accident, but we had to learn that everything happens for a reason. Drew came into my life at the right time. He’s been my best friend ever since.” Jenna winks at him. “Besides Gabe of course.” Her hand rests on my leg. I take it and squeeze it gently.

“I envy your family.” Paisley says softly.

“Don’t.” Brennan says. “We aren’t perfect. We’re far from it to be honest. We fight like you wouldn’t believe, but the thing about us is that there are no lies between us. We trust each other, and will always have each other’s backs. No matter what.”

“No matter what.” The rest of us repeat as if it was a command. She smiles.

“Maybe someday, I will know how that feels.”

Jenna nods and smiles. “Maybe.”

Jenna

We’ve spent the entire day walking around the park and spending quality time with my family. Gabe and I decided to sit and hold a spot for the late Shamu show since my feet are killing me. Dad and Drew’s parents decided to hang with us while the rest of the gang grab some food to bring back. Gabe and I also agreed to watch a very sleepy Danika while Matty and Willow went to the store to buy some souvenirs for her. After about ten or so minutes of humming to her, she’s finally sleeping soundly on my shoulder.

“You’re really good with her.” Dad says sitting beside me. “I’m still having a hard time believing Matt has a child.”

“It was kind of a shock to all of us when we found out Willow was pregnant. We helped them both take care of her. The adjustment was hard, but well worth it. They make cute babies.” I smile down at Danika. Gabe leans and kisses her on the forehead gently, careful not to wake her. “She’s so loveable.”

“What’s not to love?” He whispers. “She’s the prettiest baby I’ve seen so far.”

“I bet they aren’t the only ones that will make cute babies.” Dad says, I turn to glare at him. “What? I’m not saying I’m ready to be a grandfather. I’m just saying, if, or when you and Gabe have babies, they would be the best looking grandkids ever.” He smiles.

“Not yet dad, okay?” I ask.

“Yeah, I’m not ready to share Jenna just yet. And, I want to put a ring on her finger and figure out where we will raise a baby. Plus, if she still wants to sing, we should wait.”

“You don’t want to sing and have a baby?” Dad asks. Gabe looks at me, waiting for an answer.

“I haven’t even thought about that to be honest dad. I do know I want babies with Gabe. At least two.” He smiles.

“I want as many as you’ll give me Angel.”

“Well, let’s start by getting married first. Then we need to decide if we will stay in Washington, or move closer to your parents.”

“My parents?” He asks. “Why my parents?” His eyes travel to dads.

“One, it’s important to have family around when you have babies and it means we’ll be closer to dad too.”

“You do know, that no matter where you are, as long as you’ll have me, I will be there for you and your brother. Will he be with you as well?”

I shrug softly, not wanting to wake Dani. “I’ve never been away from him. It’s important to have him close to us, I’m sure Gabe and I would want some alone time eventually. I mean, right now, it’s not even a possibility.”

One of the visitors walking down by the oversized fish tanks begins pointing to us. I sigh heavily. “What?” Gabe asks. I nod in the direction of the girl that’s decided to turn and make her way up the steps by us.

“Oh my God! It is you! Can I please have an autograph and a picture?” She started out loudly until I brought my finger to my lips to shush her. “Oh, sorry. Please, pretty please?” She begs. Gabe chuckles.

“Dad, can you take Dani?” He reaches and takes her as if he’s held babies his whole life. I smile up at him. “Look at you, all natural and everything.” He smiles and winks. I turn to the excited fan. She’s practically shaking from excitement. Taking her pen and a park brochure, I find an open area. “What’s your name sweetie?”

“Rose.” She says. I sign my name and an endearment to her. “Oh my God. This is awesome. Can I have one from you too Gabe?” He nods and signs just below mine. He asks Drew’s mom to take a picture of the three of us. She thanks us about ten times before running back down to her group.

“That was so cute.” His mom can’t hide her smile. “Do you get that a lot?” Gabe and I nod in unison.

“Usually when we go out, at least once someone wants one. We can’t ever say no. It’s never been our thing to be rude. It will be the one time we do say no, that we will get a bad rep. Figured, its best to live it up while it lasts.” Gabe answers.

“I knew you were getting bigger and bigger, but I never imagined you were that big. I’m so very proud of you all.”

“Thank you.” We both answer just before the rest of the group comes back with our food.

“Mmm. That smells so yummy.” My mouth begins to water when Drew hands me my fried chicken platter. I take a look at what Gabe ordered. He notices my stare and moves his plate away from me.

“Nuh uh. You have your own plate, and since you stole my lunch earlier today, you are not touching my food.”

“But you ordered fries with cheese.” I reach over to snag a fry. He laughs and slaps my hand away.

“I said no Jenna.” He shakes his head. “Seriously babe, what’s wrong with you today?” His voice doesn’t hide his concern, but he tries to keep his face amused.

“You never eat like this.” Brennan states in agreement.

“I don’t know, but I’m starving Gabriel. Stop being evil, and feed me.” I reach again, this time he lets me grab a fry. “I’ll share my mashed potatoes with you.” Deciding to ignore Brennan.

“Highly unlikely.” He laughs at me. “But if I have any food left over, I might share it with you.”

Matt shoves him from behind. “God Gabe, you’re such a suck up. Totally whipped.”

“Shut up man. At least she’s eating, right?” I roll my eyes at his food comment and begin eating my dinner.

~~~

“Good morning Angel, how you feeling today?” Gabe’s gentle voice caresses my ear. I moan in response. He chuckles, “That’s what I thought. I told you not to eat that last churro.”

“Go away.” I groan. He kisses the nape of my neck and laughs.

“Okay. I love you.” He whispers.

“Mmm… You too.” I try to bury my head in my pillow, but know that there’s no chance in hell I will be going back to sleep, especially today of all days. I feel him lift off the bed and a few moments later I hear the water run. With a deep cleansing breath or two, I stand and follow him into the bathroom where he has drawn up one of the most relaxing looking baths. He has soft music playing off the speakers and even though it’s bright outside, he has candles lit.

“What’s the occasion?” I ask, leaning against the door frame to watch his handy work. He stands and turns my way.

“Do I have to have an occasion to treat my fiancé the way she deserves?” He kisses my lips softly. “Now hurry up and get into the water. I’ll be right back.” He steps around me and leaves. I take advantage of this silent moment to brush my teeth and relieve myself before following his instructions and making my way into the bubble bath.

I can definitely get used to this every morning. However, I know once we get home, we need to begin to finalize the album and begin on rehearsing for the tour. I have to admit that this break was exactly what I needed.

“Are you relaxing?” Not even wanting to move, I simply nod. “Can I join you?”

“Does that mean I have to move?” I ask jokingly.

“No.” He slides in. I open my eyes to see he’s brought coffee and fresh fruit.

“Okay, now I’m really worried that I’ve missed something important.” I raise my eyebrow at him. “What gives?”

“Nothing like that.” His eyes don’t meet mine. I stare him down waiting for him to crack. “Today’s a big day for you and your brother. I’m trying to begin it stress free.” He brings the issue to the surface. I drop my head back to stare at the ceiling and slowly begin to slink my way down into the water. Today is the day we officially say goodbye to my mother. The same mother I have not seen in over twenty years. The same person who I thought left us because she thought I broke some sacred secret about us going to Dairy Queen.

I let the water consume me for as long as I can hold my breath. Gabe obviously doesn’t think it’s a good idea because moments later, he’s pushing me up from the water.

“Jenna.” He scolds. “You can’t hide from it.”

“I’m not hiding.” I argue. Leaning to grab a cup of coffee, his hand meets mine.

“I know you’re not hiding. That’s the wrong word. I just don’t want you shelling up on me. Talk to me babe.” He releases his hand and reaches for my foot under the water and begins to massage it.

“I’m not shelling up Gabe. I don’t know what to feel.” I admit. I know this is a huge issue for him since I left with Drew in Kansas.

“How do you think you should feel?” He can’t hide his concern in his eyes.

“What are you? Dr. Gonzales now?” I smart. He doesn’t answer but cocks his head waiting for an answer. I decide I don’t want to give him one.

“Should I have had Drew wake you up?”

“Gabriel, that’s not fair.” I felt like he just slapped me hard. “How could you think that? He’s my best friend and my sponsor, that’s all.”

He shifts closer to me, letting water slosh over the sides. “Hey, hey. That’s not what I meant.” He takes my face in his hands. “I didn’t mean it the way you took it. I’m sorry, okay?”

“Well, how did you mean it? I can’t help that sometimes his company is what I crave.”

“That’s exactly how I meant it. That’s all Jenna. At this point, I can care less who you talk to, but I want you to talk. You’ve been so different these last few days.”

“I’ve been with you and the family. What’s different about that? I’m always with everyone.”

“Well… the fact that you ate nearly everyone’s meal including two of your servings for the last few days is one. And that’s after you went weeks without barely eating at all.” He relaxes and begins with my foot massage again. This time, he doesn’t stop me from getting my coffee, smart man.

I sigh deeply before I begin. “When you answered the phone while we were at the spa, I wasn’t sure what was going on. You refused to tell me anything, which made me angry.” He nods and shifts feet. God that feels good. “Then when you finally snapped and told me about her…” I swallow the knot in my throat. “I didn’t know what to feel. I vowed for so long to forget her and dad. I washed my hands from them years ago. I think it was prom with you when I finally realized I would never see them again.”

“I remember that night.” He smiles softly. “You told Patty that you were glad she was there to be your mom.”

“She’s been the closest thing I’ve had as a mother. But even then, all I wanted was what my friends had. Moms to dote on their daughters.” I quickly swipe away a tear that’s come to the surface. “That was supposed to be the best night of my teenage years.”

“I’m not sure about your night, but mine was pretty special.” He winks.

“Okay, it was pretty awesome having you all to myself for the night with no Brennan or Will interfering. But still, I didn’t have those moments that all my girlfriends did. Even their mothers looked at me differently. That’s why I had no desire to hang with them as much as you guys. You are my family.”

“I didn’t want to come here. You know that. But after listening to Brennan, I decided that I had to do this for him, because he’s my brother. Even if this was for any one of you, I would be right there behind you doing the same thing.” I can’t stop rambling. “He slept with me the night before we left. Not a word was spoken. No words were needed. He just laid there and held me while he cried. And do you want to know what the worse part of that night was?”

“What?” He asks.

“I didn’t cry. I had no feelings. How does one feel for someone they didn’t even know?”

“You know, I sit back and try to ask myself the same questions sometimes. Honestly, I don’t even know how I managed to be away from my mom for as long as I was. I envy you Jenna.”

“Don’t.” I shake my head. “You can’t envy someone for not having feelings, and if I would have known about your situation, I would have encouraged you to reunite with your parents a lot sooner.”

“Well, I do. You and Brennan both. And I’m sorry for keeping my situation from you guys. It only kicked myself in the ass in the long run.”

“It did.” I agree. “When Drew and I left, I was still high, so high Gabe. Part of it was because of you. But I think deep down, the reason I began using, even all those years ago, was because I was finding a way out. A way to deal with life without my parents. Once the drugs were gone and out of my system, I began having dreams. About mom.”

“The butterfly dream?” I nod. He shifts and pulls me into his arms where my back is to his front. “That was a good dream no?” He kisses my shoulder gently. I nod again.

“It was, until I woke up remembering she left the very next day. To a five year old kid, you think you’ve done something wrong. It could have been anything. My mind ran and ran wondering what I had done so bad for her to leave me.”

“I can only imagine.”

“And now, with the video. And a sister.” I huff. “How am I supposed to feel about that?” He holds me tighter and shrugs.

“I don’t know Angel.” I rest my head against his shoulder. “But when you figure it out, I want you to know that we are all here for you. Whatever decision you make, make it with no regrets.”

“No regrets.” I repeat after him. “Everything feels like a regret right now.” He stiffens behind me. “I didn’t mean you Gabe. You are the only solid in my life right now. If it wasn’t for you, I… I don’t know where I would be.”

“That’s because I’m awesome.” He chuckles.

“Uh, okay.” I giggle.

“It’s okay. I know how you really feel about me.”

“You always make me feel better. Thank you Gabe.” He kisses just below my ear.