No Regrets (Live Today #2) (21 page)

“My world changed again when you left me that day. I had sworn to myself that night we were high and you said ‘I love you’ to me, from that point on, I would do everything I had in me to take care and protect you. I failed the night of the accident, because I shouldn’t have let you go out. Then I failed again the day you left with Drew. A piece of me left when you did. I didn’t feel whole until I saw you here on the beach. I was expecting to grovel for weeks, or months. But you forgave me so easily.”

“You are the strongest woman I know Jenna Munson. Last night when you where speaking, I didn’t realize how much we were pushing you. I thought I was doing right by you. But the reality is, I was holding you back.” We stop at the end of the pier.

“Gabe, why do I get a bad feeling about this conversation?” I turn in his arms, but he doesn’t meet my eyes.

“Because, I didn’t realize how much I was holding you back.” He finally turns to face me. “You know that saying, ‘If you truly love someone, let them go’?”

“No. You’re not doing this to me now, Gabe. I won’t… I can’t.” He pulls me into his arms.

“God, Jenna. No.” He holds me close, trying to calm my shaking body. “How could you think that?”

“Because you just said…”

“I know what I said. But you, like always, never let me finish.” His hands rest on either side of my face. “What I was going to say is this. I let you go twice already. And both times, look where we ended up.”

“Together.” I whispered.

“Together. Granted, the first time, you had no clue that I was planning on telling you that the sun rises and sets with you. Instead, I spent the weekend by your side. Holding your hand and praying with all I had in me that you would pull through. Because a life without you, Jenna, is a not life worth living. Will begged me to say something when you woke up. Your brother insisted on my silence. Then when you woke up, you left. And I let you go.”

My mind races to the moment we were in the hospital. “You were talking, in the hospital, weren’t you?” He smiles and nods. “And Brennan said to drop it.”

“You were broken. I had to let you go. And as you know, I went there every day to see you...” He closes his eyes deep in thought. “Then when you left again. I thought that was it for us. I was willing to let you go, even though it was going to be the end of us. Even after we finally became one.”

“I just needed time. I told you in your parent’s living room that I still loved you. But I needed some time. I was angry at you and I was more ashamed of myself for what I had done. I didn’t want you to see me detox.”

“You didn’t give me a choice. I don’t care if you puked a million times on me. I would have held you and loved you like Drew did.”

“I know you would have. I’m sorry.”

“Stop being sorry. I realize now that you did those things for you. You might not think you did. But you did. I envy your strength and your dedication to do the right thing. I put you in a horrible spot and you did the only thing you thought was the easy way out. But no more okay? Talk to me or talk to Drew. But don’t you ever disappear on me again. Do you understand me? I love you Jenna.”

I reach up and caress his cheek, wiping away a tear that I have caused to form in his eye. “I love you too. And I promise, from now on, I will do things for me. Even if you go bat shit crazy on me, we will end each day loving each other. Because, these times only makes us stronger. I’m not going to say this is going to be easy.”

“That’s because you aren’t the easiest to live with.” I smack him on his chest. “Seriously Jenna. Maleficent has nothing on you in the morning.” He holds my head in place and kisses me passionately. “You have bewitched my soul. I know you more than anyone in your life. And you love it. I can tell what you’re thinking just by looking at you across the room. And I know how to get your gorgeous body to come alive.” His hands rest on my ass pulling me closer to him. He’s right on all counts. “There’s no more running from me Angel, wherever you go. I go. And I promise that even if we are apart, and heaven forbid that we are, I will make sure you know how much I love you before you close those beautiful blue eyes of yours.”

“Promise?” I ask wrapping my arms around his neck.

“You better believe it baby.” His lips meet mine once again. Just then, his phone chirps. “Sometimes, I wish I didn’t have this fucking thing.” He holds me tight before looking at it. His body tenses up when he sees who it is.

“Who is it?” I want to give him enough respect and privacy, but I’m more than curious to see who’s interrupted us.

“It’s my mom.” He lifts the phone to his ear. “Hi Mama.” He says. I try to walk away to give him some alone time, but he takes my hand and shakes his head disappointed. “What?” His body stiffens and his eyes meet mine immediately.

“What is it?” I mouth. All my senses are on high alert. The last time he was on the phone and stiffened up was when Brennan called to tell him about my mom.

“Mom, slow down. Okay. Now take a deep breath and slowly tell me. Is dad okay?” He’s holding his breath staring through me. He releases with a sigh of relief. “Thank God. What about Emily? Uh huh. Okay. So, what’s wrong then?”

I suddenly feel a chill run throughout my body as I wait and listen to him. I wrap my arms around myself and he notices me and immediately pulls me into his embrace.

“So, what does that have to do with me?” He asks. “No shit. Well, I guess if you have to. Then go ahead. Okay then. Look, Jenna and I aren’t home. Let me call you once I get back to the house, okay? Thanks mom. I love you too. Yeah, I’ll give her your love too. Bye.” He puts the phone in his pocket and takes my hands. “Ready to head back?”

“Uh. Okay?” I say, a little disappointed that he hasn’t come out and told me what happened.

~~~

We made it back in half the time. He has been extremely quiet ever since he got off the phone with his mother. Irritation has set in with me, big time. We’ve been back from the pier no longer than an hour ago. He closed the door to our bedroom to talk to his mom again when we got home. I decide that it’s not worth the anger, so I take a beach chair and drag it back out in front of the house by the shoreline with a glass of lemonade.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Drew says sitting on the sand beside me about an hour later. The sky turns from daylight to night before our eyes. I’m used to watching the sun set in California, but this is different. “Not gonna say anything huh?” I can tell he’s looking at me. From the corner of my eye, I glance his way as he turns to the sky. “It sure is beautiful isn’t it?”

“Did Brennan send you?” I sigh.

“No.”

As I watch the sky’s colors change before I gently but discreetly wipe a lone tear from my eye.

“What’s the matter Jenna?” I remain silent for a good five minutes. He knows when it’s time to push me and he’s smart enough to know when to leave things alone as well. Figuring he waited long enough, even though he probably knew I would talk, I decide to put him out of his misery.

“We stood on that pier over there and had a heart to heart about not shutting anyone out and to make sure we talk things out. Then he gets this phone call and all of the sudden, he closes up on me.”

“Kind of like what you do to him?”

“Ouch, Drew.” I turn toward him. “That hurt.”

“Sorry Jems, but it’s true. I won’t ever lie to you, you know that… You have to know you do this, not just to him, but to all of us.”

I sit there and absorb his words. I guess I never realized how shitty it feels being on the receiving side of it. “So now what?” I ask. “Do I just pretend that nothing is wrong?”

“You could do that. Or…” He stands up and offers his hand. I take it and let him pull me out of the chair. “You can talk to him. Maybe he wasn’t ready to talk just yet. Maybe he is now.”

“Maybe. But I like option one much better.” He laughs.

“Of course you do. So if you decide on option one. Think we can do it at a bar?” He seems genuine about his offer. “I need a break from my dad. But I don’t want you to go unless you feel up to it. The group is going, and I asked Paisley if she wanted to go as well.” He begins to blush.

“Does someone have a crush on my new found baby sister?” I push him turning back to the house. He grabs my chair and chuckles.

“What?” He shoves me. “She’s interesting, she’s as beautiful as her sister, and do you want to know the best part?” I nod, biting my lip. I’ve never seen him like this before. It’s kind of cute. “I am head over heels for her family already.” He wraps his arm around my shoulder. “Go with me?”

“Okay. I’ll go with you guys. But I need a shower first.” I insist as we make our way back to the house.

Gabe

Our walk back to the house was agonizing. It absolutely kills me to not tell Jenna my thoughts. But until I get a chance to speak to my mom thoroughly about what the hell is going on, I refuse to stress Jenna out more than need be. Even though I know she’s royally pissed off at me as it is, when we made it back to the house, I quietly left her alone with her brother and the guys and closed the door to call mom which I know was a dick move.

“Gabriel?” She cries.

“Yeah mom, it’s me. Now tell me again what’s wrong? I could have sworn you said something about Little Gabe, I still don’t know why you bothered calling me?” I know I sound short with her, but she knows where I stand with that situation.

“Son. I know that Carmen is not your favorite person in the world, but that little boy doesn’t know anything about his real father. For all he knows, he still thinks you are his father and we are his grandparents.” I roll my eyes and sigh deeply. “Don’t you roll your eyes at me either. I always know when you’re rolling your eyes at me Gabriel.”

Smiling into the phone. “Yes Mama.” I plop myself onto the bed and stare at the ceiling.

“After you left, Carmen brought LG over to let us see him. Like I said before, we just can’t leave that little boy and think he isn’t loved. We are all he knows.”

“I know Ma, just get to the point to where I am involved.”

“She came over crying. She said she finally told his real father about him and he got angry.” Why do I feel this is going to drag on?

“How angry?” I ask, trying to get to the point.

“Son. He came up to Kansas from Texas and took him last night. She only told us today.”

“What?” I sit straight up on the bed. “What do you mean took him? Like he wanted his time with him for a few days or what?” I know I have no physical attachment to this kid, but I don’t want him to be taken from the only people he considers family. She begins sobbing uncontrollably. “Mom, calm down. Please... Mom?” The phone shuffles around and now Dad is on the phone.

“Son, is there any way you can fly home? I will pay for everything.”

“Dad, what the hell is going on? One, who is Gabe’s dad and two how did he take him? Why do you need me?” He takes a deep breath.

“Because he, LG’s biological father, took him back to Texas.”

“Okay, I’m still not following. What the hell do I have to do with this?”

“Gabriel thinks that you are his father. He went kicking and screaming and Carmen needs your help getting him back. You are on his birth certificate. Meaning, for now, you are his legal father.”

“But I took the test proving he’s not mine. Why can’t you go with her to get him?”

“Because son, last week, I slipped off the tractor and broke my leg. I’m in no position to be walking around.”

“What? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Does Ashley know about this?” I find myself pacing the room waiting for an answer.

“No, we didn’t want to bother either one of you. I knew you were dealing with Jenna and putting her mother to rest, and your sister was focused on Brennan as well. We didn’t want to disturb you two with this.”

“Who’s running the farm then?”

“We hired a few of the neighbor kids. Look son, the point is, like I said you are legally, not biologically, but legally his father. She needs you to help get him and bring him home.” Holy fuck. How the hell can I tell Jenna that I need to leave her when she needs me the most?

“You do know that Jenna isn’t going to take this lightly at all, right? I mean. So much has happened lately. I’m afraid she will go over the edge again, Dad.”

“I understand that son, but she has her brother and your sister. And that Drew boy will stay with her, I’m sure. But Little Gabriel needs you. He’s lost and alone.”

“You never did say who his dad was.” I run my hand through my hair, internally cussing every cuss word possible at myself. I know she mentioned Danny in the letter, I’m hoping like hell that he was just the guy she cheated on me with. Because Danny is seriously bad news.

“Do you remember Daniel Vega?” He asks.

“No! This is some joke right?” I can’t help but begin to laugh into the phone. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Danny Vega was one of my closest friends in high school. Except he was insane crazy and I was the good one everyone trusted. We were practically inseparable. Needless to say, people thought we were cousins or something because we looked like twins at times. No wonder Little Gabriel looks like me. Shit.

“I’m afraid not son.” Dad explains that when Carmen announced her pregnancy, that Danny left town to move down south. No none ever knew why he left everyone assumed he left thinking the kid was mine. He had a really bad temper and from what we heard, he went off on someone and snapped before leaving. I never followed up with him after that since I was dealing with my own shit with Carmen. I heard he’s done some serious time for his temper.

Shit. Now I have a huge decision to make. I know I have to do the right thing and bring LG back to his family, even though we are not his family by blood. I know Jenna will go bat shit crazy on me. I wasn’t planning on her doing it any time soon though.

“You do know Danny is insane right? He’s put people in the hospital for just looking at him the wrong way…” I take a deep breath. Shit. “Alright dad. Make the arrangements for tomorrow. Not morning, I have to have some time with my fiancé before I leave. Send me a text and let me know what time I need to be at the airport. By now, I’m sure LG’s in Texas, so if you could, have her meet me at the airport, and we will fly out immediately. I don’t want to drive with her. I may kill her in the process.”

“Thank you son. I know you don’t have any ties with that little boy, but he is a part of us still. Even though we have been backing away from him lately, he still sees us as family.”

“Yeah, Yeah. I get it dad. Just send me the info.” I take a deep breath. I don’t mean to be rude my dad, but fuck. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay Gabe. Love you son. You’re doing the right thing.” His voice sounds proud.

“Yeah, tell Jenna that.” I try to chuckle, but it just doesn’t hit my voice. “Love you too.” I answer before ending the call.

I noticed earlier that Jenna had snuck in when I was staring out the back patio and went into the shower. My feet seem to be planted on the other side of the bathroom door. I can hear the water running out of the showerhead. I don’t know how to tell her that I have to do the right thing by my parent’s standards and leave her to go with my ex to get a kid that doesn’t even belong to me.
Fuck my life.

Acting like the chicken I am, I decide to leave her be and join the others in the main room. Once I make my way to the kitchen area to grab a shot glass and a bottle of Fireball, I turn to find Ashley leaning against the counter.

“Everything okay with mom?” She has her arms crossed and she’s glaring at me.

“She’s fine.” I take a shot and immediately pour another. She raises a brow in my direction. I take a second shot. “What Ash? Just fucking spit it out already?”

“Dude, what the fuck is your problem?” Brennan stands and turns toward me. I take my third shot hoping, no praying for the result to hit me fast enough to numb my senses. “Don’t talk to my… your sister like that.”

“Right.” I down yet another shot. “Like you don’t talk to yours the same way.” I slam down the shot glass. “Don’t tell me how to talk to my sister ‘Bro’. Especially when you’ve put yours through hell for years. I could have been an asshole like you were and stood between you two, but have I?” I am pissed. Fuck the glass, I take a swig straight from the bottle and walk out of the kitchen. I need to go see Drew, but I turn toward him to answer. “No I haven’t. Want to know why? Because I’m not a dick like you are.” Brennan and my sister are standing in shock at my statement. Fuck them.

When I turn to walk away, I see Jenna standing in the doorframe of our room. She is staring at me. Her face is in shock at my outburst. This is going to be a long night. Deciding that I need a shower instead of seeing Drew, I make my way toward her. Leaning in and giving her a quick kiss on her cheek and make my way past her and straight into the bathroom with bottle in hand.

~~~

“Whose fucking idea was this?” I ask leaning in to take a shot at the eight ball.

“Fuck you man. Just because you have a major stick up your ass right now doesn’t mean you are going to ruin the night for the rest of us.” Matt snipes. I make the shot and drop the cue stick, grab my beer and make my way back to the table.

“It’s karaoke tonight babe.” Jenna leans into my side once I sit next to her. She’s trying all she can to get me to loosen up. I’m trying. “Wanna sing a song?” Her beautiful blue eyes are begging me to say something. I smile down at her and kiss her nose. God what will I do without her.

“I’m good. But you go ahead. I would rather watch you from here.” I gulp down my beer and wave the bartender for more. The entire bar knows who we are, so we don’t have to do much to get our drinks. Sometimes being in a band has its perks.

She sighs heavily and scoots out of the booth. I watch her ass sway as she makes it to the karaoke stand to put her name on the list. The people around us begin to get excited to hear her sing. I have to tell her about what’s going on, but I just don’t know how to. Ashley walks up to our table and glares at me. “What?” I ask.

“I left something in the car. Come with me?” Even though it was a question, I now it was a demand. Jenna makes it back to the table and Ash lets her know that she’s going to steal me away for a minute to get something she left. I know its girl code for ‘I know he fucked up, I’m going to figure out what it is’. Jenna nods and leans in to give me a kiss before I slowly make my way out of the booth.

“Be back in a minute, Angel.” I rest my hand on the middle of my sisters back and we leave the bar. We make it to the car and she opens the back door and insists on me sliding in. Fuck.

“Care to explain your attitude this evening?” She begins the interrogation once she slams the door closed.

“Do I have to answer that?” I ask rudely. She crosses her arms and glares at me, not budging. “I have to go home for a few days at least.”

“What? Why? Is mom and dad okay?” Now she’s concerned. Forget that I have to do something I don’t want to do, let alone breaking it to my fiancé.

“Dad broke his leg, and…”

“What?” She yells. “I’m going with you.” I take her hand as tears to begin to fill in her eyes. I can’t stand to see my sister cry. What’s worse is watching my girl cry with I break Jenna’s heart to tell her I’m leaving.

“Dad’s fine Ash.”

“Oh my God Gabe, what is it? You’re scaring me here.” She slides over and takes my hands in hers.

“It’s LG. His biological father took him back to Texas. Do you know who he is?”

“Yes. Carmen told me a few years ago. That’s why he left in the first place. He was devastated that you were the father. Wait a minute. You said took him? Like against his will?” I nod. “Oh God. Gabe. Danny is dangerous, like very dangerous. He’s been in and out of jail a number of times with domestic violence.”

“I remember you telling me about him after I left home. I’m flying back home to pick her up, then we are flying to Texas to get him.” I can’t stand the thought of being anywhere near her for ten minutes let alone a few hours on a plane. “I don’t know what else to do. I’m afraid Danny will hurt him.”

“And you’re worried about Jenna?” I nod. My chest aches with the thought of being away from Jenna. A tear escapes my eye, God I’m a wuss. “Oh, Gabe. You have to tell her. She’ll understand.”

“How can I tell her?” I wipe my cheek. “What do I say Ash? ‘Jenna, LG was practically kidnapped and taken out of state by his real dad, some psychopath that has a track record for violence. And well, guess what? I have to go get him because I’m his legal dad.’ Fuck Ash. Do you know how fucked up this is?” The anger inside me finally comes to the surface and I punch the back of the front seat.

“Gabe, you have to tell her. She has to know. Maybe she can go with you.” I shake my head.

“No way. No way in hell will I let her anywhere near him. One, I won’t put her in that kind of predicament. And two, if Danny is still the way he is, it’s bad enough LG is in possible danger. I don’t need to worry about her too. She’s better off here with her family. Plus, they are supposed to be going back home to Cali soon. We have the cars, they can keep her occupied on the road. Maybe I can meet up with them? I don’t know. Fuck!” I yell.

“Well being angry and drunk is no way to deal with the situation. You have everyone on edge. And that little show you pulled off at the house was completely uncalled for by the way.”

“I know. I’m sorry. But, nothing makes fucking sense right now. I just got done telling her a few hours ago, that I would never leave her side. And what the hell do I do? Get on a plane to see my ex-girlfriend that royally screwed me and my family over for some kid that has no clue who I am.”

“You’re wrong.” She states. “Little Gabe does know who you are. He knows everything about you. He watches you every chance he gets. Brags to all his buddies that his daddy is going to be famous someday. You are so wrong Gabe.” Well, now I feel like total shit. This kid who I have only seen in pictures thinks I’m this great dad. When reality is, he’s not even mine.