No Turning Back (37 page)

Hands again touched my waist and I screamed, adrenaline surging through me. I struck out blindly as I was flipped onto my back. My wrists were caught and I sobbed in helpless fury.

"Kathleen, stop, it's all right. You're safe now." The words didn't immediately penetrate my fear, but when they did I cautiously stopped fighting and opened my eyes.

Kade was leaning over me, gently but firmly holding my wrists so I wouldn't hit him. The usual mocking gleam in his eyes was gone. In its place was rage and an emotion I couldn't name. My relief was so profound, I could do nothing more than sob. He released my arms and I turned on my side, pulling my knees up and curling into myself.

Sliding his arms underneath me, Kade lifted me in his arms and carried me out of the bedroom. I clung to him, my face buried in his shoulder as I tried to regain control. He sat on the couch with me in his lap, pulling a blanket over me. My hair was half up and half down and he methodically began removing the remaining pins as my tears drenched his shirt.

I finally made myself stop crying and took deep, cleansing breaths. It felt so good to breathe. The pins were out of my hair now and Kade was gently stroking my head.

Clearing my throat, I asked hoarsely, "What happened to him?"

"Dead," Kade said shortly, his hand not ceasing its motion. I wasn't surprised and I couldn't bring myself to be sorry that Stephen was dead. I shuddered, thinking if Kade hadn't come, it would have been me.

"Thank you," I said roughly. "I don't know what I would've done..." I couldn't continue, the tears clogging my throat again. It was quiet for a few moments as Kade let me regain control.

"Are you all right?" he asked quietly. "He didn't-" I cut him off before he could finish that question.

"No." Another shudder ran through me and Kade pressed me closer. His hands were warm against my skin under the blanket and I curled further into him, savoring the feeling of safety after believing I was going to die. I shifted so I could see his face and the blanket slipped down over my shoulder. Kade's eyes dropped to my chest. I felt the surge of his response underneath me.

"Sorry, princess," he murmured after a moment, dragging his eyes back up to mine. "I'm just a man with a very beautiful, and very naked, woman on his lap." Our eyes met and held and my breath caught in my throat.

"You should move now," he commanded me, his voice rough, and I felt his hands curl into fists.

Abruptly I sat up, moving off his lap and taking the blanket with me. I didn't meet his eyes as I wrapped myself up and moved to the other end of the couch.

"He said they let Blane escape today," I said, and merely speaking Blane's name made it feel like he was a presence in the room with us. "And they know it was me."

"That's unfortunate," he said, "but not unexpected." The look in his eyes was gone as if it had never been, his usual smirk in its place. "We have his key card now, though I think it would have gone better if we'd just done things my way." The slight mockery in his tone made me wince but I couldn't argue with him.

"I'm going to take him back to his room, make it look like an accident," he said, getting up from the couch. "Get dressed. We need to do what we came for and get out of here." I nodded, standing as well. I must have stood too quickly, though, for the room swam in my vision and my knees buckled.

"Fuck!" Kade moved fast, catching me before I could hit the floor. My hands shook slightly as I clung to him, waiting for the room to stop spinning.

"What's wrong?" he demanded anxiously. "Did you hit your head? Did he hit you?" I shook my head.

"No, no. I just...was dizzy for a moment, that's all," I said weakly. Kade seemed to process this.

"When was the last time you ate?" Kade asked.

I shrugged. "This morning, maybe?" I answered. It seemed so long ago.

"You're a shit load of trouble," he grunted, helping me to my feet and steadying me. "Can you get dressed by yourself?" I nodded, my cheeks flaming at the thought of him having to help me dress.

Wrapping the blanket around me like a toga, I shuffled back to the bedroom, Kade close on my heels. I stopped short when I walked through the French doors. Stephen's body was on the ground, his head bent at such an angle that I knew his neck was broken. His eyes stared ahead sightlessly. My stomach rolled but I took a deep breath and gritted my teeth. I absolutely would not throw up in front of Kade again.

Hooking his hands under Stephen's armpits, Kade dragged him to the door. After checking to make sure the hallway was clear, I unlocked Stephen's room and Kade dragged him inside. Grabbing Stephen's security card off his pants, I retreated back to my room, letting Kade do whatever he was going to do to stage Stephen's untimely demise.

Filling a glass with water from the tap, I drank it down, hoping it would help clear my head. Water was everywhere on the floor so I grabbed some towels and sopped it up.

Pulling clothes from my suitcase, I hurriedly pulled on a pair of jeans and a black turtleneck, pulling my hair back into a tight ponytail. I had no tennis shoes so slipped my feet into a pair of black flats.

By the time Kade came back, I felt I'd regained some of my armor, though the memory of what I'd been enduring when Kade had first seen me in this hotel room made it difficult for me to look him in the eye. A mixture of rage and shame filled me and I would have given anything for someone else, anyone else, to have saved me. I knew Kade thought I was useless trash, and somehow having him see someone treating me that way, made it feel more like it was true.

"You ready?" he asked and I nodded, not speaking. I grabbed my purse and we left the room. We didn't speak until we were on the street.

"Let's get some food in you," Kade said, his hand moving to lightly grasp my elbow. It was cold outside, the wind gusting in our faces, and I was glad I'd pulled my hair out of the way.

"I'm fine," I said. "Let's just get to the datacenter."

"Forget it," Kade said firmly, pulling me down the sidewalk. "I'm not having you pass out on me because you're too stubborn to eat."

"I won't pass out," I said through gritted teeth. "I just want to get this over with."

"All in good time," he said. "It's better anyway if we go later. Fewer people will be in the building. Now, let's eat." Ignoring my protests, he started to pull me into a small, dimly lit pub.

"No!" I said, trying to pull away, my voice near panic. Kade stopped and looked down at me, his eyes narrowing.

"What's the problem?" he said, and I inwardly cringed at the irritation in his voice. I couldn't explain it, but the thought of sitting across from him and eating, pretending nothing had happened, was enough to make me want to do anything to avoid it. I wasn't able to be detached, like he was, and knew I would wonder the entire time if all he could see when he looked at me was the humiliation I'd endured. If, in his mind's eye, he saw me naked on the bed, face shoved into the covers, about to be raped. Of course, I could tell him none of this.

"I just...can't," I said weakly, avoiding his eyes. I felt him studying me. Then his hand was under my chin, lifting it toward him. I looked down, refusing his implied request.

"Look at me," he said softly. I shook my head, biting my lip to keep from crying. Two tears slid down my cheek anyway. I felt his thumbs brush them away.

"Keep it together, Kathleen," he said quietly. "Any other woman would have needed a sedative after what that bastard did tonight. You're stronger than that." More tears fell and he brushed those away too, his thumbs lingering on my cheekbones.

"It wasn't your fault, Kathleen," he said earnestly. "Don't blame yourself for what he did."

I did raise my eyes then and I don't know what he saw in them, but he cursed under his breath. Then his lips settled on mine with a sweetness I would never have thought he possessed. He didn't try to deepen the kiss; it was more like a benediction. I savored the touch, feeling like it could heal the part of me that Stephen had broken back in that hotel room.

Kade touched his forehead to mine, our breath mingling in the cold night air. We stood like that for several minutes, his hands wrapped gently around the back of my neck, his thumbs caressing my face, while my hands rested on his arms. When he finally did pull back, I was able to look at him without wanting to bury my face in shame.

"Please," I whispered, "don't tell...anyone...about what happened." Both of us knew who I was talking about; I didn't think I could bear it if Blane ever found out. Kade's jaw tightened but he gave me a curt nod and somehow I knew he wouldn't break his word to me.

"I'm hungry," I said, and Kade's lips tipped up a little at the corners.

"It's about fucking time," he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the pub. This time, I went willingly.

Chapter Fifteen

Kade and I were seated in a corner booth of the pub. He sat across from me with his back to the wall. A tired looking waitress came up to us for our order.

"Water for me, Coke for her," Kade answered.

"Diet Coke," I interjected, but Kade cut me off.

"No, regular," he told the waitress who nodded and left. "You need the sugar," he said to me once she'd gone. This seemed high-handed to me, but I didn't want to argue over something petty.

Glancing through the menu, I tried to find something appealing at this late hour. I settled on a turkey sandwich with a baked potato instead of fries.

"Does the potato come with sour cream and cheese?" I asked. The waitress nodded.

"Bacon, too, if you want it," she said.

"That would be great." Bacon should have its own food group. Kade ordered a sandwich as well and the waitress left us alone.

I sipped at my Coke and grudgingly admitted that the sugar was making me feel better. Even if it was transient energy, I no longer felt like I could lay my head down on the table and fall asleep. We sat in silence for a few minutes before I asked a question that had been hovering in the back of my mind.

"How did you and Blane...find each other?" I asked. Kade's eyes narrowed and I thought he wasn't going to answer me.

"My mother died and Blane’s father’s name was listed on my birth certificate," he said flatly. “They wanted to pass guardianship to him.”

“When did she die?”

"My mother died of cancer when I was six. I was shuffled around the system for a few years. I was on my twelfth foster home when Blane found me."

My eyes widened in surprise and sympathy. Twelve foster homes. I couldn't begin to imagine how horrible that would be for a child, especially one so young.

"Blane's father didn't take care of you when your mother died?" I asked incredulously, my opinion of the man sinking lower every minute. Kade's lips curved in a humorless smile.

"He had a reputation to consider," he said bitterly. "It wouldn't have looked good, taking his orphaned bastard in, now would it?"

"But Blane did," I said, and it wasn't a question. I could tell by the look in Kade's eyes that I was right and he slowly nodded.

"Blane did," he affirmed. Our eyes met and held and I saw again in them the same steadfast loyalty to Blane that I'd seen that morning when he was in my bedroom.

“Blane said he and his father had parted ways before he went into the Navy,” I said. “Was that because of you?”

Kade nodded. “And because Blane wouldn’t toe the party line. The old man was a lifelong Democrat who came from a long line of lifelong Democrats. Blane thought differently and the old man never forgave him for it. Blane was fourteen when he found out about me. He tried to get the old man to take me in, but he wouldn’t.”

"When did he die?" I asked.

"When Blane was eighteen."

"Did his mother know?"

"I'm not sure," Kade answered. "Does a wife ever really not know when her husband is cheating on her? Whether or not she knew about me, I couldn't say. Probably not."

"Did Blane tell her?" I didn't know why he was answering my questions, but so long as he did, I wasn't going to stop asking.

Kade shook his head. "She was a gentle woman. Fragile. And she loved his father, even if he was a bastard. His death seemed to weaken her. She died not very long after him."

That was sad, being so in love with someone who wouldn't be faithful. I couldn't imagine a scenario where it wouldn't matter to me – that I would love someone to the point of looking the other way. It seemed so...weak somehow. I tried not to make judgments on Blane's mother but I couldn't imagine giving up on life when I had a son who needed me.

"You're quite a bit younger than Blane," I said, then paused as the waitress sat our food in front of us. The food distracted me for a few minutes, the smell making me realize how famished I actually was. I dug into my potato, closing my eyes in pleasure when the coolness of the sour cream combined with the heat of the vegetable hit my tongue. When I opened my eyes, Kade was watching me, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards.

"Good?" he asked simply. I mumbled an affirmative response around the next bite.

When I'd taken the edge off my hunger, I returned my attention to Kade, eyeing him speculatively. His brow arched in an unspoken question.

"You're, what, ten years younger than Blane?" I asked.

"Eight."

"Did he come find you when his father died?" Kade nodded, finishing off his sandwich.

We were interrupted by a woman sliding into the seat next to Kade. My eyebrows flew upward as she grasped his jaw lightly before placing her mouth on his. I watched, dumbfounded for a moment as they kissed, my stomach tightening into a knot. Then I jumped and let out a squeak when a large black man sat down next to me, his arm resting on the back of the booth behind me.

The woman finally broke the kiss and snagged a fry off Kade's plate. "About time you guys showed up," Kade said, unfazed. The woman cracked a smile at him. She was petite and lovely with dark, nearly black hair, and bright green eyes.