Noah (16 page)

"Good." He wrapped his legs around me and dug his fingers into my back, rocking to meet my every thrust. "I like it when you call me that, by the way."

I smiled then rolled my hips to get deeper. It made him cry out, and I felt the sticky mess he was making on his stomach. I stroked him as my orgasm approached, wanting us to get off at the same time.

"It's what you are, isn't it?" I groaned as he licked a bead of sweat from my neck. "My musical genius and my baby."

"Fuck," he whimpered. "Yeah." He nodded and kissed me even more hungrily than before, and I could tell he was getting close. His breathing was choppy and shallow. He tensed up, and he shook.

Pleasure pooled in my gut, like a ball waiting to explode. It kept building up, and I went harder and deeper. My sac felt tight, and it slapped against his skin every time I rammed into him.

"Look at me." I grabbed his jaw. My breathing was growing out of control, and it wouldn’t be too long until I couldn’t hold back anymore. I didn't say anything else to him, but I stared. I saw his desire, his vulnerability, and I knew I'd never seen anything sexier. Or more beautiful.

Moments later, he lost it. His eyes fell closed, he sucked in a breath, he gripped my arms, and he started coming.

The sight of rope after rope of come hitting his chest did me in. I groaned and slammed my cock deep inside his ass, and then I lost it, too. I breathed through clenched teeth as I filled him. Every inhale made me salivate at the scent of sex that lingered heavily in the air.

Afterward, I collapsed next to him and waited for my heart rate to go back to normal. I was spent and deliriously sated, and I'd hit a new low of stupidity if I even attempted to say this was an itch I could scratch. Unless the scratching was forever. There was no goddamn way I'd get over Julian.

I couldn’t lie; I was slightly panicked about it, but what good would it do to fight it? I'd tried and failed for a year.

Acceptance. I needed to accept it. It would probably take a while, but I was done denying it.

"I'm going to be so sore tomorrow," he whispered.

I grinned and blew out a heavy breath, my heart still beating fast. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"You should. Damn." He chuckled sleepily and winced a little. "I need a smoke."

"The hell you do." Sitting up, I planted my feet on the floor and held out my hand. "Take a shower with me."

That seemed to surprise him, though I had no clue why. His smile was hesitant. Almost shy.

"Yeah?" He sat up too, and slipped his hand in mine. "Okay."

I pulled him to me and walked him into my bathroom while sniffing and kissing his neck. He smelled deliciously sexy and
him
there.

"This is different," he said with a small laugh.

I knew it was, but I needed this. He wasn't a quick fuck, and I wasn’t running away from what I wanted anymore. I fucking couldn’t.

Turning on the water, I walked over to the toilet and took a leak. Julian stepped into the shower, and I joined him shortly after. I had questions I wanted to ask, but I wasn’t sure it was the right time.

His argument with Nicky was still fresh in my mind. Everything about the extent of their relationship and how Nicky treated Julian, to his antidepressants and why he took them.

Exclusive or not, he and Nicky were evidently close enough for Julian to tell him more than me. There was so much I didn’t know.

It'd been a long day, though. A good one. I didn't wanna ruin it.

I poured some shower gel in my hand and began soaping up Julian, all while he looked up at me with a funny expression.

I smirked lazily as I rubbed my thumbs over his nipples. The one that was pierced was clearly more sensitive. "You got a problem with me doting on ya?"

He shook his head slowly, still studying me.

Farther down, I swiped a sudsy hand over his ink. I'd never really paid attention to the details, but I did now. Everything was in black, shadowed perfectly. A piano was in focus, and along waves of sheet music, I could see family.
Mom, Dad, Linda, JJ
. There was a mountain and a Bavarian castle in the background. Lyrics, his birth date, a chain with a broken link.

A tattooed semicolon caught my attention, and I knew it was a symbol for depression awareness.

Yeah, 'cause me and my big mouth could shut up now…

I started innocent enough. "Tell me about the castle?"

He looked down, shrugged, and peered up again. "Favorite childhood memory. We went to Neuschwanstein castle. Mom was pregnant with Linda, and it was just a perfect family day." He closed his eyes as I moved up to rub his shoulders. "The good times before I knew I was gay."

That shit again.

I decided to save the semicolon for another day. Instead, I continued with the topic we were already on.

"James and Mia never knew, did they?"

He shook his head and opened his eyes again, then went for the shower gel. "My turn." Well, that was abrupt. He cleared his throat. "I shouldn’t have brought that up." I turned around when he gave me a nudge, and then I felt his hands on my back. "I'm—I'm ashamed of some decisions I made in the past. I don't like talking about it."

I mulled that over, trying not to get too into the spectacular massage he was giving me. "We've all done things we're ashamed of, haven't we?"

"Sure, but it affects us differently," he mumbled. "My decisions ruined the latter part of my childhood." He paused as he reached my lower back, and he was quiet while he rubbed a knot I didn't even know I had. "Mom and Dad would be disappointed if they'd known."

I knew a thing or two about that, considering who I was in the shower with.

"My birthday isn't over until we go to bed," he said. "I want more birthday sex."

I snorted a chuckle and hung my head, enjoying his hands on me. It didn’t hurt that he'd gotten to my ass. The hot water combined with his magic touch was outta this fucking world.

"How long are you gonna dodge this conversation?" I asked.

"Forever."

"I can't allow that," I murmured. "I wanna know. You're on medication, Julian. That’s serious to me, and I can't help if you won't let me in."

He hummed and sank to his knees behind me. "Speaking of letting someone in…"

Worst goddamn pun ever, but I lost my focus, anyway. Holy fuck. He stroked a finger along the crease of my ass, and his tongue followed.

"Jesus," I muttered. I placed a hand on the wall for support and groaned when he started rimming me softly. "Fuck, it's been years, baby… Don't stop."

"Oh, I won't."

Chapter 15

Two weeks later

"Someone at security is asking for you, Noah," Lucia said as she passed us.

"I think it's pretty fucking clear I don't have time." I went over the scene again with Shawn, who made adjustments because I'd changed my mind about the lighting. I wanted a sunbeam, a distinct one, a real-looking one.

Lucia came over to the monitor again. "His name is Nicky?"

I grunted, irritated. "Tell him to go fuck himself."

Of course, it was the jealousy speaking. Mostly. And god-fucking-shit-dammit, I didn't have the time. My personal life had no business at work.

We'd wrapped everything with April's brother, her ex slash father of her son, and two parents. All we had left before Paris was Sophie's post-meltdown scene, and it had to be perfect.

"Someone's mad today. Again." Sophie came up behind me with Brooklyn in tow. "I'm actually glad we're doing this retake." She closed her eyes while Brooklyn did the final touches. "I don't think I nailed it last time."

"You can't say that in front of the director." One of the operators seemed genuinely appalled, but he didn't know our dynamic very well.

Sophie scoffed. "I can say whatever I damn well like."

"Diva," I coughed.

I was full of shit, but I didn't care. I didn't need her to point out that I'd been pissy these past two weeks.

"I'll wrap this up," Shawn said. "Shouldn’t take more than ten."

I checked my watch, bugged about whatever the fuck Nicky was doing here. But if he had info on Julian, I had to know. "You have until I get back," I told him, and then I made my way to the elevator.

My PA was just exiting with a to-go cup from Starbucks. "Oh. For you, man."

"Thanks, kid." I accepted it and stepped in, at which he walked over to the panel and pushed the bottom button. "I kinda hate to lose you, you know."

Nothing bad about Julian, obviously, but Michael was like a twenty-five-year-old version of me. He worked hard, spoke my language, and didn't panic or run in circles to get shit done.

"I appreciate that." He nodded. It looked like he was gonna leave it there, but he smirked slyly. "You have my number if you ever need a PA on another set. Or anything else."

I chuckled and inclined my head. "Noted." A local set, though. His being a single dad made it impossible for him to travel, but I'd definitely remember it for local gigs. "Before I forget." I patted my pockets and took a sip from my coffee, handing him a piece of paper. "You said you're going back to school, so recommendations won't get you anywhere right now, but this can come in handy. You wanted to be a sound mixer, right?"

"Yeah." He took the paper eagerly and scanned the list of independent studios I'd worked with. Email addresses that went further than some receptionist's desk. "Wow, this is… Thanks, Noah."

"Any time. If you have a spare minute, stop by at the party tonight." The elevator door was pushed open, so I clapped him on the shoulder and got out, aiming straight for security.

"I'll try," Michael called.

Tennyson was over by the trailers, but he looked busy signing documents all while having the monkey that was Ivy clinging to him.

I was about to break his budget, so I left him alone for now, and I doubted he'd be at the bar tonight. Hell, I didn't wanna go. We had a flight tomorrow, but it'd be rude not to show up. The LA crew was done, so they wouldn’t be around for the wrap party in August.

As I got to the exit, I nodded at one of the security guys to let Nicky through.

"Make it fast. What's up?" I took a sip of my coffee, eyeing him.

"Is Julian here?" he asked impatiently. He adjusted his tie and glanced around the set. "He's not returning my calls."

"I thought he was staying with you." That one stung to bite out.

I hadn't seen Julian in a fucking week. He sent me texts to say he was all right and needed some downtime, but he wouldn’t pick up the phone when I called. Which hurt.

I'd been…a bit different the day after Julian's birthday. Maybe to test the waters, both his and mine.

I'd developed goddamn feelings that ran
deep
, so I'd been sweeter. I'd pulled him close and kissed him, and it had evidently not been welcome. In the days that followed, he'd grown distant—until he left a note one day saying he needed some space to think.

"No." Nicky scowled. "Last time I spoke to him was the day before his birthday."

Well, hell. Now I was worried.

Julian’s last text came this morning, though, so knowing he was okay enough to keep in touch prevented me from panicking. But I made a mental note to call Dr. Kendall. The anniversary of the plane crash was the day after tomorrow; who knew where his head was at?

"I don't have time for his drama," Nicky said, "but this is on the way to my new job, so I thought I'd find him here. He needs to make up his damn mind—"

"
You
need to fucking watch it," I told him. That wiped off the arrogance from his face. "I heard you guys arguing before his birthday, and if you for one goddamn second think you can use him to get ahead in the industry, you've got another thing comin'."

He stared at me hard, his front wafer-thin. He wanted to be the big, macho motherfucker, and maybe he could pull that shit with Julian to a certain degree, but sure as hell not with me. And he knew it.

"Let's be realistic, Noah." He went for reasoning, but it came off patronizing. I wasn’t amused for shit. "This is how LA works, and Julian knew very well what he got himself into. No feelings involved. A good time that also took us places—"

My glare shut him up.

"Where the
fuck
does a good time with you take him?" I stepped close, throwing the coffee in a nearby trash can. "Let me make this clear so you understand." I dusted some lint off his shoulder. "Stay away from Julian. He's got too much on his plate to deal with your God complex. And if you don't? If I hear about you bitching at him like some little cunt again, I'll make it significantly more difficult for you to get a job in this town under your name. You follow me?"

He gritted his teeth, and I didn't think he'd say anything, so I turned around and started walking back to the building.

I should've known better, though.

"I know about you two," he called.

I stopped and clenched my fists. Then I headed back to him, not stopping until I was in his space, towering over him.

"A friend of mine drives around rich fuckers like you for a living." He tried to come off assertive and threatening. "Guess who he drove home after a birthday party a while ago?"

I said nothing, seething. It was strange, but I didn't care he knew. There was even some pleasure in knowing he did. What did piss me off royally, however, was Nicky's agenda.

"I also know you and Julian had a relationship last year," he went on. He swallowed and straightened, as if he could grow in height to look less pathetic. "He told me. I get it. You forgot you were straight, and he got to warm your bed until you'd had enough. You ruined him. And I bet you don't want that to get out." He smirked. "Noah Collins banging his nephew? Fucking disgusting, man."

The only thing that packed a punch was the possibility of me ruining Julian. I didn't know what he'd told Nicky, but I'd find out. In the meantime, I could take my miserable state out on the fuckwit in front of me. Who the hell did he think he was?

I smiled faintly and took a step back. "You just killed your future in this industry. Well done." Next, I jerked my chin at one of the security guards. "Get this motherfucker off my set."

Back to work.

*

"Action!" I checked the monitor, where the main operator let me see April's world and how it was tilted off its axis.

The meltdown was over, and Sophie lay on the wooden floor. We filmed her from a low angle, and she slowly lifted her hand to the sunbeam flowing through the window. Dust bunnies were going to swirl in the wake of her destruction.

She let out a sigh. Peace surrounded her, and she was off in her own fantasy world. The ring she wore glinted in the light, and I nudged Lucia and my script supervisor to make a note. I wanted extra coverage there.

Zooming in on the butterfly ring April's brother had once given her, I waited patiently for Sophie to bring it home. She hummed lightly as her fingers danced slowly with the dust.

"Don't worry, dear boy," she sang softly, "Mommy can shelter you well. Don't worry, dear boy, Mommy can catch you stars." It was perfect. Her voice was angelic but held a note of scratchiness, the only reminder of her previous meltdown where she'd screamed and trashed the place. "Don't worry, dear boy, Mommy can keep you safe. Don't worry, dear boy, Mommy can catch you stars."

The song morphed into a quiet humming again, and I paused for a beat before I called cut. Everyone waited for orders while I spoke with the script supervisor, and when I saw Tennyson watching in the background, I went over to him.

"The lullaby," I said, looking around to see where Julian was. "What do you say about Sophie recording an extended version?" It hit me that Julian wasn't here. I was an idiot. This was what work did to me. I forgot everything around me, and now that the memories flooded back, so did the unease in my gut.

"Recording it for the score?" Tennyson inquired.

I nodded and pushed aside my personal life again. "The next scene is April's family closing in on her in Paris. So in this scene, the song is a lullaby. But it could grow from there as the next one begins."

Tennyson evidently approved. "It would be more of a warning of what's to come. I like it. I'll speak to Julian. I've come to value his opinion, and I think he could make this powerful."

Well, now it was fucking impossible to keep my personal life off the set. "When was the last time you talked to him?"

He shrugged and scratched his jaw, pensive. "Last night, I believe. He was in the studio all day, so I stopped by to hear what he had so far."

Ah. I rubbed the back of my neck and frowned at the floor, honestly feeling cast aside. I had no doubt that if I texted him about work, he'd reply. He was professional and took shit seriously, but I didn't know why he was avoiding me. Hell, I didn't even know where he lived.

"Are you two okay?" Tennyson asked.

I forced a smile and lifted my gaze from the ground. "I'm not really sure. He's keeping to himself." Glancing over to the set, I saw everyone was still waiting for me, so it was time to finish this. "Maybe I'll see him tonight at the party, or it'll be tomorrow at the airport. See you later, man."

"Noah?" He stopped me, and I looked back at him. "You know where he's staying, yes?"

I suppressed a sigh. 'Cause it sucked that others knew more about him than I did. It wasn't some goddamn competition, but, Christ. "No," I admitted.

"Daniel and Zane's beach house."

Fucking great.

"We thought you knew." He frowned. "We don't pry, but I have noticed he's looking more tired lately."

I nodded with a dip of my chin and offered another tight smile, and then I got back to work again.

*

"Can you at least pretend to be happy?" Sophie asked. "Or tell me why you're PMSing." That part was grumbled as a doorman let us in to the bar Tennyson had rented for the evening.

"I'll be happier after a few drinks." I scowled and adjusted my crotch. The only downside to our being neighbors was that she sometimes played dress-up with me if we had an event that required more than jeans and button-downs.

These gray dress pants from some uppity designer could certainly get me laid, 'cause fucking hell, my ass looked good, but I had to be in the mood for it. Years ago, I wouldn’t have complained.
Years
ago.

Back when I didn't have Julian to obsess over.

The trendy bar was packed with crewmembers and their spouses, and after greeting only a few, I was feeling suffocated. I unbuttoned the top two buttons of my shirt and aimed for the bar. I'd already lost Sophie to Brooklyn, both of whom were both enjoying a night away from mommy duties. Tennyson and Asher were catching a game—lucky bastards—and they had the kids with them.

While I waited for my beer, I checked my phone, but there was nothing new. Last text from Julian came a couple hours ago, and he'd said he'd be here.

Away from the set, everyone was more chill, and crewmembers who wouldn't normally approach a director for fear of interrupting his work were now coming forward in droves. I was flattered as fuck, though.

This attention was new, and I was beginning to see why Tennyson had adapted to a hermitlike lifestyle. Sophie had brought him outta his shell a bit, but he preferred peace and quiet. I got it. It was a bit overwhelming.

"Noah! Over here!"

I'd drained my third beer when I looked out over the crowd and saw my escape. Michael had made it, so I excused myself from two wardrobe girls and made my way over to him.

"Hey, kid. Glad you made it." Checking my watch, I wondered where the hell Julian was.

"Yeah, me too. My sister's watching my daughter, so that's gonna cost me, but…" He shrugged and grinned. "You stoked about Paris?"