Nobody's Lady (10 page)

I focused instead on those big, puffy lips, reminiscent of a mask I once saw. “Fish Face!”

Cue Jurij and Darwyn, who’d probably never run out of laughter. Tayton cocked his head and studied me, the words slow to reach him. “Fish?”

I pointed to my own face. “Your mask. The day of Elfriede and Jurij’s … ” My eyes darted to Jurij, but his head was lilting back and forth, not registering what I’d been about to say. “The day Ingrith died.”

Tayton laughed, not an entirely appropriate reaction to the death of an old woman, even if he, like the rest of the village, couldn’t have cared less about her. He waved his finger at me. “You were so nasty. So nasty.” He started slinking backward, losing balance. “She was worse, but you called me unloved. Pointed me to the commune.”

I crossed my arms. “You called
me
unloved.”

His back slammed against the ground so suddenly I thought I felt the ground shake. I took a step closer to make sure he hadn’t hit his head, but he was resting, eyes closed, a smooth rise and fall to his chest. His eyelids fluttered, his puckered lips parted, murmuring, “Unloved.” The firelight glistened on a tear that streaked down his cheek.

I swallowed and looked away. Darwyn leaned against Jurij, snoring louder than his brother still curled at my feet. Jurij’s eyes were open but glazed. The kind of glazed Father got after too many drinks. I could almost see the fire dancing in his eyes like it once did, could almost see the ghost of who he used to be in the way he stared. I wasn’t so sure happy drinking was anything more than painful drinking under the mask of laughter. I wasn’t so sure I could stand to watch Jurij wither away like Father had, not when he had so much to live for.

I turned the cuff of one of my sleeves and rolled it up to my forearm.
Okay. I don’t need to get Elfriede and Jurij back together. It’s probably best for both of them this way.

I nodded to myself, watching Jurij’s eyes flitter.
Screw love. These are my friends. Friends who need me—and each other. Friends who need to learn a thing or two about their own self-worth.

I picked up the bucket of water I’d kept beside the fire, then watched the flames burn for just a little while longer, relishing its choking cries as it flickered away to its death. The reflection of the flames vanished from Jurij’s dark irises before he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

Poking and shouting didn’t work. I tried to think of how we used to get Father up after Mother supposedly “died,” but Elfriede and I just let him be most of the day. After all, what was he expected to do after his goddess was gone? To tell the truth, Elfriede and I kept thinking we’d wake up one day and he’d be gone, too, reduced to just an empty pile of clothes. Jostling him seemed like tempting fate.

Standing over the four sleeping forms, I weighed my options. Jurij was the only one I really had any business waking, even if the other three did fall asleep right outside my cabin. I dragged my bucket from the well, its contents sloshing over the rim.

“Holy goddess!” Jurij sat up so quickly, he nearly toppled over. His hand ran over his face, wiping off the water droplets.

I dropped the bucket on the ground beside him, letting it clang loudly, but it only stirred the slightest of groans from Darwyn. “I’d say you were late for the quarry. Or the bakery. And you are. But I thought today we might do something different anyway.”

Jurij guided his palm through his short dark hair, shaking the water out and staring up at me. “We?”

“Yes,
we
. Or did you and your inebriated friends plan to spend the rest of your days drinking?”

Jurij shook his head and stared. “I don’t remember you being this bossy.”

As if on cue, Darwyn chuckled softly, but he gave no other sign of consciousness.

I crouched beside Jurij. “I was
always
this bossy.” I was done making decisions for others, but I could still give them a push in the right direction. I nudged Jurij with my shoulder. “
You
, on the other hand, never used to put up such a fight.”

Jurij cradled his forehead, shielding his eyes from the sunlight. “Noll, it’s too early for this.”

I stood, grabbing the bucket handle. “It’s almost lunch time.” I glanced between Darwyn, Sindri, and Tayton, choosing my next victim for after a quick trip to the well.

Jurij groaned. “Can you speak a little quieter?”

“You totally messed up my dinner.” I glared at him until he opened his eyes. “You owe me.” He grabbed my extended hand, and I strained to help him stand. “And you’re going to make it up to me today.” I shoved the bucket handle into his unsuspecting hand.

***

It was warm enough that the four soaking boys—
men
—behind me were practically dried from the air just half an hour later, but you’d think that they were permanently soaked through to the bone from the way they still carried on about it.

“So let me get this straight.” I didn’t have to look behind me to recognize the sniveling voice of Tayton. “You four used to hang out in the livestock fields. Pretending sheep were monsters. And hitting them with sticks.”

“We didn’t actually hit them with sticks,” I corrected. “That’d be cruel.”

“No,” snorted Darwyn. “We’d just give the poor things heart attacks by chasing them. Screaming and swinging until they started running.”

“And then a few moments later, the farmers down the hill would start screaming and swinging their fists at us until
we
started running,” added Sindri.

“Sounds fun.” Tayton sounded entirely unconvinced.

“It wasn’t just us four.” Jurij sounded like he hoped he was making a rational argument to defend us. “Noll led a bunch of boys around the village back then.”

Tayton scoffed. “Glad I was too old by then to be under her spell. Like I’d need to be bossed around by
two
women in my lifetime.”

I twirled around and clapped my hands together. “We didn’t just scare sheep. There’s a pond south of the village.”

Tayton raised an eyebrow. “You mean the livestock’s watering hole.”

I chewed my lip, biting back irritation. “Yes. Some of the boys would swim on a warm day. Like today.”

“And you’re suggesting we do that today?” Tayton pinched his damp jerkin with two fingers and pulled it away from his chest. “Because I’m not already soaked through.”

I shrugged and turned back around, cutting through the grass east of the village and walking southward. “You can just sit beside the pond whining if that’s more appealing.”

“Considering our meat drinks out of that water, it probably is.”

I ignored that comment. We’d reached the eastern path, and to my left I could just make out my cottage—my
family’s
cottage—at the edge of the woods. Jurij brushed past me without pausing, leading the way southward. He didn’t even glance at his father’s home, let alone the one he’d shared with his former wife.

“Here, girl!” When Jurij turned his head, it was only to beckon Bow from the back of the group, where she’d stopped to sniff the familiar path between her two previous homes.

Bow barked and obeyed immediately, trotting up beside her master and sticking her nose under his hand.

Darwyn laughed. “Looks like
someone’s
still under a curse.”

“She’s a girl,” said Jurij, without a hint of teasing in his voice.

“Thus the ‘here,
girl
,’” added Sindri.

Jurij paused, confusing Bow, who stopped a few yards ahead of him, whipping her head back to figure out why he’d stopped. “Why weren’t animals affected?” asked Jurij. “Why only us?”

Jurij directed the question not at the group, but at me. I swallowed and kept walking.

“Why is it over now? Why anything, Jurij?” Darwyn clapped him on the shoulder. I quickened my steps, eager to put a few more yards between us.

“ … probably knows.” It was muted, but there was no mistaking Jurij trying to whisper something behind me.

We traveled the rest of the way in silence. When we reached the top of the final hill, I peered down at the sheep grazing amongst the cows, the lilies gone from this field, probably eradicated by endless chewing. Bow didn’t hesitate; she barked and charged down the hill.

“Bow! Stop!” Jurij ran past, a look of panic scrunching up his face.

Darwyn and Sindri followed, their faces contorted in laughter.

“Was this part of the game, back when you were smacking sheep with sticks?” Tayton appeared beside me, his hands tucked in his pockets. I nodded, looking up to take in the almost-smile he was fighting to keep from me.

The golden streak plowed toward the herd with three figures jogging after her, Jurij’s arms flailing. “Sometimes. I’d forgotten she did that. We didn’t always take her along.”

Tayton seemed content to watch rather than participate. He nodded as Bow went one way, then zigzagged another, herding sheep and cows to block the men from reaching her. “Until yesterday, the dog was with Jurij’s … ” He paused, leaving the rest of the sentence unsaid.

“His wife.
Former
wife. My sister.”

“I figured.” Tayton scratched his chin. “He was complaining about missing her at the quarry the other day. I didn’t ask, but I figured there was only one reason why he couldn’t get her back.”

Jurij managed to dodge a hopping sheep a few feet behind Bow. He held out his hands and took a small step forward. Bow stopped and sat upright, her tongue lolling.

“His parents got the dog back from my sister.” I couldn’t help but smile as Jurij lunged forward and Bow went flying in the opposite direction. Darwyn and Sindri caught up just in time to keep him from falling. “Since he was too scared to ask for her back himself.”

I could feel Tayton’s eyes boring into me. “He’s not equipped to handle this, Noll. None of us are.” He sighed. “I don’t know how to explain it, but moving on, figuring out how to keep going forward, it’s not simple. I don’t know what I want for dinner. I don’t know how to decide on what clothes to wear or what shoes to put on in the morning. I don’t know when I should buy things or when I’m supposed to go to bed. I’ve forgotten how to choose.”

“Tayton, I’m sorry you guys—”

“I know you are, Noll.” He gestured at the sheep, the dog, and the three men running wildly after them. “I know this little trip to the sheep must be your way of distracting us. It’s different for you, isn’t it?”

I studied Tayton quizzically. “I know, since I’m a woman, that I never really felt what you all felt.”

Tayton shook his head. “No, I mean … you’re different from the other women.” His eyes widened, and I followed his gaze to see Jurij had flung himself around Bow’s torso and was rolling with her in the grass. He jumped up, unscathed, rubbing Bow’s belly hard. I was so lost in the moment, so full of joy at seeing Jurij smile so freely, that it startled me when Tayton began speaking again. “Maybe it doesn’t bother you as much. You don’t have to see your former husband. And you never loved him.”

“He wasn’t my husband,” I snapped. I lifted my skirt, some age-old instruction not to get my hem too dirty drilled into my mind, and started walking toward the flock. I should have said more—I
wanted
to say more—but I wasn’t in the mood to discuss the details of my heart with Fish Face, whom I hardly even knew.

After half a minute, Tayton jogged down the hill beside me. “I’m sorry if I—”

“Never mind.” I swallowed and tried to smile. “Let’s just enjoy today, okay?” I let go of my skirt and ran, stumbling down the rest of the hill, frightening the nearest sheep who’d only just recently come to a rest.

Sindri’s and Darwyn’s brows sparkled with sweat in the brightness of the sun, and Darwyn was bent forward, clutching his thighs for support. “This … was a lot easier … as a kid,” he sputtered between breaths.

Sindri patted Darwyn’s back. “Life was much easier, little brother.” He looked up, cupped his hands around his lips, and shouted, “Woo!” for no reason whatsoever.

The nearest sheep was probably four house lengths away by now, but it likely felt much too close to this noisy band of too-old warriors. It bleated in protest and skipped a few steps farther. Everyone’s eyes met, one after the other, and we all laughed. My eyes held Jurij’s for a beat longer, until I had to look away. I collapsed onto the ground beside him, rubbing Bow’s belly as she rolled over.

I caught Jurij’s eyes again for just a moment. Long enough to remember the feeling I used to get when I imagined the eyes behind his mask, or when I first saw the flames that danced there.

“Noll, do you remember—” His head turned, his attention drawn behind me. Bow flipped over, her head cocked. A dog’s bark slipped into the silence between us.

“Uh-oh.” Darwyn shielded his face from the sun with his palm. “Tell me that’s not some farmer’s dog, come to chase us away from his sheep.”

Bow jumped to her feet and barked back.

Sindri smirked. “What would a journey to the livestock fields be without being told to go away?”

“I was just hoping we could spend more than a minute here before it came to that,” Darwyn replied.

Tayton craned his neck forward, as if the additional inch it gave him would make the barking dog coming over the top of the hill easier to see. “That’s no sheepdog, it’s—”