Nobody's Lady (5 page)

“Former husband,” I pointed out.

Now Elfriede’s icy stare shot directly into me. “It won’t do to be seen with a traitor like him.”

“He just stopped to say hello.” I could hardly believe the young woman before me was my sister. Had she spent the past few weeks locked up in a dark and desolate dungeon? No, my frail and carefree sister had not yet had the pleasure of that experience. I was sure my stay at the castle counted as something close enough.

“Well, don’t say anything back,” she barked.

I scoffed. Like I cared about the who-should-blame-whom of one of her giddy friend’s couplings.

I put my hands on my hips. “I’ll speak to whomever I like.”

“Don’t you have enough men after you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Where’s Jurij?” Elfriede asked the question with such volume and tenacity, I thought she imagined him in some crystal-encased cage around the back of my moldering shack. Arrow whimpered, even as Bow growled.

“How should I know?” I asked.

Elfriede stood on her toes to crane around my shoulders.
She really is looking for some cage!

“He’s been gone for days,” she said, her voice cracking.

I plopped down on the stool, shoving the fat cat and the chisel to the ground beside the gouge. I cradled my face in my hands and heard the soft patter of paws. One of the dogs’ noses brushed my knees.

Why did she have to involve me in this? Can’t she see that I’m here to get away from all of this drama?

“Did you try his father’s?” I mumbled through my palms.

“Yes. And his mother’s place, too. Both were as surprised as I was that he had gone missing.”

“His friends?”

“He doesn’t have any friends,” she spat. “Only you.”

I rubbed my hands over my face. Arrow sat down beside me, looking upward expectantly. Odd. He could never be bothered with anyone but Elfriede before.

“Well, I haven’t seen him, either.” It was true. I hadn’t seen him in weeks. Not since he kissed me and told me he loved me amongst the lilies on the hills. I thought it best not to mention that to his wife—former wife—who stood before me and was no doubt just waiting for an excuse to lurch forward and strangle me.

“Aren’t you the least bit worried?” She paced back and forth, flailing her hands up and down. Up and down. Bow’s head bobbed with her as she walked back and forth. All of the motion was making me ill.

“Should I be?” I asked. She stopped moving and shot me a look of pure and utter annoyance. “Look, whatever happened between you, he probably just needs some time to himself. I mean, how far could he go? There aren’t a lot of places to hide.”

“He should have told me!” she said, resuming her Bow-escorted back-and-forth trek to nowhere. “I would have let him be, but he should have told me!”

I sighed and reached out a hand to stroke Arrow’s head. He actually let me touch him. His mouth opened, and his tongue spilled forth as I stroked him.

Did I dare ask what had happened? Clearly they had signed no paper blessing their second union. Perhaps that was all I needed to know. Thinking too much about it made my chest ache.

“Do you want me to help search?” I asked.

“No!” Elfriede snapped almost the same moment I asked the question. Arrow yelped and jumped backward out of my reach at the sound.

“Then what would you have me do?”

She marched onto the porch and shoved open the door to my shack, Bow and Arrow both at her heels. I hadn’t known her capable of knocking over a small building with her bare hands, but I feared briefly for the welfare of my new home.

“Jurij!” came Elfriede’s voice from inside the shack.

I jumped up and followed her.

“He’s not here! What are you doing?”

Elfriede was on her hands and knees, leering into the area under my bed. Bow sniffed the ground beside her. Arrow had decided to lend his investigative ability to pinpointing my food stores. Elfriede jumped up almost as quickly as a specter and pasted herself against the wall, peeking behind my cupboard. Arrow barked and pawed the door, perhaps hoping Elfriede would soon pull out a nice, long sausage.

“What? Are you looking for him back there? Behind about half a foot’s length of space? Jurij is thin, Elfriede, but not so thin he might slide into nooks and crannies unnoticed.”

Elfriede said nothing, her eyes darting frantically around the shack, but there were no more places he might be hiding. She let out a strange, shaky roar and plunked herself down in one of the two chairs around my small dining table. Bow sat down beside her and howled. Arrow’s ears went back, and he lunged for the area beneath the table, pressing himself flat against the floor.

“Friede … ”

She brought both hands up and then down, slamming them on her lap. Tears started flowing, and a series of chokes burst from her quivering lips.

I moved closer. She swung a hand wildly in my direction.

“Stay away from me!” She took a deep breath, choked with a sob. “You hussy!”

“
Hussy
?”

Elfriede sent me a cold, piercing look. “He told me he loved you. And you kissed him!” So she knew about that day on the hills after all. “And on my wedding day!”

Oh.
That
kiss. The one that had ended with an earthquake and Jurij getting a permanent gash over one of his eyes.

“Friede.”
What can I say? I’m sorry
?
I am. I just
…

“I know you’ve always loved him,” sobbed Elfriede. She rubbed her dripping nose on her sleeve. “You had no right!”

I threw my hands up in disgust. “I had no
right
? He was my friend before he was your man! And if I recall correctly, you didn’t really want him at the start!”

That probably wasn’t the best way to prove my innocence in the matter.

Elfriede jumped up from the table. “Don’t blame me now for misgivings I entertained briefly as a child! He was
my
man, not yours!”

“Yes,
was
,” I spat. “In case you haven’t noticed, most of the town is in chaos. The past doesn’t matter.” I swallowed a lump forming in my throat. To me, the past was all that mattered, but she would never understand what I meant. “He loves you, too,” I whispered.

Elfriede sniffled. “I know.” She wiped first one eye and then the other with the heel of her palm. “But I don’t want to share that love with you.”

I turned away. What right did I have to deny any of it? “You’re right. Once I would have given anything to steal him from you. I never wanted to hurt you. But I was tired of being the only one who felt a complete and utter mess inside. The only one whose feelings never mattered. But I feel fine now. I’m doing all right. Now you can all try dealing with those emotions I lived with for so long. Just leave me out of it.”

Elfriede slipped past me, her sobs clogged, silent. Behind her trailed Bow, but it wasn’t until Bow barked curtly that Arrow got up and followed. I twisted my body to watch Elfriede drag herself out my doorway and down my porch. She paused to look back at me, rubbing her hand over Bow’s ear. Arrow started homeward without them.

“You know,” Elfriede said, each word shaky, “I felt sorry for you then. But I don’t think I can ever forgive you.”

One after the other, she picked up the iron weights of her feet and left. Bow glanced at me but made no noise before following. Perhaps she didn’t find me worthy even of a growl.

“I don’t think I can ever forgive you.”
What a familiar line that was beginning to be. I wondered how many more I would wind up crossing off my ever-shortening list of loved ones. My decision to move to the old crone’s shack was beginning to make more and more sense with each passing hour.

Still, I felt I should get going. Time to cross off one more.

The person I used to be wouldn’t have hesitated to cross the cavern threshold. She also wouldn’t have come with a candle in hand.

Leave the candle. Make your way through darkness. You know the way by heart.

But I also knew now that there was more to this cavern than I ever would have imagined. Even when I was imagining sticks as swords and monsters flickering on the walls. Even when I fashioned myself an elf queen.

No, you’re no queen. You’re
only
the first goddess.

I shook my head and steadied the candle as I took note of my trembling hand. There were no goddesses anymore. It didn’t matter if I was the first, or even the last. Everything was put right now.

So why does everything feel so wrong?

I lifted the candle higher to look for signs of Jurij, even though I was just guessing he came here.
Where else is there to go to be alone? Where else is there to go at all?

I hoped the glowing light hadn’t drawn him into the water. But maybe that was something it did only for me.

I told myself I’d never set foot in the cavern again. But if Jurij was in there, I had to know.

I stopped, bringing the candle closer to my chest. I heard the drip, drip, drop of the water trickling up ahead. And just at the edge of darkness, I saw a light. I was expecting that enticing violet glow, the light that always called me whenever I was near. The light that nearly drowned me more than once.

But the light I saw was red, dim and dark instead of bright.

I can’t go there.
A pain sheared through my chest.
I swallowed. It didn’t matter. There was nothing left for me there.

I blew out the candle and turned, forgetting why I came in the first place, focusing on nothing but getting out and pretending I was never there. My foot found a growth I didn’t remember, and I stumbled.

“Whoa. I’m sorry.”

A hand on my thigh and another on my ankle steadied me, the grip gentle but sturdy, enough to keep me from falling over without making it feel like I was caught against my will. I regained my feet, and the hands fell. I looked down, blinking to adjust to the darkness.

“Jurij?”

I wasn’t sure how I hadn’t noticed him as I passed.

“You found me,” he said, a sheepish smile hidden in his voice. The sound of a scratch against a rock sent a shiver up my back, and Jurij’s face alit with warm light. He smiled awkwardly as he placed a lit candle beside him on the ground and displayed the flint between his fingers. “You want me to light yours?”

I sat down on the ground beside him and slid my candlestick over to him. “Thank you.” I wasn’t even sure why I blew it out in the first place. Like the red glow wouldn’t be able to find me in the darkness. Like that pool ever needed to
see
me to call my name—or keep me away. I took a deep breath.
Enough. Enough of that pool and all that came with it. Remember why you’re here.
“You could have said something when I passed by the first time.”

Jurij guided his flint to the candle’s wick. “I thought maybe you wouldn’t notice I was here. You seemed pretty transfixed by the pool.” He dropped the flint into the sediment to let the flame die out. “I thought maybe you weren’t even here for me.”

Because I have a habit of jumping in this pool.
“Elfriede’s looking for you.”

“I know.” Jurij set my candlestick down on the ground between us. “Why do you think I’m here?”

I shrugged and bit my lip to avoid stating the obvious. I didn’t come to commiserate with him, or to encourage him to continue acting like a fool. I came to put an end to his estrangement, so I could get back to my cottage and live in peace. Because even though it was my curse that made Jurij love Elfriede in the first place, it was also my fault he wasn’t blindly in love with her anymore.
And even though I once wanted him more than anything, I don’t know what I want now.

But I knew it wasn’t this. “What’s going on with you two?”

Jurij hugged his knees to his chest. “What’s going on with anyone these days?” He continued talking to the ground, like it’d make for a better listener than me. “How is a man supposed to know what love is now?”

I knew the meaning behind his question, and the answer—the real answer—wasn’t simple. But I wasn’t there to discuss a man’s choice to love. I still wasn’t used to the idea that a man could
have
a choice. Regardless, I was here to set things right again. “You know what love is. You’ve experienced it.”

“Have I?” Jurij’s eyes met mine for the first time since I’d sat down beside him, and I looked away, unable to drink in the darkness without the flame that once danced there. I couldn’t respond, so he continued. “The new edict has been a blessing in a way.”

His words brought to mind other voices.
“His lordship’s edict has been a real blessing.”

“You are not welcome here, Olivière.”

I shook my head. No. No, Jurij wouldn’t be like them. He had real reasons to love his goddess, not like Sindri and an unReturned love, not like Ailill.

“Yes,” I said, interrupting Jurij before he could finish, “because now we know that those who marry truly love each other.” I nudged Jurij’s upper arm with my own. “And there’s no doubt in my mind that you love Elfriede.”

“I’m glad one of us has no doubts.” Jurij laced his hands together around his knees.

“Jurij, I lived with choice in love my whole life.” I took my knees in my arms, just so I could embrace something to stop the wild beating of my heart. “So has every woman. And if you think about it, the fact that Elfriede
chose
to love you is remarkable. It makes her more worthy of your love than many goddesses—
women
—were of their men’s love.”