Nobody's Son (13 page)

By the time the ride came to an end, Shaun ached to touch Con. It took all of his willpower to keep from grabbing his hand while they walked across the midway toward Con’s car, the silence between them full of all the things they didn’t dare say.

Con unlocked the car, and climbing in felt like drawing a cocoon of privacy around them. Shaun didn’t waste it. He reached across the console and pulled Con into the kiss he’d been dying for.

I can do this
, he told himself as Con kissed his breath away.
I can have some fun, go on some dates, and keep things casual. Gran never has to know, and it doesn’t matter that it’s not going to last.

Maybe if he kept repeating that, he’d believe it.

Con finally drew away, and in the dim light, his teeth gleamed as he smiled. “Much as I’d like to continue that,” he murmured, “I have to get up at way-too-early in the morning, and you’ve got to get home.” He kissed Shaun again, full of desire and longing. “Rain check?”

Shaun could only nod.

LATER, SHAUN
hardly remembered the drive back to the resort. Con kissed him again at his car, and once again he parked at Doraville and took the train home. His thoughts raced, rolling over what he was doing with Con, what his gran would think if she knew he liked men, what he was going to do if Willis Erwin turned out to be his father. The trip to the carnival had been fun, but a handful of hours away from reality hadn’t made much of a dent in his stress levels.

Just after midnight, Shaun slipped into his basement as silently as possible. The house was dark, so he doubted his gran would hear anything, but he didn’t want to risk disturbing her.

He really should move out. He’d be making enough once he got his promotion, and he wouldn’t have to be concerned about worrying her if he stayed out late… or didn’t come home at all.

But he liked his basement, and he liked the house, and he liked being there for his gran. “Why’d I have to go and grow up?” he grumbled. “I don’t wanna be an adult.”

But an adult he was, and as an adult, he knew he needed to get some sleep so he could get to work on time in the morning.

Resolving to not let himself brood half the night, he headed into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

AT MIDAFTERNOON
on Sunday, Shaun had just finished taking a reservation for the following weekend and sending out the confirmation e-mail when Jimmy’s voice interrupted him.

“I have a proposition for you.”

Shaun raised an eyebrow at Jimmy’s pronouncement but didn’t lift his head from the keyboard. “Oh?”

“Stay for dinner tonight.” Shaun did look up then, to find Jimmy leaning on the counter, looking completely back to normal despite how sick he’d been just days earlier. He gave Shaun a grin that was hard to resist. “Evan and Riley are coming out, and we’re cooking out on the deck.”

Evan Day was Cory’s best friend and Riley Yeats was Mikey’s, and they’d been a couple for a few months as well. That would mean a couple and a throuple, leaving Shaun as the sixth wheel. He opened his mouth to decline, but Jimmy held up a hand.

“No excuses. I know we have an empty cabin, and you already admitted you keep stuff for overnight in your backpack. Unless you’re about to tell me you have plans with your gran, I’m gonna drag you over and force you to be sociable.”

Shaun barked out a laugh. “What happened to my boss not requiring me to do things after hours?”

“No
nudity
,” Jimmy drawled out. “We’re keeping it clean tonight. Well”—he winked—“as clean as we ever get. But seriously.” He dropped the overly bright grin to something more natural. “We’d really like you to come. Nothing fancy, just burgers and beer.”

The only thing harder to resist than a teasing, grinning Jimmy was a softly sincere Jimmy.

Shaun gave in. “All right. I’ll call Gran and tell her I’ll be staying over again.”

SHAUN FOLLOWED
the smell of cooking meat around the side of Jimmy’s bungalow and onto the deck at the back. He hadn’t been back here before and didn’t realize until he could hear the water that it overlooked a creek. He paused at the railing and looked down, watching the current foam white as it rushed over a bed of rocks. Just the sight of it calmed something deep inside him.

“Hey there, hot stuff!”

Cory bounded over to wrap an arm around Shaun’s shoulder in a sideways hug. Shaun chuckled and returned the greeting. “Hey, Cory. Good to see you.”

“Good to be seen!” He bounced away, and Shaun wondered what had him so hyped up.

“Shaun, you remember these reprobates, right?” Jimmy stood next to the grill, waving a spatula toward Evan and Riley and wearing an apron emblazoned with KISS THE COOK and arrows pointing to his crotch. Shaun snorted and walked toward the couple who sat at the wooden picnic table built into the deck.

“Good to see you.” Evan lifted his Corona in greeting. “Beer?”

“Give him something better than that,” Cory put in, and Evan lifted a middle finger at him without looking in his direction.

Someone nudged Shaun’s arm. “Here,” Jimmy said, holding out a Yuengling. “I got all nostalgic for Jersey and picked up a case for old times’ sake.”

Shaun took the bottle. “Don’t know if I’ve had this one,” he said. “I mostly have beer at this little bar close to home, and the owner likes to stock local stuff.”

He took a sip, letting the flavor roll around in his mouth for a few seconds before swallowing. He nodded. “Pretty good. Still like SweetWater, though.”

Jimmy scoffed. “You Southern boys and your SweetWater, I swear.” He pointed his bottle at Evan. “Except that one and his pisswater.”

“Fuck off, Black.” Evan lifted his beer and drained it before slamming the bottle down on the table. “Another!” he shouted, raising a defiant fist and then recoiling as Riley poked him in the side.

“Down, boy.” Riley rolled his eyes. “Don’t mind him. He’s been reading ancient literature this week for homework. Thinks he’s a barbarian conqueror. Or maybe Beowulf.”

Evan growled and turned to bury his face in the spot where Riley’s neck curved into his shoulder. Riley just sighed and lifted his beer to his lips, seemingly ignoring Evan as he sucked up a mark, though the crimson flush spreading over his face gave him away. Shaun bit back a laugh and turned toward Mikey, who sat across from Riley and Evan but didn’t seem to be paying them a bit of attention.

“How are things with you, Mikey?”

Mikey frowned and pointed at his throat.

Cory answered for him. “Poor guy’s had a throat infection all week. Lost his voice two days ago. He’s on meds and feeling better, but talking’s still painful.”

Shaun winced on his behalf. “Sorry to hear that, man. Hope it clears up soon.”

Mikey waved to the spot next to him. “Not contagious,” he whispered when Shaun hesitated. “Just raw.”

Jimmy snorted and flipped something on the grill, sending up fresh smoke. “That’s not all that’s raw, is it?”

Shaun ignored the comment and smiled at Mikey instead as he slid onto the bench. “Look at it this way,” he murmured. “Gives you a chance to practice all those comebacks we never think of until later. Right?”

Mikey grinned and nodded, then picked up the mug in front of him. Hot tea, it looked like, and probably with honey and lemon or something like that. Shaun might not have spent that much time around Cory, but even his limited exposure told him the man had a nurturing streak a mile wide. He’d probably had Mikey tucked in on the sofa with tea and blankets all week long.

The idea sent longing through Shaun. He almost wished Mikey was contagious, so Shaun could get sick and spend a week or so being pampered. But only almost, because the misery would probably more than make up for both the comfort and the time off.

Cory bustled over and plopped down a big plastic bowl loaded with tortilla chips and a smaller one full of guacamole. “Eat up, guys! There’s more where that came from.”

He spun away and headed for the grill, where he wrapped himself around the chef from behind. Shaun watched as the two men ground together, laughing and swaying, and then his gaze drifted over to where Evan had his head resting on Riley’s shoulder. Riley had wrapped an arm around Evan and was running his palm over the tips of Evan’s short hair.

A pang hit him in the chest.
I want that
, he thought. He wanted the comfort, and the laughter, and the closeness, and everything that went along with being in love.

And then he realized he had all of that right at his fingertips. He’d felt it all from Con in the weeks since they’d met, not just the raging desire and bone-deep attraction. He’d felt that comfort, laughter, and closeness not twenty-four hours earlier, as the two of them explored the carnival like children.

He had everything he wanted within his reach.

All he had to do was be brave enough to grab it.

JIMMY HAD
cooked up more hamburgers than even six hungry men could ever eat, but they did their best, descending on the platter like they were starving. Shaun had two, covered in cheese and smothered in mustard and grilled onions, and it wasn’t until he was halfway through the second one that he even slowed down. He’d let the conversation flow over and around him, his mind still stuck on his thoughts of Con and their relationship, until Riley addressed him.

“So, Shaun. I realize this is a bit of an unusual question, all things considered, but I have to ask. Are you gay?”

Shaun nearly choked midswallow. He reached for his second beer—his limit, since he still had to drive home, and took a sip. Meanwhile, Cory had reached over and smacked Riley jokingly on the shoulder.

“You know better than that, Mr. Yeats. You never try to out someone before they’re ready.”

“I know, I know.” Riley held up a hand. “But we’re among friends here. It’s obvious Shaun doesn’t have a problem with gay people, or he wouldn’t be sitting here.” He gave Shaun an apologetic look and then a wink. “I’m just wondering if we need to set him up with some nice guy—or maybe some not-so-nice ones.”

Jimmy snorted. “Oh, that’s covered, trust me.”

“Oh?” Riley sat up straighter. “There’s gossip I’m missing?”

Shaun decided this was a case when getting in front of the message was the way to go. “I’ve gone out with Con a few times,” he admitted. “It’s not serious, and I don’t know… I can’t figure out….”

“Shaun’s mom died, and he lives with his grandmother, and he’s afraid of what might happen if he comes out to her.” Jimmy saved Shaun the trouble of trying to spit the rest of it out.

“Is she really religious?” Mikey asked. Shaun knew some of what had happened with Mikey and his ultrareligious parents, but he didn’t think his gran fit that mold. He shook his head.

“She’s active in her church,” he said. “But I’ve been with her sometimes, and I never hear anything bad about gays or anything.” He chuckled. “She watches
Ellen
every afternoon, if that means anything.”

“What about your dad?” Evan asked.

Shaun was so not getting into that. “No dad,” he said. “It’s just me and my gran.”

Evan nodded. “The people I know, it’s mostly the dads who have a problem with sons being gay. I think moms are more….” Evan considered. “Open-minded isn’t exactly what I’m looking for. Maybe just open. There’s probably some kind of research about that, masculinity and sexuality or something highbrow like that.” He laughed. “Actually, I know there is. I’m having to take this intro-to-college class this term, and some of it has been about how people learn and how men and women get treated differently. I don’t know how much of it I agree with, but it’s interesting.” He shrugged. “Which I guess is the point. Critical thinking skills and all that.”

Shaun nodded. “Been there, done that, got the mortarboard. I think the only thing that changes is the subject matter. Mine was a lot about politics and how to handle money.” He shook his head. “Man, when I saw some of the student-loan balances people were throwing around? I don’t know what I would’ve done with something like that.”

“That’s part of why I’m just in school now. I wanted to go a few years ago, but the money was a problem. But it turns out my parents had a college fund for me I didn’t know about until a few months ago.”

“No GI Bill? I thought you were in the Army.”

“I was, but I got kicked out because I was gay.” Evan shrugged. “And I have the money now. It’s too much paperwork to deal with, and… I don’t know. I wouldn’t feel right taking the money when I didn’t even serve out my enlistment. I’d rather just pay my own way.”

Shaun would’ve thought taking the money would make up for being forced out, but he didn’t quibble. “It does help, knowing you won’t end up in debt. There was some money raised for my college fund after Mom died, and that and some scholarships helped pay for mine.”

Evan winced. “I forgot. Jimmy mentioned before what happened to your mom. Sorry about that. It must’ve been tough.”

“Yeah.” Shaun swallowed back the lump in his throat. “But my gran was great. Still is. Which is, well….”

“Which is why you don’t wanna tell her you’re falling in love with a man.”

Riley’s words caught Shaun off guard. “No, I mean, I’m not, I—” he sputtered.

Riley’s smile was warm, not condescending or scornful. “Yeah, you are. That’s why you’re stressing out, right? Because if you didn’t care so much, it wouldn’t matter. You could mess around with a guy and not have it mean anything in the long run. But love, well, that’s a different story.”

Mikey chimed in too. “It’s a huge difference,” he whispered. “It took me a while to figure it out.” He grinned. “You should listen to us. We already got our degrees in romance.”

Evan snorted. “You gettin’ your M-R-S? Did your men put a ring on it?”

That made Mikey flush. “Nothing like that,” he murmured. “Not that we could anyway.”

The gay-marriage question might’ve been answered, but Shaun knew Mikey was right: the law still didn’t allow three people to marry. But…. “Jimmy’s a lawyer,” he said. “He could draw up paperwork that would be almost the same, right?”