Nolan's Evolution (61 page)

“You’ve known…haven’t you?”

She nodded dumbly.

“I can’t have you,” he whispered. “I can’t even fight for you because I would be fighting my brother!” He closed his eyes. “Nolan,” he moaned. He shook his head. “This was not the gift I intended for you but now it may be the best…to just leave you in peace.”

She shook her head. “I won’t have peace without you!”

He smiled and it was a beautiful smile. “Never thought you’d say that did you?”

She closed her eyes, hating his teasing, and hating the persuasion his eyes had. He was trying to calm her to make it easier to let go. “You said you wouldn’t use that on me…”

“For harm,” he whispered. “I’m trying to make this easier for the both of us, beautiful.”

“You still suffer,” she whispered.

He sighed and his breath warmed the tear streaks on her face.

“How can I make it easier for you? It’s not fair so just stop trying to calm me! I want to me upset about losing you! That’s what being human is, Thanatos! It’s having the rights to your feelings and your life for the time we have here on the earth. It’s the right to feel love…hurt ….pain…anger!”

“Are you angry?”

“Yes,” she shouted up at him. “I’m mad as hell that you are leaving me! I’m hurt and I’m confused and I don’t….I don’t want to say goodbye.”

“I don’t want to either.”

Her lip trembled. “How can you even leave? You are my protector!” She bit down on her lip.

He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it, lowering his gaze.

Her eyes flew open. “You and Jonathan have been talking. You found a way out, didn’t you?” She slammed her hands into his chest hard and shouted in frustration. “I can’t believe you, Thanatos! You are mad at me because I talked to Ara and the whole time you were looking for a way out anyway. You didn’t intend on being my protector long after this!”

“No, Raina!”

“Yes,” she cried. “Just go then. You had it all planned! And here I was feeling bad I had pushed you to that point tonight when the whole time…” she turned from him.

“Raina,” he said softly. “Look at me. That part was not about the leaving.” He grabbed her arm and turned her so that he could lean her against the side of the restaurant. “That was only part of the present…I had to find a way so I could…”

“Could what? Leave anyway?”

He drew in a breath. “I have worked so hard to be okay with you and Nolan. I was just at that point…until…I don’t know…I realized the finality of the two of you getting married! I am growing weary, beautiful; so weary of fighting all of these feelings. I’m afraid I will do something stupid and ruin it.” He brushed her cheeks gently with his thumbs. “Please stop crying, beautiful.”

Her eyes filled again. “Do something stupid like what?”

He stepped up to her and cupped her face. “Like I did before. Before you even liked me…before I knew what it was to really love someone.” His green eyes held hers and grew darker.

“What did you do?” The sadness in her eyes was heartbreaking.

“Kiss you,” he whispered. And then he did. He kissed her with all the pent up feelings and desire he had been holding in. He let go of his guard and his inhibitions and kissed her like he’d never kissed another woman. It wasn’t just with his body…it was with his heart…a heart that was pounding out of his chest now because…she was reacting. It wasn’t a full surrender but it was a definite reaction.

He pulled her closer and nearly started to weep with all of the feelings that bombarded him. He touched her hair and her face and just kissed her until he couldn’t breathe.

It was then that he felt her hands at his chest pushing gently away. “No,” she whispered. “I can’t.”

“I know,” he whispered back. “I know.” He touched her face. “That is why I have to go, beautiful.” He shook his head. “I can’t take much more.”

Immediately her phone was buzzing and she knew who that would be. She leaned back against the coolness of the building, catching her breath and nodded her head. She understood now.

He reached into her pocket and took his phone back. It began buzzing in his hand.

Raina shook her head. “Don’t answer.”

He hit ignore and the buzzing stopped.

“You need a ride home.”

“Don’t call Nolan,” she murmured. Her phone went off again and she closed her eyes. She could just imagine what he was thinking right now.

“I won’t call Nolan,” he sighed and lifted his phone to his ear. “Maxim? Can you pick up Raina?” He paused and listened to the other end. “Yeh buddy…this means I’m leaving.”

Raina’s brow furrowed. “Maxim had known too?”

Thanatos shoved his phone in his pocket and stared at her for a moment.

“Aren’t you going to say goodbye to Nolan?” Her voice was small as she studied him.

“I will call,” he promised. His blonde brow arched. “This isn’t goodbye Raina. I just…I have to make some distance. Okay?”

She nodded. She stared down at her feet. “You will stay with me until Maxim gets here?”

He nodded and he did.

She walked through her door wearily later on that evening and barely even acknowledged Turk or Percy. She dropped her purse at the doorway and threw her coat over the back of the chair beside the door not even caring if it wet the fabric. She felt limp and wrung free of emotion.

Maxim entered behind her with caution.

“Go sit!”

Raina jumped at the barked command. It was not aimed at her but the jumping dog. Turk obeyed the raspy voice immediately. And then there were no other words.

The living room was dark, except for the dim lamp in the corner and the lights from the Christmas tree. It would have been comforting if she hadn’t felt so much dread. She swallowed and bent down, chucking off her boots without even untying them. She pushed back her hair and wiped her eyes. She must look a sight.

Nolan was sitting on the couch and he was quiet. Quiet was not good. He was still and he had not made a move to greet her. That was also not a good sign either. His chest was lifting and falling as if he were drawing in deep calming breaths.

“Would you like me to stay?” Maxim asked Raina softly.

Suddenly Nolan was striding toward Maxim. “Did you see him? Where is he going?” There was malice in his voice.

He turned his piercing eyes on her. “He touched you. I trusted him and he touched you,” he growled. He looked to Maxim. “Where?”

“The airport.”

Nolan went to pass him.

Raina ran forward and put herself between the door and Nolan. She pressed her hands against his chest. “Please don’t do this.”

He jumped back as though her hands had scalded him and turned his back to her. He ran his hands roughly through his hair and shouted in frustration. “I will kill him!”

“No, please,” Raina cried. “You don’t mean that!”

He gave her a glare and stalked back to the couch. “Maxim you can leave.”

Maxim cleared his throat. “Joseph asked that I stick around to keep you from…”

“Then go outside! I need time alone with my…fiancé.”

Maxim gave a nod, looked to Raina and only when he got her nod did he leave.

“I’m shaking, Raina,” he muttered “I am so mad right now that I am shaking. Not just because my best friend thought it was right to…to do that.” He couldn’t bring himself to say it yet. “You….” He shook his head and wouldn’t look up at her.

She bit her lip and felt tears prick her eyes. He knew. Of course he knew. They were connected the two of them. He felt when she felt. Oh if she could only read his thoughts.

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

She gave him a shrug.

He leaned forward and let his forearms rest on his knees. His frowny face was in place. It wasn’t his usual cute perturbed look. He was legitimately upset. His long fingers ran through his hair and rested at the back of his neck. He rubbed unthinkingly.

She stood there and just watched him. She hadn’t intended to hurt him. She loved him so much it caused a physical ache in her stomach. He was suffering though.

“He left?” His voice was rough with emotion.

Raina nodded and then realized he wasn’t looking at her. “Yes,” she whispered.

“He said his goodbye to you?”

“Yes,” she whispered again. “How…”

“Jonathan called me.”

She drew in a breath. “I’m sorry.” She cleared her throat. “I know you know what happened Nolan. I didn’t…”

“You kissed him back, Aelan,” his voice was raw and a little broken. His silver eyes lifted to hers and then dropped down to the floor again.

She walked slowly to him and knelt down before him.

“Please,” he whispered. “Don’t touch me right now.” She saw his hands trembling.

“Don’t,” she whimpered softly. “Don’t push me away.”

He drug in a deep breath and let it out shakily. “I’m too raw. I can’t…”

She pushed her way between his knees and into his arms. She buried her face into his neck and felt every chorded muscle in his body tense. “I reacted in a moment,” she sighed. She wanted to sob when his arms didn’t automatically contract around her as they always did. “And I stopped it, Nolan. I pushed away and said no.” She held tighter to him. “It was goodbye. It was nothing.”

He groaned and pushed her away. “I felt it, Raina! At least a part and it wasn’t nothing!” He leaned back and rubbed his temples.

She was still kneeling before him and followed his progress, crawling into his lap. “I was losing a best friend. Don’t you think a little emotion would be involved?” She tugged at his wrists and revealed his troubled silver gaze. “He kissed me, Nolan and I reacted. I care very much for him but I am in love with you!”

He frowned.

She frowned back.

He gripped her wrists roughly and pulled her down on his chest and kissed her with a passionate roughness. It was a bit claim worthy.

She felt the warmth all through her and melted right in. She felt his anger and confusion in the kiss but she felt the need too. She would have smiled if she could’ve, instead she gripped his hair and tugged none too gently. He growled and she took advantage to kiss him deeper. She hummed with pleasure when his fingers traced up her spine.

“Is that a purr?” he growled. “Stop purring.”

Raina laughed then and was promptly rolled beneath him on the couch her hands were pinned above her head. She did not fight the action even a little bit. She stared up at him with dancing eyes.

“This isn’t funny,” he said gruffly.

“It is,” she growled back and then smiled.

He shook his head.

“Did it feel anything like this?” she whispered. “What you say you felt between Thanatos and I?”

He shook his head again.

“Then your anger is hilarious to me,” she said softly. “You’re the only one I ever want to kiss…ever want to feel this with, Gregor. I’m sorry if I hurt you…if Thanatos hurt you. But I want you…no one else. I thought you said you trusted my love?”

He closed his eyes and nodded with shame. “I do, Aelan. I was just crazy jealous! And I know you love him.” He moved so that he was completely over her now, covering her. “But not like you love me,” he murmured and buried his face into her neck.

Raina shivered and wrapped her arms around him. She turned her face into his neck and breathed his scent. “Not possible,” she sighed.

He lifted his face to smile at her.

“Loving you is exhausting enough,” she giggled and ran her fingers down his jaw.

“The same could be said here, Aelan,” he chuckled. “You do keep me on my toes for sure.” He adjusted his weight so that he wasn’t crushing her. “And I love every moment.”

“Except for a few moments ago,” she sighed.

He kissed her. “I guess I am overprotective sometimes…and jealous…and insecure. How can you stand me?”

Raina looked up at the beautiful man before her. How could he ever be insecure? She bit her lip. Oh yeah, she had kissed his best friend…even if it hadn’t been her fault! She traced his brow tenderly and then ran her finger down his cheek to his lovely lips. “I am sorry, Nolan. I really am.”

He nipped at her finger gently. “Just don’t let it happen again. I can’t take it.” He kissed where he had nipped.

She smiled. “I don’t foresee any other best friend immortals attempting to kiss me,” she teased. She flashed back to David’s kiss and knew she had made the right call not telling him about it.

He grinned.

“I’m forgiven?”

“You are forgiven,” he said softly. “Am I forgiven for being a jealous ass?”

She nodded. “My jealous ass.”

He turned her so that they were lying face to face now and he gave her bottom a smack. “Smarty.”

She rested against her elbow and studied him. “Speaking of forgiveness? What about Thanatos?” She straightened his shirt gently. “There isn’t going to be an issue if he shows up again or if he’s part…”

“I will try very hard to be civil,” he promised with gravel in his voice. “I’m thoroughly pissed. He does what he did and than he doesn’t have the decency to say goodbye to me even?” He shook his head. “I know he figured I would be livid, but still.”

Raina saw the genuine hurt there. She kissed the underside of his jaw. “He said he would call.” She shrugged. “He said it wasn’t good bye.” She bit her lip, still saddened by his sudden departure.

A dark brow rose. “Oh really? He kissed you when he knew he was returning?” The frowny face was back.

Raina shook her head. “I don’t think he planned the kiss.”

He growled.

“Forgiven, remember?” Raina gave him a small smile.

His jaw ticked in irritation and he gripped her jaw and kissed her again, no doubt marking her. “He looks sideways at you and I will break his jaw and you will be the last girl he ever kissed!” He nipped her lower lip and tugged her hair.

“Caveman,” she murmured into his kiss.

They both collectively groaned when the front door opened and in walked Michael. And Maxim was right behind him.

“Sorry guys. Melinda sent me. Less than a week. You can do it!”

The two on the couch sighed and disengaged slowly. The wedding day couldn’t get here fast enough!

Chapter 23 Insecurities

              Time goes slow and then it goes fast when your emotions are in a tailspin. Nolan was still out of sorts days after Thanatos had left. He was unsure if he was still spitting mad or just very hurt that he had been left like he had. Then he would think of that green eyed devil touching his Aelan…his lips touching hers and he would want to put his fist through a wall…a steel wall. He was certainly still angry.

              He hid this from Raina. She was hurt and then there was all of the wedding to do on her plate. He helped where he could. He was only too glad she had Melinda and Emily at her side to do what no man could ever do right!

              What could he get right? Picking up her parents at the airport!. He drove the Charger through the snowy December afternoon with ease. One of the best things about immortality was great reflexes on iced roads. He brought them home safe and sound and almost as much under his spell as Raina was! He had never had issue with people liking him.

              Nolan also found he was very apt at calming his frazzled girl. Several times a day she was snuggling into his chest or reaching for his hand. It was good to feel needed.

              “I just hope you need me this much when I am mortal,” he whispered to her, as they cuddled now on the sofa in his sitting room. He brushed her hair with his fingers.

              “What do you mean?” Her blues peered up at him like he had gone mad.

              “I won’t be so strong in this…” He ran his fingers down her neck and saw her tremble.

              She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Am I the only one you touch?”

              He frowned. “Yes of course I never…”

              “Nolan! Not like that!” she laughed. “But you have put your hands on others…healed other humans as you’ve been tested?”

              He nodded, tilting his head.

              “Do they react as I do?”

              He shook his head.

              “Then my reaction is you…not the gift, Gregor!” She laid her head on his chest as if to say, “End of story.”

              He chuckled. “Well, there are other things that will change.”

              “Nothing that is important!”

              “I won’t be able to protect you from Elenora,” he whispered.