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Oh fuck.  Smooth, Carissa.
“I know, I was wanting to get together after school.  Or maybe we could just hang out.”  She wanted to pull the words back in. 
Oh, no!

             
Hang out!  She wants to hang out with me? 
David looked at her, soft and anxious.  He was surprised that he recognized the expression.  “I’ll have to talk to Mother but I think I can,” he said with no intension of telling his mother the truth.  They sat quiet, both realizing the other had something they needed.  They just did not know what.

              The brakes squealed as the bus pulled to a stop. “Everyone off,” the driver shouted as the door opened. 

Carissa grabbed her books and stood next to the seat, “I’ll see ya later.”  David nodded.  He watched the bounce of her hair and the grace in her steps as she walked down the aisle and rounded to the door.  She turned back to David for a moment. David could see light in her eyes.  She smiled as she stepped off.

              Rob watched the entire encounter from his seat in the back.  He could not make out what they were saying but he knew that Carissa had something, a thing, for David.  Rob wondered why it could not him.  In that moment, he hated David.  Rob did not know him but that did not matter.  He watched as David started to get up.  He hurried out of his chair.  He walked down the aisle not knowing what he was going to do.  David stepped and Rob bumped into him.  “Watch where you’re going, asshole,” Rob said wanting David to react.

              “I..I’m sorry,” David said timidly.

              “That’s what I thought,” Rob said as he stared at David.  David stepped back in front of his seat and let Rob pass.

              “More like the whole ass,” Scott laughed trailing Rob. 

              Carissa stepped off the bus, almost flouting with each step.  The images of David sitting reticent shuffled in her mind.  “Carissa,” April called from the side of the building.  Carissa looked for a moment before spotting her.  She walked over to April and they both disappeared in the thick overgrowth around the side of the school.

              David watched as Carissa walked across the court yard.  He could not help looking.  In only a few hours’ time, she had become the only thing that mattered and he was actually happy, at least for the moment.

              April and Carissa huddled behind one of the thick bushes under a window not knowing what was beyond the glass.  April pulled a small red and white tin box out of her pocket.  She opened it and pulled a small bag out filled with a little “good morning, America”.  She pulled a bud out and set it in the open box top and broke it into pieces.  April then took a paper and rolled a joint.  April sparked a lighter which lit on the first flick. Sucking hard, she lit the end of the joint and handed it to Carissa.  “So, how did yesterday go?” April asked as she held the smoke in.

              Carissa inhaled slow.  Almost instantly, she felt the relaxation spread out from her gracious lungs into her shaking arms then trickle into her toes.  Suddenly everything was calm, everything was easy.  “Pretty good. David’s a good teacher,” she said as she handed the joint back to April.

              “He put you with David,” she said more as a statement than a question, “Isn’t that ironic!”

              “He’s actually a kinda alright guy.”

              April slipped from her squatted position and fell forward.  She caught herself almost instantly.  “That’s not the word I’d use.”

              “Well fuck, April,” Carissa said laughing.  “You spent two seconds with him.  You have no fucking clue what he’s like.”  April listened to the way Carissa words flowed from her mouth, defensive.  Then April noticed a look on Carissa’s face.  Even though Carissa seemed irritated, she had a kind of warmth about her.  She sun’s light refracted perfectly from her usually cold eyes. April could tell Carissa saw something in David.  April was surprised, but she felt herself excited for Carissa. April did know more about David than Carissa thought she did, however.

April considered keeping quiet about what she had seen with David one day in science.  She wanted to let Carissa have a little happiness but in the same turn, did not want to let Carissa go off with some psycho.  “You like him,” April said again, as a statement, not a question.

              Carissa looked at April, Carissa’s mouth agape. 
How do you know that?
  Carissa had not told April anything.  “No.”  Carissa protested in a pitch two octaves higher than her usual voice.

              “I‘ve never seen that look on your face, man. You like him,” April said shaking her head.

              “Jesus fucking Christ, April.  I can talk about someone without “liking” them.  You need to listen to yourself.  This is me you’re talking about.  I don’t go for that shit,” Carissa said.  Carissa knew the words coming from her mouth were not true and so did April. 

Even in this moment, the only thing Carissa could focus on was David.  Something was going on.  April caught her.  Carissa swallowed hard pushing back a building lump.  April gawking at her did not help.  Then an image of Randy thrusting took her.  She liked the boy……hated the man.

              “You like him.  Don’t lie to me, man.  I know you,” April stopped short.  She noticed the small droplet run down Carissa’s cheek and hit the ground.  It soaked quickly into the dry dirt.  Carissa turned her head so April could not see.  April laid her hand on Carissa shoulder.  Carissa wiped her face and turned back to April.  Without saying a word, April and Carissa both understood what Carissa needed and was not what was happening now.  April, still concerned, decided to keep David and science to herself.  They finished the joint in silence.

8

Carissa sat quiet in the back of class.  Mr. Foreman sat scribbling what was probably a gradebook but could have been a sketch pad, notebook, or any number of options.  Civil War and World War II memorabilia decorated the walls of the small room.  Mr. Foreman’s favorite collectables was perched solemnly on the back wall.  The old gun had been used by a confederate soldier at Gettysburg that had just so happened to be his great great great grandfather. Of course, the gun had been disabled and for a muzzleloader being displayed at a school meant the barrel had to and was filled with a hard epoxy.  Grandfather Foreman had died in the battle but the rifle had been sent to his wife by the platoon commander shortly after the war was over.  The letter that had accompanied the rifle was framed and resting just below the display.  Carissa had never read the note but enjoyed the items all the same.

              “I don’t want to teacher today,” Mr. Foreman said as “yes” and “all right” filled the stale air.  “We are going to watch a movie.”  He was nothing if not blunt.  He seemed to have a touch of, to put it nicely, social retardation which meant he was kind of an asshole.

              “Taken,” someone said from the other side of the room. 

              “No, we need to watch something with a little educational value.  Gods and Generals is a movie about the Generals of the Civil War,” Mr. Foreman answered as he motioned for someone in the back row to bring the TV stand to the front of the room. 

              “But we are studying World War II,” a voice chimed in from the class.

              “Would you rather watch something made by PBS?”  Mr. Foremen asked, not to be friendly. 

              Groans filled the replies.  “Then shut up!”  Yes, Mr. Foreman was an asshole.

              Carissa did not care what they did, but the movie was a little better than the lecture that she would have to endure otherwise.  As the stand rolled its way to the front of the room, Carissa pulled a notebook out of here bag.  The movies opening credits rolled as she began write.  Her thoughts moved to David but not in a pure sense:

The pale stench of his flesh fills my body.

He has taken all of me. 

Is my affection wrong because I am not wholly free? 

For his chest has pressed against me. 

Another love cannot be. 

The boy and the man. 

What road can I take? 

The boy is where I want to be. 

Will he understand what another has done to me?

Or will he take flight and leave me here to be.

I am soiled.

No good for none but the man. 

The man who held me when I cried.

The man I call my dad. 

              Nothing cryptic.  She had lost the feeling or need or anxiety to hide any thought through imagery.  She was tired of everything being so damn complicated, even her poetry.  Carissa just wanted to be simple.  She liked David.  April knew.  Rob was jealous, although Carissa did not know.  And Scott, he was Scott.  The natural progression would be for her to give April a note to give David then wait for him to reply.  However, natural progression was not something that Carissa had at luxury.  She was tainted, David is weird, and the world was a giant shit storm that did not care.

              The bell rang.  “Get out,” Mr. Foreman said pointing at the door.  Many in the class gather their books but the others had quit bringing them at all due to the movies.  If it was not Hollywood teaching the class, it was you tube.  The kids did not mind.  They would rather watch Crash Course History than Mr. Foreman anyway. 

As usual, Carissa was the last student to leave.  She walked slow through halls taking in the faces of the passing people.  She looked at each one.  Most were in different states of smile or dread but there were some, “the other ones”, who were more morose and some whimsical.  Those faces seemed truer, unmasked.  She knew she was looking for David but the faces seemed to sink into her, join her.  Turning the corner, she was met with a new direr crowd.  These faces told her a story.  They struck her more damaged.  These were the kids most would call popular but for some reason she was seeing “the other ones” here too, all together.  The other ones all had skeletons they needed to hide.

Carissa turned to the next hall.  David was there.  “Hey,” She said as she approached an open locker and feeling the goose bumps rise.  She was sure the bumps were the first sign of a heart attack. 

              David closed the door, the hinges creaked, and Carissa came into view.  In Carissa’s new awareness, she could see that he was as nervous as she was.  “Hello,” David’s voice cracked. He swallowed hard. 
What do I say?  What do I say?
“I thought we weren’t going to study until after school.”

              “Right, but you’re still coming with me for lunch,” for the second time today, the words came out uncontrolled so did her hand reaching to touch David’s forearm. 

Carissa’s order or invitation, maybe counting as both, hung in the air.  Both charged by the impulsive moment, they said nothing.  Sweat beads formed on David’s forehead.  Neither he nor Carissa noticed.  They watched each other for something; doubt, admiration, treachery, pining, just something.  The corner of Carissa’s mouth curled ever so slightly.  David slid a hand into his pocket.  He wanted more than anything just to step forward, just to be a little closer to her.  He wanted to smell her.  He wanted to feel her.  He wanted…what he knew he could not in reality have.  David knew what was going to happen if, or when, his mother saw whatever it was he had for this girl.  He had always heard that eyes would give a guilty man away, but only now he knew what that had meant.

“So what do you say?” Carissa said, breaking the moment just before it turned from sweet to awkward.

David quietly conceded but inside…
Yes! Yes. Yes? Yes! And forty more times yes.
David turned his head down and walked locker side of Carissa.  David’s stomach was a mess and he knew that it was not from the anticipation of his mother and her watchful hallway tours, but from the growing need for this girl.  The emptyness so prominently deep in him was starting to fill with something, though he did not know what yet.  All he knew was he wanted to go and he did not care if his mother saw him.

              Only the sound of Carissa’s shoes could be heard, well, at all.  The halls were mostly free from students.  Carissa’s steps pounded fast and hard.  He glanced over his shoulder every few seconds to see if his mother was lurking.  She was not but she could at any moment turn any corner and see him with the harlot.  David could not see her anyway, but the school was equipped with a video surveillance system and Mrs. Shelton was watching. 

Mrs. Shelton gathered a stack of papers feeding from the copier.  The fresh duplicates were still warm in her hands.  On them, the questions that would soon sit in front of her senior advanced placement English class for their weekly test on some array of chapters assigned on Monday.   She opened the top of the machine to retrieve the original.  Turning to leave, Mrs. Shelton caught a glimpse of the hall security camera monitors. 

The screens sat by the door of the copy room.  A bank of eight displays kept track of everything that happened on the campus.  Every hall, entry, and classroom was covered.  Bathrooms and changing rooms were, of course, off limits but the occasional teenager’s handy cam would make its way in. Of course, teenage boys are better than cameras because they let everyone know everything they know and thus end up getting caught, ostracized by their peers, then disappear from the halls until the next year.  However, bathroom cameras did not cross Mrs. Shelton’s mind.

Mrs. Shelton watched as Carissa and David walked from the hall and out the front door. She then watched as the kids walked through the parking lot and into the street.  As the last trace of the soles of their shoes exited the six by six monitors, she knew she had to stop Carissa from taking her son.  God…yes.  God wanted her to bring David back from an unrighteous path.

              “Come on,” Carissa said as she pulled David, who was clearly concerned for his immediate safety, through the busy street. 

              “You know there are crosswalks at each corner.”

Carissa looked back at David and smiled.  “You okay?”

David nodded.  He was not entirely okay but good enough for now. 

Carissa smiled.

              Once David and Carissa had crossed the busy, uncross-walked section of street (it was technically a highway), David did not care where they were going.  Of course, he had the excitement that anyone would have experiencing something new but it was not…scary.  He took a momentary glance at the school but the new world awaited.  He concluded that if his mother would have seen them walk out, she would be standing at the front door staring at them.  What David did not know is that Mrs. Shelton had seen, and she did not know how to react.

              Mrs. Shelton sat in the stall, tears rolling down her face.  She was crying for both God’s plan and the loss of her child.  In her heart, he was not a boy anymore.  He was not chosen.  He was not going to be great in the eyes of her Lord. 
He is taking her now.  Pushing and sweating.  The slutty stink of her demon womb wrapped around him. He is forever without God.  Jesus has forsaken him.  I…I can’t let him.  He can be forgiven but he will never be a great leader.  But, yes he can.  He can atone.  I can make him atone.  His sin cannot be spared.  He must know.  The harlot, this tramp, this little demon is debasing my baby boy! 

              David’s mother prayed soft and slow.  She prayed that God would put a weight on David’s heart to bring him back to the road of righteousness.  She wanted God to make him see, not her.  It would mean much more from Jesus.  As she fell deeper into the prayer, she could feel the peace fill her body as she asked what she should do for her son. 

The voice came all at once and whispered into her
, “It has to happen to show him the pain that Jesus had gone through to save the world from itself.  Even if I talk to him, David needs to be saved from himself.  Only you can save him, sister.  Only you can break the rein of Satan over David’s life.  You must do it soon
.”  She knew what she had to do.  With the grace of God and her strong guidance, David would walk for eternity in heaven.  It had to be done.

              Carissa and David rounded the back corner of the church.  April, Rob, and Scott had already grouped there for their midday pick-me-up.  David noticed a strange smell growing stronger in the air.  He could see smoke being blown from Rob’s mouth.  Rob’s eyes began to look like sheets of stained glass and the whites began to grow red as the vessels spread with the euphoric feeling that was emergent in him.

              April and Scott did not notice as Carissa and David walked up behind them.  Rob could make no physical reaction through his existential experience but slowly it was replaced with paranoia at the site of Carissa’s new friend. 

              Carissa raised her finger to her mouth, letting Rob in on her shenanigans.  Carissa stepped soft to April.  Carissa breathed deep to hold in a laugh.  Then she put her hand on April’s shoulder and in a deep steady voice said, “What the hell are you doing?”

              April’s stomach clenched.  She knew that she had been caught.  Thoughts of jail and court and probation immediately replaced lunch, next period, and her next breath!  She was going to be kicked out of her house and right back into rehab.

To be kind, April was not an addict, and not in the way addicts are not addicts but really- she was not an addict.  She liked pot, occasionally drank, but rarely did anything else.  If April had to buy anything but grass, she was not in to it.  So when Carissa caught wind of April’s rehab stint last summer, Carissa was confused.  Turned out, April had been caught drinking, her mom found the remnants of a half-smoked joint in a flower pot, and April caught a stomach bug, all at the same time.  So, April’s subsequent grounding led her mother to believe that she was puking for days, not from the bad Chinese food the family so happen to order the night after April was caught, but from the detox of heroin April must be experiencing because she could not get her fix due to her current grounding.  April was in rehab two days later and spent the summer explaining to her counselor’s she was not an addict which, of course, is the first sign of addiction when the initial drug test came back positive.  April eventually gave into the program because, well, no one believed her. 

Carissa laughed hard and deep but not audible.  Everything tightened from her mouth to her stomach and 0nly faint, sporadic tones escaped. 

“What the fuck, bitch?!” April shrilled back.

              “You looked like you were going to shit your pants,” Scott said trying to hide his own exceptional terror.  Through his forced laughter, he noticed David standing quietly behind Carissa.  Scott stopped laughing.  He nodded an untrusting hello.  David nodded back.  Scott turned to Rob who he could see was not happy.  Scott, now, was not happy.  Scott pressed his lips together in his best attempt to look tough.  David did not look up.